Lily04

Hey thanks, that's great! I think you're right about that actually, because I usually let him make the first move..I guess it's only fair I try sometimes as well though. Thanks again, if anyone has any more tips though, feel free. =) See ya, sparrow

Hey guys, well now I'm confident with kissing, but when my boyfriend & I were making out yesterday he said for me to be more aggressive with him. I'm still sorta new with this though so I didn't really know what to do..I tried rubbing my hand down his back and through his hair while kissing, but I don't really know what you guys like (and I couldn't really ask him or else it would ruin the moment.) I think he liked it afterwards, but any tips would help, to make kissing more enjoyable for him! Thanks, sparrow

I think you should just forget about him. Most likely he was just trying to be helpful & never meant anything more from it, especially if he has a girlfriend. You *could* suggest meeting though later on, just to confirm that he doesn't have feelings for you, but approach with caution - you don't want to do anything to make yourself look foolish if he doesn't respond. Also, if you're prepared to cheat on your boyfriend with this guy, maybe you're not ready to be in a relationship yet either (or at lease an exclusive one.) Just thought I'd throw that out there for you to consider..your TA might have been attracted to you initially but after thinking about it, decided it wasn't worth jeopardizing his relationship. So in the e-mail you described, he was probably just suggesting that you could contact him in the future if you need help (as he said he always enjoys helping people..) My TAs have done the same in the past, and I've never thought anything of it except that. Some, especially if they want to be profs, really do want to help their students & wouldn't mind keeping in touch for that reason.. So just be cautious with this..and good luck in whatever you decide!

1) Condoms 2) The Pill 3) Condoms & the pill 5) Diaphragms 6) Other just curious what most people use..esp. if you use the pill & condom together, or just condoms for protection. I'm still a virgin, so I can't say.

heh..ok this is a late post, but I just wanted another opinion.. I e-mailed my TA yesterday just to thank him for helping me on my essay & let him know how I did - I sorta felt I owed it to him.. (my mark shot up from a C to an A..but I did study a lot harder & the prof. marked it.) So he e-mailed me back 3 hrs later and said that he's happy that the exam was a success, and he's always happy to be able to help. He also said to feel free to keep in touch if I like.. Unfortunately, although I have a boyfriend now, and I suppose he does too, I still feel very attracted to him. That day that I met him was great, we seemed to connect very well & I think he felt it too. I thought I could forget about it but then I found out that he was teaching some classes as well..So after class one day I talked with him & told him he did a good lecture, although he looked a little nervous at the end..but not to worry about it, he did fine. He seemed to look a lot less stressed then..I think he was worried he never did a good job, because he really did seem quite pissed off at the end when everyone was asking him questions (heh, I doubt he prepared much.) Anyways, I also asked him if he could help me with my essay then, although his friend (the other TA) was waiting and he couldn't talk much. After that he delivered 2 more lectures (as a guest lecturer I guess) and just treated me as a normal student..whenever I offered answers in class he would just say 'yes..' but never mentioned me by name. When he sat in for the other TA's lectures, he would just smile acknowledgement at me sometimes but that was it. The last class he was just sitting in though (the other TA was presenting) I got into a conversation with the other TA and said a lot of intelligent comments in class, and introduced some humour into it as well..my TA started laughing hysterically and I could feel that he was staring at me after that. I'm really not sure what to do about this..I don't know if he has a girlfriend (I assume so), and I'm dating someone now, but before the final exam I want to contact him and ask if we can meet to discuss it..as he said we can keep in touch.. I think he might like me but is hesitant because he has a gf & should be professional since he's a TA. But at the same time I really feel like we connected, and I want to meet him again. Does this sound OK? Or should I just drop this idea altogether? My boyfriend is also leaving for a different country in September, and we just started dating so our relationship isn't that serious yet..and I can't get this guy completely out of my mind unfortunately. What should I do?

Hey, thanks for the reply, I had a feeling no one would =) The problem is I don't know how I feel..I know I like him, but it would be so much easier if he were staying here. And I don't completely know what you mean by: "Don't completely shut out the possibility of a romance down the road.." because we're already sort of in a romance..do you mean, just end on good terms? Because that is what I was planning anyways.. And I think you're right - he is pushing sex more than I am. I'd rather take it slow, so I know I'll be on the birth control pill & won't have any regrets..and I'm not used to dating so much as well so it all seems quite fast..he is my first boyfriend. Or, are you suggesting I break up with him now, since he's leaving? my mom suggested just being friends, but that's sorta impossible now. I don't know what to do, or really how I feel about all this. He seems like he's so engrossed in me though, I'm not used to it. He's always holding my hand, even when I'm reading a book, he'll have to put his hand in mine or his arm around me, which is cute.. but I don't know. It seems like he always wants to see me, and for me to sleep over, but it does seem somewhat fast. He's so nice though, so I don't want to reject him and cuddling & such feels good, but the thing is I never gave him any hints before that I was uncomfortable so to turn back the clock now would seem a bit weird I guess. Maybe I'm just not as touchy-feely or something..I guess most people would appreciate their boyfriends wanting this, but it just feels a bit odd. Actually, I don't think most boyfriends are so much into their gfs like this..or maybe it's just because we just started dating, so he's still all starry eyed or something? I don't know..I'm not really used to this dating game.. [edit] actually I know what I would like, except it probably seems the opposite of what most people would..I would just like him to treat me like a regular person..he doesn't have to act all special towards me because I'm his gf..I want him to argue with me sometimes (maybe because I'm planning to bea lawyer though..so I like a bit of heated argument..) I want him to act like he's independent..maybe because I'm a very independent person though..I want him to reject some plans I make to go with friends, and not reluctantly either. I don't want him to be so lovey-dovey with me in other words..but how do I tell him this?

Hi, Ok, from her e-mails, that makes a bit more sense. I agree with you, I think that she wants to maintain the excellent feeling between you two, and doesn't want to 'move too fast' to disturb it, whatever that means. She may be afraid of more commitment (i.e. moving in together, or engagement) and that is why she wants to take things slower. So my advice for you would be to just take it at that speed..maybe instead of having passionate sex everytime you meet, just go out for a movie at the cinema & a nice dinner. Or whatever interests you two. Go to a concert or something..that is what I tried to do with my bf to slow things down a bit..in other words, vary the things you do together to add variety into the relationship. It should make things seem as if you're toning things down a notch that way. But don't be scared to 'get physical' as well. Maybe reserve this for a special night a week or something. It's up to you..that's why I think it'd be nice if you talk about it with her, ask her what she wants to do to tone things down, you're not sure what she wants, although you're willing to do whatever it is to please her.

Hi everyone, I knew this would happen when I started dating him three weeks ago, but I felt such a spark between us I couldn't say no when he asked me out. So now we're in a relationship, but I feel like it's going really fast..we're pretty passionate together, we kiss and he's tried multiple times to have sex (although I don't feel quite ready yet..) although the time we spend together is great. The problem is that he's leaving around the middle of September for another country (I live in Canada, he's moving to England for grad school), and I don't know what will happen. I want to take it a bit slower, but I know he wants to appreciate every moment together & wants to see me almost every day. He's also hinting at maintaing a long distance relationship ('don't worry, I'll be back in December & holidays') although I've tried to steer the conversation away from thinking about it too much. For one, I'm not even sure if I want to maintain it. I may want to date other people, even though I really do like him & feel amazing when I'm around him..but I also know that he's going to meet people in England. Another thing is that he wants to spend another 3 years in England to get his Ph.D after, which I just recently found out. So I'm not sure about this..I just feel a little perplexed about this..we have known each other as acquaintances for about a year, although only recently started dating so it's not like a completely new relationship. I just never had a boyfriend before him either & probably will want to date other people..and I also intend on going to law school afterwards. He's already hinted that he loves me, it seems to be going so fast. I just feel confused. I don't really know what to tell him..he seems so in love with me but I don't know if I want to move this fast, even though he's leaving soon, and we don't have much time..

Wow, it seems like you met an amazing girl there. =) I'm somewhat in a similar situation actually, except we're both younger than you..I just met someone & we've been dating for 3 weeks and things seem to be going quite fast. It seems like we're perfect for each other though, although I am a bit scared it's going a bit too fast as well (I haven't told him this though..) I think you should just take it at the pace you wish. If you guys seem to be a perfect match & want to go farther (whether it's passionate kisses or more) then do it. She may feel that the pace is too fast because in comparison to most relationships she's had it seems quick. But this may be because they weren't such a good match & so things had to be taken slower in order to feel comfortable in the relationship. I think this is the key variable here - comfort. If you both feel comfortable going farther, then do it. It seems like she wants to go farther, as some nights she kisses you passionately, but then after thinking about it afterwards, e-mails you and isn't sure about whether it's the proper way to go about it. As you said, there's some people who marry after only being together a month. There's no need to think about such commitment yet, but it just shows that some people really know when they've met their soulmate & are comfortable with moving at that speed. I wouldn't do it that fast personally, but don't be scared to go farther..i.e. don't follow boundaries that were created in the past. I would really suggest talking about it with her, not via e-mail. And what is 'too fast' is only up to you two. If you guys kiss & have sex after only 3 weeks I think that's OK.. But marriage may be in the 'too fast' area. A relationship can work as long as you're both comfortable with each other & respect each other's boundaries. If she wants to wait a while before having sex then you'll have to respect that..but the way things are going, you'll have it soon enough I'm sure..=) take care, sparrow

Hey, Well that's great that you are both interested in each other, but the distance thing sorta sucks. I know how you feel though..my boyfriend lives apprx. an hour away, and neither of us have our licenses either. I take the subway though to get to his place and it isn't so bad.. would public transporation be an option for you? Or maybe take a bus half way, and then a taxi another half? Or when you go on dates, try to meet at central places for both of you..i.e. so he has to travel only about 30 mins. out of the city & the same for you. Also when you meet, since you probably won't get to see each other that often, just make sure you make the most of your day. Get to the city early & have a whole day planned. That way you'll make the most of your time together.. Hope that helps, lily04

Hey parisian_pink, Thanks so much for the info., that really helps! I'm just a bit upset that you have to take the pill for so long (a month) before it kicks in, but that's what I expected. Unfortunately my boyfriend is leaving the country in about a month's time, so I think that's why he's so eager to further our relationship now. But I really would feel a lot more comfortable taking the pill & using a condom at the same time, because it's almost risk-free. I'm not sure if that can happen though..but he keeps wanting to have sex now, I don't really know what to do. I guess we could just use a condom, but I would feel nervous because of the added risk..do you think it's OK to just use a condom, without taking the pill if we don't have much time together? The only thing is that it's my first time having sex & I would feel a lot more comfortable being on the pill, in case the condom breaks or something.. Oh well..thanks again for your advice. And good luck to the OP as well. =) - sparrow

Hey, I think the problem is that you're not looking in the right places. You seem like an intelligent, kind person from your post & depending on where you live, your friend group, etc. it may be hard for you to meet people. I'd suggest just being open & joining new clubs in your neighborhood to meet people. I don't know if you went to university but attending alumni events might be a good place to meet intelligent, accomplished men if that's the type you're looking for. Also, why not internet dating? I've heard lots of success stories, and although you may not meet your soulmate, you may get a fun date out of it. Good luck & don't get too down. I felt the same way as you, and the right guy came along right when I wasn't looking. Take care.. sparrow

Hey, I'm a major procrastinator as well, and as a result almost completely screwed over my first year of university! Not good =( But I'm learning..what I've found to be most helpful is the philosophy - just do it. I'm serious. Tomorrow when you first wake up commit yourself to one small goal & do it. If I were you I would make that goal to call up the driving education centre at apprx. 10:00 a.m. (or whenever you feel like) and say you wish to sign up for lessons. The KEY is to plan it out in small specific steps - so the time, the plan & then the action. And do it then. My problem, for example, was that I would always make excuses such as - this isn't the right area/time/mood to study in, so I can't. So I wouldn't end up studying for a test until a few hours before the exam, when I would be screwed. Instead I learned, even if it's not the right conditions exactly, I should just start. Don't be a perfectionist. You have two main goals: 1) Learn to drive 2) Go back to college So tomorrow work at accomplishing those. Call up a local college, or wherever you want to go & ask about their fashion programs and how you can enrol. Also call up a driving ctr. and ask about that. Don't read books on the subject, just do it. As soon as you wake up, after washing up, taking a shower, whatever. It's action that always impedes me & that is obviously the most important. In order to conquer procrastinating you have to stop dwelling over things, reading about how to pursue action, and ultimately just do it. Hope that helped.. sparrow

lol, true..I knew there was going to be a reply like that =) But, anyways, I don't think my parents would care about me having a boyfriend that much, but they would care about what kind of guy I was dating. But I don't really care about that either...I told my mom yesterday I'm dating someone & she didn't seem to care that much. I'll tell my dad this weekend but not much else. He's probably get mad that I lied about where I was going until 2:00 a.m. a lot, but I am old enough to make my own decisions, and old enough to move out if I wish. My dad is just a major pain in the a** with some serious anger management problems so I'd rather keep things in the dark with him, and leave him thinking I'm the perfect angel I always was. So I guess that's why.

I think the previous replier probably thought that your daughter was a teen or pre-teen. If your daughter is only in elementary school though, dating a teacher (that she'll never get again, likely) is not going to be such hot news. And even if it is gossiped about, it shouldn't wreck a summer relationship. I really think you should go for it. Even if she has a finance/husband, showing affection isn't a sin or something. She'll probably just call you up & gently let you know she's already in a relationship. And if not, then you gained something! If she seemed interested in you in class than she probably isn't married anyways. Just go for it..I think she'll be respecting of your privacy and won't tell all the teachers so it spreads like wildfire. But that's just my optimistic prediction. It's up to you..if you want to tone it down a bit, chocolate is fine or just a letter. But I think you should do something..if she likes you back, then it may be the start of something beautiful! take care, sparrow

Hi, I think that's so romantic, and if she's single, she'd probably be very flattered! I don't think it's embarrassing either. The other colleagues will probably just think it's from a finance or something (what I would assume) and carry on their business, or just politely ask if it's her birthday or anniversary or something. She'd probably just respond that it's an admirer or something..=) You could just leave a note as well, but it wouldn't have such a big effect. It's up to you..I think the roses & such a sincere note would leave a good impression & she'd probably want to know what great guy sent them to her. Also, you're not corssing boundaries anywhere, so I think it's OK. If your daughter were a teenager it could be more awkward, but I'm assuming she's not, so there's nothing wrong with pursuing this relationship. Since the year is over & she probably won't have her again (hence you won't see her) I think delivering some kind of message to her is a good idea. It's completely up to you if you want to leave the roses or not, but if anything I think she'll feel flattered rather than embarrased. Good luck to you, take care, sparrow

You know what..to be honest, I'm not sure if I'm going to tell them either. It just seems like too much trouble..they'd want to meet him, his parents, my dad probably wouldn't approve of him because he's an academic, not the manly-man sports-buff type of guy he would like me to date..and he isn't really model good-looking either (my dad's really shallow & cares about looks..) In conclusion, I know they would hate him before they even met him, and I really don't want them to meet him, which they would insist on if they knew I was dating him for a while. I wouldn't mind telling my mom but if she tells my dad, all hell will break lose. I also don't know if I want to go to my family doctor though..I don't really like him to be honest. He's pretty old & I wouldn't feel that comfortable talking about this with him. I'm considering going to my school's medical centre, I know there's doctors on campus that I can probably talk to at my university. I don't know if you attend college/university, but I'm pretty sure they're free & confidential. I think I'll make an appt. when I go down tomorrow actually..

Hey, What I found helped me, and turned me on as well, is when my boyfriend caresses me on the back when he kisses me, and kisses me on other places as well after kissing me on the lips i.e. on the neck, chest, ears, bellybutton..it's sorta more sexy that way =) That eases me up a little as well. Also, try creating a nice atmosphere. My boyfriend & I usually kiss on his bed while watching movies, or listening to music. If you guys listen to romantic music that might help create a nice atmosphere & make her open up a bit more.. Also, I think it takes time for a person to feel comfortable with one another. Start slowly & after kissing her for a while, she'll probably ease up naturally once she gets to know you better.. Also, this post may help you out: link removed I think we need a guy's perspective now..what do guys like a girl to do while kissing? hehe. I don't think there's been a post about that..

Hey, I'm in a similar situation. My boyfriend & I have cuddled in his bed and basically got right up to having sex..but I still felt like I wasn't ready. The first time he suggested it I said no (I didn't tell him but I felt that I didn't know enough about it..I missed the whole sex ed. thing at my school & my parents didn't discuss it with me, and I wanted to learn about condoms, etc. first to make sure things go smoothly..) but the last time I just felt hesistant, don't exactly know why..maybe because it's my first time (I'm still a virgin) so I'm just a bit nervous about it..but your boyfriend sounds like a great guy (like mine so I'm sure he'll be willing to take it slow. My boyfriend (who's also experienced, like yours..) said that he's willing to take it with me as slow as I want, and if I sleep over at his place, he's make sure he doesn't go farther than I want. If he respects you, as it seems he does, I think he'll be understanding and try to make things most comfortable for you, so that way you'll both enjoy it. But in any case, how safe is using a condom without the pill? Is it a lot more safe to use the pill & condom together, or is there not much of a difference? And doesn't it take time for it to work as well..like I know my best friend started using the pill a month in advance..can you just use the pill the day of, and it will work effectively? I'm also really nervous about my parents finding out..they don't even know I have a boyfriend, and I think if my dad found out he would freak out..my family's not religious, just my parents (dad especially) are overly protective. I've been telling them I've just been going to my university's library to study ('til 2:00 a.m...hehe.) but I guess I should get around to telling them eventually..ugh..

I agree - I think it just takes practice, and then the awkwardness will go away. I've found it takes a while to get the rhythm right as well, especiall if you're french kissing..I'm still very new at that. But it's good that you're not scared anymore - congrats!!

Try studying with her. That's what my boyfriend & I do..it seems to work well. =)

Thanks =) Well I realize that he's a nice guy, we have a lot in common & I've generally had a hard time finding guys I'm into. He's my first boyfriend and so I guess I'm willing to make it work. Also, unfortunately..I'm not sure if I mentioned this, but he's leaving the country in 2 months for a year..and is hoping to stay there for another 3 years after that if things go well. So I doubt this relationship will even become that fruitful..but it's fun while it lasts. I am attracted to him..although not as much as he is to me, I think..I don't know. I like him but at the same time I feel a little unsure..there's a lot of things that turn me off about his personality. But I can't just tell him, they're often just little things..maybe I'm too nice. I should probably let him know..I guess.

Thanks again, vitalcoach! =) This would've been more helpful at the time, but it is nice to know that now as well..as it turned out he didn't think much of it, and I think we arranged to meet the next day or a few days afterwards, and things were much better then. Thanks again, lily04

Hey vitalcoach, Thanks for the post. You really are a good coach. =) I could've swore I wrote this before, but it could have been in a different message..in any case, things worked out after that. We met the next day and he said he couldn't sleep all night (never mentioned the reason although I could guess) and seemed a lot more quieter that day. Since then we've been going out quite a lot and he hasn't acted all boisterous like he used to..although yesterday we were flipping through pictures from his vacation this summer & he said he met a girl who didn't like him at all from the school he attended (he learned French for a few weeks in a different province..) I asked why that might be, and he said he didn't know, but ever since he mentioned he got a scholarship to grad school she didn't like him ('it's probably jealousy..') I then mentioned it could be because she thought he was bragging about it, and his eyes seemed to widen in realization & he blushed, and then said it wasn't that because he only volunteered the information after it was coaxed out of him by the prof. there, asking how he could attend such an expensive program or whatever. I completely doubt that was the case, but didn't say anything..I've seen him volunteer the information multiple times, without being asked. In any case, it's something I don't like about him sure, but I still like him...he hasn't acted in the same manner as before, so that's good..but if he does do it again, I probably will explicitly tell him..he's a pretty smart guy though, so I'm sorta hoping he'll make the connections. Thanks again vitalcoach, your advice is really helpful..maybe I'll give ya a pm next time if something's up? If you don't mind =) Take care.. lily04

Hey, I'm an INTJ as well - the 'Mastermind.' Seems like a perfect fit..