Kaylum

I think it's also sort of a "watched pot never boils" type of thing...when you're not always thinking about when something is going to happen, it doesn't seem to take as long because we're not paying attention to the time going by. On the other hand, it's very hard not to think about it sometimes, because if you try not to think about it, you may end up thinking about it more. What someone said about how we look happier when we're not looking, I think that's true, but it just hasn't worked for me, at least not yet. I find it easy to throw myself into my work and be friendly with my coworkers and people in general, but it hasn't led to any sparks, at least not yet. See, there I go thinking about it again! But yeah, the bottom line is that the best we can do is just live our lives the best we can and like ourselves; then even if fate isn't on our side, we can still be happy with who we are.

I agree, the death penalty basically just continues the cycle of violence...and let's not forget the cases of people on death row who have been vindicated many years later! Isn't the chance, however slim, that someone might be innocent worth the cost of keeping himor her alive in prison if he or she is guilty?

I'm of the belief that while looks don't matter nearly as much as personality, one should definitley make the most out of what he/she has. It's just a matter of self-respect. I'm going to be 40 next year and I decided I'm not going to let myself go like so many women do at that age. I'm in better shape now than I ever was. Not that it seems to be making men any more interested in me, but at least I can be proud of myself for the effort.

Yeah, you're right, I don't think I could ever "use" someone just for sex (even if he were more than willing). I just hate missing out *sigh*

A while back I read an article in a local rag written by a woman who'd been burned a few times in love and had given up on relationships, but then a guy talked her into just having casual sex, no feelings involved and no strings attached. She found that this actually made her less uptight (probably because it gave her an outlet for releasing sexual frustration, a big problem with being single), and eventually she was able to have normal relationships again. Now, as someone who's never had a real romantic relationship but would love to, my question is, does this sound like a good idea? I'm not the type who thinks I have to wait for sex for marriage, but I don't think I could have sex with anyone I don't at least have deep feelings for. Plus, there are the risks involved. But am I being to uptight here? Also take into consideration that I'm 39, so I'm no spring chicken. I'm afraid of missing out on a very enjoyable part of life. What do you guys think?

For what it's worth, I agree that in this girl's case it's shyness rather than lack of interest. There are many levels of shyness. Some people (like me) are just a little shy in certain situations, while for others, shyness is so sever that they may need to see a psychologist. It's impossible to tell from one meeting where this girl falls on the scale, but the fact that she was willing to meet you at all tells me her shyness isn't too debilitating, just needs a little work, and the rewards could be great. My advice is to set a reasonable time frame in your mind to get her to open up (say 6 months or so), and if she hasn't opened up to you by then, move on.

I believe that low self-esteem is at the root of all bad or abusive relationships, and I know plenty of people who either keep after a man or woman who clearly isn't interested or else let someone walk all over them physically and/or emotionally just so they can say they have someone. No one with any self-respect would put up with that. Although it's not easy to maintain a good self image, especially as I get older, I like myself enough not to fall into that trap. So yeah, I agree that it's very, very important to at least like yourself before you can have a close and loving (but not obsessive or co-dependent) relationship with someone else

Hello, first time poster here! I'm a 39-year-old woman who is in a rather unique (for this day and age) position. See, I've never actually had sex or even a steady boyfriend, which sets me apart from the typical "lonely heart" who has at least a few relationships under her belt. Oh I've come close, and I know how to "DIY" just fine, but I've never had the experience of being with a guy who was as into me as I was into him. Although I've tried not to let it bother me too much, it really has affected my self esteem. I keep wondering if there's something wrong with me that prevents guys from being truly attracted to me. Oh I could always find a guy who only wants sex, but I'm not wired that way. I need an emotional connection to feel comfortable enough to open up to a guy physically. That has only happened once in my life, and it didn't work out because although he likes me and we are still good friends, he just doesn't feel "that way" about me. I'm intelligent enough to know that it is much better to be alone than stuck in a bad relationship, but I'm also human and crave physical affection (emphasis on affection) as much as anyone. I'm not really looking for advice at this point because I know that no one can solve this problem for me, but I just had to get it off my chest, and I'd love to hear from anyone going through a simlar situation. Thanks for listening! "Kay"