Lily04

Hey sparrow, Glad I could help you out & thanks for your input as well! =) Yeah, he said 'hi', didn't completely ignore me but hardly even looked in my direction! (which sorta sucked because I made sure I looked great as well, heh.) I don't even know if he did..he just kept looking at the door, waiting for the prof & his voice was sorta distant.. But when the prof. came & he talked to her he wasn't much more personable either. Maybe he's just not very talkative..I don't know. But I thought he would have been a bit more friendly after our talk..yeah, that's sorta weird. What you said is a possibility, or maybe he just wants to be seen as a TA, not a friend, or more..;( In any case, I sent him an e-mail just asking him a quick question because I couldn't reach my prof. I'll e-mail him something else later, maybe about meeting or something, but I'm not sure. I thought there was some sort of chemistry there, but perhaps I'm not the best judge of it..it's a two-way thing after all. And plus, he may have a gf or not want to get involved.. Well that sorta sucks. But thanks anyways, I'll ttyl.. Lily04

Hey Lily, Thanks so much for the help btw! =) I thought I'd try to help you out with your situation, but it seems sorta static right now That's OK though; I don't think it necessarily means that he doesn't like you, but he may just be taking a step back & thinking that he doesn't want to get involved in anything right now and may wait towards the end of the semester. I think meeting him again would be a good idea if possible, but it's up to you. If there was some chemistry between you though then I have a feeling he may just be trying to keep some professional distance now after possibly re-evaluating it..did he talk to you at all? or just sorta say 'hi' and that was it? hmm..

Just do whatever feels comfortable..start off slow, like at a public place where there's entertainment around so there's not so much pressure on sustaining a conversation. Perhaps go to an amusement park, or movie, or if you guys both like the same sports, do that (i.e. rollerblading/biking.) hope that helped..

I don't care about that at all. I am attracted to good-looking guys, but what I look for most in a guy (related to looks) is his face & a thin/athletic build. 6 packs are nice I guess, but definitely not required. Personality & intellect means most to me, although looks play a role as well, just more minor.

no probs, let us know what happens! =)

[edit] lol, I don't know how many ppl. saw my original message, but it was a big overexaggeration..something really unrelated (about my essay.) But in any case, it's OK, just miscommunication..I was sorta freaking out at the time though, hehe. =) About my TA though, I saw him today just before class and I don't think he really likes me in that way, or is trying not to. He barely acknowledged my presense! It was weird. He just acted towards me like I was a stranger or acquaintance. So who knows, maybe he has a girlfriend as well. I'm going to e-mail him about my upcoming exam though & maybe talk to him more, but I'm not really making it a priority or anything. If anything happens, that's great, but it seems like he doesn't want to get involved (as he can probably get fired anyways.) So I understand that.. So that's the update..I would've really liked it if we could've got together but it just seemed sorta awkward today..maybe in a non-academic setting it'd be different though, I don't know. eh, I'll see. For now I'm just focusing on school & exam in a few days, so I won't be thinking too much about this..thanks for teh responses though, if anyone's interested I'll let you know if anything works out! I have a feeling it'll just be a typical student/TA relationship though see ya, lily04

Thanks..just as an update, I'm feeling a lot better now for real.. I just started to like someone else & am seeing things from a new perspective, through a different lens it seems. I don't feel the needy attachment I did before, or the regret hovering - it's now in the past. =) And I don't think it was my fault that nothing worked out, you can't force yourself to like someone and it just wasn't the right time..I think I was upset as well because this year I was trying to be more outgoing & extrovertive and I started to be like that but then retreated back and never pursued as many opportunities as I would have liked. But it's not like my life is ending, there's still many years and many more experiences to come.. Anyways, thanks again for the advice. As usual I was able to work things out, with the assistance of luck, so a counsellor wasn't necessarily although I was seriously considering it Maybe in the future if I start stressing out like this again I will, but usually I'm able to work things out somehow.. See ya, sparrow

Hey, Thanks for the post, piscesprincess. Yeah, he is pretty irrisistable; I can't stop thinking about him! ugh..lol. I'm going to see him tomorrow though hopefully since he'll be at my school, and I think that's it.. You raised a good point though, I'm not really sure what the policy is in this situation..I'm not 100% sure whether he's responsible for any more marking, but he's said he's not marking the last essay and the exam, I'm not sure if he can give input to the prof. or anything like that that could potentially influence grades. I think he might like me though..we talked for an hour yesterday, past class time & he always laughs at my quirky sense of humour..but at the same time yesterday I felt like there was a barrier, like I had to be polite and play the role of a student a bit, I wasn't really flirting & neither was he, so I don't know how he thinks of me..I sorta felt like something was there though but it could have just been because I was starting to like him..I don't know But anyways, I feel silly worrying about the consequences of getting together now, when I don't even know if he likes me. I guess I'll talk to him more & see..but I think he may just be playing it safe as well. I know he's officially a TA for the course, but I think it's a bit unfair if the same rules apply when I never see him anyways & he's not even grading any more assignments (if that's the case.)

Thanks, that sounds reasonable..although initially I'll probably meet him in an academic setting, but I guess we can get off-topic somehow.. To be honest, I think he sees me as just a student now, but I'm hoping it'll lead to more afterwards; he seems like a great guy =)

Any other opinions? I'm always surprised at the amount of views on this board compared with the amt. of replies..don't be shy people, I posted because I want to hear what you think! =) thanks, lily04

haha, great Just ask for her number in case you guys need to talk about something in class..and then you can call her about class and get to talking about different things! I think I suggested this before actually..OR, you said that you guys have a lot in common - talk about those things. Don't worry about awkward pauses, you will get better with practice. I used to be like that too, hehe..I still prefer meeting people in person for that reason But maybe after the phone conversation, you can ask her to a movie or something. Just go as fast as you want, don't force it if you feel uncomfortable. But if you see things are going well, don't feel scared to suggest it. =) take care, and I agree, you don't have to start another thread everytime you post. cya, lily04

Thanks for the reply, but I don't know if that's the case..we're getting another TA to mark the next essay & I don't think he'll be responsible for grading anything else. Plus, he didn't even know me until AFTER the essays were graded so it's not like there was any conflict of interest there..

that's not weird, I've done a similar thing before..I think it's great to keep in touch with friends, and if something else blooms (which it quite possibly will) then it was definitely worth it =)

Hi everyone, I'm taking a course in summer school at university and find myself very attracted to my TA (teaching assistant.) He's only about 4 yrs older than me so it's not too bad in that respect. I just met him yesterday for essay conferencing (he just marked our essays) and he's not responsible for marking anything else because there's another TA in the course too, and besides that I don't see him in class. We got along great when I was talking to him and we seem to have similar personalities & interests. He said I could contact him if I need any help for my next essay, which I will do..the thing is that it's really hard to tell if he likes me more than just a friend. We met in a professional environment so we didn't stray from talking about much besides the essay & course, although we did a bit..he was acting very nice towards me, and seemed impressed by my questions.. and he stared at me a bit & blushed, but again that doesn't necessarily mean anything. He never flirted with me though, but it would have been risky for him to. I would like to get to know him better but I don't really know how, or even if he likes me..it's too soon to say I guess if he still only thinks of me as a student. The thing is that I feel like we're on the same intellectual wavelength, so I don't think there would be much of a problem with any feelings of superiority/inferiority.. I'm also a little confused because I'm usually very close with my TAs. My history TA & I were best friends (although nothing more than that - he's around 30 & married) and my economics TA and I got along great, we went out for coffee and such. And in high school I was always sorta the teacher's favourite (not pet though..I never sucked up or anything.) So it's hard for me to tell if he just likes me as a friend, or respects me because I'm a hard worker & show interest in the subject, or if he likes me more than that.. Any opinions would be great..I guess I'm just trying to sort out my thoughts. I really like this guy but I don't know how to pursue it in this situation..or even if I should. Thanks, lily04

Wow.. I just want to say I think the comments on this thread are all really nice. You guys really deserve a girlfriend, I'm sure you'll find one eventually. Just don't think about it so much & treat it like it's some big thing. I was like that too, but now I'm thinking it's not worth it so much. I have other goals, and if a guy happens to come along that's great. If not, then oh well..even if I'm 20 with a boyfriend, it won't be the end of the world. Since 18 I've been saying 'this will be the year' but nothing's happened. It's not really that big a deal, it's just that you make it out to be one because it seems like that's so important for so many others. There's other things in life, don't fret about it, life goes on.. that's my philosophy and I think I'm just going to keep it. I don't really want to change myself for someone, and in the end I'll meet someone who will appreciate me for who I am. I think that's most important.. take care, lily04

Wow. Yeah you are really philosophical Don't worry so much about the future, I've found that personally makes things a lot more stressful than they should be. Carrying a deterministic philosophy also helps; essentially thinking that life is controlled by some outside force, not your own. So if you guys were meant to be together it'll happen =) I believe that anyways. Just don't force anything, love shouldn't be some ambitious goal that you're meaning to achieve, it usually just happens. If you miss an opportunity for it, that's ok, there will be more, trust me. Especially if you go to grad school/law school, which you probably will, then you'll meet people compatible with your interests and such. You still have plenty of time. =) It seems like you're trying to control too much..just learn from this & move on. I know, it seems easier said than done. But if you don't want to see a counsellor, then the next best thing to talking it over (or writing it for some ppl. I guess) is to get yourself immersed in something else so your mind is off this. Join a new activity, concentrate on school, anything..just don't think about this. You seem like a very interesting person, I'm sure you'll meet the right person in time.. don't fret about it. Take care, and if you ever want to talk message me.. Lily04

Thanks Katie, that actually really helped I guess I've just been reading a bit about the concept of soulmates & it seems like such an interesting process..how people seem to find each other and click and then you fall in love, and I realized that I had that opportunity and didn't act on it. Now I would've liked to act on it, but the person's leaving for another country and I'll probably never see him again. Not only that, but I don't even know what my feelings for him are..we never dated..but there's other stuff in-between that makes it more complicated. ugh. Do you see how stupid it is now? I'm obsessing over something that never was..we weren't a couple or anything, barely friends. But I've never met anyone so close before and scared him off, and now..I don't know. I guess I'll meet someone, I just have this irrational fear that I'll never marry and never meet someone, and live a meaningless life if I don't get into law school or grad school because then I won't have a substitute for that empty space that I've created. And I don't even know how much of it I really control..I think in the past I've helped create that emptiness, but fate isn't completely in our hands either, I don't think..ugh. Anyways, I'm just such an ambitious person that it's making it tougher to accept the fact that I screwed up and have to move on. In the past I've always been able to somehow make things turn out right, and achieved my goals, but this is something new and I feel like I don't have much control over.. hmm..perhaps I'm being too philosophical, lol. oh well. this is how I sort out my problems though, usually by writing them down, which I wasn't able to do before..I was able to communicate it better now, although not entirely. this is just the essense of it.. But you're right. Ultimately I have to move on. I might be able to become friends with this person and that would be great, ultimately it's probably for the best. Well that helped writing it out..I'm just glad this thing is anonymous

Hey, thanks for the quick response =) I don't think it's depression, but I'm just feeling really down. And I'm still not eating much because my stomach is in knots..it's a great diet though..heh. But this weekend I'm supposed to go camping with my 2 best friends but they're each bringing their boyfriend and I don't really want to go anymore. I have a feeling I'm not going to have fun & I don't want to see them falling in love & then be all alone..ugh. Like one of them is still in that just-started-dating cutsie stage..and I'm also sorta scared I'll just be walking on the beach and tears will fall for no reason and they'll see. That happened to me today, I was just sitting on the subway looking at an advertisement and for no reason felt tears at my eyes, although I held them back..it would have been so embarrassing if they came though. And although my friends are great, as I said before they wouldn't be able to understand so I couldn't talk it over with them... I guess a counsellor is the best option then..but I just can't picture me going to one. I've gone to one before just about law school admissions and ended up talking and seeking advice myself more than the counsellor..but not just that, I just feel like I can't. I would go there & not know what to say and probably make something up about being anxious about exams or something...I would go in completely calm and professional, and not appear as if anything's wrong.. I just don't think I can do it. I want to, but it won't work.

Hi sparrow, Although I don't think this is technically depression (I think it has to last for 2+ weeks) by the way it sounds it may be better to get help sooner than later..I don't see how it can hurt much. And I think the problem you're having with articulating your problem is that you're trying to be rational & understand it..don't worry about that though! Just say what you feel, what happened, and get it off your chest. The counsellor will listen & try to help you, even if it doesn't all make sense. Emotions hardly ever make sense, so I'm sure she's used to hearing things like this. It may be hard for you, but try talking about it with someone, even just a friend at least. Hope that helped, lily04

Hi.. I just wanted your opinions..I thought I was over this, but I'm still feeling really down. I've been trying to keep myself more occupied over the last few days but everytime I'm not doing something my mind returns to the problem...it's especially hard since I'm taking a course in summer school & we're reading romantic poetry and it seems like it just keeps hitting me in the face. I have a feeling this is one of those things that is not going to be resolved and I should probably let go, but I'm having a lot of difficulties with that. In any case, I was wondering if you think it would be advantageous to see a counsellor..it's free at my school, but the problem is I never know what to say. I can say my feelings, but I can't communicate the problem well..it would turn out like something as opaque as poetry, just a jumble of emotions.. It bugs me because I'm usually a very analytical person, but I just can't seem to figure this out. But if I can't, I can't see how others can help me if I can't really describe the problem.. I don't know what to do..

Hi, well I just wanted to thank you guys & let you know that things are better. I had a rough day today..I failed an English exam & things didn't turn out that well with my relationship problem, but I feel a lot better because I realize that this basically isn't the end of the world, that I can go on, move on & get over this. I don't really feel regret anymore, I feel a bit apathetic..but ok. Like acceptance. I know I'm not doing particularly well, but I have hope that things will get better. I don't really feel a need to confess anymore..well to some extent I do..I want to talk to an old friend. But there's not the same anxiety accompanying it. Anyways, thanks again, sparrow

Hey, You guys have a class together? That's great! Just talk to her about class, problem solved! You guys already have something in common. Ask her something like 'so, do you know when the next test is?' and then ask if she's started studying for it and say if you have and go from there. Ask how she likes the class, why she's taking it in summer school (maybe you guys had a really awful teacher before & can get into talking about that..) See how conversations flow? I know it seems tough at first..I looked over your other post & I used to have the same anxiety and would've probably been classified as having that disorder if I took the tests a few years back. But I got over it, I think this is one of those things you can solve yourself, although seeing a counsellor about it probably helps as well. Anyways, maybe if your class is talkative use that as an inspiration. see how other people are talking, as if it's no big deal and just turn around & ask her something. Or if she's not in your section, ask her in the halls. Say something like 'hey, I know you're taking ___ as well, just wondering..' Someone did that to me yesterday when I was studying in the library, it's no big deal. Or ask her for the time & then say something like 'Hey, aren't you also taking ____?" it's really not that hard. I've seen lots of guys do it & have done it myself so it's not like you're the only one out there. hth. and don't practice anything, I can usually tell when a guy preps up (esp. if they're the shy type.) just think of a vague idea of what you're going to say (i.e. i'll ask her for the time) but don't practice actually saying it, it'll probably come out more awkward. I noticed the same thing in my debate classes. good luck! lily04

yeah, I'd suggest you contact her & get together to do something while you're on campus. When you talk more (perhaps about deeper things to allow her to open up more) you'll get a glimpse of her sensitive side more. Also be a good listener & ask questions, so she feels that you're interested in her & want to know more about the true her, not just the confident cover-up. Also realize that it's harder for some people to open up more than others. I feel like I could relate a lot to the girl you're describing as I do the same thing; I think it's because it takes me a while to really trust people & show them the real me. Do something together that will allow you guys to have a chance to talk (i.e. not something so passive as watching a movie), maybe visit her dorm room & you guys can take a walk somewhere. HTH, and good luck! I'm really rooting for you =) I think it's really nice that you're still interested in her after this time & even after she's been acting strangely, that you can perceive that she's putting on some sort of facade & appreciate her depth of character. There's not a lot of guys like that, I know from experience. Good for you..I really hope things work out

wlfpack, I like your thinking!! I think I'm going to adopt that way of thinking this weekend actually..

Hey, Thanks Lily Well things didn't turn out as wonderfully as planned, but that's ok..I'm sorta apathetic about it. I have regrets, not so much about dramatic events, but small things that I've somehow inflated because they mean a lot to me. It's not like someone died or something, it's just I feel regret because I allowed nothing to consume everything..basically, I allowed emptiness to flourish when I could have had a wonderful relationship. I didn't even allow it to really start...which sounds trivial and stupid compared to so many other problems in the world, but it's just been really eating at me.. anyways, I'll post later or give you a pm, I'm getting involved in other things & trying not to dwell on this so much. I think that's the best way to get around it. Thanks again guys.. sparrow