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madhornet

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  • Birthday 08/31/1976

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  1. I've found internet dating to be a complete waste of time - mainly because there's a vast overload of men and few women from a percentage point of view. So the women end up getting loads of messages (like in a pub/club situation and end up having to ignore several of them because they have to decide which ones to reply to). The men who will mess around with the woman and cause her to relate to her female friends about how all men are evil etc., despite the fact she's ignored the genuinely decent emails sent. Women like a challenge and not a boring email. So do we (the non-evil men) send an 'evil email' first and then behave as we would normally or should we put on an 'act' so we don't remain single for eternity? All very confusing... perhaps it gets easier once men reach 30???
  2. Now I'm not the experienced guy when it comes to dating, girlfriends or relationships (I'm 30 in 12 days, never had a girlfriend and had 3 dates only 1 of which went onto the 3rd date). Mc79 has the right idea, try and do something away from the norm. The best thing you can do is to stay true to who you are - as cliche as that may sound. If you try to be someone you think women are looking for then you will just find the wrong one for you. Believe me I know from experience... it may take a long time but you are far better staying true to yourself and sitting out for the right person. I have rushed things in desperation some years ago and been hurt on numerous occasions. It definitely won't fall in your lap. I have much less chance of finding love at my age I must admit - but any single Watford supporters in the UK are always welcome to meet up with me for a drink!
  3. I can tell you rejection hurts as it has happened to me every time I've asked a girl out except once, 1 time out of 5 isn't a good success ratio in my book. The other time the girl asked me and I said yes, she ended up messing me around but that's beside the point. I think there's this expectation that's it's all up to the guy to do the asking which basically puts all the pressure on him and none on the girl. Why should we have to face the rejection all the time? If I get on with someone I meet through friends and we have a load in common then I'll have no problem asking them out having passed the initial nervous barrier, likewise I hope she'd be willing to do the same. However I won't just walk up to someone I don't know and ask them out, that just asks for me to be rejected again. If the so called 'gender stereotypes' are changing regarding equality for women then maybe it's about time it happened in the dating world too, you can't have it one way in one situation but some different way in another.
  4. Oh yeah forgot to add my first date came from the internet as have all the others since then.
  5. My first date was when I was 25 and they've all been disasters from then on! So anyone still waiting you will get a date eventually, of course a girlfriend/boyfriend is an entirely different matter - I know for sure I can't be bothered with getting a girlfriend anymore it ain't worth the heartache and hassle!!
  6. Generally I'm a trusting person with my close friends (both male and female) who I know I can rely on when I need them, and I expect them to rely on me when they need me too. I am always slightly wary at first when I meet people for the first time, this especially occurs when I am going on a date with a girl. I let myself open up bit by bit when I am comfortable doing so. I've been told by my friends this is a bad thing by not being more trusting straight away. Is my slightly cautious nature really that much of a turn off to girls or have I just been meeting the wrong ones?
  7. First off I will say I've had very little relationship experience so make of my comments what you will. From what you've written he doesn't seem trustworthy. You've been together a long time so it's hard to make a sudden judgement i would think. If he respected you and the relationship you have I don't think he'd do what he has been doing. Personally I'd tell him to get lost but I don't know the full situation. The best advice I can give is to go with your gut instincts and do what you think is right in the circumstances. Hope that's of some help.
  8. Flirting with people (if you're single) is fine but what gets me is so many girls (and guys too) seem to blatantly flirt when they're clearly not interested in someone. Having been flirted with in this way enough times (usually to get to know one of my better looking friends I am out with) I am very vary of responding if a girl flirts with me for that very reason. Is there any way of knowing if a girl is genuinely flirting with you because she likes you or do you just have to get hurt every time cos she is after one of your friends?
  9. I'll tell you what confuses me, I go on a first date - I have learnt to be myself now (I didn't use to be I tried to be someone who I thought the girl I was meeting would like - big mistake as I found out). Naturally on that first date I'm a bit nervous and she seems to be too but we always chat and get on OK, not necessarily talking about anything groundbreaking or supremely exciting but basically we find out more about each other and have a bit of a laugh. Then having met usually for about an hour or so, we both say we've had a good time and that we'll arrange to meet again. So I get in touch with her a day or two later and what do I get? 'Oh I'm very busy, can't make it then' I try to arrange another time, 'I'm busy then too' and any other time I suggest. Either that or they ignore any contact I make. I mean just say I'm a sad boring git don't just play me along. Why can't girls just give me a chance and go for a second or even third date? Am I cursed or something? Surely you can't make a judgement on whether you get on with someone in just 1 hour, or is that me? I really wonder whether there is something about me that generally repels girls the minute I meet them, I'm not a doormat but am a nice guy who enjoys a laugh and doesn't treat women like crap. Where does it all go wrong? Very confused and now virtually resigned to life as a singleton
  10. I've always been single, never had a girlfriend for more than a week and a half (and she was messing me around anyway). My friends seem to find girlfriends with ease and if things don't work out with one within weeks they're onto the next girlfriend. Now I consider myself a nice guy but certainly not a walking doormat. I have my own social life and do my own things and if girls don't like me for who I am that's their problem as far as I'm concerned. It's just never had any form of long term relationship I now become increasingly more jealous of my friends who move from one to the next with ease. When their relationships break up I feel intensely relieved that one of them is back in the singles trap with me then bam, they're going out with someone else. I don't see why I should have to change who I am to attract girls, despite being a bit shy I am pretty confident once I know someone as I become more relaxed in their company. So how do I get rid of these jealous feelings towards my friends - I just want to go out socialising with them and have a girlfriend who appreciates me for who I am and likewise for me to appreciate the girlfriend the same way. I'm just so incredibly frustrated and confused
  11. >cassiana Posted: Mon Oct 04, 2004 3:34 pm Post subject: > >-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- > >This happens to me all the time. I think im too nice and dont play the >game. I wish someone would teach me before its too late. Tell me about it, happens to me all the time too. I've learnt anyone who plays games like that just isn't worth wasting time on. What keeps me going is that there are nice girls out there who don't play all these pointless games. There are nice guys too. It's just invariably they rarely seem to notice each other I'm not actively looking any more however I keep hoping that one day I will find a nice girl to be with
  12. I don't know whether I've just been unlucky but every woman I've ever been on more than one date with has turned out to be immature, inconsiderate, played mind games and messed me around, they seem to do it even in their late 20's. I mean is there really the need for it? Does everyone have to play hard to get? I mean the minute I actually dare to say I've had a nice time and we should meet again, they run a mile. Perhaps maturity occurs in the early to mid thirties, I guess I'll just have to wait. I actually think England has the least amount of nice women, based on my experiences anyway. If anyway has a clue where to find the nice women, I'm listening!
  13. One thing I'm definitely not doing is looking harder - that just results in me getting more down when I get messed around for the hundedth time. I'll just get on with my life if a nice girl who doesn't play mind games happens to come into it my life will be that much better but I don't envisage it happening anytime soon. Sometimes you've just gotta forget about ever finding someone and just prepare to enjoy single life - it certainly is much less stressful, even if it means you're not really 100% happy being single. Right now I don't want to date or go out with anyone as I've been burned too many times lately but in time when I've had time to get over the rubbish way I get treated I may be ready for a relationship. I don't go for the finding someone when you least expect it scenario but actively searching just makes you out to be desperate (I should know I've done it for long enough!) and girls can sense desperation a mile off. The question is - what is the right balance between not looking at all and actively searching - you either look too desperate or not interested?
  14. I'm supposed to be meeting a girl this Sunday (she's 26 I'm 28 in just over 2 weeks) - I'm yet to be convinced whether she's actually playing games with me or is a bit on the shy side? We both seem on the same wavelength from a sense of humour perspective but she's not one to return my calls that readily or reply to my emails more often than weekly. My question is how long should I wait to email or respond to her messages being she doesn't do so very often? I like to respond when I've got time but she might think I'm looking too desperate and ignore me. I phoned her on Monday evening and left an answerphone message about meeting up and she returned my call about the same time the Tuesday evening and left an answerphone message saying the Sunday should be fine and we'd get in touch before then. I phoned an hour or so later and she didn't answer again (she works quite long hours) and left another message saying I'd email her about meeting on Sunday (as I was starting to waffle on my answerphone message and thought an email would be easier). I emailed her about half an hour later with just a short light hearted message telling her about my weekend, asking whether she'd had a nice weekend, and suggesting when and where to meet up on Sunday. I just wonder whether I was too quick in responding to her message of yesterday evening? I replied in the normal way I would when I had the time to and wasn't tied up with anything but feel I should have left it longer as not to look desperate? Should I just go with my gut and do things as I would normally or wait a little longer and not reply until at least the following day? If she doesn't respond by Saturday I'm going to send her a quick text in the morning suggesting when/where to meet up incase she didn't get to read my email. I don't get many chances to meet a girl like this so how should I best handle it? I want to remain cool, calm and collected and hope she's shy and not a manipulative mind game player but her delay in responding generally means I am putting my guard up and not trusting her. I hate analysing these things but I just can't help it.
  15. There's one thing nagging away at me and that is how easy it is for all my friends to find a girlfriend/boyfriend whenever they decide they want to. Basically they say 'I'm not looking for anyone' then when they decide they are looking, bam... they just find someone to go out with. It's got to the point where I avoid going out with them to save seeing them out with their girlfriends/boyfriends and fawning all over them and making me want to vomit. Why can't I just find someone when I want to like them. Anyone who says looks don't count must just do it to stop hurting feelings because there are too many shallow and superficial people who just go for looks and never give someone with a decent personality a chance. Quite frankly... life sucks.
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