Lily04

I completely agree with the previous poster. The same thing happened to me, there was a guy I liked & didn't go after (I'm 19 now and it happened just this year) and I didn't know how to read signals and such and let it slip through my fingers. Now I want to hook up, although he's moving to England and I'll probably never see him again. It's better to be rejected than to think of what might have happened & regret it.. have fun..it may be stressful in the beginning, as everyone's always a bit nervous, but just think of dating/meeting guys as fun, like talking to a friend and it won't be as stressful. See ya, Lily04 p.s. also just because he's supposedly going after another girl doesn't mean you have to automatically back off. He never told you that, and who knows, he might like you more & will drop the other girl, if there is one. Don't worry about hypotheticals, just go for it. That is going to be my motto from now on anyways

yeah, maybe she liked you before but then the interest sorta faded..it's hard to tell. Don't think about what you should have done though, just move on, I think that's for the best if she's moving to another country anyways..

Hey, it seems like you've got it straightened out for now..just go with the flow, don't analyze it too much now. My advice would be if it seems like she's being more friendly & you want to get together to do something, then go for it..if you feel like she's still stringing you along then forget about her & find someone new. I know how it can feel to be lonely, but sometimes that's better than getting hurt. Take care, Lily04

Everyone is so scared of rejection, it's really sad. Just go for it..what you said sounds good, or you can say something like "I really like being with you, we have so much in common..I've never met anyone like you." a compliment always works well I suppose. Then you can see her reaction & take it from there. This is something I'd like to hear as a girl who's 19 and never had a boyfriend..so it's not like I'm riding on experienebut it seems a nice way to go. Hell if I meet a guy I like and we get together I think I'll go something along those lines, just saying 'I like you/have feelings for you', may be too direct for me personally. But actually, you know her better than I do..if you guys jog together & such she probably likes you. It would be cool if you after the jog and talking say something like I have feelings for you..I think that's sweet. Just be natural, don't worry about it too much. And don't worry about what your parents think, it sounds like this girl is worth it. Good luck..and I'm off to bed, it's 4:00 a.m. here, I hope that post made some sense, I'm too tired to double check, lol. lily04

yeah, that's like existentialism. Read some of Sartre, Nietzche, Kafka, or do a search for it on the 'net. There's a lot of theories about the nothingness of life, and the meaningless of our existence. Pretty depressing theories, but they have been in circulation for quite some time and are worth researching..I want to read some more about it, Heidegger especially (probably spelled his name wrong, too tired now..) He wrote about the meaning of life, or lack thereof I believe..at least when I was contemplating the nature of death, someone suggested him to me so I guess he's worth reading about that as well..

At school joining clubs that you're interested in will help, along with sports, because you'll meet people who are interested in the same things as you. Now that it's summer, you can sign up for sports or volunteer or get a job. Being in social situations can help you to meet people. But I would also suggest, as did a previous poster, to not go out with the sole intention of meeting someone. You may give off a 'desperate' vibe & it's not particularly attractive. You can try going to bars as well, or campus activities. Ultimately, don't stress about it though, you'll meet someone eventually, just be friendly & social and you'll be fine.

what makes me happy has changed quite a bit over the years..there's really no simple answer. But some things I've noticed: - Having a crush & having him return the attraction. I haven't had this feeling in a while unfortunately - Accomplishing a big project. This is usually getting an A on an essay I worked hard on or something of that nature.. - Wearing a nice outfit & looking good. - Helping others!! Why I've been trying to answer people's questions on here today, I've been depressed all day, lol.. If I can make a difference somehow that lifts my mood a little. I think the last point is key. The nature of love is really starting to intrigue me & its connection to happiness is even more interesting. I've read some of Bertrand Russell & Plato (philosophers) in high school and they make the connection as well..as I haven't experienced love I can't really comment obviously. But supposedly, it makes you happy Not even romantic love, but having a general love for human kind can be defined as a lasting form of happines, not temporal (as the type of happiness you're seeking.) Umm..helping others achieve something brightens your mood because you feel more worthwhile..so if you're depressed and feel you can't help yourself, at least you can help others, perhaps there is some purpose. Also try listening to music and just losing yourself in it..I try to identify with the music, especially if it's especially poignant, and a piece with many harmonics (flats & sharps), it can really strike a note..deep..or, alternatively you can just spiral deeper downwards..sometimes crying helps though. Also, working out can help & taking a long shower or bath. I love swimming especially.. Hope that helped..I'm still trying to figure out the answer myself. Lily04

wow, seems like a tough situation.. I'm not sure if she likes you or not, it seems like she likes playing around (as you mentioned she cheated on her boyfriend) and likes to flirt with guys a lot.. What I would recommend is not to change yourself for her. Just be true to yourself, this is most important. Don't start dressing the way you think she'd like & acting differently for her..if she doesn't like you the way you are then that's her problem.. But, in any case, I think she probably just wants you for a 'f*** buddy'. Since she doesn't initiate conversations with you, and the conversations you *do* have seem to lead to sex, as hard as it is to say, she'll probably just interested in that. Personally, I would look for someone else, it doesn't seem like this is going anywhere. But it's up to you..it depends on what you're looking for in a relationship. Hope that helped.. lily04

Is she coming back at all, or is she planning to live there permanently? If she's coming back sometime, you can talk to her then..I would try to get her e-mail address & contact her and tell her how you feel, although it may not change things if you guys were really close already and she might have known the way you feel (I suppose that's why she wrote the letter, as a written goodbye.) But you guys can still be friends I suppose..you can talk to her over MSN. Maybe if you know any of her friends, ask them for her e-mail address/phone #/contact info..at least that way you can say goodbye the way you wanted. Good luck..let me know how it goes.

Hey, I'm so happy it worked out for you I'm in a similar situation, except the guy I like is going to England & probably not coming back for a while..like another 5 yrs because he's going to school there! But I was thinking of admitting my feelings to him as well..I know it'll be hard though because we were distant as well, and I have a feeling he doesn't feel the same way anymore. But it's good to see that things can work out I suppose..good luck & thanks for letting us know what happened! luv, lily04

yeah I would suggest hanging out with her more. This happened to me before as well, you'll be great in the beginning, then a slump, then (hopefully) back up again! Don't think too much about it, just initiate something. Ask her to do something, go out to see a movie (if you feel more comfortable w/friends) and then make sure you talk with her afterwards. Talking with her on msn is great, but you have to get back to talking in person like before. Also it sounds like she liked you before, so there's no reason to lose hope.

Hey, How long have you liked this girl for? To be honest, I feel guilty of doing this to a guy before as well..I didn't purposely play with his feelings though, but I think I gave off the impression that I liked him & then didn't (sorta ignored him) because I was confused about my feelings, and shy, and didn't know what to do.. I don't know what you mean by 'head games' but if she's treating you differently than before, maybe it's because she's just trying to figure things out..I know I was going through a tough time at school & didn't feel like dating so I was sorta cool with the guy I now like, perhaps a bit too cool...I don't necessarily want to defend her, but maybe she's just confused or something as well, and isn't purposely trying to hurt you, although that's what's happening. My suggestion would be to just try to be friends with her, you can't force her to like you, and you don't know what's going on in her life. Maybe she does like you, or did like you, but doesn't want to date right now..if you felt an initial connection, then there may still be hope. Actually..rereading, you said that you *know* she doesn't feel the same way about you. How do you know for sure? Try spending time with her & talking to her..maybe there's something going on that you don't know about. But I think it would be healthy to try to move on if you don't feel there's anything there, there are plenty of other girls out there that you just haven't met yet.. take care, lily04

wow! the beginning of this post seems to mirror a situation I'm in so much I thought it was the guy I liked before I checked the age & realized it's not..hahaha. Anyways, as a girl in a similar situation I would say definitely MSN her! I found the e-mail address of the guy I liked & MSNed him and in a week or so we're going ot meet up..I don't even know if he likes me or not, but whatever, I thought might as well try. What's the worse that can happen, you just remain friends? Also worth mentioning is the fact that he wasn't in ANY of my classes, and we just talked occasionally in the halls/cafeteria. Just try to strike up a conversation..if she's an introvert she'll probably like talking over the internet better anyways. take care, and don't stress about it too much. things happen, life goes on. if this doesn't work out, you'll meet other girls, it's all good.. lily04

Hey, I decided to register because I wanted to respond to this post (and others, but specifically this one.) I'm 19 and haven't dated anyone yet because I was scared of guys as well. I'm getting together next week with someone I really like & have liked this yr but was too hesistant to do anything about it, so hopefully something will happen though..I think my problem was that I had too low self-esteem - the possibility of guys liking me more than a friend never even entered my mind, I didn't even know what signs to look for. I think it was because I was overweight as a kid & sorta shy so I was teased and had difficulty making friends. But then I lost a lot of weight & actually became quite attractive (even though I never realized it..) and felt uncomfortable about people staring at me because I wasn't used to it, and initially thought they were mocking me when it was just because they were attracted to me. My mom encouraged me to try modelling & I just felt it was so wrong, but I did it because I wanted to fit in and tried to be someone I wasn't..I could never really accept myself..that lack of confidence then was conveyed to others. It might be because you just need to gain some confidence in yourself to date guys, you know what they say, you have to love yourself before you can love others & I think that's really true. Or there must be a reason why you have a 'phobia' of guys...but in any case, even if you can't figure it out, just be yourself (most importantly) and confident and friendly and it won't be hard for you to meet people. Maybe you just haven't found the right person yet..that was also the case for me, I just wasn't really interested in anyone until I hit university. I was a really late-bloomer I guess. Anyways, you're not abnormal or anything, if you want to change you can. But don't force yourself to like people you don't. In time you'll find someone, til then just be friendly & open and you'll be fine.. cya, lily04