Lily04

Hey, I am 23 now and have been pulling since I was about 12... in middle school. I was twirling my hair since grade 3/4, for some reason it was impulsive for me, but I didn't start physically pulling until about grade 7/8. I think that is also, statistically the time when most people start pulling and psychologists think it is because of the onset of a lot of teenage stress and self-esteem issues that usually accompany people when they're around 12/13 years of age and all the changes your body is going through, etc... that might have been the case for me. I know I was frustrated, academically and emotionally during that time... I switched schools and never had many friends, felt like I didn't fit in and was very confused... I think pulling was just a physical relief for me, it gave me instant gratification... I have only really been learning to get better at it this year, as I've learned to deal with my anxiety in more productive ways and have stopped being so harsh on myself... it took a lot of time and self-awareness though, and some counselling from friends and people online as well!! But I'm sure you can get better, if not stop completely. I still pull when stressed, but the amount has decreased... I pull my hair, which I think is in some ways worse than eyebrows but maybe not... at one point my pulling was so bad I almost got bald spots, and being a young female in her 20s with bald spots is NOT attractive at all!! So I can completely understand your frustration... as I don't pull eyebrows I don't know what would work best, but I find what SORT OF helps is just stroking my hair instead of pulling when i get urges, but you have to be disciplined then and make sure you DON'T PULL but JUST STROKE your eyelashes... that can be tough as your hand is already there. I'm also thinking of buying fake hair... don't know if you can find substitutes (i.e. a stress ball or shoe laces) that you can play with isntead of pulling your eye brows... best of luck... Lily

Hey, I just saw this post now. I don't know if you still post on this board, but I hope you're doing well and you and your bf are still happy together Give us an update, if you wish. Lily

Hey, Wow, I posted in this thread in 2006!! Have no idea how you found it, as the search function never works for me!! lol. But anyway, I just wanted to say that I really think this disorder is related to stress/anxiety... it may not be the CAUSE of the disorder, as it may be something genetic as well, for some people (i.e. I think I do have a chemical imbalance to some extent..I have OCD personality disorder as well) but I notice that when I am really relaxed and not stressed, my pulling is not as bad. When I am really anxious and upset, my pulling increases... so I think it is related. I think learning to be more relaxed in life and learning productive and positive ways of dealing with stress may help for some people. I've noticed that my hair has grown at least an inch over the past few months because even though I am stressed, it hasn't been quite as bad as over the last few years...(although i am still stressed lol) Also, WHAT I FOUND HELPS as a "short-term" solution: - I bought the hair shampoo and conditioner set called "F.A.S.T" from a local beauty supply store. Google it, see if any beauty shops/hair stylist places carry it. It is sort of expensive, I think maybe $15-20 for shampoo and conditioner but it really works!! In like 2-3 weeks my hair grew almost an inch... and my best friend recommended it to me and noticed the same... it won't add that much thickness or like grow your hair bunches, it's not a miracle cure, but if you want a little help in the length dept. this may help! - Also, I bought hair extensions which I've only worn out once but it gave me a boost in the self-esteem dept. They're real hair, clip-ons, around $140. Of course, prices vary according to store, etc. Look around and see if you'd be interested. REAL ones that last 8 months or so, attached to your hair professionally are ALL around $1000-2000, i.e. Great Lengths extensions are super expensive, so clip-ons are best price-wise but realize the quality is not nearly as great. It works for me temporarily. Also to note re. extensions: I sort of accidentally pulled out some of the hair when I was wearing extensions!! JUST a strand. But then I thought - hey, at least pulling fake hair is better than real hair! So I thought about trying to find fake hair just as a 'substitute' until i can completely curb this disorder... I think some dollar stores have them, you sort of have to search around. But this may help as a "quick solution" when you really have to pull. Hope that helps!! Lily xoxo

I'm the same way.... wow. I really appreciate the comments in this thread, I can relate to so much of what is said... it takes me hours to do projects that should only take minutes but yet I am above-average on intelligence tests...(some portions of it anyway.) I have a hard time concentrating... but I also have a very poor memory, and sometimes it takes me longer to 'get' things... despite being 'intelligent'. I think I am intelligent in different ways... I was doing a presentation for clients with a lawyer, for instance, at my school... a client asked a problem about how to confront her boss about a certain problem that had legal ramifications... the lawyer answered from a strict 'legal' perspective, but the advice in my opinion (and the client's) was not that useful because it wasn't a practical way to approaching the problem. You can cite the constitution all you want for instance (which was essentially what she suggested -- take a copy of the Human Rights Code to your workplace lol..) but that won't necessarily effectively get the chance & benefit you should get. I instead suggested a more practical way of solving the problem, and used small-claims court as a last resort. I told her to approach a different division, etc. and how to work it out without necessarily resorting to suing... and I'm pretty sure it worked. I haven't heard back yet... but that's an example of how I can sort of 'solve' problems effectively, but I think I'm more pracically-oriented perhaps... I have very good emotional intelligence, and can get myself out of the toughest situations... which I won't even get into and likely never mentioned on here because I shouldn't disclose. But... when it comes to typical tests in university I often don't do well. I can't pack a textbook in my head within a few hours or days... I don't have the memory or that type of intelligence I suppose. I can write extremely good essays at times, worthy of publishing, but it takes me 10x longer than the average student or a student of comparable intelligence (assuming mine is higher than average.) So... I obviously have difficulties & can relate. I'm still working out how to deal with them myself, and hope you're doing better. let us know if you'd like. lily

however, i should say lately, i've been doing just that.....quite fine. although I do feel lonely sometimes too. how's it working out for you, kevin?

I would do this if I could. If I remember correctly, you're only 1 or 2 years older than me, meaning you're 23-24 yrs old. Imagine if you have another 60-70 years ahead of you of "not caring". Think you can do that? more than half a century to yourself? good luck.

i'm in the same situation........22 and single. don't know if i should really wait for the 'right' guy or just date any guy even if i'm not totally 'satisfied' anymore.......so frustrating!!! There is one guy who i've been attracted to for a while, but I think he's sorta looking for the 'perfect' type as well, and I know we don't have "perfect" chemistry.......we have enough, in that I think he's cute, he's smart, we have similar personalities, etc... but I don't know, it's not like amazing chemistry?? maybe? so he hasn't really asked me out....well, he did about 2 months ago, but I didn't realize he was asking me out and sorta said I was busy and turned him down. Since then I've started to like him more but now he seems not interested....he wasn't that aggressive to begin with though, in terms of asking me out, and as i'm somewhat clueless with this i suppose i need that. If you don't ask me out in clear terms "do you want to go for a coffee afterwards' or something, i'm sorry, but i won't catch on. secondly.....there are a few, maybe 3-5 guys right now, i could date but aren't 100% into either. i.e. they're cute, but not that smart, or confident, or just plain weird but really attractive and zany enough that we click somewhat.....you know what I mean? Partial chemistry, but not on all levels... not enough that I know it would last as a relationship. Not enough that i'm not sure i'd call him back. But enough that i'd consider having sex with them if I weren't a virgin, as I am. So i'm in a more difficult situation than most girls as well because of that. Any advice for moi?

hey, I think I feel your pain... I felt a lot like you when I was 19 (still to some extent do.) I think you have to realize that school isn't everything... your passion will take you far. Don't let therapists diagnose you with a million things and you accept a feeling of inferiority because of it... you're not your disorder. You are a unique individual with many talents. Even people with ADD are typically more creative than other members of society, I'm sure you have more creativity than the avg. person. Secondly, the fact that you don't have a job -- I didn't either at 19. I found it so hard to find summer jobs, in the first and 2nd summers of university I didn't even have a summer job (well... I did have one for a month or so because of connections at my Mom's workplace.) I think at that age most people get jobs through their parents, but I don't have a lot of connections, and now my mom doesn't work, my dad's job is competely unrelated to what I want to do and it's not possible to work there... the main reason why I didn't, however, was because I wasn't proactive and started looking too late. I also had low self-confidence and was more introvertive, which probably shone through on interviews. That has since changed a lot though. But now, in my final year of university, I actually have 2 jobs. I got them in one because I got along really well with the manager (interpersonal skills are also key) and (2) because of the skills I got in extra-curricular activities (mostly the other job, where I demonstrated leadership experience, etc.) I think following your passion will help you get a job... maybe the courses you're taking in school don't lie in that area, so you're not doing well. I'm sure if you took a course in music or writing, or something of interest, you wouldn't be failing. So don't get too down on yourself. We all have hurdles to overcome in life, you're just at a stage where you're trying to overcome one (or a few.) That doesn't make you pathetic, it makes you human.

I actually prefer essays to tests as well... I tend to do well on essays except for the fact that it takes me ages to do, and I typically get late penalties which brings me down.

Hey, Thanks for the advice guys... well I took about 10 mins. to outline my situation to the group and form a tenative plan about how to go about this, so as to minimize my role in the group but still make it seem like I'm interested in the project. It's not worth withdrawing/failing the class in my opinion, I think this is still able to recover...it's a group mark so as long as they pull their weight and get a B/A, I'll likely get the same. I may get a bit lower if participation brings me down, but not much... I'm just a bit out of the loop re. group meetings, but I won't fail because of it, I think. Regarding this essay.. it's on political science, specifically reform of New Zealand's electoral system to MMP, the consequences, and applicability to Canada. I don't know. I just feel like this is basically an explanatory essay without much analysis, i'm not sure if it's suupposed to be like that....but i feel like i'm just sorta copying/pasting info... I could compare the more countries more and draw some conclusions about that I suppose. It just doesn't seem that analytical a task, maybe it's slightly due to the fact that I'm not that interested in the topic though. The group project thing is for an entirely different class, however... As much as I feel like I want to write (and I will try to get at least another 1/2-1 page down), I feel drained. I have to be up early tomorrow as well for my dr's appointment so I'm not sure staying up all night is the best plan for now... although I don't want to stay up all night tomororw either doing this. I think I'll plan to skip my class from 6:00-8:00 unfortunately and get this done, hopefully between the hrs. of 2-12 pm if I really work steady at it... On Tuesday I am co-ordinating a workshop for my work, and things will be a bit chaotic I think. I'm not really sure what the late penalty will be for this -- it's not noted on the syllabus and it is already late anyway. It was due last week but things were crazy with work so I just made the decision that I'd hand it in this week and try to get the late penalty negotiated with the prof. Sorta a tough position to be in... and I can't drop any classes at this point, either. But I think I'll be OK... hoping for around a B+ on this, we'll see what happens...

I've been trying to write this essay for the past god only knows how many hours.....I can't. I don't have an interest in this topic, but it seems to take me centuries to write essays in general. I'm trying not to be perfectionistic but I still feel like I have nothing. And I am also waay stressed because I am in this group for one of my classes (I have 2 partners) and they've established meetings for tomorrow with other groups that I cannot attend... my participation mark will certainly suffer and they will mention the fact that I didn't respond to their previous e-mails yesterday & this morning, and i'm slacking, etc... but honestly, I don't care. I don't have time for this course that saps way too much time & energy out of me. I don't want to do it. I want to just accept an F and move on with it.....is that so bad? I just feel like I can't deal with so many meetings/commitments right now... and they scheduled them all for tomorrow, which I find really inconsiderate as well (they requested meetings with all groups tomorrow...they could have at least waited a day to hear my availability but obviously they're not caring that much either.) I just want to deal with this essay, one thing at a time, and then move on...but even the "now" is difficult.

Hey Batya, Thanks, I agree. And as one of my friends said, it's not something you can really plan... if you find a guy you are really head over heels for, it's not like you can really say "well, i like you, but don't contact me for another 2 months" (although I suppose some might do that, it's a bit unrealistic to do I think...) So far, however, I have not met a guy who has really struck me in this way, (well, except for one last semester but he had a gf anyway) so it wasn't necessary to try to juggle, and this is all contemplating in the abstract. Right now, my goal is to simply do school.... go on a few dates when I have time, and try to become on top of things... and when the right guy comes along, I'll deal with it then. Since I am really busy though, I'm not just going to date guys I'm not really into..i.e. settle just to date. I know some girls do that, but I'd rather not... so if I don't date for a few months anyway, that's fine... I'd rather be struck by a guy I really like and I think it's worth the wait.

yeah true... well one thing I realized was I was too perfectionistic with myself & school. Just looking over the post I made yesterday re. school work -- no wonder I was depressed! I was like insane about studying... I need to learn to be a bit more laid-back and allow myself time to relax and be realistic about my expectations...I am still learning how to do that. I think once I learn that well, I'll have my life more under control and can then schedule in time to meet friends/dates, etc. I suppose the best suggestion for myself would be to concentrate on that (which is what my counsellor also highly suggested) and then things will fall more into place...

well my grades aren't slipping because of a guy...I suppose I just found my time hard to control because I was having difficulties with school and my own personal life (i.e. the whole being diagnosed with a learning disability & not having proper help for it. Last semester I found a good confidant/counsellor though, so I am OK now.. or at least much better.) Now I feel like I would like to date because I miss that.. haven't dated since before xmas I suppose just starting to feel a bit lonely...

Someone (actually a few people on enotalone) suggested that I shouldn't date during school, and just focus on school and myself... I was curious to hear this because people usually say "focus on yourself, for now" but not "don't date during school" entirely (i.e. school lasts about 8 months!! that's a pretty long-term relationship with yourself lol...) I was just wondering if anyone sets out this type of policy though per se? It usually ends up happening for me because I am soo busy in school dating is tough anyway.....and maybe I do need to make my life more stable in some ways, and dating tends to complicate things further. But at the same time I feel sorta....immature setting that out, as if I can't allow time for fun because my life is too screwed up for that...I suppose it's not that attractive an idea to me. Opinions...?

Thanks spirits... well yeah yesterday was just really bad. Today when I woke up as well, but I have to see a chiropractor I think I pulled something, and my back is completely out of shape....so working out is a bit hard as well because of the strain. But yeah I was def. depressed just thinking about some of the guys I dated yesterday...but to address your points: 1) I'm not such a fan of the idea of yoga... I love working out on my own time, when I feel like it, so I think I'll stick to that. I have a date planned with a girlfriend of mine on Thurs. to work out, so that's good... if I have time before I'll do so by myself. 2) yeah I'll drop the sweets/coffee stimulant idea. didn't seem to work, just played with my energy levels and got me rather depressed i think.. 3) how do you see that my life is unbalanced...? perhaps hard to control I wouldn't say "unbalanced" though because I do work out regularly (at least 2-3x/week), I work, go to school, and make time for friends... 4) "you're not the type to date while in school" -- this sorta removes about 8 months of my life...is it really practical to suggest this?? Do people actually NOT date while in school, as a policy, and stick to that? I've never really heard of that suggestion, find that curious... 5) Well I took your suggestion, as if today were Monday... had a good sleep (about 9 hrs.), am going to exercise for a bit, then get cracking... why do you say I deserve a late penalty, however, even if I get it done on time?? Ok I'll check enotalone later once I'm well into my essay, but thanks for your thoughts. Yesterday was obv. a bad night...

hey sweetie, i've felt the same for sure...I just turned 22 and never really had a bf....well I did have one, but it was more like I dated him because I just wanetd to say i had a bf. i'm sure u could do the same if you wanted, but want something more meaningful. You sound like a great girl though. I'd say don't settle unless you really want to... just keep dating, looking after yourself, your health & interests, and you will find mr. right...it's inevitable. good luck.

hey, I have to finish it by Monday, it's not really an option. It's 1:30 a.m. here now... I live in Ontario, Canada... Unfortunately I just couldn't concentrate. I have a doctor's appt. on Monday, to talk about some other things, but I seriously feel depressed, sluggish, tired (even though I think I got enough sleep..).... I've been trying everything -- I had at least 3 coffees/lattes today, lots of sweets (which is bad!!!! and i am usually a very healthy person, but this is the extent I went to, in order to try to be energized..) unfortunately I didn't work out which I think impacted my energy, but I did run around a bit in my basement (it's large and has a treadmill.) Unfortunately, since about 7 pm i've just been constantly feeling like i can just... start crying for no reason. i've tried making hot chocolate with strawberries....talking with friends.....i don't know, i shouldn't be stressed because i have enough time to finish this, it's not even about my essay. I think it could be because I was reminded of the fact that it's a Sat. night and I'm not going out, don't have a bf....tried online dating again and have some dates lined up, but aren't that much into anyone... and then reminded of this guy i really did like who i haven't talked with in 2 months who I dated, but then totally chose to stop communciating with because he hurt me.....for the first time I saw him on gmail chat tonight but didn't write...I know he has my MSN but I deleted him so I never saw him. Anyway, sorry i'm rambling. I don't really know what it is....i'm just so tired lately...and sad. maybe overwhelmed. I met a guy randomly at lunch today, he sorta hit on me and I gave him my e-mail... I wasn't into him. But somehow the convo. turned onto what I wanted to do in the future and I realized that convos. almost always turn to that when i first meet someone....and i started to question whether i'm really pursuing the right path. I don't even know anymore, writing seems so painful at times... I need to do another year of UG but I feel burnt out. My peak was in 2nd year... was SOO energized then, had a few A+ participation marks even.....but just downhill since. Also because the workload has gotten much heavier since then, but I think that was the optimal time...i'm not sure I can return to that idealism now. anyway... a collection of thoughts. I did get somewhat of an outline now and will pursue this and finish it tomorrow....going to bed now. I'll ask the doctor about this, but hopefully i'll be better on Monday....

well.. I've decided that I actually cannot write the paper without an outline... it's just not working. So I am going to have to do that... heading off to Starbucks now, will try to get something down before it gets too crowded on a Sat. night! rest of the night will be plugging in sources... tomorrow writing. i've decided I need at least a full weekend to write upper year level essays... will note in the future.

what do you expect...? you said "we've only kissed." Are you hoping to have sex or something? Kissing is still fairly intimate... I don't usually have sex with a guy I like until I've known him very well.. at least a month or so..

well it is 7:00 p.m. now. Although i didn't follow the conventional steps of doing an essay outline/research.. I'm just starting to write. Mainly because I already know what the topic areas are... so I'm just bringing in sources. Hope to have the first page done by 8:00, then around 8-10 I will go get a coffee and write at the local starbucks... i'm dying without coffee even though i already had quite a bit of caffeine...

haha thanks!! I think. It's almost 2:00 now,and I've read one article... I woke up a bit later than expected (at 10:00) so things are pushed back a bit. But I'll just have to skim some of the articles in an hour or so, then get to my essay/outline. should be alright... i'll let you guys know how it works out..

hi, well...due to my procrastination the last 2 days, I somewhat really have to get a start on my assignments. so, as motivation, I am posting my study schedule... hopefully if I log onto enotalone in the next few days it will remind me to stick to it! so, I am going to bed now (2:30 a.m.) wake up at 8:30 a.m. 9:30 -- leave for school 10:30 -- arrive at school (study on subway) 10:30-12:30 -- read article on Canada's electoral system/reform. 12:30 -- lunch 2:00- 3:00 -- read article on NZ's electoral system. 3:00-3:30 -- skim other 2 articles on Canada/NZ. 3:30-4:30 -- organize essay -- start plugging in research. 4:30-5:00- write outline. 5:00 -- dinner 6:00 -- start writing essay. aim to write 4 pages by 10:00 10:00 -- leave library & go home 11:30 -- bed. ---- Sunday - finish essay 11:00 -- 6:00 -- work on essay & hopefully finish 8:00-10:00 -- break 11:00-1:00 -- read negotiation papers (if possible) Monday - read negotiation papers - do today's readings for class - doctor's appt. - class Tuesday - work: get ready for today's workshop - submit stuff for work - do negotiation readings & stuff for tomorrow's class - workshop Wednesday - prepare for class - work on presentation for tomorrow Thursday - start essay due next week (research) hmm. this all seems fairly manageable... let's hope I stick to it.

I agree with Batya... there may not be delienated 'stages' per se, i.e. after 3 months you're in "x" stage, and "long-term" can be anywhere from 6 months to x number of years being committed together, but I think how long you've been intimate with someone matters. Intimate meaning really gotten to know them... you can't really know a person that well after only being with them for a number of weeks... even if there is an "amazing" connection, as was mentioned, there are things you learn about a person through experience. In the beginning everything is sorta tinted in pink shades....you think the other person is 'amazing', see their good side... but soon enough you learn more about them (and may see them as even more amazing) or start to learn their quirks, weaknesses, etc. and learn how to deal with them...

except if you're not looking for a relationship. If you just want a one-night stand, then go right ahead. depends what you're looking for.