Lily04

I guess I sorta needed a day off....I can't get myself to study as much as I know I should. Also because it was a snow day (majorly bad weather) I couldn't make it out to the library and it's really hard for me to study at home. So I literally did no readings, and yet I have a million thigns to catch up on. Has anyone ever done this before as well? I just feel guilty but at the same time detached because i don't care that much... like i feel bad, but sorta 'whatever'....a bit worried...

I agree with RW... the reason why I've never had sex before was because I actually haven't been in many relationships...like maybe 1 serious, and he left for a different country before we got too serious, then broke up soon after (long distance didn't work), and since then....just dated guys who i soon broke up with. There might have been sexual/physical chemistry but I knew it wouldn't last as a relationship. Should I still have had sex? Some people (many people) would have...after a few dates, would feel comfortable having it. It's a personal decision. I didn't because I wanted to be in a relationship, esp. since it's my first time.... If it weren't my first time, I would probably have one-night stands... I know that sounds easy, but for me it's either "one night stand" or "relationship", dating doesn't so much work for me because after only a few (maybe 2 dates) I know it won't work (or it will, which is rare.) So either I'll have it based on pure sexual chemistry alone for just that, or I will wait until I'm in a steady relationship and it feels right (prob. at least a month as RW said.) If I just know the guy and things are 'alright', comfortable but not hot, I won't have it. This is prob. why i'm still a virgin.....so many guys fit in this category.. i just can't find any guys who are relationship material i'll prob. end up just giving it to a one-night stand when i get fed up at around 24.

This is a really good point. I was just going to say, I get the sense that YOU'RE attracted to her for sure, but the signals are too ambiguous right now to conclude anythnig -- I smile and say hi to coworkers all the time, and we have 'moments' as well (i.e. fun or good converastions) but as I am a friendly person I don't think people should read into that too much. The only way you can really tell is to ask her out for something -- coffee, etc. and get to know her better. Smiling shyly at work won't really get you anywhere, for all you know, she could even have a boyfriend... so it's worth getting out of your head and knowing for sure.

I think you're analyzing too much at this point and you don't know her well enough. Try talking with her, ask her how her day was, etc.

hey, well i noticed I have a tendency to exaggerate things, don't see situations exactly in perspective, I think part of it is perfectionism or too much sensitivity to things. For ex. if I get an e-mail that doesn't sound that enthusiastic about a proposal, I'll freak out thinking they hate it, or if a person uses too terse language sometimes I'm sensitive to that in that I think they don't like me or approve or something.. And sometimes I will exaggerate situations. I've had friends tell me I'm prone to drama, or too dramatic. i.e. at work today, I wasn't impressed with a presentation developed by one of the students I work with. I felt infuriated actually, I tend to feel emotions quite intensely... and I wrote a lawyer complaining to the head director, and another lawyer as well. It was an over-reaction though, but I perhaps went too far suggesting that she should only receive half the grade she did. The student then e-mailed me back saying that I didn't understanding things correctly, the presentation was fine, I overreacted, etc. etc. Meanwhile since I was unsatisfied (note, perfectionism again), I asked another student to re-do it and develop an entirely new one for tomorrow's presentation. so it is now 1:30 am and she is still working on that... I don't know. It's really hard for me to see things in perspective and NOT feel things intensely. I think it may be partly genetic, because I know my mom has an OCD (major worrying) and my dad def. has anger management issues & is abusive, so he feels emotions very intensely. They're both also perfectionists. However, instead of expressing them like my dad I first internalize the emotions and then express them by: 1) verbalizing it in very stark terms -- dramatizing it a bit, and 2) taking charge to improve the situation fast. Which can be good, but then I can go overboard. In this case, I think the director might be a bit upset that I criticized her student (I'm not sure -- if they have a good relationship or not) and also that I suggested a course of action for her to take, dismissed the presentation as unsatisfactory research, and asked people to re-do it. I'm not sure.. I haven't heard anything back. She may also just be upset that I involved her in something she may view as trivial when she has multiple court dates that are more important than a presentation to attend to... But I could continue with such hypotheticals ad nauseum so I will stop. How do I see things in more neutral tones, and stop overreacting? It is a major source of stress for myself, and I think my perfectionism is related.. and the fact that I experience things intensely, which can be good. I am very active in politics because of it... but at the same time, I get so worked up, I have an obsessive disorder, etc. it's somewhat unhealthy.

yep. but also if there's just some chemistry between us... I may think he's attractive & am sorta shy/nervous, but I may not necessarily want to date the guy because our personality isn't such a match. it depends... could be multiple reasons -- she's a bit shy, or she just doesn't feel like talking that day, who knows. i wouldn't draw too much from this to be honest... look for other signs of attraction if that's what you're looking for. Try talking with her, engaging her in conversation for a while, see if there's chemistry & where it leads. You won't definitely know until you ask her out though.

hmm. that happens to me a lot when I either like a guy or am not sure if I like him. Otherwise things wouldn't be so hot/cold I think. It could also mean she's shy/introvertive though, as when I was more shy I would be more prone to reallllly outgoing vs. closed off moments. I still do that actually...

Well... I know this is going against what I said earlier, but I'm deciding to focus on my work and let school slide in this case... it has always been the opposite before but as a result, I've let work slide and now I really think I should put in the effort to improving the situation. And there are things like the presentations that demand my immediate attention due to the fact that the current system in place is not effective. We also need to co-ordinate and put together a team of regulars to improve the presentations b/c I can't do it myself and I want to hold a mtg. about that next week. So....what i'm going to do essentially is hopefully get a note from my advisor or doctor or something excusing this essay and then hand it in when I can. It was due Thurs. and I won't have it done until after next weekend most likely....it's just the reality of the situation, i won't have time until then if I focus on work. If I let work slide on the other hand, I would have lost taking advantage of a great opportunity that not many undergrads get to do... i.e. if you're offered an internship, for instance, and don't do the research or don't do enough to make it meaningful and hence can't get reference letters from it either for grad school... I think where you're offered a great opportunity you should make the most of it... at the same time, yes I am choosing to let school suffer this week. I'm making that choice but hopefully I can get some justification for it...

Hi Sophie, Thanks.. I agree. The presentations are presentations law students give to clients about their rights & responsibilities under the law, to better equip them with knowledge and know how to proceed in certain cases. I think you're right though... it's just that when that lawyer e-mailed me suggesting that the presentations can be improved and the way the system is currently working isn't that effective, I realized I completely agreed with her sentiments and wanted to put in the effort to improve it. So I've been scheduling meetings to review the material and develop more effective ways to address some of the issues... Right now I have about 12 hrs. to do the paper, assuming I don't sleep. I've done a bit of research yesterday & today, but at the same time my efforts have been split on co-ordinating speaker changes, and so forth... ugh.

Well I decided to briefly look over the presentation and decided which sections to remove. I also thought up an idea for how to make it more interesting, so I have that down, and let them know that I will email them on Sunday about it. Now I have a major headache, I assume from lack of sleep, so I'm going to take & advil and sleep. thx Batya, Lily

Thanks Batya. I was considering whether to e-mail them notifying them that I'll do it on Sunday (there is one 1L who is sooo apprehensive about presenting, and needs to know everything at least 3 weeks in advance, ugh) but I think that may just make her more nervous...not sure. hmm. I suppose I am used to improvising, so I'm not really sure...

Thanks Batya. I think you're right. The 2 presentations next week are both on Wednesday, and I am conducting meetings for both groups on Monday & Tuesday afternoon to go over the material and divide up the work. However, on Sunday I have to review the issues and create some new materials to improve the current presentations (as I said, they're not that effective for clients.) For now, I just told the presentors to review the current presentation and I will submit ideas of what to remove/adjust later... do you think it's OK if I e-mail then back about that on Sunday or is that too short notice? The material won't be altered that much, but they don't know who is responsible for which sections... which I have to decide after I review the material & see which aspects are most important. I don't have time to do that if I am working on my essay all tomorrow though....

same here... where do you go to school? are you in med school or what's the clinic placement for? relax... you should be fine. why are you scared of failing?? if you think that way, you will..

Well, school is starting up again next week, after reading week this week (one week off of school to study, basically.) And I am sick, sleep-deprived and yet haven't really accomplished what I wanted to do. I had an essay due Thursday I have yet to research & write. That must, under all circumstances be done by Sunday morning, and yet I've only had 3 hrs. of sleep from last night and haven't done research. I just e-mailed another assignment that was due to one of my profs yesterday. Meanwhile, scrambling to put together presentations for work, I received an e-mail from one of the lawyers asking to meet with me because she doesn't find what is happening is that effective. Which I *completely* agree with. But I was never really trained properly at all, everything was completely rushed, and additionally, the way I was told to do the program was completely ineffective in itself, regardless of who is handling it. So anyway... I am going to try to improve that, but technically the last day I get paid is in a few days, and I am sad that I couldn't do what I wanted with the program. I will be working on a volunteer basis until the end of school though, I believe, unless i really screw up somehow. (it is a job at the law school.) Now the lawyer who proposed meeting seems nice in that she is willing to help circulate ideas to make the program effective, although I think she wants to take over my job next yr. ( ) So we should hopefully brainstorm how to do this, as my current supervisor (a perennially stressed law student herself) is completely incompetent/unhelpful and thus the program has really suffered. And I am -not- just deferring blame... if you knew how it worked, you would agree.. Sigh... anyway I am just feeling stressed, and totally tired after 2 starbucks lattes, and coffee, one salad all day. my goals for this wkend: sat -- finish essay. sunday -- work presentations all day. BUT this week was intended to be "catch up" week and i didn't do any catch up. All I did was finish assignments that were supposed to be done the week before but that i deferred due to exams that week and i couldn't get them done (so I did receive extensions but still going over the agreed deadline.) I was supposed to start reading in advance for upcoming exams, and start final assignments but didn't. Also, in addition to the legal job I have another job with my school as a newspaper editor and haven't written the article I have yet to write, that is due beginning of march. and i'm not sure when i'll have time to do that at all, it's beyond me. other activities regarding student government are put on hold. I quit my position on the Board of Directors for an organization at school as well, so I am trying to scale back activities....but it's still too much. I used to go to the gym every day, and this was the first time i went in about 7-8 days and i noticed i gained 2 lbs. as well. I really miss my working out time as well.... I need it. If anyone has any advice, i'm not sure, mainly i'm just here to rant. I know what I need to do but I'm so exhausted i'm not sure I can handle this. I can't completely defer the work to the speakers/presenters as that should be my job and the fact that I organized them so late, I'd feel guilty for asking them to help revise the material...so work is still on my plate. ](*,)

yes, but also, no need to start making future plans with someone on a first date... just take it slow.

Because I don't want to do that, evidently. I think I will focus on plan A and reach it, as I am evidently capable of it. I have friends at top 8 law schools in the States, and all over the schools in Canada who are just as smart as me... in some cases I have actually received better grades than them on the same assignments. I'm definitely capable, just have to apply myself properly. I'm not sure aiming to be a legal secretary as you suggested Batya, will help to make me fulfilled and happy either.

No one is "too good" for anyone. So what, she's beautiful. I'm sure you have qualities she appreciates as well.

There's one guy like that I was interested in (never dated mind you, I also met him online) but he added me as a friend on Facebook after not talking for a few months... now we are friends online, but he had sooooo many girls hitting on him, i told him if he just wants to go for coffee as friends or something that's cool, but nothing more. The thing was that I might have seen him as a potential interest, but he didn't seem to communicate enough interest to me for me to think there was anything, and as he was flirting with 200 other women, i just left it at that. he said that he just got out of a relationship & wasn't looking for anything serious, but as I am, I figured we weren't on the same wavelength anyway. BUT thinking about this.....this is sorta interesting because I have multiple guys flirting with me/messaging me on my wall on facebook... i have around 400 posts and most of the recent v-day ones are guys hitting on me....but i'm not seriously interested in any of them. so there u go... might not mean anything but flirtation.. i don't think it's as bad as some guys though, it's pretty light flirtation if any... i suppose a guy who was interested in me might get a bit intimidated though, not sure? Also on that note, I started dating a guy a few months ago who was dating other girls & that didn't work for me. I was obsessed with him like you when I first met him (not online, we met at work) but he didn't seem to treat me in the same way (i.e. the attraction wasn't exactly mutual -- I think I liked him more than he liked me...) and I sensed that, and told him I didn't want to date him anymore. So like you, I cannot handle if a guy is interested in too many other girls & not giving me equal attention.

hey, at least you got into med school... congrats.

Yes, I definitely do this. I had an essay due today and on Sunday decided to spent 1/2 the day organizing my binders and buying a new laptop case... it seems like what you're describing is procrastination more than extreme anxiety about things, to me.

btw it's not "cheating" if you're not in a relationship yet, and flirting with other girls on an online website certainly isn't cheating. how old are you? just curious...

seems normal to me. if he's single... and you're not dating... why not? you can't "deal with the thought of him talking with other girls online"?? This screams WAY OVERPROTECTIVE... do you talk with men online, or ONLY girls?? I think you just have to chill and take it slow... if you're not in a relationship yet, then it's cool to flirt.

she seems like a flirt. I wouldn't take her seriously and find other girls.

Thanks so much Chigal. I already know I really want to go to law school, that's not something to contemplate at this point.. it's whether I can do it that is the question. If not, I will be entirely depressed and may commit suicide, because I don't really know what else in my life would be fulfilling. I know that sounds entirely harsh, but i could see the possibility of it happening in my mid-late 20s.