Lily04
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Everything posted by Lily04
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i wouldn't trade my looks. i'm smart. i use that & looks to get my way.
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I'm actually thinking of not even going out to the party now. I'm just feeling really tired, my feet kill from walking all day, i'm feeling sorta antisocial anyway as i'm just not in the mood... but all my coworkers will be there, and pretty much most of the law school, so it would be a good networking opportunity. What do you think? Go home or stick it out and feel tired all the night... might not make the best impression anyway...
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Kevin, just as a personal note btw -- you're not ugly, i've seen your pic. so this isn't a question that you *yourself* need to contemplate.
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I'm B) and alright I guess... sorta apathetic right now. But I don't think A) is much better. I'd rather have B) because I know I'll meet the right person eventually and being attractive has its benefits -- easier to get a job, negotiate your way out of things, etc... But either way, as long as you're happy and satisfied that's the most important. I am a perfectionist, so as my appearance is important to me...i'd go with B. I think less perfectionistic people would prob. choose A)
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I see. How have you been? =)
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Thanks charley. are you the same charley who messaged me earlier, this summer? I suppose I was discouraged because when I do meet a guy I really like, I would like to continue dating them, but have been left disappointed with that...
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I completely agree with Batya. There's a difference in a guy being attracted to you, and also wanting to date you though. For instance, one guy I started dating... he was definitely giving me all the signs of being 'attracted' to me -- touching, flirting, sexual innuendos, whatever, but then he wouldn't be so committed to keeping in touch. (well initially he was, but then that sorta died down.) I got the impression he just wanted sex. In contrast, I flirt with guys all the time, just because I like it, and i guess it's a bit of an ego boost... I like their personality as well, but I'm not serious about it... so i'll hold eye contact, and be nice with them, but I won't ask them out or anything. i guess i'm a bit of a flirt in that way... but guys can be the same, flirt with multiple women at once. You won't *really* know if he's into you, unless you start dating and he keeps in touch and maintains that... if he doesn't ask you out, or it seems sorta 'in between', he says you should meet sometime but doesn't say when, or doesn't really call you back, then he's not so into you.
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why do you need 'experience'? this isn't like a job, where you need experience... if you're a social and attractive person (which i'd say i am...) why do you need experience with flirting and talking with people, which is pretty much what a date is? do you mean you want experience dating and being in a relationship? I'd like that too, but most guys, after 1-2 dates i realize i'm bored of, and dump so it's unlikely that will happen.
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Thanks guys, esp. Kevin T who i haven't talked with in quite a while! Hope you're doing well. =) Anyway... yeah. I should trust my intuition. I think because I am a perfectionist it complicates things though.. and my life is already so complicated already with school, work, etc... I mean I don't want to try being in a relationship, or dating and then in a way 'failing' at that if it doesn't work out.... as it so often doesn't. In a way I'd rather just not date as well... I think the best answer right now... is to just focus on school, and make that my priority. But at the same time if someone amazing comes along who I really like, I won't pass up the opportunity... it's just the case that that someone 'amazing' is often the Ari Gold type (if anyone watches Entourage lol) and happens to have 5 other girls at the side or something... which i don't like. (To be honest, Andrew the guy I dated, reminded me quite a bit of Ari and I didn't even realize it because i don't watch the show!! I just noticed he joined the Facebook group "Ari Gold is my hero" and then I looked up who he was, and saw that they're quite similar...except I think Andrew is likely smarter..) but anyway. Otherwise if there's not an amazing guy who comes along, i'm not going to put myself out there and go clubbing, etc. every weekend or try to meet guys because I don't really have time for that, and don't really want to try anyway...I don't think I need to date to be happy right now I guess...
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Hi guys, I just wanted to post that since my previous posts about the guy I was initially really into (but who I found out was a player), I've decided to move on and focus more on me and my self-development; mostly focusing on educational priorities and putting dating on the backburner. So I finished all my goals last week, which was super -- finished 5 essays/short papers in one week, chaired a meeting I called, and worked around 15 hrs that week. It was quite the week. And in an hour or so I'm going to this guy's b-day party, who I had a crush on a few weeks ago. I then looked at his Facebook profile today and realized I'm actually not even that physically attracted to him...I think I was mostly into him as a way of getting past Andrew (the guy who I started dating, but then nothing happened). So I'm going to his party tonight, and will meet him and his friends, and chat a bit I guess, although not flirt with him most likely. If I meet someone I find interesting there, that's fine, I may flirt a bit, as we're going out to a pub and whatever (he also invited ~100 people so it's not like he just invited me to see me or anything). But...I just realized I don't really care about dating or relationships anymore. Unfortunately this has somewhat been my attitude...always. I've always been so focused on school but since May I was trying to date more, tried online dating for a bit, become more social over the summer and fall a bit... but now I just sorta want to draw back. Do you think this is OK though? I'm just feeling a bit...I don't know, apprehensive because I am 22 and single, but inexperienced mostly because most guys i'm not into, and when I do find a guy i'm into, he's a player or unavailable and so nothing works out. But if I just go for a period of time and say 'you know what i'm not going to date... just focus on myself & school..." do you think this is healthy? Maybe it's for the best...I guess just when I see so many of my friends happy and in relationships I wish I could have that as well, but maybe I'm not ready for that yet, and should really focus more on getting myself & my life back together. Who knows how long that will take... but I think it's probably for the best... Lily
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why not? you don't tell people when you'er stressed or feeling happy?
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You sound great, but a bit insecure... I have the EXACT same problem with never thinking any guy is good enough, however. Then my psychiatrist diagnosed me with extreme perfectionism (not really a 'mental illness' so to speak, but it has paralyzed me quite a few times when it came to school) and i decided it must be due to that level of insecurity, mixed with my abilities.......I haven't had a bf in 3 years. I'm goodlooking, intelligent, ambitious, passionate, etc.....and when I do meet a guy, and there's that amazing chemistry/"click" between us, it turns out he's a player, dating multiple girls at the same time, doesn't really respect me, etc. But yet he is very intelligent and charismatic so it sucks. I don't really know what to do either, but I hope it works out for you. I like a guy who's active btw, but not the type of guy who necessarily plays football with his buddies every weekend. As long as he's in good physical shape, because I value physical fitness that's fine. Although intelligence, wit and yet the capacity for empathy, really strike me much more. Along with physical attraction of course.....as much as I've tried to 'settle' with people i wasn't physically attracted to in the past, it didn't quite work. So now it is one of my criteria I suppose. I'd suggest try reaching out to other grad students in your area....join a few grad student clubs or something, maybe that's the right community for you...let me know how it goes. Lily
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maybe she just really wanted a cigarette and thought it'd be nice with company since you were there. It's not like you kissed her or anything...I wouldn't think much of it... sorry. I mean I've kissed guys I met from online dating then told them i don't see things working after... people's feelings change. It could be due to a whole bunch of reasons unrelated to you too -- maybe she's not over an ex., going through a lot & not so open to dating, who knows... just date other people and start fresh! =)
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then SHE should dump HIM if he belittles her. I wouldn't put up with that, regardless of how much the guy made... my self-respect is worth more.
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yeah, we do social things together as well though. I didn't mean to say "using" in the thread title as if i'm just using the person for anything other than dumping my problems, we do have a friendship as well. Although I have to admit my best friend isn't that social...we usually don't do stuff together just because she's always busy and doesn't like to go out much... usually has plans with her boyfriend or roommate or something...I think the last time we just chatted together outside of work/school over a coffee was last August... but I see her at work and we talk via MSN, etc... I guess the problem boils down to this: When meet guys i'm interested in, should I disclose my somewhat frazzled state? Or just appear totally fine on the outside, and in control? And what about with friends...?
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I agree. I would be insulted, and indeed have been in the past when some of my friends (not guys i was dating) insinuated i might have just been interested in them because i tend to date older guys... umm have you ever thought that the reason might be because I like more mature guys who are more focused on things other than just having sex like most 21-23 yr old guys, not just money??! especially since i'm a very goal-directed and academic person myself, i do find it insulting and have directly told them that.
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Hi guys, I'll keep this short... basically I've noticed (and some have told me in the past) that I only tend to contact friends when I need advice or need to complain about my problems... if I'm going through a lot of stress (which seems like always), it's just my constant state of being pretty much.... and i'm scared they'll back off. Sometimes I don't even know if I should tell them... For instance, at work this guy has been hitting on me recently. I am not really attracted to him in that way, but we get along well. I'd consider him an acquaintance, I suppose. So today he messaged me on Facebook asking why I'm on when i say in my status I should be studying.. and I briefly message him back saying I should be doing x,y,z, and co-ordinating a meeting that I'm chairing and called myself for tomorrow, but things are sorta disorganized... I don't care that much of his perception of me because i'm not attracted to him, but at the same time when I date someone I suppose I want them to be able to accept that my life isn't perfect and i'm going through things... he didn't respond to that message, and that's fine... but I don't know if it turned him off either, that I'm not a straight-A student without effort, type of thing.. who knows. I guess I'm just wondering if I should stop talking about my problems with friends or potential dates or whatnot... I told another guy who I did like that I was stressed with school and delayed with assignments... I don't think that should make him thin kless of me or stop attraction, as attraction is much more than that... it's personal chemistry, not ability to time-manage... But anyway... I don't know. I just feel sorta... like maybe I should just do something else instead of talk with friends as an outlet... what do you think.
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doesn't sound questionable to me.
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Hi Honey Pumpkin (and others), Thank you so much! I think the students there are trying to cut me a bit of slack as well, as they know I'm the only one there who's not in law school. But at the same time I wish they were clearer with me with regards to rules & procedures... I just realized this term I don't know a lot of the structure & procedures of things, which wasn't completely my fault, but just because I wasn't taught! So... Anyway, I haven't received a response yet from my supervisor most likely because I found out it's moot court week here, but I received a response from the head presenters working on me with this. She basically solved the problem, in my eyes, and did it courteously, so I'm not sure whether she doesn't know I messed up exactly (most people here assume I'm a law student so they just assume I'm competent lol...) or she knows but just decided to be nice about it. She found a friend of hers who's very familiar with the act that the presentation is supposed to address, and she said that she can just give the presentation on that day instead, as it's so short notice. Alternatively, she suggested the rest of the students present the (wrong) presentation I e-mailed (this is where i don't know whether she realizes it was a mistake) but the presentation is still helpful and relevant to the clients, so I'm sure they wouldn't mind. It's now more a question of whether the law students will mind that the presentation was switched on them (not because they knew the material of the other presentation at all, but more just because the other one likely seemed more interesting and also there may be some difficulty with one or two with timing.). She said that the presentation date will have to be pushed back because the review lawyers can't do it until then, which is what I anticipated anyway. I said that sounds great, and we should do that. Unfortunately yesterday I emailed out all law students asking who can present this! lol. and received 3 responses already.... so I suggested the expert work with the other 2 who are interested if possible, but if not that's fine and i'll just tell them i found someone already. there my still be a bit of difficulty with scheduling things but I think the problem has been solved at this point (*crosses fingers.*) Also, I doubt I'll get fired for this, so I'm feeling a bit calmer now. We'll see what happens....thanks so much again, Lily
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Thanks... well I e-mailed my supervisor today and told her that I emailed out some students yesterday and 3 already emailed me back and said they can develop this next week (so my 'inspirational' emailed work heh) and I said I'd help out as much as I can in my capacity as well, so we might be able to get this done by the 31st (day of the presentation.) I asked how long it typically takes for review lawyers to approve the research though because that also takes time. I think I'll have to get this done by Wed. of next week, and then the review lawyers approve this by Friday, then I have it prepared for them on Monday of the next week... if law students can jointly put the research together in 2 days that would work great. I'll really have to inspire them, although the actual research I wouldn't imagine is that tough. I could probably do some of it myself and I'm not even in law school...
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Hi, Thanks. Well my supervisor never e-mailed me back yet, so I'm a bit worried...I e-mailed her last night about this... she may just be busy though. Or she may be talking with the presentation people herself... Well I have over-reacted a bit in the past at this job, and asked for clarification as a result (i.e. when I first started I sorta freaked out as I thought students all had to develop these, I forgot that there were previously developed presentations... she gave me like 1-2 weeks to prepare some of them so I was freaked out. And then I thought I had to develop some of them myself...) Another mistake was confusing the presentation group because i thought there was a regular volunteer group that attended this organization we're presenting to, so I said they can just be an audience for the day or do intake for clients, and then she emailed me back like "umm we do alternating shifts, there's no 'group' only 2 of us scheduled to go on that day." I was like "oh." And I already emailed my supervisor asking about the 'group' that was going and then emailed her back saying nevermind I was confused...I thought there was a regular group that went, but was informed there wasn't. things just seem a bit confused at this point. BUT now I understand exactly what is expected as a result of these mishaps... I just didn't co-ordinate properly before holidays, and everything seemed so rushed........................
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Basically it gives the impression that I had no idea what I'm doing right? I wasn't even sure that a presentation had to be researched............she'll think i'm incredibly stupid?? The thing is that I did a fantastic job on the interview. I got this job that was intended for law students (I am the only one in the firm who is not a lawyer or law student) because they felt I was capable (I'm in undergrad) with my leadership experience on multiple committees, winning elections (so I'm able to motivate people well and have very strong interpersonal skills... probably the best asset as the director absolutely loves me) the fact that I answered questions extremely well and am also a trained mediator. I'm typically good at organizing presentations, leading groups, etc... I just screwed up on this......
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Right. So what are you trying to say from this? You think I should be fired for it, or what.............
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Hi guys, Something really bad happened at work and I'm just really apprehensive and wanted some advice. Well, first off, this job isn't that "new" -- I was hired in Nov. but it it's a part-time, work/study job on campus (I thereforeeee set my own hours) and I hardly worked at all last semester, except for some secretarial type of work. My job was mostly co-ordinating these eduction sessions we do with community organizations. Ok, that said... I was responsible for co-ordinating one session, but things were sorta confused with it and I sorta pushed things off to co-ordinating it until the beginning of the new year, when school started again. It turned out that the person I'm working with on it thought that someone was working on developing this presentation all last semester, whereas I didn't even know it had to be really developed... I thought I could use presentations from last year, just change it up a bit to be in quiz format, and send it off. My supervisor said it had to be 'developed' but I suppose I wasn't sure to what extent... she never said I should find someone to do research. So anyway... the presentation is in 2 weeks. Yesterday I sent off an email to the volunteers to present this, saying 'here's the presentation, it's actually really good from last year, tell me if you want to change anything or leave it as is." The main presenter e-mails me back like "WHAT is this?? it's not even the right presentation, we're supposed to do something on x and this is y... further, why are you suggesting WE develop it? I was told someone was doing this last semester." I am then like "i'm screwed." quickly send off an email to my supervisor explaining the difficulties, the screwup essentially in case she sends an email first and it would look bad if I don't take account. I then say I apologize I didn't know, if there's enough time to co-ordinate this at this point, or if we have to push the date back. I also fire off an email to all law students working here asking if they can quickly develop a presentation within a week and a bit. I make the event really lively, and sound exciting, like this is the most pressing and interesting presentation of thier legal career type of thing and get 2 volunteers by this morning. But now I have to either email them back and say I actually need them to have this developed by next Wed. (I'll also help with the research), to have it approved by the lawyers here by Friday (the presentation is the following Wed.), but I'll wait to see what my supervisor says first about this. We can probably push the date back a week, there's not really a rush on this at all, it just looks bad on my part as this is disorganized and I emailed out the wrong (undeveloped) presentation. Do you think this can get me fired or what?? I'm sooo worried. I think I took OK steps to address it after the fact, but i'm so worried.......... thanks, Lily
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Mistreated Her..Is She Gone For Good?
Lily04 replied to GoingForIt_77's topic in Getting Back Together
You want to keep in touch because you love her, but you also feel vulnerable now, and like you want to prove that you've changed already for the better. That takes time, don't force it. I sincerely think that you should give her time. Don't show her the 'new you'. Show her after a few weeks when she's in a better frame of mind and can trust you.....but it will take time and she ultimately may not even be able to regain the trust she once had. You have to accept that. You don't want to accept it, however, so that is why you are keeping in touch with her and convincing yourself it's 'just friendly emails' which she wants, but really shouldn't want so soon. It's like when you break up/go through a divorce...what's the point of breaking it off if you're just going to keep in touch anyway? You don't want to acknowledge that things have changed, but they have. Please just give her time and don't contact her for a few days at least. Make it a challenge for yourself, to see if you can do it....I know you can. Lily