Lily04

This sounds a lot like my mom & dad actually, except they let me make more decisions (but I am older so hopefully they'll improve as you mature as well..) But anyways, what your parents did sounds unfair and I would be really angry as well. What I usually do in situations like this is to give them some time. Like one time when I was younger & went camping for a weekend without telling my dad & he completely freaked out & practically told me to move out because I apparently 'never tell him anything' (well duh, because I know if I do he'll freak out.) So I just let him yell and get it out of his system, let him cool down, and then when he was in a more reasonable state of mind I went to him & apologized for not telling him where I went but at the same time he has to give me more independence. Maybe if you give them some time to cool off & then try to talk to them it'll be better as well. Explain why you had the AC on. And then another time maybe add in that you would like to make more decisions in your life, like take classes that are more interesting & satisfying for you, and ones that you will ultimately get better grades in as a result (hopefully.) Don't say this when talking about the AC, etc..because then it might be putting a bit too much pressure. But I think it's definitely worth mentioning. My parents always let me decide what to take, and what to major in. And if you don't like your job & have an alternative one lined up, you can mention to them that you would like to switch.. It's up to you. Just make conversations gradual & light, try to seem reasonable and calm (not like you want to rip them apart because you're so mad!) and they'll try listening to you more. Good luck, lily04

well it'd be too simple to say 'since I don't do any of the things on list X, girls should like me!' In some cases interest in a person just fades, it's not your fault, just that she's not attracted to you in the same way as before. That's ok, just move on & you'll meet someone who really appreciates you for the person you are.. Also, about the phone thing, it's probably because some girls are wimps at telling guys they don't like them anymore & thus would rather have their phone message give him the hint rather than doing it themselves. It's unfortunate, but guys sometimes do the same thing by not calling when they said they would or not calling at all (I've never had this done personally, but I've heard it done to others.) So just keep your chin up, you seem like a considerate guy, wanting to get girls' feedback, and I'm sure that's a quality girls like in you. Also, just for the record, if this thing is reciprocal for what guys don't like in girls, I interrupt people ALL the time. That's one thing I should improve on..

And Muneca thanks for your pm, I just replied..so check your inbox! =)

Hey, good point, I never thought of that. But I don't think that's the case considering I was over there before..I think it's just his excited attitude about me made me nervous..I'm not really used to guys liking me that much. It bugs me that I can't return his feelings with the same affection, though. I feel like I'm being rude because I know he likes me but yet I don't want to see him that much..

I haven't been in a relationship before so I can't really relate to how it feels to be out of it exactly..but I know how it feels to be lonely as a result & I think many people feel at square one in their lives. Just think that this is only a temporary stage, you'll get out of it eventually. You've dated one girl already, she hurt you, but you'll meet someone even more compatible, you have the potential. Just don't stress about it so much..there's plenty of other things out there you can do with your time.

Hi guys, As posted before, I'm feeling sorta confused about this guy..but I just feel really bad about today & don't know what to do or why I'm feeling like this. Well anyways, I was supposed to meet him at the library today to study together, but he became sick & had to leave early before I could meet him. He called to let me know and I called him back after I was already at the library and basically said, don't worry about it, just stay in bed & we can get together another time. But he seemed like he really wanted to meet me & suggested I could study at his place after he sleeps and I said I might and I'll give him a call when (if) I come over. (He only lives about a 5 mins. walk away from the library.) He seemed really happy & started gushing that I'm just so nice and I started laughing sorta nervously & said I'll see him later. For some reason though I just couldn't see him. Is this normal? I mean, if you really like a person (I guess like he likes me) shouldn't you want to see the person? We've known each other for a while but only went on one date last Friday, and I don't know, I just feel like he's trying to see me all the time, and I don't know why I'm holding back. I don't really know what to tell him, probably that I had to leave early or something, but I just feel bad because I know how much he wanted to meet me and I think he assumed I felt the same intensity for him, but although I guess I like him I just felt sorta uncomfortable about it. Does this make sense, or am I just a shy/cold-hearted person for not visiting him when he was sick? I just felt like I couldn't.. Any thoughts on this? I've never really dated before, so I don't really know how I'm supposed to feel. I know some people who want to spend every minute together with the person...is this how normal people are supposed to feel? Or why can't I just have this feeling for anyone?

Thanks, sorry for the long post But I will try talking to him today & I'll see what happens. If he keeps acting that way though, I don't really see anything happening between us..we'll probably just be friends, even though that would be hard since I know he wants to think of me as more than a friend.. But I guess it's worth giving him another chance, right? thanks for the advice, ttyl

Wow, you seem really mature for a 15-yr-old just from you're writing..that's good =) It seems like he likes you, from encouraging you to go to the party with him, asking you who you like and such, those are signals that he likes you. But I don't know his personality, maybe he's insecure or the flirty type, and just likes it when any girl likes him, regardless of whether he likes her back and just has fun in leading her on. Or maybe he likes you but just doesn't want to date right now, or would rather see you as a friend. Why not just ask him? say something like: "thanks for inviting me to the party, and it was really nice of you to wait with me for my ride. do you want to do something again sometime?' going out again might clear up some feelings. He might find out he likes you more than a friend as well.

hmm..didn't Romeo & Juliet fall in love when they were 16? Of course things were different back in that era, but I still think love is possible..it depends more on maturity, and how long they've been dating I think. A good relationship takes commitment & a good understanding of your significant other, and that is hard to develop at a young age, which is why love usually blossoms in our society at a later age, when maturity can underline it. An interesting, related question would be: can 'love' only occur with one's soulmate? or 'true love' (as it differs from 'love')? But people have many loves in their life, I find the prospect of finding the 'true' one quite perplexing: how do you know? what is that supposedly incredible feling that distinguishes it from all else? I don't know yet.. In general, I would say 16 yr olds don't experience love (lust yes, not love). But it's not necessarily impossible. One of my best friends met her boyfriend at a young age (I think at 15/16) and she's been with him for 4 yrs now, and were planning on getting engaged..although they recently broke up. She said that she experienced love, but when did that transition happen from mere interest/infatuation/whatever came before? It's hard to tell. And I know what you mean about some people saying they've been in love after only dating for like a month..I think it's possible. Perhaps. Maybe some fall in love more quickly than others. It's hard to determine this because the very definition of love varies and it's an intangible concept. The fact that those people who married after one month stay together for the rest of their lives may give credence to the view that love is able to develop quickly. On the other hand, someone can argue it developed afterwards. I don't know..I'd love to research something like this though

That could be it..maybe he thinks being loud & dropping names of all the 'famous' (more like well-known academic/artistic) people he knows will project confidence or impress me..but I just really don't care. And when I know some of the people I always say how I respect their personality, while he just mentions their awards or the fact that they're a Harvard alumnus. I really couldn't care less, I'm not that type of person..I wish he would pick up on that. But maybe I lead him to that as well..I'm not sure if he feels intimidated by me. I remember mentioning that I wasn't that impressed by one of my professors, and that in our conference I actually talked a lot more than him, so maybe he made some sort of link that talking a lot or at least more than I do, will somehow impress me..but I didn't mean it that way, I just meant that I was the one that guided the conversation & commented on my essay more than he did, when he was the one that evaluated it. completely different things. But he seemed sorta surprised when I said that, I thought it was just because he thought the prof. was smart or something..or maybe I just analyze too much. I'm just trying to figure out what lead him to this change..but he was acting strangely even before then a bit..although I just talked to him over MSN so it was sorta hard to tell. But he was still name-dropping quite a lot, which I don't like. It's just that he thinks he's so important and whatnot I have a feeling if I say that I don't like the way he's acting outright he'll get really offended and become angry. When I critized an apparently notable student's essays for problems of articulation (on MSN), he snapped at me and said he had to go after criticizing my (correct) use of literary terms..I think he's just trying to prove he's smarter than me (which he is in English) but I really don't like it. It's unnecessary and boring.. anyways, sorry, just had to vent, lol..

I recently started dating someone, we're only gone out on 2 dates thus far but we've known each other for a while..the thing is that he always acts really loud when he's around me and brags a lot and I don't really like it. He also gets really excited when I call him & it makes me feel awkward..I'm not sure if he's nervous but it seems like he's talking really loud & almost has the conversation pre-planned and so in contrast I tend to sound airy and sorta calm in case he is nervous. I just don't know what to do. I'm not sure if this is really his personality but he didn't seem like this when I first met him. Now he's *always* dropping names and seems so concerned with prestige (he's always bragging about his publications and got upset when he wasn't considered to be one of the most important alumni of the school..I didn't want to tell him but in comparison to a lot of other students like those who are helping to cure cancer, his achievements really pale in comparison.) In any case, I just wish he would calm down and go back to the person I knew before..and I don't want to hurt his feelings but because of the way he's acting I'm feeling sorta uncomfortable around him. I get the impression that he puts a lot of effort into impressing me & so in our conversations I feel more pressure. So today when I saw him avoided him because I felt nervous. I think the problem is that I'm pretty sure he's liked me for a long time (although I didn't know it then) but I didn't want to get involved in a relationship and soacted sorta cool, hi/bye sorta thing. But when we first met (like 8 months ago) we hit it off great..one thing I definitely learned is that first impressions really do mean a lot. Anyways, we ended up hanging out & things developed from there..I guess I could be a bit more affectionate as well (he's always the one touching me and the first to hug and such) but I still don't feel really comfortable around him and want to take it slow.. Any tips for what to do? I just want to ask him 'why are you acting like this? go back to being the sorta quiet, sweet, intelligent guy I knew before' but I don't know how he'd take that or even if that really was his personality...maybe he was always in prestige but just never talked about it so prominently. In any case, I think he's a nice guy & we have a lot in common, it's fine when we talk over MSN and sometimes in person, but I'm just feeling a bit nervous around him now.. thanks.

Hi, well I figured it out..I called my TA's cell phone today & a girl answered who's living with him (I assume his girlfriend.) So I guess that's why he was acting strangely. This sorta thing happened before actually, so I'm not surprised. A guy liked me before but he had a girlfriend & ultimately their relationship was long-term & not worth risking. Damn..well at least now I know.

it seems like she's probably just shy..maybe try starting a conversation w/her next time by asking a question & see how she responds. Like ask her about the service or bring up something that you talked about w/her dad, like her career..but don't be too forceful about it..if she gives yes/no answers, she's probably just shy or isn't interested right now..I don't know. I used to be like that when I was shy as well and still tend to avoid guys I don't like who I know will try to flirt with me & then I just feel awkward because I'd rather just be friends/acquaintances but they're obviously checking me out. You don't seem that type though, but maybe she's like that..I don't know, just throwing some ideas out there.

well if you're not really sure if you like her or not, you could go out for something like coffee that can be taken as a friendly gesture or something more. Or go out with her & a group of friends as well to a public place, like an amusement park (although that can be expensive..) or I don't know, whatever you guys enjoy.. But if you know you're not really attracted to her then don't lead her on..

That sounds good! Why don't you ask her some of the things you were wondering to strike up conversation: how old she is, what school does she go to, what does she want to study/what's her job, how she likes church, what other sports does she like (if you're playing sports), etc. If you're playing sports, you can compliment her on some move she makes as well..In any case you just need to get some basis for discussion, to see what type of things you have in common. Who knows, you might go to the same school & never saw her, or work somewhere close to her or something. Just be casual about it & it shouldn't be too hard. good luck! lily04

Hey, Thanks so much for the replies! I'll probably see him tomorrow, but I don't know if we'll kiss or not. I don't want it to be planned..I'm just nervous about it happening in general. It seems so foreign. And Slagar that doesn't sound pathetic. One of my best friends (who's 19) has been going out with a guy for a year now (their one-year anniversary was this weekend actually) and I have never seen them kiss except for a quick peck on the lips, the type you'd give to your mom/dad. They might kiss more intimately in private, but they both seem sorta shy about it. Even just that type of kiss causes them to become quite flustered actually..but I know both of their families are not the very affectionate type; their parents are strict & very academic and expect the same from their kids so I think that may have influenced it. My family's not as bad, except my dad's pretty strict and always frowned on dating..I know I'm not going to be like that as a parent though, I think it's good to encourage social interaction and evidently now I see it's important for later development. Anyways, I'm just rambling on here, but I definitely think it takes longer for some people to become comfortable with others & I don't think there's necessarily something wrong with that. Slagar I think you're at a real advantage though because your gf has never kissed either, so who cares if you mess up, you're both trying! She can't compare you to anyone previously or something...I sorta wish I was in the same position actually..the guy I'm dating is 23, so he's probably gone out a lot more..but maybe not. In any case, I'm sure he's had his first kiss already, and I hate to look inexperienced & for him to notice.. oh well, anyways, I'll pm you to let you know if something happens. Thanks for the tips, I may look up some from this site later on as well. - sparrow

Try watching the kiss scene in a movie to see how it's done if you don't know..but from what I'm told there's basically no way to screw it up...unless you're physically retarded in some way that restricts mouth movement..or something like that. But otherwise, don't stress about it.

I've recently started going out with someone and we're getting closer in our relationship..I know he's going to try to kiss me soon, and I would like to kiss him as well, but I'm feeling quite nervous about the prospect. I've never had a boyfriend (just recently had my first date..) so I'm not very experienced..at all. He's also 4 yrs older than me & probably dated a lot more. I know he just came out of a long-term relationship. I'm scared of somehow not doing it right. That's probably irrational, but I tend to not be able to master simple things easily..I was one of those weird kids who had a high IQ but yet couldn't tie their shoelaces until 4th grade. (well not really, something like that) I know my mom really mothered me though, so that might be why; not necessarily the fact that there's something inherently wrong with me..it's just that there's so many things I seem really slow in, and I'm afraid this may be one of them.. Is there a way I can possibly mess this up though? Or, as pathetically nerdy as this sounds, is there any way I can learn to kiss? like any tips to practice or something? It might just make me feel more comfortable. Also, I'm not a very openly affectionate person to begin with..I'm sorta on the shy side so I'm not really used to hugs & such..even that was a step for me, although I am learning to open up more. Well thanks to anyone that answers! - sparrow

Hi, you said you're shy to talk to him but I think in this situation if you want to see what's up that's really the only way. I don't know how close you are to this guy, but maybe start off with asking him another question if you can't directly (i.e. about something on the announcements, some event in school, whatever seems somewhat interesting) and then introduce yourself and your note..

Excellent posts thus far..I just wanted to add that I think it's a great idea, although e-mailing him is also effective & will probably reach him faster. I did a similar thing actually..I found the e-mail address of a guy I liked through his friend, and MSNed him and we talked for a bit..and then I met him yesterday and we decided to hang out and ended up going to a restaurant and having a great time. I think it's great when a girl takes initiative, and I never really felt like a fool doing it..someone has to take the first step after all.. good luck, and don't be too nervous! Just be casual about it, and I'm sure it'll work out fine =)

Hey, I don't think there should be a problem with dating her, although I don't know the ages of you & the girl. If she's like 12-15, I guess I can see why your friend might be a bit weirded out, but otherwise I don't see a problem. If you like her that's the most important thing, and I don't see why her brother should dictate who she should date, especially if she likes you back (which looks like a possibility.) But maybe just talk it over with him and see his response - it might give you confidence to ask her out as well. Age gaps aren't really a huge problem in itself. If the girl is mature and you guys get along well, then it should work out fine..but there might be some legal issues involved depending on how young she is & how far you go, which you may need to consider..

heh, abcd, I never noticed that tip on there, but I definitely do that as well.. One thing I personally noticed, I can't remember if it's on there, but if the person touches you (lightly on your back, or your arm) or leads an arm out to guide you or something that's a sign that he/she likes you. heh..back in the clueless days of high school, a few guys did this to me & I would just carry on, thinking the person was just being friendly. I really was worse than a guy, lol..But the thing to keep in mind is that people show affection in different ways. I'm not a very flirty person, even though girls are supposedly more flirty, so I don't touch guys a lot. Maybe this is because my family was never very touchy-feely..but it's probably important to show someone you care, I just find it more difficult than others. The subconscious things are good for that purpose.. dilated pupils, looking down & staring at the person for longer than comfortable, standing closer to the person, and trying to prolong conversation seems to be the big ones.. yeah, I hope that helps some people out! I just noticed that this question gets asked so many times & I was wondering some of the signs myself, so I thought I'd post this if any other people are wondering..if you have any tips that are different, feel free to post as well! =)

Hi guys, thanks for the posts..piscesprincess I agree with you on the power relationship issue to some extent. I know some profs. who might take advantage of their position & students who might just give in for marks and I don't think that's right. But I think in some cases dating a TA/prof. can be ok, especially if the person's not teaching anymore & the age difference isn't too great.. About my situation though, I e-mailed him & he said that I can contact him over the weekend to talk about my project (gave me his #) but at the same time he's not being very friendly, still maintaining a distant tone, which is a lot different from when I first met him. So I guess I'll call him but if anything happens it'll be at the end of the semester, because he obviously wants to exercise caution (which I can understand.) In the meantime, I went out with someone yesterday night & we had a great time. I feel more attracted to my TA though, but at the same time I don't think I should wait for him because of the mere possibility of dating..do you think that makes sense? The thing that sucks about this guy I'm sorta dating now is that he's also going to grad school in the fall but moving to another country..and I also don't like the fact that he brags about his scholarships *all* the time, and his 'publications' (he edited one school publication) and a few other things..I just feel like he's *always* trying to impress me and I don't really care about that stuff. Because of that, I feel a distance between us...grrrr..why do I always pick the most difficult people to like? But he is a nice & intelligent person, and I enjoy spending time with him..it just seems like he was stroking his ego a little too much yesterday for my tastes.. anyways, hopefully things will work out somehow..I just feel sorta frustrated right now. But usually things work out in the end..but now I have to get back to study for my exam.

I found this great website giving tips on how to know if a person likes you: link removed I've found it to be quite accurate actually, and some of the personal tips are quite helpful as well (at the bottom of that page there's a link to them.) Hope that helps some people out, I only wish I would've found it earlier! See ya, Lily04

Yeah, if he likes you he's probably trying to distance himself because of the possible consequences..that seems to make sense. Maybe try waiting until the end of the semester..but if another guy comes along in the meantime, don't hold back, go for it! =) cya, sparrow