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Thread: Should I leave my boyfriend?

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Good job. It sounds like you are all set. This is a ridiculous situation for you and it's only up from here. Move forwards and leave this situation behind.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    He won't change his mind about anything. Exit and dissolve the relationship NOW. You are correct, people don't and won't change.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Badabum33
    Of course Iím not mad. Heís a good guy. Heís just afraid of being alone and is trying to find support for himself and his kids until they turn 18. Having to talk to that woman makes him unbelievably stressed, and he has to do that because of the kids. But then again, thatís none of my business. It shouldnít be.
    ....Withholding intimacy and sex is abusive, so I wouldn't call him a nice guy at all.

    I kind of get the impression that your picker is broken and that contrary to what you think, your issue is that you tend to date wrong kind of men longer than you should. Basically, something that should have ended after a few dates, carries on into months. Think on that......

    Meet, greet, a few dates and done is very very normal. If you believe that's flawed, then you will invariably end up trying to stick around longer than you should.

    You might also want to explore what about this damaged toxic dynamic made you feel like yourself....like it's comfortable..... Worth looking into. Damaged and toxic is not supposed to feel normal.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    ....Withholding intimacy and sex is abusive.
    Not if there is a refusal to use birth control and he doesn't want more kids, then it's responsible.
    Originally Posted by Badabum33
    my boyfriend doesnít want kids and even avoids making love with me for fear of me becoming pregnant.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    ....Withholding intimacy and sex is abusive, so I wouldn't call him a nice guy at all.

    .....

    You might also want to explore what about this damaged toxic dynamic made you feel like yourself....like it's comfortable..... Worth looking into. Damaged and toxic is not supposed to feel normal.
    I guess I dated really terrible guys in the past. I felt like myself because when heís not with his kids, heís fun to be with. Heís not too serious all the time, we do a lot of funny things and play fun games together, heís cool and we donít argue about useless things, he likes peace and harmony just like I do... but maybe itís also because I feel no pressure to keep him that I feel so comfortable.

  7. #26
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    Iím very careful when it comes to sex. I donít take pills but condoms are an absolute must all the time. Also, if I notice anything weird, I withdraw immediately. Itís not like Iím careless. I donít want to become pregnant, either. Itís too early for that. But, heck, I want to have normal sex. Is that too much to ask? Am I being irresponsible? I donít think so.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    There are so many red flags and incompatibilities that it seems the only reason you are hanging out with him is because you are lonely. You may be able to meet less bitter, angry men with issues like his on some local dating apps.
    Originally Posted by Badabum33
    I want to have normal sex. Is that too much to ask?

  9. #28
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Badabum33
    I guess I dated really terrible guys in the past. I felt like myself because when heís not with his kids, heís fun to be with. Heís not too serious all the time, we do a lot of funny things and play fun games together, heís cool and we donít argue about useless things, he likes peace and harmony just like I do... but maybe itís also because I feel no pressure to keep him that I feel so comfortable.
    Again, sounds like you've entertained really bad men and bad relationship for too long and so this semi-detached thing appears to be good, but it isn't. It's just another broken damaged man in slightly different clothing. This is why I said that you need to really take a long hard look at yourself and what is attracting you to effed up toxic men.

    Originally Posted by Badabum33
    Iím very careful when it comes to sex. I donít take pills but condoms are an absolute must all the time. Also, if I notice anything weird, I withdraw immediately. Itís not like Iím careless. I donít want to become pregnant, either. Itís too early for that. But, heck, I want to have normal sex. Is that too much to ask?
    No, absolutely it's not too much to ask and the reason I said that withholding intimacy IS abusive. You are not being unreasonable, he is being an a hole and you should have walked long ago.

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    There are so many red flags and incompatibilities that it seems the only reason you are hanging out with him is because you are lonely. You may be able to meet less bitter, angry men with issues like his on some local dating apps.
    To tell you the truth, Iím not actively looking for a significant other. This happened by accident; I just wanted to party and have fun and we met.

    I guess Iíll have to make friends first, but thatís so hard in this country. Oh, well. Maybe I was a bit lonely, too. I was all alone for almost one year.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    It's easier to find boyfriends than to find friends in your country?

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