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Badabum33

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  1. Thank you for your messages! I’m not looking for a partner who would be interested in exactly the same things as I am and we’d do my hobbies together. That’s what he does, and I find too selfish. I do my hobbies alone, because they’re mostly of the creative type, so I really don’t need anyone else to practice them with me. What baffles me is that he never asks me about my life or my interests, always talking about his. I’d like to have a partner who’s at least curious about learning about anything other than what he’s already interested in.
  2. Thank you all for your advice. I thought I was exaggerating and it wasn’t too much of a thing. He tries to find interests in common and we have those, but he’s not interested in anything different, and I have quite a few of those, too. He’s on state support and has his own apartment, so we spend the weekend at both his place and mine. He doesn’t like being unemployed so he sends applications every day. But because of the virus, things are pretty hard now. I understand he’s going through hard times, feeling useless because he has no job, but that doesn’t justify this behavior I think. I also go through a lot with my jobs and struggles, but I still make time for him and his interests. I’ve been single for a long time and I loved it. Finding a man wasn’t one of my plans, but it happened out of the blue. I’m asexual so that part is no problem. I just added that information to emphasize the fact that I’m not a sex object to him, either, so I have no idea what he wants from that relationship other than not to be alone. Yes, I also don’t want to be alone, even though I know I need this right now and I have no problem being alone. I fear “missing out” and that my judgement is too harsh. I have this (wrong) feeling that I’ll regret it and won’t find anyone with his positive traits. But reading your messages is comforting
  3. So, there’s a man in my life... out of the blue. We’ve been 5 months together. The first month, I was very happy, he cared about me and was different from anyone I had before, in a positive way. We talked about any topic, from movies and games to personal development and philosophy. I loved that. We kissed a lot and cared for each other. We cooked for each other and tried new things together. I noticed some peculiarities, though: he wasn’t really interested in me, my life or my hobbies, he kept talking about his hobbies and how he wanted to do his hobbies with me. Go to his favorite events, watch his favorite movies, share his hobbies with me. That was a red flag, since I also happen to have a lot of hobbies, a broad taste in movies, and my own favorite events. Yet he never really wanted to know anything about me. This annoyed me, but I didn’t say anything. He did try to find some interests in common (or maybe I did), so that was something. We live far from each other, so we only see each other on weekends. He’s looking for a job and I have two different jobs. He always demanded to see me the whole weekend, even on friday evening even though I’d tell him I was very, very tired from work. I was annoyed at how he ignored me on that part, too, yet he seemed understanding when I told him to “come on Saturday, I’ll be too tired on Friday evening”. I have to note here that he can’t handle being alone (he’s an only child), but I love being alone and cherish those me-moments, so seeing him just on sundays would suffice for me (but not for him). So yes, I wasn’t really in love with him because I need a lot of time for this to happen. Fast forward to three months and I wanted to break up with him. He kept being uninterested in me and my hobbies. I was looking for ways to break up with him. Yet I didn’t do it, and on the 5th month, I became totally honest with him. I started complaining about how he wasn’t interested in me and he seemed understanding and apologized. But of course he didn’t change. I didn’t expect him to. I’m someone who’s afraid of expressing their opinion and I back off at first because I want to please the other person. But all that started to build up and I fought with him 3 times in 2 weeks. I was previously very peaceful and avoided fights, just like him. Now after 3 fights, he started losing interest in me. And this annoys me, too! What’s going on? I just wanted to break up with him but now the mere fact that he’s also losing his interest in seeing me makes me mad! What’s wrong with me? Should I leave him? Am I a complete narcissist? Is that a stupid reason to leave a person who loves you? I have no idea why it annoys me. I guess because I’m afraid of being single again, and he’s been the best guy I’ve had so far (though, admittedly, I’ve only had relationships with horrible guys and I ended up dumping every single one of them). He cares about me when something happens to me, especially as far as my health and well-being goes. Does this even make sense? What should I work on? To this day, even my work colleagues know more things about me than him. Even they seem more interested in me than him! Note: We have an asexual relationship. We kiss and cuddle and sleep on the same bed, and that’s it. I have no idea what he wants from that relationship. Maybe it’s the only child syndrome of not wanting to be alone at any cost?
  4. You’re right. I guess it’s because of my low self esteem. I believe “I won’t find what I’m looking for” or “if I do, they won’t be interested in me”, or “he has some good qualities that are hard to find, like honesty” and all that nonsense. Oh, well. Wish me luck, tomorrow is the day
  5. Wow. Excellent advice. Thank you so much! It’s true, there are more than 7 billion people in the world. I’m by no means special. I’m sure there are other people who aren’t that serious all the time and want to learn and experience new things. And speak many languages. And find ways of becoming better every day. I’ll keep looking :)
  6. Yeah, I won’t stay in this country forever. I stay for now because it makes me very productive and I’m successful as far as work projects go. That’s a good reason for now :) Thank you for the advice
  7. Thank you for your advice. It’s true that I still have a rather blurry idea of what I want from a relationship. I concentrated on learning to be alone without feeling lonely instead. Now I kinda miss being alone. I’ll spend some time reflecting on these things, though. Maybe that’s what will make all the difference in my future relationships. Thanks again!
  8. As I said before, I moved to a new country. And yes, making friends here is very, very hard. People aren’t really intimate or into meeting strangers. I speak the local language fluently, so it’s not because of the language barrier. I’d moved to other countries in the past and making friends was a piece of cake. Here it’s a nightmare. I guess I’ll have to find other expats.
  9. To tell you the truth, I’m not actively looking for a significant other. This happened by accident; I just wanted to party and have fun and we met. I guess I’ll have to make friends first, but that’s so hard in this country. Oh, well. Maybe I was a bit lonely, too. I was all alone for almost one year.
  10. I’m very careful when it comes to sex. I don’t take pills but condoms are an absolute must all the time. Also, if I notice anything weird, I withdraw immediately. It’s not like I’m careless. I don’t want to become pregnant, either. It’s too early for that. But, heck, I want to have normal sex. Is that too much to ask? Am I being irresponsible? I don’t think so.
  11. I guess I dated really terrible guys in the past. I felt like myself because when he’s not with his kids, he’s fun to be with. He’s not too serious all the time, we do a lot of funny things and play fun games together, he’s cool and we don’t argue about useless things, he likes peace and harmony just like I do... but maybe it’s also because I feel no pressure to keep him that I feel so comfortable.
  12. Nope. I have a job and my own place to live. I’d never make such a mistake and be dependent on anyone else in a foreign country. That’s a big no-no for anyone moving to another country, unless you have family members or friends you can fully trust.
  13. Of course I’m not mad. He’s a good guy. He’s just afraid of being alone and is trying to find support for himself and his kids until they turn 18. Having to talk to that woman makes him unbelievably stressed, and he has to do that because of the kids. But then again, that’s none of my business. It shouldn’t be.
  14. No, absolutely not. I have this theory that if something happens repeatedly, if I notice a negative pattern, then I do something wrong. It’s not just the fault of others, or that I date the wrong people all the time. I want to make sure I’m not being paranoid again for ending things too soon, but your messages are comforting :) He’s coming over on Saturday. It will be our last weekend together
  15. I’ll end it for the kids. For their own good. He’s a bad father, since he wanted me to meet them after only 3 months of dating. He’s a “too much too soon” type of guy, and I take things really slow, so here’s yet another reason why we’re incompatible. Thanks again ;)
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