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Thread: Did I handle this wrong? Drugs use by stepson

  1. #31
    Originally Posted by JBenton
    That's what I'm thinking Ray - and here's the thing - she knows she has to got to therapy - she got names 3 months ago and has nothing - why? - it comes down to it's not a priority for her - she can say she is busy etc - but too busy not to work on herself and our marriage? I gave her another list this week - if nothing is done soon - idk I'm going in a couple of weeks for myself to deal with this and the anger over this building up - I would of been past this weeks ago - my belief is we are to forgive and move forward - but she keeps bringing this up and keeps this alive which pisses me off - that she won't be able to ever forgive me etc
    She's trying to make you feel like the guilty party to justify her own behavior when she hit you.

  2. #32
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by JBenton
    ~ Seraphim ~ yes you are absolutely right and that's what I'm dealing with - in this case its' not protection from something like me being abusive to him or violent or anything like that - she is being protective because she doesn't want to lose her relationship with her son - she is protecting his drug abuse and disrespect - this isn't something good to be protective over - also what about me as a husband an equal in the house - protecting my kids from this - what a mess this is - if she wont' work on the marriage I don't see hope here
    Have you guys been married long ? I come from a blended family... twice . My second set of step siblings I only see like once a decade because I was like 25 when my mom married their dad. My step dad I love to death his kids ...meh.

  3. #33
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    Originally Posted by Nickel Speed
    I disagree, everyone should strive to help others, especially their own family members. Even if he isn't my son, I'd treat him like one. You don't know what this kid has been through, but some help in his life could go a long way. He didn't have proper guidance at some point. The domestic violence could explain his drug use.
    I think that this is pushing it. The kid is disrespectful and learned it from the mother. Many smoke weed today and don't come from dysfunctional households. I am not a smoker. . The kid should have had the sense not to bring it into the house, but didn't care. Simple as that. He clearly does not respect the OP, but neither does the wife. The hitting is unbelievable.

    Why would she want to go to counselling. What counsellor would support her parenting skills or behaviour.

  4. #34
    Platinum Member indea08's Avatar
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    Honestly, other than your wife hitting you, I think this whole thing has been blown WAY about of proportion.

    I donít believe your wife feels the same way about pot as you do. So many people smoke pot. So many successful people smoke pot. I have absolutely no problem with pot, so if my husband called my son a loser and proceeded to berate him about ďbeing drugged upĒ (do you even have a clue what effects pot has??), Iíd be livid too. If he were on heroin, thatíd be a different story. Pot is slowly being legalized and is actually a very valuable and effective medication.

    You acted poorly as a parent and both you and your wife acted poorly as united partners. If you want to avoid situations like this, you and your wife need to be honest with each other and be on the same page.

    And yeah, the 17yr old was being disrespectful, but look at it from his perspective. Heís a teenager, youíre not his father, youíre mad about something that his mother is not mad about, and quite frankly, you were being a jerk. Who calls their 17 year old a loser?? Why would he respect anything you have to say after that?? Sure, he broke your rules. Thatís what kids do. Doesnít mean you get to act like a kid and smart off at the mouth calling him names.

    Get on the same page with your wife and go from there.

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  6. #35
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    Pot is legal in Canada for people over 19. I donít smoke it but I used CBD oil for severe pain and PTSD anxiety and it works far far better than any med I have ever been given.

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    idea08 I know you probably didn't read this whole thread but first of all drugs are illegal - even if legal for adults is illegal for kids under age - PERIOD - I can lose my job - my house etc because of this. It's not a no big deal thing though people these days like to believe it isn't. Also its proven (msbc just came out with this last week) that pot affects a teenager brain real bad - way worse that alcohol. so be careful what's reality of legal and health aspects of pot vs just a bunch of older hippie's who can now change the laws and want to smoke their pot. Second....yes we can always handle things better and I could of handle things worse - people are missing that we had an understanding of a no drug rule in our house - and it's right that my wife changed her mind about pot and started thinking that it isn't a big deal and allowed some side deal that he could smoke outside - note I knew nothing about this - that she allowed this or changed her mind - I thought we were on the same page - kids have to learn to respect their parents and adults - that's what wrong with today's society - there's no respect for anyone - anyhow...there are rules to follow - he was probably pissed at me because he worked this deal with his mom and thought I was a jerk - and sorry calling him a loser is the worse thing here - really? wow messed up - this kid ended up arrested a few months later for pot and attempted robbery

  8. #37
    Platinum Member indea08's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    Pot is legal in Canada for people over 19. I donít smoke it but I used CBD oil for severe pain and PTSD anxiety and it works far far better than any med I have ever been given.
    Thatís awesome! Iím glad it was able to help you. Honestly, it could replace SO MANY medications that have far worse side effects, and be more effective as well! Iím sure it will eventually. Iím just sad that there is such a stigma and so many people that could benefit greatly arenít able to. If people educated themselves about marijuana....omg how much positive it could bring to those suffering. One day maybe....

  9. #38
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    The thing is you are not going to change her son or her parenting style. This is why second marriages have an almost 90% failure rate.

  10. #39
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    Originally Posted by indea08
    Thatís awesome! Iím glad it was able to help you. Honestly, it could replace SO MANY medications that have far worse side effects, and be more effective as well! Iím sure it will eventually. Iím just sad that there is such a stigma and so many people that could benefit greatly arenít able to. If people educated themselves about marijuana....omg how much positive it could bring to those suffering. One day maybe....
    It is utterly amazing what it has done for my anxiety no word of lie. EVERYONE notices it. EVERYONE. My dr prescribed med no longer worked. And others recommended I am allergic to and become psychotic.

  11. #40
    Platinum Member indea08's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by JBenton
    idea08 I know you probably didn't read this whole thread but first of all drugs are illegal - even if legal for adults is illegal for kids under age - PERIOD - I can lose my job - my house etc because of this. It's not a no big deal thing though people these days like to believe it isn't. Also its proven (msbc just came out with this last week) that pot affects a teenager brain real bad - way worse that alcohol. so be careful what's reality of legal and health aspects of pot vs just a bunch of older hippie's who can now change the laws and want to smoke their pot. Second....yes we can always handle things better and I could of handle things worse - people are missing that we had an understanding of a no drug rule in our house - and it's right that my wife changed her mind about pot and started thinking that it isn't a big deal and allowed some side deal that he could smoke outside - note I knew nothing about this - that she allowed this or changed her mind - I thought we were on the same page - kids have to learn to respect their parents and adults - that's what wrong with today's society - there's no respect for anyone - anyhow...there are rules to follow - he was probably pissed at me because he worked this deal with his mom and thought I was a jerk - and sorry calling him a loser is the worse thing here - really? wow messed up - this kid ended up arrested a few months later for pot and attempted robbery
    I work in healthcare. I read medical journals and studies that are published. Iím not quoting hippies, Iím getting my info from physicians. And no, you canít lose your house because your stepson smoked weed without you knowing. Seriously? Heíd get a slap on the wrist and a $150 fine, MAYBE. Because heís a minor, heíd probably get a warning. You seem completely uninformed and are just looking for supporting data so you can be angry.

    If youíre not cool with weed, fine. But apparently your wife is. So the kid was operating under the knowledge that it was cool with mom. Thatís your wifeís fault, not his.

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