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JBenton

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About JBenton

  • Birthday 02/06/1972

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  1. you are the one living in fantasy land so please stop - I have friends who are cops - I know what my work would do regardless of what you say - they have let go people who have been arrested - big deal you are in healthcare - doesn't make you an expert - people will believe what they want when they want something - there are facts that yes it can help people in many ways for certain conditions are in particular ways and conditions - this is not a weed debate - the issue is for a young mind - a growing teenager it does damage to the brain - these are facts from experts - way worse than a kid drinking too much beer - there are many studies - here is only one of many - just one of the latest https://www.nbcnews.com/health/kids-health/marijuana-may-be-worse-teen-brains-alcohol-study-finds-n916296
  2. idea08 I know you probably didn't read this whole thread but first of all drugs are illegal - even if legal for adults is illegal for kids under age - PERIOD - I can lose my job - my house etc because of this. It's not a no big deal thing though people these days like to believe it isn't. Also its proven (msbc just came out with this last week) that pot affects a teenager brain real bad - way worse that alcohol. so be careful what's reality of legal and health aspects of pot vs just a bunch of older hippie's who can now change the laws and want to smoke their pot. Second....yes we can always handle things better and I could of handle things worse - people are missing that we had an understanding of a no drug rule in our house - and it's right that my wife changed her mind about pot and started thinking that it isn't a big deal and allowed some side deal that he could smoke outside - note I knew nothing about this - that she allowed this or changed her mind - I thought we were on the same page - kids have to learn to respect their parents and adults - that's what wrong with today's society - there's no respect for anyone - anyhow...there are rules to follow - he was probably pissed at me because he worked this deal with his mom and thought I was a jerk - and sorry calling him a loser is the worse thing here - really? wow messed up - this kid ended up arrested a few months later for pot and attempted robbery
  3. ~ Seraphim ~ yes you are absolutely right and that's what I'm dealing with - in this case its' not protection from something like me being abusive to him or violent or anything like that - she is being protective because she doesn't want to lose her relationship with her son - she is protecting his drug abuse and disrespect - this isn't something good to be protective over - also what about me as a husband an equal in the house - protecting my kids from this - what a mess this is - if she wont' work on the marriage I don't see hope here
  4. That's what I'm thinking Ray - and here's the thing - she knows she has to got to therapy - she got names 3 months ago and has nothing - why? - it comes down to it's not a priority for her - she can say she is busy etc - but too busy not to work on herself and our marriage? I gave her another list this week - if nothing is done soon - idk I'm going in a couple of weeks for myself to deal with this and the anger over this building up - I would of been past this weeks ago - my belief is we are to forgive and move forward - but she keeps bringing this up and keeps this alive which pisses me off - that she won't be able to ever forgive me etc
  5. To answer some of the questions - it was pot he was smoking, we have always had a no drug policy but I think between her ex and her sons keep drilling in her head it's no big deal it's like the beer of today - she fell for it - esp since she doesn't want to lose her child and have them live with their dad where he doesn't care. My wife has not hit me before - I think it was an effort to stop me from talking but still it was very shocking - I like why are you hitting me? I think cause she felt she lost control etc but no excuse - I didn't touch no one. the kid has a side job where he gets money here and there and remember pot is cheap - yes I agree that I suppose to sit down and explain to the kids it's wrong and the rules of the house blah blah blah - I say it like that because that was all done before - I had those conversations - I left it to my wife to handle the situation with her son and that he needed to stop many times - this is why I felt I had enough and needed to not stand by and let this happen in my house and with my kids there - I'm not saying my kids have never done pot - they might have but never smelt it on them or while they are with me. Anyway - yes I could of handle this much better and just told the kid it was wrong and to go to his room etc - but this was a big build up and my wife should of back me up - it was wrong - I think she put herself in a spot by working a side deal I knew nothing about in which he could smoke just outside the house - I did not know about this and unacceptable so I think she was put in a bad spot that night because to back me up would go against him due to this side deal - this is a mess - she doesn't realize that if the police went by and caught him smoking I could be arrested - lose my job etc etc
  6. btw - just to let you all know - even with the bad timing - if my wife only said something like this to her son (just an example) "The house stinks of pot and your really stoned. This is unacceptable and you need to goto bed and we'll talk about it in the morning" - just something as simple as that and nothing else had to happen - when my wife came out and tried to stop the conversation and couldn't that's when she started to hit me the first time - which to me tells the kid he was justified in what he was doing. Then he proceeded to threaten me and that's the only time I named called him by calling him a loser (which I know is wrong - but give me a break I thought I kept cool in all this) - anyway....that's when my wife starting hitting me again. All of this again would not have happened if my wife backed me up and should of been. I was shocked! I had no clue we were not on the same page - I thought we were.
  7. I think you all bring good insights on this and Rose I think you have the perspective of my wife down very well - so thank you for providing feedback here. And thank you Hopeful and Jim as well! If my son was threatening my wife all drugged up I would remove him. I'm sorry but I did not feel safe when he threaten me and I had my other kids to think about. He may have done nothing but stay in his room but I couldn't chance that. He is not my son so he does not respect me and frankly has issues with a lot of people. Also, even with bad timing I should be able to have say in my house when there's an issue. I have the entire family to take care of and it's stressful enough - safety first. Let me ask you this, is someone was threatening you and drugged would you stay or go? This kid ended up arrested a few months after for drugs and attempted robbery. I know where I went wrong in this situation but I'm going to get professional advice and guidance as well. I tried to really co-parent but with my wife's guilt from base decisions she decided to ignore what we agreed upon (no drug use at our home) and work out a deal where as long as he smoked it in the yard. I didn't know this or would have agreed to this. This situation is very complicated with my wife because she has a lot of guilt etc. I just don't see how this is so big that our marriage won't last over this. It was 10 months ago and she has yet to see a counselor. He love for her kids outweighs working on our marriage I guess.
  8. My rule in the house and my wife knows this is no drug use at our house (in or out). We each have kids from other marriages. My step-son (he's 17) has been drugged up many times and my wife does little to deal with it. One night the whole house stunk of it and when I went to the kitchen he was drugged up. Now I had my kids at the house as well (teenagers) and I don't want them to think this behavior is acceptable. My wife said she will deal with it in the morning which to be honest would be nothing or not much. I started telling him to not smoke that stuff etc. My wife came out and was angry and wanted us to drop it and wait until the morning but too late cause I'm upset and have to deal with this. My wife was upset that I was yelling at his son (and I'm sure it wasn't the best time to talk to him on this but again I'm upset) and she starts hitting me. Her other son comes in to see what's going on. The drugged step son threatens me like "you want to go" and comes at me but his brother pushes him away twice so he doesn't get to me. I call the kid a loser which angers my wife and she starts hitting me again. Note I don't touch anyone. I take her to the bedroom and tell her he needs to leave. My thought is I don't need this drugged up disrespectful kid in my house - who knows what he will do. My wife says if he goes then I go. I have no choice cause I don't trust this kid and just want him out. So she leaves with the two sons. The next day she is upset because I don't check on her. I couldn't because I was so in shock that my wife didn't back me up on this, hit me, and acted the way she did. I knew she ok with her sons. She was also upset because a few days I didn't want him at the house but after about a week he came back. Of course he never apologized to me at all. That was 10 months ago and my wife is still upset and says she may never forgive me for this. She knows she has to goto a counselor and wants to she says but she was given counselor names 3 months ago and has done nothing. She made it clear she loves her children more than me etc. But I'm thinking she can't forgive me and why do I even to be forgiven - didn't I do what a father should to protect and address the situation...shouldn't I be able to hold up the rules of the house. Thoughts? What do you all think? Seems like she's going to throw away our marriage on this? Anyway I'm going to see a counselor to help me on this but would like to know your thoughts. Thanks J
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