Ex-boyfriend messaging me when he has a girlfriend....so I told her

I broke up with my boyfriend in January. He said he wasn't feeling right about our relationship and he wanted to get back with his ex wife.

Obviously I was upset by this. I asked him why does he want to get back with his ex wife when he had an affair whilst he was married to her. He told me he wanted his family back (His children) I shouted at him and told him, that's no the best way to have a relationship with your children.

I cut all contact. Then in February I received a message from him asking if I wanted to come over and collect my things or he would drop them off to me. I said no, I didn't want them.

I asked him if he had got back with his ex and he said, He had been our with her a couple of times but didn't fancy her and was bored with her. He said he should have listened to me and appreciate the love he had with me. He also had been on tinder looking for me and 'torturing' himself over it. We left it as that.

He messaged me on and off over the coming months. Then in October I got a message asking if I was okay? I didn't recognise the number so asked who it was. We messaged back and fourth for a couple of hours.

He then was in my head day and night for weeks after.

I thought I was over him? I then messaged him to see if he wanted a drink, he said yes and he would let me know a date as he was just going on holiday. I messaged him to see how his week was going. He messaged back saying he just got back from holiday and he would like to meet me in the week but to let me know, he's been seeing his ex wife for a long while.

I lost my temper. He made out he was single. I screenshotted all the messages and sent them all to his ex wife. She was grateful. He didn't mention to her, he was speaking to me again. She read the messages and then dumped him.

I received a message from him saying I have destroyed his life.

His family then messaged me saying I'm a for what in a done!!

I blocked him and all his family aswell.

I feel bad as I've never done anything like that before. I wanted to hurt him like he hurt me but I also wanted to let her know what he was doing as he (As I've only just found out) has a past of cheating with a lot of women.

It's been a couple of days but I still can't stop thinking about it and I feel so agitated. She said she won't be getting back with him but I'm not so sure and that's really getting to me as I feel it's been for nothing and I look like a .

Well, big picture I think you have to look at this whole thing and just go: no—not working, time to move on. Not working because he's all over the map. Not working because it triggered you to behave in a way you wish you hadn't.

But what's done is done; you chose the nuclear option and accomplished exactly what you wanted—you hurt him, blew up his spot. I don't think you really cared for her situation—you're hardly her friend—but convinced yourself that you were doing something noble to soften what was really just vengeance.

Learn from this. Hurting people sucks, whether intentional or not, whether they've hurt us or not. It never feels good. I can tell you things about my ex that will make your head spin—lies, infidelity, taking money—and leveled quite a bit of pain on my heart. But I was part of that dynamic, too, so of course some of the anger I felt was self-directed. I've never said a bad word about her to people who know her, and now that it's all 1.5 years in the past it's just kind of a sad shrug: sh*t happens.

So forgive yourself—that's the path now. Emotion got the best of you. It happens. Use this to guide yourself into healthier relationships where the potential for drama that will set you off isn't around.

You know what? I think you did the right thing. You let the ex-wife knew what he was doing, trying to run between her and you. Sure, she might take him back, after all, she has to let him see the children. But at least she's been warned and the rest is up to her. Forget about his family. They were probably trying to get the two of them together again, but he would probably just cheat on her anyways. Just block this guy and move on with your life.

I don't think you did the right thing, you inserted yourself into someone else's relationship, for no reason. To engage in these types of things can actually be more dangerous than you think, and you don't need any of this drams in your life. You should have blocked this guy and moved on from day one. Life is about learning and growing so maybe this needed to happen for a reason.

Good for you! His wife had a right to know.

But, when someone tells you they have a history of cheating on a partner, run! He was always a lousy choice!

Time to let this go. Whether she gets back with him or not, it's irrelevant. You did the right thing outing him, albeit for the wrong reasons, as from your last sentence it is obvious that what you did was solely for the purpose of breaking them up (revenge), regardless of whether it was the right thing to do or not. If you are really interested in "doing the right thing", you now need to keep everyone blocked and move on. If you keep inserting yourself back into this mess after all this, then that's when you will indeed be validating his family's accusations. Walk away and you will be in the clear.

Was it you he had the affair with when he was with his ex wife?

I wouldn't have gotten into the mess of sending the ex wife the texts but I don't feel sorry for him at all, it was well deserved because he's a cheater. Just continue blocking and don't engage. He's just a nasty cheater.

So this guy and his family said they think bad of you...because you told the truth? Well, you know what that means; they're all crappy people. This poor excuse of a man was raised by these people, so please don't give any of them a single thought. It is quite predictable they're on his side because they want what their son wants, no matter who he stomps on.

He was not doing this for the kids' benefit at all, he was only selfishly doing this for himself so he could play two women at the same time while he didn't have to coparent or see the kids less. I took a course in college, which taught that staying in a dysfunctional or unhappy marriage for the kids' sake is less beneficial for them than coparenting. Lying about cheating and being with multiple partners can definitely interfere with a marriage/relationship, which will then affect the children.

I commend you on at least giving the woman the opportunity to make an informed decision, even if she may not make the right one. You at least made the right choice. I can never say you did not make the right choice here. Even if you didn't confess for the right reasons, at least you were not an ignorant coward. You didn't just look away and stick your head in the sand. People like this should not get away with such bad behavior and learn there are consequences for their actions. You had every right to tell the truth. This guy involved you once he tried to actually get you back involved with him, so it became your business. It involved you by definition! Despite this, usually the messenger does get shot.

I see why most would want to steer you away from experiencing any negativity from all of these people, including the wife and children. The wife could have definitely had the opposite reaction she had here and could have behaved the same way as the cheater, by his side. However, I always like to advise those who accept this potential consequence to tell the partner that was cheated on. While you understandably may experience elation with the reveal, it is never easy doing the right thing. Just know that you have and be confident you are a good person.

Sorry to hear this. Excellent you blocked him and all his people from all your messaging apps and social media. Stop dragging this out by contact his wife or any of his people. He's a cheating jerk, so don't invest even more time on him.

I screenshotted all the messages and sent them all to his ex wife.

I received a message from him saying I have destroyed his life. His family then messaged me saying I'm a for what in a done! I blocked him and all his family aswell.

Sooo....you got involved with a cheater, when things didn't go your way you got vindictive. How nice of you......I'm being completely sarcastic here.

Hope you learned something from this - don't get involved with cheating scum and you won't have to deal with this kind of filthy drama. Never ever feed your ego by thinking that you are just sooo special to a man who cheats that he'll suddenly change his character and be a decent man to you...or anyone for that matter. In short, don't sleep with a pig and then be surprised that you got muck all over you.

So, you basically got involved with him and had an affair whilst he was married. And you messed over his wife.

Then, he decides he might still like the wife and goes back to her and lies to you about it. (big shocker considering he is a cheater and liar after all.)

You then screenshot the messages between you and he and send it to the wife and mess her over even more.

Do you enjoy destroying people? Karma is real.

Eh, sure, you chose the nuclear option but I think he got what he deserved. His ex wife should know about what he was up to. I wonder if that was really "his family" contacting you or just him from other, fake accounts. Really, he ruined his own life with his actions.

I guess in the future, if a guy told you he cheated on his wife, you can safely assume he will cheat on you too in time.

Good work! If my hubby was cheating on me, and there was evidence, I would be like, "thank you for sending it over!"

The OP did not destroy this marriage - it was already dead. Now the wife has grounds to get things in her favor.

Go OP for not putting up with his and his family's crap.

Was it you he had the affair with when he was with his ex wife?

 

No he cheated with someone else. I didn't realise he cheated on his wife until recently. He lied about they reason why he and his wife got a divorce.

Eh, sure, you chose the nuclear option but I think he got what he deserved. His ex wife should know about what he was up to. I wonder if that was really "his family" contacting you or just him from other, fake accounts. Really, he ruined his own life with his actions.

 

I guess in the future, if a guy told you he cheated on his wife, you can safely assume he will cheat on you too in time.

He never told me he cheated on her. I only found out recently. He lied about the reason why they got a divorce

Was it you he had the affair with when he was with his ex wife?

 

I wouldn't have gotten into the mess of sending the ex wife the texts but I don't feel sorry for him at all, it was well deserved because he's a cheater. Just continue blocking and don't engage. He's just a nasty cheater.

No he cheated with someone else. I didn't realise he cheated on his wife until recently. He lied about they reason why he and his wife got a divorce

So, you basically got involved with him and had an affair whilst he was married. And you messed over his wife.

 

Then, he decides he might still like the wife and goes back to her and lies to you about it. (big shocker considering he is a cheater and liar after all.)

You then screenshot the messages between you and he and send it to the wife and mess her over even more.

 

Do you enjoy destroying people? Karma is real.

I didn't have an affair with him!! He had an affair with someone else! I didn't destroy this life, he did it himself!

Okay, the way your wrote your post it sounded as though you were the one who cheated with him while he was married. If that's not the case, then you did the right thing, the wife had a right to know.

I think you did the right thing. What a piece of human garbage.

She said she won't be getting back with him but I'm not so sure and that's really getting to me as I feel it's been for nothing and I look like a .

Why not just put your eyes back on you own paper? You've blocked him and his family, which would have been the best course of action from the start. So now you can move forward allowing the chips to fall wherever they fall.

Trust that your largest mistake was remaining involved with this guy once you learned that he cheated on his ex. You had a front row view of this guy's capacity for disloyalty, and you stayed with him anyway.

Advice from Grandma: "The problem is not that snakes will cross your path, they will. The problem only comes if you lack the self respect to avoid picking up the snake to play with it."

Head high, we all live and learn.