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lukeb

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About lukeb

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  • Birthday 07/02/1965
  1. Thanks for the kind words, there isn't really much we can do, I just put this out there as a warning to anyone putting their loved ones in care. You will lose control and say about their care, they will be in their hands and the lack of care they will get will shock you. They apologized and said they will do better, but it is easy to apologize, that doesn't hurt their bottom dollar. More money going into care will just go to more levels of administration. Like I said up until they can keep themselves clean and use the bathroom by themselves it won't be not too bad still. We have
  2. Anyone who believes that the scandals of neglect and abuse in care homes in Ontario and Quebec are isolated incidences are deluding themselves. When you think about it those places were inspected and the abuse and neglect still went on. Sure it makes the news, politicians are in a uproar and make a lot of noise but it is almost certainly true that nothing has changed. If your loved one can still keep themselves clean and able to use the washroom by themselves then it is probably not too bad still. We have discovered the same level of neglect certainly and abuse probably with mom,
  3. It is so bizarre to.me that a site like this called enotalone would barely have a mention of COVID and how it has impacted our lives. Just by skimming over what people are posting about you could scarcely notice any difference before and after COVID. It almost seems like this site is serving as an escape from reality wich you wouldnt think is the purpose. As far as what mask wearing here it hasnt taken off yet but then there have been only a few isolated cases so far. 10 cases right now in a city of 70,000 is considered a flare-up. When I visit mom even outside the carehome and n
  4. Grieving is a process so I do think two years is a long time not to see any change. A few months after is often the most difficult time as it seems that most around you have gone back to living their lives and moved on. That makes it more difficult to talk about with the people who also knew her. What you were describing about these feelings coming in waves is very common. I agree with the others that you never get over it, but in a sense you should come to terms with it. Losing a parent in a sense is kind of normal as opposed to a parent losing a child. This also depends on how ol
  5. I was beginning to think there was nothing here on enotalone for people dealing with COVID-19 until I found this thread. I wonder if most of us still are not grasping the gravity of what is to come.
  6. Mom got placed in memory care yesterday, she is not adjusting well and with COVID-19 we are not allowed to visit her. So she went from one day from a large apartment where she was in independent living where we were there everyday and one of us staying over every night to watch her to a tiny room on a locked ward and not allowed visitors. It is going to be tough there is no other way to say it.
  7. Well things are moving but slowly mom is on a waiting list now to be placed in memory care but it could take some time. A few months possibly. The case worker is suggesting that we should consider being open to placement in neighboring towns for faster placement, then if a spot opens up where she is at now she could be transferred back. I think that once she is placed anywhere she will never be a priority to be transferred where most of her family lives and can visit. So we are in a tough spot, for now one of us has to stay with her overnight to make sure she doesn't wander.
  8. Thanks everyone, she is in a home now but independent living so it is kind of up to us to keep an eye on her overnight until she can be placed in memory care. That can take a few weeks but things are in motion.
  9. She was diagnosed about a week ago a few days before he 90th birthday. Her doctor moved away and was without one for a year and it has been a year where she diminished a lot. It looks like mom has a great doctor now at least but of course the diagnosis was not welcomed at all by mom. I can already see it will be a difficult road ahead as she is in complete denial. I am not sure what the scale is exactly but I think she is closer to moderate dementia. At times she loses complete awareness about where she is, she was moved into a home little more than two months ago, w
  10. No if someone doesn't accept you for who you are, you are better off not being with that person.
  11. This is actually not a very helpful post as the OP is dealing with feeling he is nothing more that a wallet and not feeling part of the family. Most of the posts here are not terribly helpful. How does conversation become more constructive how are issues resolved in a relationship? Well not through political talking points. Maybe his wife is dealing with issues, but she didn't come to this forum for help. Its not the wife that needs defending from what I can tell, he came here for help.
  12. I learned it is most important to be with someone who accepts you for who you are.
  13. No that is not what I am saying at all, I actually don't know at all where actually good communication between the two of you could lead. I am not even so sure either of you too know either. You seem to be focusing what the end result of a discussion is going to look like, and I don't think that is a good idea.
  14. Like I said, I am also not here to agree or disagree. I doubt he is doing those things to hurt you, I think it is more likely he is doing those things because he enjoys them and sees nothing wrong with doing them. The title of your thread is "trust issues" which is a separate issue. I also think if the only he sees coming out of talking is basically you wanting him to stop doing things he sees nothing wrong with, then it's also not likely there is going to be a lot of talking. You may need to broaden the scope of the discussion beyond just ultimatums.
  15. I think you need to come to terms with whether these "acts" are somethings you can live with or not. Like you said he doesn't believe he has done anything wrong, and he is not a child. It doesn't actually matter whether you can get people on here to agree with you or not on this point, your husband doesn't believe he has done anything wrong. This is the reason why you can't talk to him about it, to him it just comes off as whining or nagging and is not going to solve anything and get anywhere. It doesn't sound like the things he is doing are anything really new, as he engaged in t
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