Does this count as cheating?

[zoe343]

My son's father and I ended our relationship over two years ago. We were never married but lived together. He ended our relationship, and for financial reasons and for the well-being of our 8-year-old son, I asked him to stay in the house. He agreed but moved to another room. He told me he didn't want to be with me anymore and that we wouldn't get back together. I didn't take it seriously, and we drifted apart completely. Nothing happened between us since then, but I must admit I was certain he would come back to me. I was waiting for him to take the initiative, but he never did, and so much time passed. A couple of months ago, he informed me he was moving out, and after a few weeks, he left the house. I suspected it was because of another woman, and yesterday he confirmed it. I feel very betrayed, and I'm not sure if it's okay to feel this way. I feel like he had no right to leave out of nowhere and especially for someone else, when it was obvious I still had feelings for him, and that's why I distanced myself. He says I never told him how I felt and that I just ignored him, so he couldn't assume I still felt something, but it was obvious. Why do I feel this way? Am I overreacting? Is he in the wrong? 

 

 

 

 

 

[Coily]

The relationship ended. He made it very very clear that the relationship was done. Expecting him to read some.tea leaves to read your mind is a bit of an ask.

Unfortunately you didn't feel the way he did about ending the relationship. I am very sorry that you are having to deal with this, but it's all on you feeling this way. 

Do you have some friends or family who can be called upon to support you?

[Seraphim]

No, he isn’t wrong and he can’t read minds . If you were interested you should have said so. It is time to get past him. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, zoe343 said:

. He ended our relationship, .I asked him to stay in the house.  he didn't want to be with me anymore and that we wouldn't get back together. after a few weeks, he left the house.

Sorry this happened. Is it your house? Can you afford to stay there? Does your son's father pay child support and have visitation/custody? 

It's very sad but it seems like you were on separate wavelengths. He was done with the relationship and you asked him to stay hoping to reconcile.

This is why "broken up but living together" is nonsense. It's a mental, emotional, logistical and financial prison and nightmare for both people. 

Please try to focus on yourself and your son's well-being and appropriate coparenting. Please see this as freedom from the living hell of "roommates" and a chance to find love and the right person. 

There's no right or wrong or cheating. Just hurt and sadness from misunderstanding and a bit of denial that it was over long ago. 

[LootieTootie]

When he told you he was done, he was done. Have you thought about downsizing since he left? It looks like you both stuck around due to financial reasons.

Any way, I love your fur baby account picture.

[lostandhurt]

No it is not cheating, betrayal or dishonest.  In fact he was very straight with you from the start.  He never lead you on, distanced himself from you and stayed because you asked him to.

 I know in your heart it was never really over and you imagined it would all work out.  He accepted and dealt with the end of your relationship a long time ago but you are just at the beginning and the hurt is fresh so you feel the way you do.  He didn't do anything wrong but it still hurts.

 Blaming him will not stop the pain nor will it change anything.  Please move past all of this and accept it is truly over so you can start the healing process.

 Lost

[MissCanuck]

This is not cheating, no. He was not wrong. 

It stings, yes, but he was honest with you and didn't make any move to reconcile with you. Therefore, he was free to date others. 

I'm sorry. It's time you accept that it really is over between you two so you can move forward. 

[Kwothe28]

How is this cheating? You guys broke up, he moved to another room, told you that you arent going to back together, in between tried nothing to get back together just like he said, and moved out when he found somebody else. Maybe you expected him to get back together because he stayed in house because of finances. But he was very clear from the start that it wont happen. And he really cant read minds to know you still wanted to get back together. He had no obligations toward you since you arent married and you broke up so he can do whatever he wants. Only obligation he has is toward your kid. And I would suggest to work on that. Meaning splitting custody or even getting alimony.

[redswim30]

He's not in the wrong, YOU are.  There was and is NO cheating going on here. 

You broke up.  He made it VERY clear how he felt about you, and that he had no intention of getting back together with you. 

It's not his fault you were in denial about his honesty.   You asking him to stay was a mistake.  You expected that you could manipulate him into wanting you again, and when that didn't happen- you got mad. 

You are being unreasonable.  He's under no obligation to like you back just because you still have feelings for him, that's your problem- not his.  You have no right to feel betrayed.  He did nothing wrong.  He was honest with you.  You just didn't want to believe it.  You thought if you continued to "play house" everything would just work out the way you wanted it to, that he would read your mind, and change his, all without ever having a conversation about your own feelings and desires.  You are the one that was lying to yourself and to him.  

If he has feelings for someone else and he knows you still have feelings for him, then moving out was the right thing for him to do.  This is actually honorable of him.  I understand you are upset because he hurt your feelings and your ego.  But you were already broken up and he made his feelings and intentions clear to you.

Move on and let go.  Breakups hurt.  You are just coming out of your denial that he no longer wants to be a relationship with you.  It has hurt your feelings and your pride.  But none of that is his fault or problem. 

[Andrina]

You two had been together many years and had a child together. A person thinks long and hard about asking to break up, knowing it usually means forever. If he'd cared enough at the time, he would've asked for improvements to fix whatever is broken in the marriage. He didn't. So believing getting back together was an option wasn't realistic.

Your negative emotions will pass if you now take on a pro-active mindset of moving on. List everything in order of importance of things you need to achieve moving forward. In taking care of finances, your child, and all the logistics, also make time to pamper yourself. You have to have your own back in stressful times. Every time you complete a difficult task on your list, reward yourself with something special. Preparing your favorite meal. Maybe invite a girlfriend over to join you. Buying an inexpensive trinket. When he has time with your child, take a walk in your favorite park, etc. Take care.

[catfeeder]

You've had 2 years to clear the ambiguity by negotiating with your ex. You chose not to do so, and he took it upon himself to move out of the stagnant limbo that cohabitating created.

While I can understand your feelings, I can't understand your passivity. The last thing I would do is ask someone who's broken up with me to remain in my home. You opted to put your own life on hold--and for what purpose?

Proximity is not a commitment. The commitment ended 2 years ago, and you did nothing to extend the olive branch that might have changed that. it is not disloyal of him to end the stalemate.

[smackie9]

Well you had it in your head that since he was staying there must be something still there that's fair enough. It's normal to feel jealous/upset because your life is forever changed. You just lost your security/family unit/familiarity so ya it would be a bit of a shock to the system.

The reality is, you turned a blind eye to what would happen eventually. He's moved on, and you foolishly didn't prepare for it.

IMO him saying it might have made a difference if you said something is horse manure. He's just pushing this back on you. He's the one that ended it, and he knew you wanted him back. So if indeed there was a change of heart he would have made that move.

Life will be harder at first, feeling dejected, but you have a responsibility to yourself to make your life better for you and your son. You will eventually find much happiness down the road. Don't let this eat at you, you needed this kick to the pants to really start living/enjoying life.