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I got told off for sending a text at 12 am


TanyaJo
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I sent my boyfriend a picture of us taken the previous weekend but with a filter that makes it look like an oil painting. I thought the image looked pretty cool like a painting. He did not reply to me the next day so I texted him saying "I sent something nice but you ignored it" for which he replied " Please! You sent it at 12.20 last night and I was asleep and you woke me up" - I found this so rude and so selfish. After being together for close to a year and a half I'm not sure where I stand if I cannot send a text at 12.20. 

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I have a friend who works night shift and she is repeatedly sending me messages at 3 am when I'm sleeping. I put my phone on DND so no silly geese can disrupt my sleep. Especially since I have a job to wake up for in the morning.

Was it absolutely vital for you to send that pic at 12:20 am? And why did he have to respond?

You can send midnight texts all you want but don't expect him to be delighted about being woken up for something so trivial.

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I have a wonky time schedule so I dont mind that much. But I did tell my Boss once that sent me a message at 5AM mytime (he is a different time zone) how its rude and woke me up. He said how I could just check it in the morning but I persisted so he got the message and it was the last time he did it. 

Anyway, 12:20 in night isnt really appropriate time to send the message if you dont know if the other person is awake. It can indeed wake them up. You should be condiderate to that and send whatever you want to send in the morning. It was not an emergency its juts a pic.

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Of course it's rude to send a non-emergency text at that hour.  I have friends who tell me never to worry when I text since their phone is on silent after a certain hour but I never do (meaning like we have a time difference so me texting at 9am would be 6am for them) just in case by accident their phone was left on.  I even sometimes type out texts when I have time -but then send at the appropriate time.  I will email or do FB messenger because I assume most people don't get text-type notifications of those messages.  

I made a thread about a friend who calls and/or texts at times I've already told her are times I am prepping meals or eating meals -at typical lunch/dinner hours.  I don't mind the texting because I simply won't respond till I have time - but I do mind the calls because with calls I have to check who is calling just in case it's an emergency.  

It's lovely that you were creative with a photo.  It's just a photo.  Why not show it to him when you see him in person -why did you have to send it ASAP?

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Just because you kids have wireless phones w/ so many benefits, does not mean you should be acting like this is some cool toy.

My dad taught me, to never bother someone after 10 pm.  Yeah, i got told and learned really fast.  Never called a friend again past that time - and still don't 😉 . People are usually settling at that time for school or work the next day.  ( and as asked , why not just send it the next day?).

Is just out of respect.  Learn from it. 

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3 hours ago, TanyaJo said:

I did not expect a reply right away but at least the next day

If his phone buzzed, made a sound or not on 'silent' mode next to his night stand and he was sleeping, 😴 💤  yes, you disrupted his sleep which is infuriating because it's difficult to fall back asleep.   If it was his "school night" meaning if he had to get up early to go to work that morning, then it's extremely irritating not to mention exhausting to function and concentrate the next day. You should've been more considerate, respectful and courteous.  If it's not a dire emergency, don't bother your boyfriend or anyone for that matter. 

Sincerely and humbly apologize for your mistake and lack of good judgment.  Promise not to bother him during his sleep hours in the future.  Make amends and move on.

Play nice otherwise you will receive backlash which is universal human nature. 

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Awww, I'm sorry your feelings are hurt.

I understand the whole silencer thing, I use it on phone calls. But when people love us they want to be alerted when we are trying to reach them. He may have stirred awake thinking you might be in trouble. That's likely why he was so upset about it--the timing frightened him FOR YOU.

I would back up and apologize. I'd tell him that I lost track of the time, but I'll try to be more cognizant going forward.

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3 hours ago, TanyaJo said:

I sent my boyfriend a picture of us taken the previous weekend but with a filter that makes it look like an oil painting. I thought the image looked pretty cool like a painting. He did not reply to me the next day so I texted him saying "I sent something nice but you ignored it" for which he replied " Please! You sent it at 12.20 last night and I was asleep and you woke me up" - I found this so rude and so selfish. After being together for close to a year and a half I'm not sure where I stand if I cannot send a text at 12.20. 

But the question is. If it was someone else do you think he still reacted this way?

If he like this with everyone then maybe you should not have sent so late. But if you been there and he got texts or calls late and be okay with it yes I be annoyed.

Sorry I be then suspicious who was you with. 

 

 

 

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6 hours ago, sweetlady said:

But the question is. If it was someone else do you think he still reacted this way?

If he like this with everyone then maybe you should not have sent so late. But if you been there and he got texts or calls late and be okay with it yes I be annoyed.

Sorry I be then suspicious who was you with. 

 

 

 

Yes it isnt unusual. When he was with me not long ago like 3 days ago, he was awake till 1 am and we were talking. So I sent this picture because, I do oil painting and was checking with him if he would like a painting that I drew in his home. He sent a few pics earlier for inspiration. I did some research and made this image which I could potentially draw. So maybe thats why I'm hurt. I itsnt just a cool picture. It is a picture of us which I was planning to paint. 

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You are both at fault.  You should not have sent a trivial message that late at night unless you knew for sure that he has his phone on DND at that time.  He should not have been passive-aggressive in 'punishing' you by not replying the following day.  You both need to work on what is appropriate communication in a relationship.

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11 hours ago, TanyaJo said:

 "I sent something nice but you ignored it" for which he replied 

How often do you see each other in person? Are you in the same time zone? Do either of you do shift work on different schedules?

How would you not know each other's schedules or habits? 

You seem incompatible as far as communication and schedules go.

You were angry he "ignored" your text but why does he have to reply asap? 

Don't send nonsense to people because you can't sleep. Watch a movie 🍿

 

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2 hours ago, TanyaJo said:

Yes it isnt unusual. When he was with me not long ago like 3 days ago, he was awake till 1 am and we were talking. So I sent this picture because, I do oil painting and was checking with him if he would like a painting that I drew in his home. He sent a few pics earlier for inspiration. I did some research and made this image which I could potentially draw. So maybe thats why I'm hurt. I itsnt just a cool picture. It is a picture of us which I was planning to paint. 

But not at 1am - you were planning to paint it in the future - be considerate of timing even if it feels important/urgent to you.  I do that with my husband - I might feel like firing off an email with a to do list to share because I am in to do list mode but then I realize it's more thoughtful to wait till we can talk in person or at least not middle of night (it would NOT wake him just saying middle of night emails if a discussion works -do the latter).  

There was no need to check with him at that hour even if sometimes he is up. That's awesome that you're an artist!

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5 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Your text to him the next day was presumptuous and of course put him on the defensive. You came out of the gate swinging.

Yeah, this is true, OP. You went accusatory on him, and that doesn't exactly inspire a warm and fuzzy response.

Why not just cool down, and then ring him when you're willing to offer a more gentle approach?

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My phone is on do not disturb from 5 PM until next business day and all the time on weekend. I have business clients and I don’t want to hear from people during not business hours. Now that said people very important to me can ring through at anytime with text or phone. Does that mean I want to hear from them at an ungodly hour for a non emergency? Um, NO. Tell me the next day. 

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So you tell him he was rude first.  Then, he tells you, you were being rude.  You could of just said, "so what did you think of the photo I texted last night?"  Instead, you accuse him straight off the bat that he's a selfish as$wipe with, "I sent something nice but you ignored it"

His response sounds perfectly matched to yours to me.

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That feels like pressure - sending a cute romantic picture in the middle of the night and expecting some kind of response, and then holding the person accountable in a negative way for not responding.

As far as I'm concerned, a person doesn't even need to write a response if I send a picture to them.  I wanted them to see it so I sent it ... it was not a question that needed an answer; I was not in need of their support at that moment or anything.

 

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