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Blocked me then contacted me again


Afireblue
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I decided to give online dating one more chance

I am a textbook over-thinker, so thank you for being patient with me ❤️

I have been chatting with his guy who is 5 years older than me, for about 2 weeks online. We seemed to get along fine. We  exchanged numbers 2 days ago and on our first text exchange in Whatsapp, which was very casual, we said good morning, how are you, etc. I had a funny story to share with him so I said I was tired, as I had gone to a night club unexpectedly the night before. (I have not been to a night club in more than 10 years, so that was funny to me). He blocked me in the middle of our text exchange. His photo was gone and my messages could not get through. I thought it was weird and my mind started spinning, because that's what I do... I felt rejected or judged, I didn't know how to feel. Anyway, I deleted him from my online dating contacts and deleted his number from my phone.

2 days later, aka, this morning, he texted me, good morning how are you, on Whatsapp. I could see his picture again, which meant that he unblocked me. I have not replied. In his message he also asks why I removed my profile photo (he cannot see it because he is not in my contacts)

Anyway, I know this stuff happens and it is not important, but I we are both in our 40s, we are not in highschool, but to someone like me who suffers anxiety, these type of things do affect me, unfortunately

Should I reply? I kind of want to just to reject him lol!

 

 

 




 

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He didn't ask you out after 2 weeks of chatting, and then the blocking. If something seems fishy, take it as a good time to bail. Don't give strangers the benefit of the doubt. That's being a doormat. It's a different story with someone you know well, to hear them out when something strange happens.

Online dating is tough. Have you ever thought of supplementing OLD with meet up.com groups? 

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It does suggests something weird going on. I am an overthinker too so stuff rarely surprises me. For example I would assume that its something you said and that it didnt bode well with him. So he just blocked. But he did come back later like nothing happened so its just weird. 

Anyway, it suggest child-like behavior. I dont think it warrants a response or anything, just say "next" and move on.

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Sounds like you're trying to date online.  Rather, use online dating sites to set up a first meet within a week or so of first contact -a short first meet -you suggest it if he does not -let him ask you out for a real date if you meet and have things in common.  Chat by phone because it's a great way of doing a safety screen, unobtrusively.

Also since this is a stranger I'd avoid sharing stories about clubbing as a first impression- clubbing can connote drinking and hooking up even if you didn't and shared out of context it might make the other person confused about your intentions.  

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1 hour ago, Andrina said:

Don't give strangers the benefit of the doubt.

This!

Ignore him. He'll just continue to jerk you around. 

I would never think it was something I (you) did or said.  

To just block someone mid message or to not at least clarifying what you said before jumping to such a conclusion is all on them.  And tells you all you need to know. 

That's just flaky. You continue to be yourself and only dedicate your time and thoughts to better prospects.

 

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2 hours ago, Andrina said:

He didn't ask you out after 2 weeks of chatting, and then the blocking. If something seems fishy, take it as a good time to bail. Don't give strangers the benefit of the doubt. That's being a doormat. It's a different story with someone you know well, to hear them out when something strange happens.

Online dating is tough. Have you ever thought of supplementing OLD with meet up.com groups? 

Thanks Andrina, you are completely right, this was my gut feeling. I belong to hiking and activity groups in my area and have made new friends!! 🙂

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1 hour ago, Batya33 said:

Sounds like you're trying to date online.  Rather, use online dating sites to set up a first meet within a week or so of first contact -a short first meet -you suggest it if he does not -let him ask you out for a real date if you meet and have things in common.  Chat by phone because it's a great way of doing a safety screen, unobtrusively.

Also since this is a stranger I'd avoid sharing stories about clubbing as a first impression- clubbing can connote drinking and hooking up even if you didn't and shared out of context it might make the other person confused about your intentions.  

Thank you!! I like that suggestion on meeting within the fist week of chatting!

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1 hour ago, Rose Mosse said:

Meet earlier if you’re doing online dating and save the stories for in person meet ups. Did he ask you out at all in the two weeks and you deflected or nothing at all about meeting? 

I felt like we were getting to know each other and I thought either he or I would suggest to meet after exchanging numbers, but I have blocked him and moved on now, I was a little shaken this morning. I will never get used to this tho, online dating is weird

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17 minutes ago, Afireblue said:

I felt like we were getting to know each other and I thought either he or I would suggest to meet after exchanging numbers, but I have blocked him and moved on now, I was a little shaken this morning. I will never get used to this tho, online dating is weird

If there’s no talk of meeting within 24 hours of matching it’s not a viable match. You haven’t done anything wrong except linger with a classic timewaster. 

 

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26 minutes ago, Afireblue said:

Thank you!! I like that suggestion on meeting within the fist week of chatting!

I mean don't chat other than a few emails to set up a phone call 15-20 minute phone call where you get a sense of whether you have enough in common to meet in person to see if in the future you should go on a date.  See how he speaks to you, his tone of voice, etc.  Suggest meeting if he doesn't.  Make a time/place to meet in public for a walk or coffee -no alcohol.  

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17 minutes ago, Afireblue said:

but I have blocked him and moved on now, I was a little shaken this morning. I will never get used to this tho, online dating is weird

Good because a 40 year old guy who blocks you because he didn't like you going to a nightclub and then unblocks you when he has had time to cool down is only going to make your life a misery in the future.  If he can pull a stunt like this after just two weeks just imagine what he can do later on down the line when you don't jump to his tune.

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Just going to echo @Batya33 that you need to seek to screen your matches and set up a quick meet and greet sooner rather than later. Don't get into online chatting and bonding (which is illusory).

Also, try to become OK with people judging you. I personally think of that very simply - if someone judges me negatively for what I did, who I am, what I believe, what I'm into, what I said, etc. ALL that means is that we are not a good match. Next!

After all, dating necessarily involves judgment - who is right and who is wrong for you. Your job when dating isn't to prove yourself or please some stranger, your job is to figure out IF that stranger is the right fit for you. So, if they are acting weird, hot/cold, your intuition is ringing alarm bells even when you can't quite put a finger on what it is, NEXT him.

Remember that you are looking for the one right guy and not for many kind of sort of almost types.

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2 minutes ago, wealthydior said:

To be honest I think he is married or engaged and his wife or fiancee came into room that’s why he blocked you all of a sudden. That is something ridiculous so I’m glad that you blocked him.

a similar thing happened to me years ago when my very first love, an old boyfriend from (my) age 16-19 and i reconnected on facebook.  at the time i was about 10 yrs married and only being curious, my husband knew all about it.  tbh, i just wanted to know if he went on to college, had a meaningful career, married, had kids, etc.  somewhat of an anthropology peek.

i was in the middle of talking to him on IM and he did a sudden freak gotta go & cut me off and then reappeared with a newly created email address.  i figured out his wife must have walked in while we were IM'ing.  too bad so sad, he was being dishonest.  i however had nothing to be ashamed of so i just ignored the whole thing and put it behind me.

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He probably didn't like the idea of someone in their 40s going to a nightclub.  If that was the case, he could have told you that he'd decided you wouldn't be a good fit and wished you well for the future, but he took the childish route.  If you started anything up with him you'd get blocked every time you said or did something he didn't approve of.  Would you be willing to get ignored for days at a time until he decided you were worthy of him speaking to you again?  Take his behaviour as a sign of what's to come if you let him off the hook this time.

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2 hours ago, poorlittlefish said:

He probably didn't like the idea of someone in their 40s going to a nightclub.

My sense is that what she shared was TMI for a stranger and was out of context.  Unless he is very religious, etc.  It's like when someone I don't know shares with me a story that involves getting very drunk or stoned or posts on my moms facebook group -someone I don't know - how she's looking for other moms to party with or to have playdates and wink wink share a good bottle of wine because all moms drink wine.  If I know the person well it might come across very differently.  

I once completely torpedoed a blind date by sharing what I thought of as harmless information I'd learned about him before the date (pre-internet) because I thought he would be amused. He wasn't.  He likely would have been if I told him a month or so after we met.  Timing matters.

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Really great advice above. If you treat OLD like a speed-meeting tool rather than a fantasy-building one, you can schedule a bunch of quick meets for coffee on your way home from work.

You both agree that neither will corner the other for a real date on the spot, but if either invites the other afterward, you'll respond if the answer is yes, but there's no need to respond if the answer is no.

The idea is to screen out bad matches before investing much time with them, and while it's unfortunate that most will be bad matches, that's just natural odds--not a reflection on you.

A good match for you will view you through the right lens. Anyone who can't do that says nothing of you, but rather, their own private limitations. Think of it as screening OURSELVES out of bad matches, even when they are perfectly nice people.

The goal is to strike simpatico with ONE out of many, and this takes the pressure off to try to please the masses. 

Head high, and take breaks when you're tired. This can be a pleasant process if you view it the right way.

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