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What should we do after dinner, second date


nman414
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Hi all, So I came on here last week to see how I should ask out a girl that Ive been acquainted with since childhood but never really knew. I ended up texting her and asking if she would be interested in getting some smoothie bowls and eating them on the beach while we caught up. She accepted and it went super well, we sat and talked on the beach for 2ish hours before I dropped her off. I think Ive made it clear that Im into her and she has dropped signs that she is into me as well(sitting very close, lots of exclamation points and smiley faces in text.) I just don't want to take things too fast and have her get scared.

So after our first "date" she texted and said how she had a great time, I invited her over to my apartment for dinner on Friday and she said yes. With it being a college apartment, there is only a couch and a kitchen in the common area, no where really to eat so I was planning on just cooking the food and eating out in the courtyard. 

So that part of the date is fine, Im just wondering how I should proceed from here. I would love to show her my room and maybe lay in bed and cuddle/watch some Netflix with her, if she took things farther I wouldn't oppose, I don't really plan on initiating anything just yet though. 

So my question is, should I just ask if she wants to head to my room? Are there any good ways/questions to ask in order to test the waters and kinda see what she views me as? anyway to end up in my room without scaring her into thinking I'm pressuring her for sex?

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1 hour ago, nman414 said:

. I would love to show her my room and maybe lay in bed and cuddle/watch some Netflix with her, if she took things farther I wouldn't oppose

No. Trying to make the second date a Netflix and chill opportunity will make her think you're just a horndog.

Do you like her or just want to get laid? Because suggesting this on date 2 is insulting to girls who get this crap all the time.

Talk a walk. Skip your dorm room altogether.

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1 hour ago, nman414 said:

I would love to show her my room and maybe lay in bed and cuddle/watch some Netflix with her, if she took things farther I wouldn't oppose, I don't really plan on initiating anything just yet though. 

So my question is, should I just ask if she wants to head to my room? Are there any good ways/questions to ask in order to test the waters and kinda see what she views me as? anyway to end up in my room without scaring her into thinking I'm pressuring her for sex?

Everything sounds wonderful except this part with the dorm room Netflix. I get the sense that you want to find out if she's romantically interested in you. A woman who keeps agreeing to meet with you or go out on dates is interested so don't dig so hard for clues. 

Spend more time chatting outside or go for a walk after dinner if she's up for it. Know when to end the dates especially at this early stage and text her to see if she gets home safe. 

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Yeah, idea of dinner & walk sound good, but you'll be able to 'pick up the vibes' as you spend more time around her...

You can even reach for her hand while on your walk, see if she responds well to that.  But soon enough you'll see, together, how it's going with her response towards you.

You say she seems really into you, so that's a good! Then things should progress okay. 🙂 

 

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I am going to go against the grain on this one.

Yes by all means say "Hey do you want to go to my room and cuddle"  That is of course if you want her to look at you with disbelief in her eyes as she walks out the door.

Things will happen when they happen so don't push so hard.  I assume you haven't even kissed yet so slow your roll and let it happen naturally.

  Is there a place within walking distance to go for dessert after dinner? 

She is interested so don't screw this up by thinking with the wrong head.

  Lost

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She's gonna think you did all this to get her to have sex with you. Do not suggest bed and "cuddling"! 

Now, if SHE suggests it, that's a different story. Maybe she too is down for some casual sex.

Go for a walk. Or, is there an on campus movie theater? Any music performances going on? Try that instead if you actually like her and aren't just looking to snag some booty.

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I agree with others, avoid the dorm and the bed!

Do you have bowling, or pool, or some semi competitive activity you both can enjoy? Take her for a walk afterwards, get to know her interests. If you are thinking of her beyond a romp, figure out what you two enjoy and build some memories.

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wow, not necessarily the responses I was expecting. Not sure if things just go differently or if I am just around "bad people" but these days, sex is a common thing on the first date for college age kids. I thought I was being conservative by not trying to make any sort of move on the first date. To all saying I am being too aggressive, I would much rather play it safe and really get to know her and take things slowly, but unfortunately, in past relationships I have been ridiculed by friends and the exes for going too slow.

I like the idea of going for a walk, but unfortunately were having dinner and it'll be dark and a bit chilly. I think Ill probably suggest maybe heading to the store to grab ice cream or heading to an ice cream shop. 

Im essentially just looking for a filler activity. I want to spend time with this girl and continue hanging out like we did on our first date, but I feel like if I don't have a set activity to do after we finish dinner, we'll just kinda end up awkwardly sitting there on the couch in my common room of my apartment with my housemates going in and out past us.

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This isn't about your friends or your exes. It's about her and you. I think a trip to an ice cream shop sounds great but ask her if she'd like to do that because it's chilly. 

Your ideas so far with the smoothie bowls and the beach and this dinner and ice cream shop are quite good. Gauge her body language and lean in for a kiss if it seems right. Enjoy the evening. Don't overthink this. 

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2 hours ago, nman414 said:

 I have been ridiculed by friends and the exes for going too slow.

I feel like if I don't have a set activity to do after we finish dinner, we'll just kinda end up awkwardly sitting there on the couch in my common room of my apartment 

Ok. Good plan. Sure people hookup early on, but if you're sophisticated, you'll know how to play these situations by ear and let her indicate when she's down for it.

For example if you go get some hot chocolate and she says 'let's go watch Squid Game" then it's your cue that she feels more comfortable with you in a cozy setting.

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This can go two ways.  Make the wrong move too soon and you probably can't recover from it.  

Give her two options, watching a movie and cuddling or going for a walk for ice cream.  Unless you are inexperienced, you should be able to pick up on her queues on what she's up for.  No harm in asking if you aren't sure.

Edited by reinventmyself
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And if she agrees to the "cuddling" but clearly says no sex, do not try to have sex with her. I don't mean I think you would force her, you clearly wouldn't, but don't try any "moves" either. If you get a boner just ignore it and deal with it after she leaves. Don't try to talk her into staying over either. Offer to walk or drive her home.

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12 hours ago, nman414 said:

I would much rather play it safe and really get to know her and take things slowly, but unfortunately, in past relationships I have been ridiculed by friends and the exes for going too slow.

Is that really how you make important choices? By whether your friends would approve? Or the person you are dating?  It's a great way to screen people out -stick to your values and standards.  Those who are incompatible will let you know, hopefully early on.

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Get dessert at a ice cream or cake or dessert place.  Catch a movie (in a theater). Go for a stroll (outside) with coffee in to go cups.  See a band (if you have that in town).

If this woman is special, do special things together.  I guarantee you, if you try to Netflix and Chill on your 2nd date, you become a dime a dozen.  Save the Netflix and Chill for a cold, rainy day 10 dates from now.

Edited by tattoobunnie
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On 10/19/2021 at 12:35 AM, nman414 said:

Hi all, So I came on here last week to see how I should ask out a girl that Ive been acquainted with since childhood but never really knew. I ended up texting her and asking if she would be interested in getting some smoothie bowls and eating them on the beach while we caught up. She accepted and it went super well, we sat and talked on the beach for 2ish hours before I dropped her off. I think Ive made it clear that Im into her and she has dropped signs that she is into me as well(sitting very close, lots of exclamation points and smiley faces in text.) I just don't want to take things too fast and have her get scared.

So after our first "date" she texted and said how she had a great time, I invited her over to my apartment for dinner on Friday and she said yes. With it being a college apartment, there is only a couch and a kitchen in the common area, no where really to eat so I was planning on just cooking the food and eating out in the courtyard. 

So that part of the date is fine, Im just wondering how I should proceed from here. I would love to show her my room and maybe lay in bed and cuddle/watch some Netflix with her, if she took things farther I wouldn't oppose, I don't really plan on initiating anything just yet though. 

So my question is, should I just ask if she wants to head to my room? Are there any good ways/questions to ask in order to test the waters and kinda see what she views me as? anyway to end up in my room without scaring her into thinking I'm pressuring her for sex?

Dude. Really? Second date you wanna show her your room? Chivalry really is dead I feel bad for women. After dinner you kiss her goodnight and plan a third date, preferably not at your apartment. 

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If you just want sex then pull the Netflix and chill on my bed routine but that isn't what you asked us so we advised you accordingly.

No we aren't a bunch of college guys on here seeing how many girls we can bang in 3 months.  You get advice on the situation and how you want it to go.  You want to get to know her better as a person so talk over dinner, head over somewhere for ice cream and then lean in for a kiss somewhere towards the end of the evening.  If she suggests going to your bedroom then go for it but don't assume it is on the table just yet.

Lost

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Don't lump yourself with other college age kids because they're not you and hopefully, you're not them either.  Not every woman is ready to jump in the sack just because you're in a hurry to do so. 

Good, I'm glad you'd rather play it safe by getting to know her personality and character above all else.  Set your priorities straight.  Treat her with dignity and always remain respectful. 

Don't confide in your friends regarding your dating life.  That's personal and none of their business.  They make the joke on you because you make yourself vulnerable to their mocking you.  If you don't say anything, don't talk nor write about your private life, then no one can ridicule and humiliate you.  Don't give your friends an opportunity to make fun of you. 

It's ok to just have dinner without a chilly, dark walk.  Your date does not need to be long and drawn out.  You'll make her feel safer and trust you more if you keep your date short, nice and proper.  Ice cream sounds good if both of you aren't too cold for it. 

Don't invite her to your apartment.  Be a gentleman first and foremost.  Stand out from the crowd.  Separate yourself from other men who don't treat women right. 

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Yeah, you can't exactly tell her you need to have sex with her just so your friends won't laugh at you and call you a wuss. I doubt that would go over too well.

I thought you legit liked her. If so, treat her accordingly. Not like she's just some chick you're trying to bang.

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Go out for dessert on the way to drop her back at home. I would not have done dinner at your place on a second date because you want the date to have a definite start and end. It can be awkward if either is assuming you should get physical or the sign of not means something, too  Or do dinner and go to a movie or something. 

 

I you did smoothie bowl on the beach, i would have done lunch, dinner or an activity like bowling next.

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I know writing about it won't change anything, however I want to type this out just to vent a bit and figure out how Im feeling.

After our first "date" she texted me telling me how she had a great time and would be interested in doing it again. I thought I was doing everything right, I opened doors for her, paid for meals, didn't rush into anything.

Date two was at my apartment, I made dinner and had some sides prepared. She ate the whole plate and we played some corn hole in the courtyard. We then went to grab ice cream and just sat, talked, and ate for an hourish. I also thought this date went very well. after dropping her off, she said shed text me. That night, she texted thanking me for a great night and praised how good the dinner was. 

I responded the same and started asking if she would be free to hang out again at some point this week. She never responded until last night  Where she said that she's had a great time hanging out with me but just doesn't want to get into anything new because she's busy with school and work but that shed love to stay friends because she enjoys hanging out with me. 

This is all completely valid, she has the right to her own opinions and to make her own decisions so I said that I totally get it and for her to text me if she ever wants to hangout. 

There are a few things that just don't really add up that are making me hurt a little though.

First, she said she's busy with school and work, why would she agree to hangout in the first place?

Second, last night I decided to re download a dating app just to get my mind off of things, and one of the first people I see is her, so apparently she is looking for something?

Finally, I understand that there is the completely real option that she's just not interested in me and is just letting me down nicely. Im just confused on that as well. She always seemed very enthusiastic and flirty in her texts and when I picked her up for dinner, she was taking shots with her roommates and her roommate told me she was super nervous.

I doubt this is the case, but my roommate is convinced its because I didn't try to make any moves on her. 

I understand that Its time for me to just let things go and move on, but having these unanswered questions is just leading me to be stuck in my thoughts when I need to focus on classes.

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Your roommate is wrong. How awkward would it have been if you tried to kiss her or have sex with her and she rejected you?

She may be trying to be kind by letting you down "easy".

You're in college. There must be dozens of lovely young ladies there. Dust yourself off and keep putting yourself out there.

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