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nman414

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  1. Lol I am definitely an over thinker. Ive already thought of all possible outcomes both good and bad. I am happy to report that I decided to text her this morning. I invited her to catch up over a smoothie bowl by the beach on Sunday. She seemed super excited and we'll be meeting up this weekend. Thanks for the encouragement everyone.
  2. Aha no I not from stalking, just saw from her posts that she was going to school in the area. Not really interested in just the sex aspect, there are plenty of girls on campus that could fulfill that need. based off social media posts (also not stalking, just noticed what she posts over time) it seems like both of us are looking more for a long term relationship. It is also not the girl from my past relationship. I decided to allow her to heal on her own and if she initiates contact then so be it. been testing the water on the dating apps for quite some time with no luck. not many people looking for serious relationships. Ill take your advice and see if she wants to grab coffee or something and go from there.
  3. I recently transferred to a state school near the beach. I really miss being in a relationship and would love to have someone close especially because I don't have many friends at the moment. I just found out a week or so ago that a girl from my hometown is living just about a block away from me. She goes to a different school about 15 minutes away however lives with another girl from my hometown In a house about 2 minutes from my apartment. We've gone to school together since pre K and have always been acquaintances. Ive always thought that she is a very pretty girl but we have never really talked much and nothing has ever happened. I have seen her on dating apps on and off for the past few months and whenever I do, I can't stop thinking about her for the next few days. then the feeling fades and the cycle repeats. I just recently saw her pop up again and this time I think I might make a move. I already have her snapchat so I was thinking of just messaging her there. how would you guys go about messaging her out of the blue to see if she wanted to grab food or something? A few concerns that have always held me back though, first, I worry about how she fades from my thoughts. Is it normal to have this happen? I don't want to get into a relationship and then have my feelings fade. This kinda brings me into my second point. Around high school graduation, her boyfriend, who I am also acquainted with, broke up with her. Judging from her social media (twitter retweets and likes) it really messed her up. She still likes tweets about relationship stuff to this day. I would feel so bad if I were to hurt her, especially because all our hometown friends would know. I have a feeling people will raise the argument that there are plenty of girls and that I shouldn't settle for a hometown girl. Although that is true, there are plenty of beautiful women that I see on campus, I just don't know how many of them are fit for me. I am more of a night in, non partier. and as a student at a large state school, most girls here are only interested in getting drunk and hooking up. This girl on the other hand is different from the rest. I have also been searching dating apps and meeting people in classes for 2ish years in this city with no luck and I am starting to feel desperate. So my question is, should I wait it out and keep hoping for the right girl to magically appear into my life, or should I reach out to this girl and try to start something with her, and if so, how should I go about doing it? Thanks
  4. So around 2.5 yrs ago, I broke up with my girlfriend of a year. I went away to college and she was a HS senior. The relationship steadily started to decline. I was feeling like she wanted too much attention and was taking away from my studies (always wanted to FaceTime and communicate.) I also hated the highs and lows of coming back home but then having to leave her again. So I ended it. She was devastated and also quite upset with me as I had a hard time giving her a valid reason for breaking up. I think I told her I needed to focus on school and that I didnt feel the same about the relationship as I once had, which was true. When we were dating and I would come home, she would want to spend time together, but she would just ended up sleeping or going on her phone. While we were apart, she always wanted to FaceTime and wanted to write long paragraphs about how much we loved each other; which I kinda found repetitive and annoying as we both usually just said the same things (kinda rude now that I look back at it.) Regardless, she was very upset after the break up. I came home for the first time after our breakup last year, we exchanged clothes and personal items and ended up seeing each other once more to hookup one last time. I forget if I said something wrong while explaining the breakup again, but she since has un added me on most social media. Fast forward to this year, I have taken a communications class and unlocked all the mysteries of our relationship. I learned about love languages, through this, I learned that my love languages are physical touch and gift giving. I also realized that my ex's love languages are quality time and words of affirmation. This totally makes everything make sense. She just wanted words of affirmation and time together over the phone while I was gone, which annoyed me. When we were together, I just wanted to be close to her, but she just wanted to spend time together. Our differences in love languages, especially my desire for physical contact made long distance very hard. Having this knowledge though, I have a strong urge to reach out to her and apologize for the way I broke up with her. I still love this girl as a friend, she's super funny and a overall good person to be around. I don't see us dating again as we now go to School even farther apart. I really want to reach out to make things right between us, but I have a feeling its probably best to avoid hurting her even further; now that she seems to have moved on by un adding me. So I guess my question is, although its probably better just to leave things as is, is there anyone in favor of reaching out to try to make things right?
  5. So I went to college for a year, with the pandemic I transferred home. I am now transferring back to a college nearby my old one and posted about this move on my instagram. I won't be back in that town (that is about 6hrs away) until august. A girl that I went to the first school with reached out to me on instagram and told me that she thought that I was very cute and was excited that I was coming back to town. I am somewhat torn as she is very smart and pretty but just not really my type. I messaged back and said thank you and we said that we should get food once I'm back in town. initially I thought I wouldn't really mind a short relationship or just a few nights together but I have since decided thats kinda low of me and not a great idea. Because I don't see a relationship between us, should I tell her this? I don't want to have her wait the few months til I get in town just to tell her that I don't want a relationship. I also wouldn't mind being just friends with her though as Im trying to be more outgoing to meet more people in college. If you guys think I should tell her, how would you go about wording the message? anything helps. thanks.
  6. Im a 19 yr old guy, Ive been out of a relationship with my gf of about 1 year for a little over a year now. In that time, I've messed around on dating apps but never actually met up with anyone, especially being home from school with my family and having to be on lockdown due to the virus. Before I started my 1 year relationship, I was weighing options between two girls, one my age, the other a year younger. I ultimately decided to date the one a year younger than me and it went pretty well. throughout that relationship though, she teased me about this other girl calling her my secret girlfriend, I always denied it but now this girl has come back up. I never got a solid confirmation that this girl my age actually had feelings for me, it was all based off of high school rumors so I never really pursued it, however a few days ago I was swiping around on a dating app and it showed that she had liked me. I transferred home to community college because of the virus and am stuck here for the next semester or next year and a half depending on if I get into schools or not, coincidentally, I am applying to her school and one other a few hours away. She plays a sport for the school so I think that means unfortunately she will be going back on campus a few hours away despite the school being closed down. That means we would have until the first week of December to hang out and do anything in person, that is if my parents even let me with the increased stay at home orders. is it worth it to make a move and try to get to know her before she goes back to school? and if I should, how should I go about taking to her? do I match with her on the app? or should I go directly to texting her? ( I already have her number from school.)
  7. Hi all, I've been single for almost a year now, focusing on my second year of college but really missing having a girlfriend especially going into winter. The gym I go to recently opened back up so I started going again. I normally go in the early AM where there is really only older people, which is unfortunate for my dating dilemma but I guess is good as it allows me to focus on working out. I feel like girls and gyms are a slippery slope though, I see many posts online of women complaining about men at gyms always staring at them and trying to hit on them, with that in mind, I always go out of my way to make sure the girls at the gym don't feel uncomfortable by purposely looking everywhere but at them. Today while working out, I noticed a girl with really pretty hair (wearing a mask so I don't know what she looks like fully). as I walked by where she was working out to grab some weights, it felt like she was looking at me. I brushed it off and walked over to an area to do my workout. she grabbed weights and set them down in the same area as me only right in front of the mirror that I was using to watch my form. I feel like this is important as there were three other walls with mirrors and she chooses to stand right in front of me when there is plenty of open space. right as I finished my workout, I went to put my weights away and she followed with hers. I left and that was it though. I don't know if Im over thinking this, but is she trying to get me to look at her and notice her? or was she just being inconsiderate moving her stuff right in front of me. Im not complaining as it fueled my ego a bit but I am just curious to hear others opinions. Knowing what I said earlier though, I avoided looking at her and had to avert my gaze away from the mirror even though I still wanted to use it. I think I might want to potentially get to know this girl but I would hate to find out that I had the wrong idea the whole time and make things weird for her. Like I said earlier though, I normally go early in the AM and never see many girls, today however I was busy in the AM and had to go midday. Do I switch up my whole schedule tomorrow and the following week to see if I can find this Girl again? and if I do end up seeing her, do I make a move? or do I just let fate decide things and continue going at my normal time and see if I ever end up seeing her again. Thanks for any thoughts.
  8. although I haven't 100% committed to not having a relationship for the next two years, your advice makes a lot of sense for this particular situation. If it is meant to be, maybe our paths will cross again in the future. thanks
  9. Hi all, here's some backstory. I recently decided to start fresh with school after completing one year of college, I am now coming back home to a community college to play soccer for the school and switch majors essentially deeming myself a freshman again. with school and soccer as my main focus plus being back at home with no potential dates on my mind, I though I would end up spending the next two years working, playing, and doing school with no GF, which I was bummed about, but I figured it would be for the better as my last relationship took up the majority of my time and Money often distracting me from more important things, which in retrospect seems bad but it felt right at the time so I can't complain. Anyways... I am training at my new fast food job, handing food out the window to customers when a girl calls me by name (I wear a name tag) and asked if I have a GF, I responded no to which she asked if I wanted one. already flustered worrying about getting orders correct and having my bosses around me, I said come back at 8 (when I got off) and we'll talk. To my surprise, when I got off work and went out to my car, she pulled up. I formally introduced myself and got her name. She's a very pretty girl that I think I would like to have a relationship with, but I then asked her how old she is. She's 17, I'm 19, so she's a HS senior and I'm essentially a college freshman again, only a one year school difference. I was super nervous so I didn't have much time to think so after she said that we both kinda awkwardly smiled at each other, I told her that I'm 19 and that she should come back when she turns 18. she didn't immediately leave so I asked her if she went to school in the area, and coincidentally, she goes to HS in the same town as my Community College. With that info in mind, we ended the convo and went our separate ways. After having a day to reflect though, I am starting to wonder if I made the wrong decision. With the given info I was able to do some online snooping to find a social media account just so I could see her face again as everything was kinda a blur due to me being nervous, so I do have a form of contact if I do decide to change my mind. I have a few concerns that I would like input on though. First and most importantly, she is 17 and I am 19, according to socials, she just turned 17 and I just turned 19 so we are almost exactly two years apart, I really have no issue with this, my grandparents are like 10 yrs apart so 2 is really no big deal, but with the age gap being at such a significant time legally, me being over 18 and her under , I am wondering if this would cause issues or lead to harsh judgement from others. legally, I think I could only get into trouble if there was a sexual side to the relationship, I would being willing to wait the extra year especially b/c I feel like that stuff is much better when you know your partner better anyways, but would this still lead to assumptions from friends and family anyways. I also don't know for sure that she is okay with the age gap, she didn't immediately leave when I told her my age which is a good sign but I could risk total rejection if I were to reach out. next, I would have to reach out through social media and somehow explain that I had to do some digging to find her which might make her feel weird/ creeped out as well. I also don't even know her or anything about her which means we may be polar opposites anyways. Finally, I am not sure if I am obsessing over this because I am truly attracted to her or because its just the fact that Ive never had girl be that forward with me and then show the dedication to drive all the way back 5 hrs later that I am attracted to. I don't want to miss out on something that could turn into a really great relationship, but with all of these complicating factors, I am wondering if it is something that is really worth it. any help is appreciated. thanks.
  10. Okay, so ill give some background info before I get into my question. My ex is a year younger than me, we went to the same high school and met at the place that we both worked. I had seen her around school and always thought she was pretty but never saw us together as she was younger and I didn't really like the people that she hung out with. I'm a more straight edge and reserved guy and she is outgoing and willing to try new things. While working together, I found it super easy to talk to her which isn't really normal for me. Long story short, we clicked really well and ended up hanging out a lot. At this point in our relationship I learned more about her, She is super smart bookwise but had some dumb habits (drinking, vaping, smoking) that I didnt agree with, however I decided to set those things aside as I really liked her. Eventually I convinced her to quit all of those things, I didn't push very hard, she realized that I didn't like these things and changed for me which was very mature of her. We started dating the winter of my senior yr her junior. Things were going really well, that end of yr/ summer we hung out almost every day.( Another detail that comes into play later, before this, I was a virgin and she had one partner before. We eventually started having sex a decent amount. I think she enjoyed it a good amount more than I did, she at one point wanted it everyday sometimes multiple times a day, and got her feelings hurt when I didn't want it.) That summer we were hanging out everyday, but I felt like something was changing. I just felt like she didn't really care about me as much as I did her. It felt like she really only cared about sex sometimes and stupidly, I bottled this up without telling her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings. I know, dumb. So after that summer, I went off to college about 8 hrs away by car. It was really nice having her support at the beginning of the yr, however things got difficult as I got into the swing of college. I wasn't worried about hooking up with others or having my relationship hold back my social life, however it was affecting my schooling. She wanted to face time every day and would get upset when I told her I just didn't have time to. It was weird because over the summer, we would hang out, however I felt like I really cared more about her and the relationship in general, I just didn't feel the love from her that I experienced at the beginning, but once I got to college that all changed. Around September, I told her that I thought we should breakup/ take a break as I just felt like she dint care about me as much as she used to. Over a few days and a lot of crying over the phone, she convinced me that she would change, ( giving me my space to focus on work while also trying to care more about the relationship in different ways.) We gave it a month and I think I had just fallen out of love or something. This is the part where I am feeling lost. I could never really give her a reason as to why I wanted to break up. I told her that it was because I felt like she just didn't love me like she used to, which was true but it wasnt the only factor. Her extreme sex drive was also another factor as well as some factors about her family and friends that I didn't like. With her being so social and willing to try new things, I was also worried about having to deal with the relationship while she went to college where I knew she would be partying and doing other things that I wasn't really thrilled about having to have to listen to. It is now six-ish months since I broke up with her, we tried being friends after the breakup but we got into an argument and I haven't talked to her since. I think about her almost every day but I still get a sick feeling when I think of us getting back together. I don't know if its just the touch and having someone so close that I crave so much or if its actually her that I want. Was it a mistake breaking up with her, with me just being dumb overthinking the issues I had with her family and her going off to college? or did I do the right thing? After reading back I realized I never really gave detail about the family issue, her parents were very weird. They were super strict on dumb things like her staying out past 11 but were willing to buy/ smoke weed with her and her sister as well as letting them have the house to throw big parties. Not sure if its just a difference in the way I was raised but stuff like that just made me not like them very much, they also had some anger management issues. any input is welcome, just trying to find out how to get over this.
  11. So I just got out of a year long relationship and one of the problems I ran into was making my girlfriend feel comfortable in her own skin while also looking good to me. My ex was very self conscious about her bad skin and her appearance and I worked really hard to try to make her feel beautiful and comfortable with or without makeup and regardless of what she was wearing. So after about a half year of dating she started getting more confident and comfortable wearing no make up and just basic sweats and casual clothes, which I was totally okay with I still loved her and thought she was super pretty, but then she would go out with friends or go to school events and she would get all dressed up and would wear makeup. This would make me kinda jealous as she wouldn’t even wear makeup or dress up for our dates anymore. Is this normal to be getting jealous/ disappointed about? And In the future how do I nicely tell a girl to get dressed up for me every once in awhile without sounding rude? Thx
  12. About once a month. Winter break is a whole month though
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