MirrorKnight Posted November 6, 2019 Share Posted November 6, 2019 Context I mentioned Cathy in the very first post I made here whilst agonizing over whether or not to break up with my ex. We met in June, kind of hit if off, but I kept my distance and backed away since I was not single, albeit not happy in that relationship. Since that break up (in Sep) I have met her a few times, mostly casually (walks, dinners), twice on more official dates (short trips on the weekend) more recently. Last weekend, she asked me to delete a dating app that I had on my phone that I did not realize was a dating app lol (it's an Asian thing) and she said that she has done likewise... so I guess we are in the early phase of an exclusive relationship? (I do not date more than one girl at a time anyway, so it does not change much from my perspective.) The Issues Punctuality She has seriously annoyed me twice since we started dating, both times relating to punctuality. On the first occasion, she agreed to meet me after work for dinner, but ended up being an hour late for no good reason (lost track of time and took longer than she expected to get ready). On the second occasion, last night, we had arranged to video call at a given time, she was again an hour late and said she got held up by her cousin who wanted to speak to her about some problems at home. (She lives with him and his family). On both occasions, I let her know in no uncertain terms that I was annoyed and that it was unacceptable to me. She apologized on both occasions, though she did show a little attitude to begin with last night because she was already in a bad mood before I had a go at her. I am a very punctual person. I feel that if you do not respect my time, you do not respect me. I want to have an equal relationship with my partner, so as important as that person will be in my life, I will not allow my life to revolve around them and their whims. So, the reason I have been so triggered by Cathy's lack of punctuality, is that I interpret it as selfishness, or at least being self-centered. I picture her going about her day with no consideration for my plans, just drifting along, and "oops I am late for my date!" Getting distracted by her cousin and not thinking to drop me a quick message to say something like, "sorry my cousin wants to talk to me about something, let's talk tomorrow"... it comes across self-absorbed and self-centered. Am I wrong? Expression Not sure how to describe this. I will use examples. I say "goodnight" and "good morning" on most days to her, she does reciprocate, but does not initiate. She will tell me about her day and issues, like this morning "I am so tired"... but rarely asks about how I am doing. I know different people have different messaging habits and she is affectionate in person. She has also mentioned that she is not very good at expressing herself, something she blames on a somewhat strict upbringing. But I cannot help but feel that it is another amber warning for a self-centered personality. The Train Seat This is a minor issue I barely feel like mentioning, but it did bother me a little. On one of our weekend trips, we booked train tickets a bit late and could not book seats next to each other. On the way back (after a nice weekend away with no problems) the seats next to me became vacated as people got off at their station. We were 30mins away from our destination, so I messaged her to come over from her seat 3 carriages away. She said she couldn't be bothered as it was only 30mins, and later said it was because the guys next to her had fallen asleep and she did not want to disturb them to get out from her window seat. But I suspect she might have made that up after noticing my annoyance. Unfair Comparisons? I cannot help but compare Cathy with Jane (my ex), who was very selfless, considerate, expressive and affectionate in comparison. It feels wrong to compare and hold Cathy up to Jane's standards when Jane's virtues came with baggage that I also found unacceptable... Am I the problem for seeing problems in people and never being satisfied? Nobody is perfect, I know that, but how do I work out which imperfections are acceptable and which are not? Is it too soon to date again? Am I projecting my guilt about Jane onto Cathy, by being overly critical about her perceived shortcomings? Thanks in advance for your time. Clearly I am no good at keeping things short and concise. lol Link to comment
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