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Everything posted by Keyman

  1. To be honest, if I were him, I would be thinking about letting you go and moving on. You both got together as an FWB thing. No stress, sex, all good. He is busy with work, his side business, study, and an impending move to a possibly busier position. An unknown future. Problem is, you have grown feelings, and while he like you too, possibly with feelings, he still has all these other things going on. So, he's suggested to take it easy and see how it goes. But, because of your feelings, you don't seem intent on seeing how it goes. Questions on how it will work, pressure on what y
  2. Honestly, watching porn and having a quick fap is just that, quick. There is no engagement with someone else, no having to get someone in the mood, foreplay, or an hour cuddling in the afterglow. It's just a quick toss to relieve stress or get a quick dopamine hit, and then get on with the evening, day, whatever. It doesn't mean he doesn't want to be with you, because as you say, you still have a good sex life. It's just some time alone. However, if he was doing it for hours on end, or multiple times a week, that would be a different story.
  3. Honestly, block her on EVERYTHING and don't contact her again. You broke up, she don't want to get back together again, times to start moving on. If there is any chance she is going to come back, it aint while you are hanging about waiting, hopeful, near the phone in case she might suddenly change her mind. Move on, get on with your life, focus on yourself and forget about her. And in the future, months, a year in the future, when you are in a healthier place, maybe, but by then you will have reaslised why it was a good thing.
  4. Fear breaks relatoionships. Fear mires us in a swamp of disillusion, panaoia, mistrust, depression and pain. Honestly, the life he was living, while it might have been fun for him, was shallow and likely unfulfilling. But in the state, when one cannot find something deep and fulfilling, and endless stream of one nighters or short terms can provide enough of a smoke screen to hide behind, but it never takes away the feeling of being unfulfilled. But now he has chosen you and to feel something deeper. You challenge him, which is good, he needs to be challenged and to feel the depth which you
  5. It sounds like what your ex needed was to hit rock bottom, and when you dumped him, that is what he did. And from the bottom, the only way is up, and from what you have said, that is the path that he has taken. To me, you sound like you are at rock bottom now. And from there, there are only two ways to go... Stay where you are or find a way out. I doubt you want to stay where you are, because your post sounds like you are really really enjoying being down there, so the only way is out. As Jibralta says, you need to stop dwelling on things that make you feel bad. Your long held expectatio
  6. To me, sounds like "there's this other guy, and well, I haven't actually spoken to him, but he looked at me once, and it made me feel all excited and pretty and whatever. It made me think how fun it was at the beginning of our relationship, but now it's got serious and, well, boring. I want that fun again. So, I'll put you in this limbo place to make it easier to slip away, and maybe you'll even get sick of it and walk away, then I won't feel so bad." There is only one way out of limbo, and that is walking away and closing the door behind you. And, of course, it is possible, should you walk
  7. Why do you need someone to be there for you? Is it common that you go through these down episodes, and does he always have to try to reassure you? Generalising here, but men and women are different. Men try to fix, women try to empathise. If you want someone to tell you everything is going to be okay, to listen and reassure, then ask a woman. Your boyfriend is not a counsellor and should not have to listen to you constantly being down on yourself. And, if he has been in your life for 5 years, no doubt he has tried to be there for you, at his age, has no experience trying to emphathise and jus
  8. You two are from different worlds and lifestyles and based on what you have said, this is a deal breaker. The thing about coming together with someone, is accepting them as the person they are, and it is fairly clear that you do not accept her as she is. From your point 1 alone, you don't like how she lives and have tried to change that. You have deep impressions as to why she lives like that, and have suggested changes to try to make her a little more like you. Then, in point 3, you pretty much state: I take drugs sometimes, and I want her to as well because I think she would be better
  9. Honestly, if I received this from a girl I had been dating for 5 months, I would be seriously thinking about letting that girl go. But that's me. He's at med school, deep in study and doing what is needed to get his degree and has a girl demanding more of his time than he has available. Then she drops a thinly veiled ultimatum as a sh*t test? But then, if I was on your side, and I was not getting what I wanted from the relationship in terms of time spent, then I might be thinking of getting out. So, at 24, why can't you wait any longer?
  10. OKay, so if one day she does decide to reach out, say in a years time, what will she find? Someone that has been sitting by the phone, pining for her for the past year? or perhaps someone who has bothered her month after month after month and not able to get over her? Or someone who is strong in himself, able to move on and get on with his life and is better for the relationship having been in the past?
  11. Friendship. It does sound like he has either begun to catch some feelings, or is just a caring kinda guy. If you are not interested in anything more, then you need to end this hook up.
  12. You are a fool for staying with her. You caught her cheating before the marriage but married her anyway. She continues to have affairs, and you let her. She has now spawned 3 kids and wants more while you work your fingers to the bone paying for it all. And she wants to be a stay at home mother? I'm assuming you are in the US, which will mean, if you decide to file for divorce, she gets the house, the kids, child support, alimony, while you look forward to having your bones stripped bare, having no money, and working hard to pay for it all. This woman is never going to be a normal woman
  13. Maybe he feels exactly the same. Perhaps he is waiting for the right opportunity, or waiting for the right sign from you. Things are changing in the manisphere, lots of us guys aren't keen to go in for the kiss or try something until we are absolutely sure. All it takes these days is one unproven sentence from a woman to ruin a good man's reputation. Perhap try having a conversation with him about it.
  14. Six months is not long enough to get over this FWB and move into friends. You are not ready and he is wary of that. You were clingy with him in the past, and just by reading your post, I can see you would move back into that again. You say you wont but you are fooling yourself. All of this thought of what to tell him, how to show him you have changed etc, that is a rather obvious statement that you have not changed. He is too high up on your pecking list and your need for him is still rather obvious. I say meet with him, but then let him go and try to grow in yourself, get stronger and not
  15. What you are going through is getting quite common these days. There are a lot of good guys out there that just want to be themselves and be loved by a good woman, but they end up plan B because they don't give this fireworks that seems to be a necessity these days for women. The problem is, fireworks don't last, and when the sky clears, the women get bored and runs off after the next feeling of fireworks, thenin their 30s to be left wondering where all the good guys are. I know a lot of good guys who may not be the best looking, tallest, aren't muscular, and many earn a good packet, but t
  16. It's a classic sh*t test to determine what quality of person you are. Are you the type that will sleep with them early, or scurry away in fear? Or, are you the woman that will stand up for yourself, that you are looking for something deeper and not prepared to have a home date until you are ready. If they continue to pester after you have stood up to them, then best just get rid of them. The test weeds out the people they aren't looking for and is done by men and women, just in different ways.
  17. So, if he is treating you this badly, why do you stay around? To be honest, he is playing you. He is giving you just enough to keep you eagerly coming back for me, while he is off hanging with his friends and likely sleeping with other girls. He knows that he doesn't have to give you much to keep you interested, and when you complain, he will give you just enough to keep you around, then go off and do as he wishes. Walk away, it aint worth it, he aint worth it.
  18. For a start, stop comparing real life to movies. That is setting your expectations at a time when you should not have any. And, it also sounds like he has moved into an area of contentment with you, just getting on with the relationship, yet, you are still after excitement. The way you describe him is that he is this nice beta guy, who tells me what I want to hear, but he just doesn't excite you. He's the kind of guy you want to settle down with and get on with life when you are ready for that. But you are young, and want excitement, some guy that makes your heart rush, some guy that keeps
  19. OKay, I understand. Well, say hello to my mum while your down there will you. The virus is probably messing with your experience down there, I still hope you make the most of it. And once you get back, hit him up and see what is what. Just don't be too expectant, as another poster has said, he lost interest when he couldn't get there for June, and he has a habit of moving on quickly, so try it, but don't be too hopeful. As a long term traveller myself, I know it can be easy to get wound up with someone only to have them head off in a different direction from where you are with promises
  20. Well yes, Instagram does have a reputation for being a place for some women to get lots of free attention and to feel good about themselves. But I agree with Holly that he has some deeper issues. Men like women who cook, so you are seeking attention by posting food? I say block him as he wishes. He doesn't have the right to control your access to social media. I could understand a little more if you were posting bikini shots or the like, but since you don't, he needs to talk to someone about his insecurity issues and to stop being so controlling.
  21. Hey there, girl from the land of my whanau, This emotional fling that you had with this lad was little more than a fleeting encounter with someone you connected with from the other side of the world. And in that week, there were more ups and down then good relationships have in their first 6 months, arguments, declarations of love, friends complaining he was spending too much time etc. It sounds like it was too intense for something that will last, but will leave a memory with you. Like the cliche, 'the brightest stars burn the fastest', that is pretty much what went on here. It was grea
  22. You are the one trapping yourself in a field of what ifs. Read back over your post and tell me if you think he is really interested or if he is just throwing you breadcrumbs. He enjoys having you around, but it obviously looking for something better. If after a year, you are not together, then he is definitely stringing you along. And you are hanging on his every word with hope that things will change in the future. And now you discover he is out looking for other girls? Walk away, block, delete and don't talk to him again. Get some self respect, stay single for a bit and regrow your
  23. I think it's the perfect time to start growing some hobbies and strength in being more disconnected. You can still talk to him, facetime etc, but in some ways, if you look at this in a positive light, something good for you, perhaps it will be a little less hard. You can do this and it is for the betterment of the relationship and yourself. There is another post in ENOTALONE today where a guy has been with his girl 6 years and she gets irritated when he tries to do anything not involved with her. That could be you in 3 years. I'm not saying your relationship is like that, but happy relation
  24. So, this is a time when you have to be strong for yourself and for him. You cannot depend on someone being there every day for you, just so you feel comfortable. That is very needy behaviour. If you have issues with separation anxiety, then you need to talk to someone and get help for that situation. You need to learn to be comfortable by yourself, it will help you grow, as right not you are super dependent on someone else, and that is not healthy. And, it's not your bf's mother doing this on purpose, she is trying to protect her own family. If you have come in contact with the virus and sp
  25. I don't necessarily agree that if a guys likes you he'll let you know. Some will, depending on how eager they are to sleep with you, and how good they are at doing that, but most guys wont. However, if you have told a guy that you like him, and then he doesn't make it clear if he likes you or not, he isn't interested.
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