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Keyman

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Keyman last won the day on September 21 2012

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About Keyman

  • Birthday 11/17/1971

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  1. Stop asking everyone in the world what you should do in this situation and just make a decision. If you like him and want to see him again, ask him out, if you don't want to see him again, don't ask him out. As for the fact that it's to a wedding, who cares. If anyone asks, your just friends. Go, have fun, and learn to make your own decisions without the concensus of random people on the internet.
  2. Why are you so desperate to remain friends with him? You were never satisfied by him in the relationship, so you want to bring it back to a friendship and just keep the bits that worked well for you while you head off out to find the good bits from someone else? Perhaps he was satisfied in the relationship, but would now have to be just friends with you without it, and he is not satisfied by that. Initially, while he was going through the pain of the breakup, remaining friends seemed like a good idea as it lessened the pain, but after a while he just shut the door on the relationship and has moved on. I think this is something that you should be doing too. Never try to hold onto a partner once the relationship has finished, it will hold you both back. He's let go and is getting on with his life, but 6 months along, you are still stuck on the whole thing. Maybe it's time for you to let go and move on too. Maybe one day years from now your paths will cross and you can be friends, maybe. Until then, take the gifts you received from him and move on.
  3. I think you're at about the point where you need to work on closing the door completely. The idea of friends is a foot still in the door holding it and your feelings, and this is stopping you from fully moving on. That should be the goal here. You've deep dived into yourself, have reflected a plenty, but you are still holding on for something from her, and it's not helping your healing. Work to pull that foot out of the door, let her go completely, try to focus on moving forward instead of hanging onto the past, and close that door.
  4. Hey Chubby, You are just beginning through the emotional process that is a break up. You are in denial at the moment. Not so much denying it happened, by denying yourself the right to mourn, denying that you had a good reason to do what you did. Breaking up can often hurt the breaker more than the breakee. It's the disconnecting from the person you were with that is the hardest - you'll miss them. RIght now, you need to fill the gap that person has left with yourself as best as you can. Get into your hobbies, take up the gym, hiking, boxing - anything that can get your mind off what you are going through. Don't think about finding someone else to fill the gap, that is just opening yourself up to misery. Close all doors on her. Watching from the sideline of social media is just going to tear you up more. Many women can use attention to help them through breakups, as they get far more attention than most guys, so seeing some guy even slightly flirting on instapram is gonna hurt. And forget the friendship thing, it's holding you back from moving on as it is more a thinly veiled thread that keeps you connected, when the best thing right now is to be disconnected. The vast majority of people in the world have gone through a breakup and have gotten over it, and you will too.
  5. You treat her like some special pedestal bound princess, and she treats you like her pet dog. Honestly, the sex can't be that good unless you enjoy being treated like this on a regular basis. She's gaslighting you into thinking that you are the one in the wrong, and giving you a couple of days to think about what you've done wrong. No doubt she will then come back, suck you back in so she can get her narsisitic supply and have you grovelling at her feet again to make her feel special. Don't take these couple of days for her to rethink this relationship, let her know right now that you are done and move on.
  6. You are young and virile, and don't fully understand yourself. Our society often pushes that being in a relationship is the best way to win at life and to have a happy life, so we often, myself included in my younger days, throw ourselves into relationship after relationship to fill the gap with someone in hope of achieving that happiness. The thing is, you need to be filling that gap with yourself. Building your own healthy self esteem without the need for someone else to do that. THEN, once you are whole, find someone to ADD to your life not become it. Get out there, get some hobbies, buff up at the gym, get a good shine on about yourself, get your career blossoming. That doesn't mean you can't have flings to sate your need for sexual gymnastics, but don't get attached until you are ready. And to be honest, the girls are likely in the same boat as it is easier for them to jump from relationship to relationship without healing and getting to know themselves without someone else.
  7. I honestly think this is for the best. By claiming your ex was still being controlling, it's almost like she's projecting her own controlling behaviour, which is most evident in your post. The level of gaslighting and emotional abuse is almost suggestive of a need for narcissitic supply.
  8. To be honest, if I were him, I would be thinking about letting you go and moving on. You both got together as an FWB thing. No stress, sex, all good. He is busy with work, his side business, study, and an impending move to a possibly busier position. An unknown future. Problem is, you have grown feelings, and while he like you too, possibly with feelings, he still has all these other things going on. So, he's suggested to take it easy and see how it goes. But, because of your feelings, you don't seem intent on seeing how it goes. Questions on how it will work, pressure on what you should do now and in the future. And his other stresses continue, probably growing. He wasn't intending a relationship, he was moving away anyway. Now you want all in and he is backing away. Best let it go and move on.
  9. I've found it's an excuse to see you again. Oops, she says on a text, I think I left my ... at your place last night, do you mind if I pop over and spend some more time with... I mean, pick it up? Usually it's something like gloves, a scarf, hairband or something. The bra might be a come on? Or, whatever she was on last night caused her to get foggy minded, and the bra was uncomfortable while she was sitting around, so she took it off and forgot it?
  10. Honestly, watching porn and having a quick fap is just that, quick. There is no engagement with someone else, no having to get someone in the mood, foreplay, or an hour cuddling in the afterglow. It's just a quick toss to relieve stress or get a quick dopamine hit, and then get on with the evening, day, whatever. It doesn't mean he doesn't want to be with you, because as you say, you still have a good sex life. It's just some time alone. However, if he was doing it for hours on end, or multiple times a week, that would be a different story.
  11. Honestly, block her on EVERYTHING and don't contact her again. You broke up, she don't want to get back together again, times to start moving on. If there is any chance she is going to come back, it aint while you are hanging about waiting, hopeful, near the phone in case she might suddenly change her mind. Move on, get on with your life, focus on yourself and forget about her. And in the future, months, a year in the future, when you are in a healthier place, maybe, but by then you will have reaslised why it was a good thing.
  12. Fear breaks relatoionships. Fear mires us in a swamp of disillusion, panaoia, mistrust, depression and pain. Honestly, the life he was living, while it might have been fun for him, was shallow and likely unfulfilling. But in the state, when one cannot find something deep and fulfilling, and endless stream of one nighters or short terms can provide enough of a smoke screen to hide behind, but it never takes away the feeling of being unfulfilled. But now he has chosen you and to feel something deeper. You challenge him, which is good, he needs to be challenged and to feel the depth which you bring and want to bring to the relationship. But you are also bringing fear, which will push him away. And should he come to the conclusion that you are just too unsure, that you fear too much, then he will likley leave and head right back to the easy shallow and unfulfilling lifestyle. Ultimately, you are never going to know fully if he intends to stay or go. So, you have two choices, take him at face value, stop fearing he will leave and start enjoying your time together; Or walk away.
  13. It sounds like what your ex needed was to hit rock bottom, and when you dumped him, that is what he did. And from the bottom, the only way is up, and from what you have said, that is the path that he has taken. To me, you sound like you are at rock bottom now. And from there, there are only two ways to go... Stay where you are or find a way out. I doubt you want to stay where you are, because your post sounds like you are really really enjoying being down there, so the only way is out. As Jibralta says, you need to stop dwelling on things that make you feel bad. Your long held expectation that people must be a certain way, is keeping you down in that dirty pit of despair. And, unfortunately, you are the only one who can get you out. We, and other people, can give you a helping hand, but you are the one who has to do the heavy lifting. And as for being too old? You're 30, barely out of diapers with a long life ahead of you. You still have a lot of potential to get out there and make something of your life, but there is only one thing holding you back. You. This I'm not good enough, I'm too old, my parents hate me victimhood BS is not going to get you anywhere. So, it's time to stop comparing yourself to other people, expecting that everything will magically get better, and start to get out of that pit you seem to be enjoying. And take little steps, find something that you can take pleasure in and focus on that, slowly building more and more things. Look for a job, it doesn't matter what. Go work at McDonalds or something. But don't see it as being beneath you, as guess what, right now, it is a step up for you. Celebrate that and then look for the next step up.
  14. To me, sounds like "there's this other guy, and well, I haven't actually spoken to him, but he looked at me once, and it made me feel all excited and pretty and whatever. It made me think how fun it was at the beginning of our relationship, but now it's got serious and, well, boring. I want that fun again. So, I'll put you in this limbo place to make it easier to slip away, and maybe you'll even get sick of it and walk away, then I won't feel so bad." There is only one way out of limbo, and that is walking away and closing the door behind you. And, of course, it is possible, should you walk away that she will come crawling back in 6 months because some new guy dumped her. But by then you'll understand better and not go there again.
  15. Why do you need someone to be there for you? Is it common that you go through these down episodes, and does he always have to try to reassure you? Generalising here, but men and women are different. Men try to fix, women try to empathise. If you want someone to tell you everything is going to be okay, to listen and reassure, then ask a woman. Your boyfriend is not a counsellor and should not have to listen to you constantly being down on yourself. And, if he has been in your life for 5 years, no doubt he has tried to be there for you, at his age, has no experience trying to emphathise and just sits rigid and thinking how to fix the situation. I can imagine what he thinks...'Oh God, here we go again with all the down crap.' Then, when you don't get exactly what you want, you ignore him, for 2 days. That is called emotional abuse, from you. Likely this is not the first time you have done this either, and he knows the best thing for him is just to leave you alone. I wonder if he thinks he would be better off with a more emotionally mature person, so he wouldn't have to go through this time and again. So, my question to you is, what are YOU doing about your situation? And I'm not talking about your boyfriend's lack of empathy, I'm talking about your ongoing life struggles? Are you seeking professional help?
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