Getting in my own head

[Alex39]

He wants me to message him. I just think thats so weird. My girl friend said he's shy is all. She thinks I should just send a cute gif and say hello. I'm so unsure.

 

So I should say nothing and wait? Even though he told me to message him, which I hate.

[Wiseman2]

Just Not That Into You =

He wants me to message him

[Alex39]

Oooh yes, you may be right

[boltnrun]

Alex, you are overthinking again. Getting into your own head.

 

I can't believe you are stressing over a guy you've never met!

 

Your friend can give him your number (with your consent, of course). And he can message you to introduce himself. If you want, you two can arrange to meet.

[Alex39]

My friend did give my number with my consent. He then told her "Have Alex text me."

 

So she sent me what he said and gave me his number. Its a bit ridiculous. I'm unsure of what to do.

[boltnrun]

My friend did give my number with my consent. He then told her "Have Alex text me."

 

So she sent me what he said and gave me his number. Its a bit ridiculous. I'm unsure of what to do.

 

Why are you unsure?

 

You went against your instincts last time and that did not go well.

 

If you are hesitating, you are in no way obligated to have any communication whatsoever with this guy.

 

And do NOT text him if you don't really want to! Again, going against your own instincts went badly last time.

 

Oh, and I sure hope your friend isn't the immature type to get angry with you if you don't want to message the guy.

[reinventmyself]

then just text him

It's just text, not a marriage proposal.

Don't give this any more value than it deserves.

[Alex39]

No my friend says she doesn't care. She just figured me might hit it off.

 

My friend didn't think it was any big deal. She was like, send him something cute and funny. No big deal.

 

I'm considering it.

[Batya33]

I really hope you're not thinking of this as asking a man out. You're not and he wouldn't be asking you out either. Just text him as you would a woman who you might have something in common with and do not have a long typing exchange. Simply text, and if he texts back just say -hey- our friend thinks we might have things in common - are you available to meet sometime for a (walk/coffee/go check out the new art gallery,etc?)

[Wiseman2]

You need to run your own dating/love life and stop making other people be your matchmakers and go-betweens. Start thinking for yourself. At this point either he texts you or he doesn't . Everything your matchmaker friend is telling you is hearsay. He sounds very indifferent like "yeah, whatever tell her to text me". That doesn't sound like someone who is very interested. Your friend seems to be stirring the pot and making a fool of you.

No my friend says...

She just figured ...

My friend didn't think...

She was like,...

[Metaltwin70]

Amk,

 

Come oooon. It's 2019, not 1949. Just text him already?? Say: 'Hey! How's it going dude??' or some such and let the rest happen as it happens!

[Batya33]

I don't think the year matters as far as dating practices -nothing to do with dating. She's just starting a conversation and perhaps suggesting to meet in person. Nothing to do with dating at this point. He already knows she'd like to meet, he has expressed interest in meeting. She tends to get caught up in fantasies borne from texting before meeting so in her case I would arrange a meeting ASAP. People cannot meet in person without communicating first. Who cares who communicates first.

[figureitout23]

I agree with Bat, it’s not romantic yet so just text him.

[katrina1980]

"I have been focusing on my life, health, friends. I'm so positive about where I am going in my life. I an on a health kick, working out and eating right. It makes me feel great. I am trying to lose some weight.

 

I am focusing on my job and schooling. Should be graduating in a few months. I've worked so hard for it. For myself. I'm proud of myself. "

 

amk, this^ is from your first post updating.

 

And I responded.

 

But now I feel a bit duped, because once again, it appears you are not focusing on your life, but on yet another guy, different face, same story.

 

And this is where your great update is heading, more obsessing about some guy you've never met! And if you do ever meet, another 50 pages of more analyzing, more obsessing, ugh.

 

Anyway, if others want to engage you on this, that's their right, but for me I choose to not go there with you this time.

 

Someday, I would love to read a post from you saying how you are really happy with your life, yourself, without even the mention of another guy!!

 

Good luck.

[boltnrun]

"but I do feel lonely and wanting a man in my life. "

This sums it up in a nutshell.

[Metaltwin70]

'"but I do feel lonely and wanting a man in my life. "

 

This sums it up in a nutshell.

 

________

 

I don't know. I don't get what's so wrong with wanting a man in your life. I kind of see this as a basic human need - to share your life with an intimate partner. Not a friend, colleague or sibling. Or indeed a pet.

 

Amk, have you texted him??

[boltnrun]

'"but I do feel lonely and wanting a man in my life. "

 

This sums it up in a nutshell.

 

________

 

I don't know. I don't get what's so wrong with wanting a man in your life. I kind of see this as a basic human need - to share your life with an intimate partner. Not a friend, colleague or sibling. Or indeed a pet.

 

Amk, have you texted him??

 

I presume you haven't read the entire thread. Alex latches onto just about any man who gives her any bit of attention and then hangs on long past the time when she should realize it's a bad fit.

 

I don't subscribe to the belief that some man, any man, no matter how much of a mismatch, is better than being single.

 

After all, this thread has been going on for only 6 months and this current guy is the THIRD guy Alex has talked about and is pursuing in that time. And obsessing over. Without ever even meeting in person!

[katrina1980]

Metal, true but have you read all her threads?

 

She takes this basic human need to a whole n'other level, spending months and months and more months wasting time on dead-end men, over-thinking, over-analyzing, obsessing to the point she's lost all control over herself and her own values.

 

That is why it made me happy to read her update, believing she had learned something from her past mistakes, and as she said focusing on herself and her life for awhile.

 

But this wasn't true apparently. It's still all about some guy.

 

I dunno, it saddens me, that's all.

[Alex39]

I wanted to update because I am a little peeved at my friend. I think she was saying the same thing to both of us for us to talk to each other. I don't think he ever told her to have me call him.

 

He messeged me yesterday afternoon saying how she gave him my number and she told him to text me and how he hopes he isn't being too forward.

 

Doesn't sound like a guy who was waiting for me to message him. I think she played us sort of against each other causing this weird stalemate. Thinking one of us would talk to the other.

 

We chatted a bit. I got busy. He sent me a few messages, I think he thought I lost interest. His messages were trying to make more conversation every half hour or so.

 

Then messaged him back and we chatted. He fell off for the night and messaged me again this afternoon. Its weird. At times he doesnt say much. So it makes me think he isn't interested on getting to know me But then he is all talking other times and reaching out to me. I'm deduced this to him getting busy at work, then having down time. Similar to myself.

 

I'm open to talking. Not planning to ask him out at all. Keeping my standards on that one.

 

I'm hoping it will be so much easier now that my friend is out of the middle.

[Batya33]

Don’t keep texting. You get attached. Meet in person and then let him ask you out on a date. Your friend is not a dating service. I set up many people and one of my pet peeves is when I get requests to act as the middle person or am subjected to complaints about flakiness or other criticisms. I see my role as connecting the two people in the way they are comfortable with- email or phone or whatever. Then I’m out of there. Maybe you misunderstood your friend. She’s not a matchmaker. She’s just trying to connect two people who might have something in common. And please do not text with this guy before meeting. You already know it’s safe to meet him in a public place. Let him get to know you in person. Suggest a time to meet the next time you text - tell him you prefer that to typing back and forth. Then meet and don’t text unless you’re running late.

[Alex39]

He wants to meet. This is good. He is leaving the when and where up to me. I'm at a total loss for what to do. Like is dinner too much for barely knowing one another?

[Alex39]

He keeps saying we can do whatever makes me happy, as long as we get to hangout. I feel like hangout doesn't sound like dinner?

[figureitout23]

That’s an awesome update AMK, remember stay grounded, stick by your boundaries, have fun.

 

Kat, I mean no offense but to say you playing both sides would be an understatement, yesterday dysfunction was romantic and now it’s not even worthy of rebuttal? This is what happens!!!! Eventually she may very well find her match, and he may very well compliment her flaws and quirks and strengths, but this is the road there, this is the reality of what’s later romanticized. I’m curious how you imagined two dysfunctional people finding one another?

[figureitout23]

He keeps saying we can do whatever makes me happy, as long as we get to hangout. I feel like hangout doesn't sound like dinner?

 

You’re in control here.

 

No need to jump to negativity.

 

It doesn’t matter what he means, find out and if it’s not up to your boundaries well then that’s that.

 

Do it different this time, less time spent in your head more time communicating.

 

You can do this.

[katrina1980]

That’s an awesome update AMK, remember stay grounded, stick by your boundaries, have fun.

 

Kat, I mean no offense but to say you playing both sides would be an understatement, yesterday dysfunction was romantic and now it’s not even worthy of rebuttal? This is what happens!!!! Eventually she may very well find her match, and he may very well compliment her flaws and quirks and strengths, but this is the road there, this is the reality of what’s later romanticized. I’m curious how you imagined two dysfunctional people finding one another?

 

FiO, I never said dysfunction was romantic, I would never ever say that.

 

I had misinterpreted your post and I apologized for that..

 

And I think by interpreting my post as meaning I think dysfunction is romantic, you clearly misinterpreted my post.

 

In fact, I actually posted how dysfunctional I thought my friend and her bf's relationship it is. But if it works for them, then who am I to judge?

 

Sorry you misinterpreted that. Again, easy to do on these forums.

 

Re amk, in reading her update, and now her subsequent posts focusing on this guy, I feel a bit duped, that's all..

 

As I said, it would be nice to read a post from her wherein her focus is enhancing her life, versus her focus being on yet another guy she has yet to meet.

 

JMO.