Getting in my own head

[figureitout23]

I apologize Kat, I may be misinterpreting you.

 

I guess what I’m trying to say and not doing a very good job is this concept that’s discussed of two people finding each other and working through their issues together well isn’t this that journey? Isn’t this where it starts?

 

This is who xoxo is, until she makes major changes this is simply who she is when she dates.

 

So does she keep going until she finally meets that one who accepts it and embraces it, who could be this guy for all we know, or is she supposed to do the dreaded evil thing that’s taking a break to work on herself?

[Batya33]

He wants to meet. This is good. He is leaving the when and where up to me. I'm at a total loss for what to do. Like is dinner too much for barely knowing one another?

 

I would meet for a walk in a park and ice cream or coffee. Walking is a great way to feel comfortable getting to know someone -fresh air, physical activity and pleasant distractions.

[katrina1980]

I apologize Kat, I may be misinterpreting you.

 

I guess what I’m trying to say and not doing a very good job is this concept that’s discussed of two people finding each other and working through their issues together well isn’t this that journey? Isn’t this where it starts?

 

This is who xoxo is, until she makes major changes this is simply who she is when she dates.

 

So does she keep going until she finally meets that one who accepts it and embraces it, who could be this guy for all we know, or is she supposed to do the dreaded evil thing that’s taking a break to work on herself?

 

No worries FIO, but I appreciate your apology, thank you. :)

 

I hear ya re amk, not disputing that.

 

Again, I just felt a bit misled/duped, my issue.

 

I have no doubt I will get over it soon and be chiming in, same as I always do! Lol

 

Amk, I sure do hope this isn't a repeat of last guy - have fun and good luck!

[boltnrun]

Alex, try to keep your expectations reasonable. You are meeting a man to see if you might be interested in going on a date with him. Not hoping to meet your next boyfriend.

 

And remember, what is important is if YOU like HIM. Not "gee, I hope he likes me!!!"

[katrina1980]

Good advice bolt!!

 

And also, assumimg you click, or with any new guy, YOU set the pace amk.

 

No fast and furious like last guy, ok?

 

Guy was living in twilight zone, a fantasy, and once reality hit, he was off and running!

 

Slow it down, be aware of lovebombing and stay grounded.

 

Don't get caught up in whirlwind romances, they typically do not last.

[figureitout23]

He wants to meet. This is good. He is leaving the when and where up to me. I'm at a total loss for what to do. Like is dinner too much for barely knowing one another?

 

Maybe something quick and low key.

 

if dinner maybe someplace affordable but sit down like chilis

 

Or

 

you can do the first meet coffee

 

I think the thing to remember is have fun, this is to find out if you two are interested, NOT to prove yourself to him

[Wiseman2]

He doesn't know you. He's keeping low key and casual and so should you. Coffee or drinks. Stop the excessive texting. .

I feel like hangout doesn't sound like dinner?

[Batya33]

He doesn't know you. He's keeping low key and casual and so should you. Coffee or drinks. Stop the excessive texting. .

 

I would not do drinks since the OP tends to get attached and should stay sober with someone she doesn't know - she's posted about getting drunk/tipsy because she didn't realize how much she'd had to drink.

[Alex39]

We're meeting tonight for dinner. No where fancy. A pub like place just so we can meet and see what happens. I'm going to look my best, bring my A game, but my expectations are pretty low. If its a good time, then great, maybe we'll go out again. If not, well I went and tried it. I still have so much going on in my life to focus regardless of this one meet.

[figureitout23]

If its a good time, then great, maybe we'll go out again. If not, well I went and tried it. I still have so much going on in my life to focus regardless of this one meet.

 

Are you saying that to convince us or you?

 

Look you could have a million things going on if you’re still obsessive you will become obsessive unless you do something to redirect all that energy.

 

If I have a crack habit, saying I don’t smoke crack anymore isn’t gonna kick that habit.

 

You’re talking the talk, make sure you’re walking the walk.

 

Sounds like things are on track. Hope you have fun!

[Alex39]

Yes, I think my most recent health kick, gym and eating right has been good to re-direct that energy. I'm proud of myself.

 

I quickly want to bring up another topic that is sort of bothering me. Since a lot of you know me sort of, hoping you had insight.

 

I live in an apartment building. A few months ago I accidentally locked myself out. I couldn't reach the management company so I ended up knocking on my neighbors door. I'm 27. He is my dad's age. Lives there with his long time serious girlfriend. They also work together. They tried to help me get it open. We couldn't. They were extremely nice. They even let me come in, sit and talk with them for hours until help arrived. They offered me food and drink. Very nice people.

 

I'm not anti social, but I am very private and introverted.

 

Ever since, the guy added me on Facebook. He messages me all the time.

 

He's overly nice, but its almost to the point where I am creeped out. He tells me if weather is going to be bad, or if things are going on in the building. Those are nice neighborly things. But he is always asking why they never see me and that we should all get together and have drinks.

 

I say I am busy a lot, which is true. I'm always at school or working most nights. The weekends I like my solace of homework, cooking, gym, and relaxation. Me time. Unless my good friends ask me out or I have a date.

 

Like today. He told me weather was bad this morning if I was going out. I said thank you. Then he starts asking me about my day. I tell him I hit the gym and am doing homework. I just find this so weird. He knows I am in school all the time.

 

He almost won't take no for an answer and insists I come over for a coffee or a hard drink. I make a million excuses. He's insistent that I should take a break and hangout with them.

 

He does this every so often and I feel uncomfortable. When I don't answer, he then points it out like I am purposely doing it.

 

I don't know if he means any harm. He has two kids my age. But he sort of hounds me and it makes me uncomfortable. I keep mentioning maybe we can get drinks in the summer, but he seems so persistent on soon.

 

I think I'd be more creeped out if he lived alone, but his girlfriend seemed very nice so it makes me think he isn't so creepy. I just feel pressured by him and me being half his age, I find it odd.

 

I don't know what to do.

[boltnrun]

Maybe they're swingers.

 

Do you think he's attempting to hit on you?

[katrina1980]

 

Maybe they're swingers.

 

 

Lol, beat me to it!!

 

Alex, me thinks he's grooming you for a threesome - him, his gf and you.

 

Be pleasant but maintain your distance.

 

Happens to me quite often with "older" couples. :eek:

[Wiseman2]

Befriend the gf and always refer to her, ask about her, etc. You can't snub people who were kind to you. However it's wise to be friendly with/on good terms with neighbors. Try to get over yourself. Don't let the imagination run too wild. Maybe they are just friendly lonely old farts, who knows? Get spare keys made.

[figureitout23]

Well the fact that you STILL claim you don’t know what do do when someone is engaging with you in a way you don’t like is a little troubling...

 

You disengage xoxo.

 

You literally disengage, you don’t have to engage with people you don’t want to, If hes bothering you and making you uncomfortable you can unfriend him and let him know you aren’t comfortable.

 

You’re putting waaaaay too much thought into something that’s easily solved.

 

Do you like the attention? Serious question.

[katrina1980]

His behavior is way WAY over and above simply being friendly and "neighborly."

[figureitout23]

His behavior is way WAY over and above simply being friendly and "neighborly."

 

Oh I agree, but this is the time you practice your boundaries.

 

If a man is overstepping them you disengage.

 

It’s not only necessary for your emotional health but your physical as well.

 

FWIW, I don’t think he’s necessarily dangerous but he’s probably grooming to either cheat or have a threesome.

 

Why analyze unless there a small part that likes the attention?

 

Hey let’s call a spade a spade.

 

If I’m taking my trash out and an attractive neighbor smiles at me, it’s going to stick in my mind. If an ugly one smiles at me I’m gonna keep it trucking.

 

Why add him and keep him as a friend? Why keep engaging? Boundaries!!!!! Why aren’t they there?

 

/rant

[katrina1980]

Agree with fio.

 

Alex, how is it you don't know, at the age of 26, what to do when someone crosses your boundaries or causes you discomfort?

 

Yes this is troubling.

 

Because as you know, as we all know, this sort of "not knowing" carries over into your romantic involvements resulting in your entering into questionable relationships with questionable men.

 

Have you done any reading? Books recommended previously re inter-personal relationships and the like?

 

Good solid reading by reputable authors, not "fluff" self help books like The Rules or similar.

 

Just wondering, still lots of learning to do!!

[Jibralta]

Befriend the gf and always refer to her, ask about her, etc. You can't snub people who were kind to you. However it's wise to be friendly with/on good terms with neighbors. Try to get over yourself. Don't let the imagination run too wild. Maybe they are just friendly lonely old farts, who knows? Get spare keys made.

 

That's what I would do.

[Alex39]

Guy just cancelled on me. Says he has unexpected stuff come up with his family.

 

Too bad. I was looking forward to it. But whatever, filling my night with other things.

[katrina1980]

Guy just cancelled on me. Says he has unexpected stuff come up with his family.

 

Too bad. I was looking forward to it. But whatever, filling my night with other things.

 

Did he reschedule? Suggest another day?

[Alex39]

No he didn't. Just keeps saying sorry. I didn't respond to the last sorry, because I don't know what to say at this point.

[katrina1980]

I don't understand. After he cancelled, he continued to text you saying "sorry"?

 

How many times?

 

Guy sounds strange. Lol

[Alex39]

I finally said "Family is a #1 so no big deal"

 

He then said "I know, I still feel bad though"

 

So I said" It happens"

 

Like what else is there?

 

I thought of "you can make it up to me"

 

But thought maybe that was too flirty

 

So just leaving it to him. He can reschedule if he wants.

[figureitout23]

I finally said "Family is a #1 so no big deal"

 

He then said "I know, I still feel bad though"

 

So I said" It happens"

 

Like what else is there?

 

I thought of "you can make it up to me"

 

But thought maybe that was too flirty

 

So just leaving it to him. He can reschedule if he wants.

 

That’s a great stance.

 

Good for you!