He's dissapeared again

[SapphireNoir10]

Of course it does. I cant even begin to imagine being without him. But hes given me no choice, he lied...there was no need at all.

[annie24]

you deserve so much better than this, and i know you can do a lot better than this guy. i think you should cut your losses and move on.

[JeckyllNHyde]

you deserve so much better than this, and i know you can do a lot better than this guy. i think you should cut your losses and move on.

 

I agree..

He's pulled this one time too many, KNOWING how you feel about it. NEXT!

[SapphireNoir10]

I know. Its just easier said than done. I just wanna be curled up in bed with him like old times.

[CoCo2009]

I know. Its just easier said than done. I just wanna be curled up in bed with him like old times.

 

I think you even know you can go back to this. Even if he did come back and say sorry again you would remember how AWFUL he made you feel. I don't think you really want to curl up with him, you're just comfortable with him and scared. I totally understand how you feel. :sad:

[Ac143]

Literally dont have a clue how to deal with this or what to believe.

 

Well you can start by not talking to him & giving yourself some time to think. And what you shouldn't believe is him. Follow your gut....

[SapphireNoir10]

Im interested to see his reply to the email I sent questioning his lies. I wont respond to his reply. I just want to see what more lies he comes out with.

[orangetemple]

The thing is I can't literally do anything. I said to him...just one word. Let me know your alive...nothing. And then i text saying if its over, tell me, I can handle it. Just dont leave me hanging

 

HE KNOWS this is the one thing I hate the most.

 

It's only been two days. But still its driving me crazy. On saturday we had a huge convo about the fact he kept dissapearing/switching his phone off and he just said he's rubbish with communicating sometimes and goes off in a huff. I told him it wasnt acceptable he promised never to switch his phone off...so he hasnt...but he isnt answering anything either and its the ONE way I can get ahold of him. doesnt help were in a LDR at the moment.

 

this is a bit like that guy of mine you have been advising me about.

It wasnt until i texted that i was worried he had been in an accident that he eventually replied, and tehn he was just angry that id texted him so much

 

But he's a different situation, but i know how infuriating it is.

 

Usually he would come back with "my phone was broken" or something liek that.

 

Phones dont get broken and then magically work the next day.

 

If i were you, i would do a bit of my own dissapearing and see how he likes it.

[SapphireNoir10]

What is with men? (sorry, the minority of men...and women)

 

I'd be less angry if they told the truth to be honest!!!!!!

 

I shall.

[orangetemple]

Just before he sent that email I sent him a text (i know I know) saying 'Ok I got the hint Im dissapearing out of your life' About four minutes later...an email.

 

Odd if he lost his phone dont you think?

 

 

He is a complete liar.

 

Once they lie once it never stops.

 

Cut him out.

 

This all sounds soooo familiar to me.

[SapphireNoir10]

ITs so stupid. WHY Lie? why risk a relationship for nothing?

 

Do you think he is cheating?

[orangetemple]

ITs so stupid. WHY Lie? why risk a relationship for nothing?

 

Do you think he is cheating?

 

 

I think its about control, and not wanting to be tied down. And he gets that from being told not to ever turn his phone off and things like that. And also that you go in such a panic when he cant be conatcted.

 

I know EXACTLY how you feel , and how it feels to be so panicky and desperate.

 

The only way to change it is to basically be less contactable yourself, and he will come running.

 

BUT the bigger issue here is the lying. I cant tell you how familiar it sounds, withthat dufus of mine, and the thing is when they lie about one thing they could be lying about ALL things.

 

And so in effect you could never really know if he is cheating, because basically he has shown that you cant trust him.

[karvala]

Well it all seems rather shady when you think about it. Let's describe what he does: he disappears in the middle of a conversation without any warning, he stays gone for a good while, he offers no truthful explanation of it, and his lies centre around his availability at particular times (such as the closing library). Now imagine someone who was cheating: what pattern of behaviour would you expect from them? I think it would broadly similar. That doesn't mean he's definitely cheating by any means, but cheating is at least one explanation for his behaviour, and I'm struggling to think of any other.

 

You said earlier in the thread that you didn't think he was cheating because he asked you to move in with him, which makes sense on the face of it, but I'm guessing you told him no to that, for some good reason of your own? That being the case, it's entirely possible that he knew full well you would say know, and that the invite was nothing more than another smokescreen to get you to trust him. Of course, only you know whether that sounds possible or not, but I'm just putting it out there as a suggestion. I do hope he's not cheating, though. You deserve better.

[lavenderdove]

He has learned that the price of getting what he wants is to throw some begging or crying or sweet words in your direction, but then he just goes off and does what he wants anyway.

 

You should ask yourself why he would beg and cry and talk about how valuable you are to him, then the next day disappear again?

 

The simplest explanation is usually the best. If he were not your boyfriend and someone told you this:

 

1. He disappears for long periods of time for no good reason at all.

2. He disregards messages pleading for contact when you are obviously hurt and upset.

3. He lies when you ask for an explanation of why he dropped out of sight.

4. He says he loves you and wants to be with you, then the next day disappears again.

 

What would be the simplest answer to why a person would behave that way?

 

I'd say it is that he is seeing other woman, and lies or tells you what he thinks you want to hear whenever you get upset or try to pin him down. If you start holding his feet to the fire, he'll throw a red herring your way and start talking about getting engaged or love or whatever, but then he's right back at it the next day.

 

The simplest explanation for that is that he thinks he has you wrapped and you're totally dependent on his love, so he just has to calm you down, tell you a pretty lie, then he can go off and do whatever he wants.

 

So i think the answer are pretty clear and out there for you to see, but you don't want that to be the reason, so you keep grasping at other straws....

 

Honestly, don't let dependency needs or fears blind you to his behavior. You are a beautiful and very young girl who has a whole lifetime of potential, and there are many many men who would love to treat you right rather than lie and manipulate you.

 

You deserve better than this, and you need to realize that just because you are honest and tell the truth, many people don't, and don't even feel bad about it as long as they get their way. They turn on the drama when it looks like things aren't going their way, but it's crocodile tears and empty promises, as you discover the next day.

[D_Lish]

I agree with Karvala.

[greywolf]

ITs so stupid. WHY Lie? why risk a relationship for nothing?

 

Do you think he is cheating?

 

Blue, seriously. Stop wondering. Stop trying to figure him out. What matters is that he treats you like crap. The reason is unimportant.

[Miss Firecracker]

Why do you think a cheater wouldn't ask you to live with him?

 

It's more fun to cheat when you have to work harder to hide it. It's much like a game to some people. You go to the next level and then the next, like a video game.

[mad rabbits]

hmmm I dealt with a situation very much like this, it was LDR too...

 

ALL the same signs and behaviours...

 

But really, who cares if he is cheating? He is lying and treating you with zero respect. This relationship is over.

 

Here is what I did: I blocked his number, his email addresses (all of them), blocked him on facebook and msn, the lot. Without any words or any warning.

 

He never heard from me again, and he never will. Its his birthday coming up, and I look forward to him thinking I just forgot it entirely. He may well be with someone else but I bet he thinks of me occasionally, because I was that person who disappeared

 

It felt good too. I suggest you do the same.

[waveseer]

He could find your number in the details of his phone bill. He could call you from another phone if his was no longer capable of making calls. It is much easier to think something outside of his control happened to him, but in all likelyhood he is not responding because he doesn't want to respond. It is a simple mismatch in compatibility, and if you don't let him go completely you will continue to damage yourself.

[scarlettcrush]

I like Bad Habits idea. He's been haunting you, time for you to haunt him.

I know you are young and it seems like this is the everything, the horrible, a downward spiral of barbwire you are sliding on that keeps speeding up every time you think of texting and him not answering. That little window of hope keeps getting smaller and further, impossible to reach as you go down into this miasma of self doubt and panic.

He's your spiral, he's your pain, he's the cause of all this and the more you hold onto him, the more he will drag you down.

There ire no good things baby, those are all ephemereal, ghosts of a good time he keeps flaunting in your face to keep you on his string, on his spiral. You had some moments of greatness with him, keep those in your memory and let go of him and all that other baggage he's trying to give you.

When you think of texting or calling him, do something nice for yourself. Get a pedicure, join a dating site, post here, fix your hair, take some new pictures of yourself, try a new makeup routine, clean your ears out, and most of all, prepare yourself to be fabulous because you are.

You are more important than he is, take care of yourself.

The best revenge, is living well.

[waveseer]

I can tell you what I would do if someone important to me did this to me. I would keep sending them all of my feelings, on a minute to minute basis if necessary, until I had no more feelings left to share. Then it would be easy not to contact them. Heal yourself, speak your mind as much and as often as you wish. He isn't responding so you have nobody to interrupt your process of exorcising him from your consciousness via full brain dump.

[Maya_A]

Blue, seriously. Stop wondering. Stop trying to figure him out. What matters is that he treats you like crap. The reason is unimportant.

 

^^^ Exactly.... Stop the spinning, analyzing thoughts.... They can be an emotional addiction that keeps you stuck in deep pain & depression for a long time.... They are also futile, and a huge time waster....

 

And how could he ask you to move in with him if he was cheating, you ask? Because it's never going to happen, and he knows this.... Nor was there ever going to be any marriage. He was just telling you these these things to keep you where he needed you...

 

Work through whatever you need to within yourself -- end it with this guy. If you do not, you will only go through more pain & suffering, and can't really wonder why or how it happened.

 

You now know everything you need to know in order to make an informed decision for your own greater good in life.

 

Think about this, as you say he is nice sometimes: It does not matter if someone is nice some of the time, if they are abusive any of the time.

[Capricorn3]

Here is what I did: I blocked his number, his email addresses (all of them), blocked him on facebook and msn, the lot. Without any words or any warning.

 

He never heard from me again, and he never will. Its his birthday coming up, and I look forward to him thinking I just forgot it entirely. He may well be with someone else but I bet he thinks of me occasionally, because I was that person who disappeared

 

It felt good too. I suggest you do the same.

I agree with this 100% - best advice, ever!

I did the identical thing with someone who I thought was a good friend, until he showed me another side of himself. Like badhabits above, I cut ALL contact, and never looked back. It was the best thing I ever did and have no regrets. It definitely saved my sanity.

 

I too suggest you do the same.

 

Rep points to you, badhabits!

[mad rabbits]

Thanks Capricorn...yah, the way I see it, I was disappointed with myself for getting involved with someone who could treat me that way...by cutting him out of my life and refusing to engage with his BS, I got some of my self respect back, after letting myself down for a while there.

 

Sure, he held out hopes for me and mislead me at the beginning...but I knew he wasn't good for, or to, me - and I stayed longer than I should!

[mad rabbits]

Although..I have to say, having read waveseer's post, I sort of like the opposite approach as well...they aren't replying and they've made it more or less like you are talking to a brick wall, why not vent away and drive them crazy while you're at it!