SapphireNoir10 Posted October 15, 2009 Author Share Posted October 15, 2009 MY mum has the theory he may well have met someone down there. Obviously he cant text me or call me when hes with them hence being ignored in the week all week. And yet he gets to come back weekends and have me Hes blatantly lied. Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 yeah, that would make sense...... Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted October 15, 2009 Author Share Posted October 15, 2009 AS if he didnt get those texts. Its coincidence I threaten to end it and he emails me from the library that closes at twenty past nine...despite the fact I know it closes at midnight.......AHHHH Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 I know everything you guys are saying But i feel sick and paralysed with hurt. Im panicking because I dont want to loose him...but it seems I dont have a choice. How can he just disappear out of my life...almost like routinley once a week. Because he can. Link to comment
dangletsbang Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 MY mum has the theory he may well have met someone down there. Obviously he cant text me or call me when hes with them hence being ignored in the week all week. And yet he gets to come back weekends and have me Hes blatantly lied. So why are you with him? Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted October 15, 2009 Author Share Posted October 15, 2009 Im trying to process it all right now. Hes gone off again now...the last he said to me was 'Dont do anything stupid' ERR as if i would?!?!?! AND hes apparently coming over tomorrow. I've emailed him telling him and explaining I know hes lied and not to bother. Link to comment
annie24 Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 AS if he didnt get those texts. Its coincidence I threaten to end it and he emails me from the library that closes at twenty past nine...despite the fact I know it closes at midnight.......AHHHH so you've caught him in his lies, several times over. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted October 15, 2009 Author Share Posted October 15, 2009 I know. I really really know Link to comment
HouseKitten Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 AND hes apparently coming over tomorrow. I've emailed him telling him and explaining I know hes lied and not to bother. Great! Now watch him get defensive and suddenly have an elaborate story to explain all this rubbish. Be prepared for him to tell you that you're insecure or overreacting. He's going to try and undermine you - you know you're right here, don't let him convince you otherwise. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted October 15, 2009 Author Share Posted October 15, 2009 Cant believe he said 'dont do anything stupid' How bigheaded can you get? Im a mentally stable person Im not going to kill myself over that jerk EUGH Link to comment
Ac143 Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 Be prepared to have this happen every week for.....ever OR until you break up with him. He's gonna keep doing this because you let him. STOP! I think at this point he probably has ZERO respect for you. Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 Wow I just read this whole post and this guy is a complete douche bag! I wouldn't talk to him anymore let alone let him come over to see me. I would tell him to go take a long walk off a short pier. What an a- hole. Ugh It makes me mad just reading it. You deserve so much better because you are a really good person Blue. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted October 15, 2009 Author Share Posted October 15, 2009 I hate being lied too. I told if he lied again it was over. How STUPID does he think I am? Thats it guys I've had enough of him. Link to comment
Kaiser_Soze Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 I know game playing is really frowned upon here, but its time you set some boundaries. You need to stop appearing so desperate for his attention. He is relaxed because your total focus is on him. Scale back on your visible emotion, make him wonder. For men, a subtle lack of interest or the slight feeling of slipping down a peg or two on the priority notch is WAY more disruptive than the most desperate demands or pleas. If you show SOO much emotion what it says to us is she won't leave me, her feelings are this strong. The threats don't serve for anything other than an instruction manual for what it is you need to hear. He will gladly tell you what you need to hear. That behavior will continue until he is forced to acknowledge that his emotional investment in you, is slipping from his grasps. Words won't do it and drastic ultimatums will also fail, because your prior actions have already told him that they don't hold water. Change his focus. Throw him off of his game... If you choose to continue with him, you need to get him off of the deffensive. Then when he does something you don't approve of, instead of getting angry and upset, make yourself a little less available. If you do this enough one of two things will happen, you will either 1) retrain his ass to to appreciate and value your time together and treat you with the respect that only you can demand for yourself, or 2) you yourself will become less addicted to him and his drama and realize you desrve better. Either way you win, by setting non verbal boundaries. For it to be effective you can't tell him what your doing, it has to be in the form of a calm, "oooh I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to miss seing you tomorrow, I am going to meet up with Sue tomorrow, but I'll call you later." Then wait a day or two to call him. He will begin to realize you are NOT at his beckon call. Guys with egos get thrown off by that. They can't help but feel like "hey wait a minute". It may take some time and most importantly calmness, you have got to send the message that he is 1 part of your life, not the definition. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted October 15, 2009 Author Share Posted October 15, 2009 I get what your saying But were long distance and i only see him weekends...so its kinda difficult to be even LESS available. Link to comment
greywolf Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 I get what your saying But were long distance and i only see him weekends...so its kinda difficult to be even LESS available. No it is easier. You can completely disappear from someone's life in an LDR and they'd have know idea what you were up to unless they actually went to go see you. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted October 15, 2009 Author Share Posted October 15, 2009 I feel weak Link to comment
Kaiser_Soze Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 That works to your advantage! It makes the reprecutions of his disrespect greater. I understand it will feel like you are punishing yourself too, but look how much punishment have you endured today alone... Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 I get what your saying But were long distance and i only see him weekends...so its kinda difficult to be even LESS available. This here makes it even worse. You guys are long distance and he makes it even harder by disappearing...how much space does he need from you if you guys are already long distance. He takes you for granted because he knows you will take him back if he talks sweet to you and says sorry. Let go, you can do it, you are strong. Link to comment
Ac143 Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 Get mad, not weak. He wants you to be weak cause he will get away with it AGAIN. Give him the boooooot.. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted October 15, 2009 Author Share Posted October 15, 2009 Thanks guys. Im trying here I really am. Link to comment
Kaiser_Soze Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 Get mad, not weak. He wants you to be weak cause he will get away with it AGAIN. Give him the boooooot.. I agree 100%... right now there is some girl on ena (on the other side of this drama) saying "I don't know what it is, everytime I'm with my bf he turns his phone off or leaves it at home...." Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 Most likely he wants both of you, and is playing this juggling game to look as if each of you is the only one. One of the prime indicators that someone is cheating is when they engage in this kind of odd phone behavior, and structure their time with you, with certain times being strictly off limits for you, with disappearing acts. This guy is just not ready/'interested in a loving committed relationship, i am sorry. And he doesn't care if he puts you into a considerable amount of distress to get his own way. Do you want to be with someone that selfish? It doesn't matter if he has other qualities you like, if he is going to treat you like this, then he isn't worth it and is immensely selfish AND insensitive. I think you are grieving over the potential loss of who you THINK he is, not who he really is. Try to see his behavior at face value, and it is pretty rotten and not loving or brilliant at all. He just isn't ready for a committed relationship, and if you want one, you need to find someone who is. Link to comment
Siriana Posted October 15, 2009 Share Posted October 15, 2009 I think the coolest thing ever would be if you just weren't here when he came to visit you. heh oh and be sure to ignore his calls when he finds out you stood him up. And then send him an email that you were in the library. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted October 15, 2009 Author Share Posted October 15, 2009 Its weird. He was like an inexprienced virgin...really shy introvert. I cant see him cheating But I cant see him lying either...and he did Or hurting me...and he did Link to comment
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