Comfort in Melancholy?

[yogacat]

Why do we enjoy listening to sad music?

I love listening to melodic, emotional, and melancholic songs, even though they may make me feel sad. But sometimes they make me feel better and bring comfort to me in a way that upbeat, happy songs cant. How is this possible? Is it a paradox that we enjoy listening to sad music?

So there are a few songs that I have been listening to as of late and for the past few days I've been in sort of  "mood." 

Just for reference, I ended a two plus year relationship with someone that, we had both mutually decided that some things in our personal lives needed attention and you know, we wanted to dedicate time and focus on those things first.
 

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, yogacat said:

Is it a paradox that we enjoy listening to sad music?

Not really. Music is connected to emotions. So you "connect" to a song better when it relates to you. Hence why lots of songs are "break up songs"(and Taylor Swift even has career lol) exist and are even dominating. For example in our local music, some analysis shows that 90% of songs were "break up songs". Because you feel connected to what you listen and want to continuously listen to it because it makes you better that it happens to celebrities like Taylor Swift as well and that it describes what happens to you too. 

[yogacat]

5 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

Not really. Music is connected to emotions. So you "connect" to a song better when it relates to you. Hence why lots of songs are "break up songs"(and Taylor Swift even has career lol) exist and are even dominating. For example in our local music, some analysis shows that 90% of songs were "break up songs". Because you feel connected to what you listen and want to continuously listen to it because it makes you better that it happens to celebrities like Taylor Swift as well and that it describes what happens to you too. 

Umm, I'd have to disagree.  

Slightly.

Don't misunderstand, I think you are partly correct.

Music can influence your mood but it also is influenced by your mood...

During the day, I am happy for the most part, off in my little bubble of being amusing or whatnot, but then I just LOVE to indulge in some melodic chord or dramatic musical piece and just accentuate my "mood" for a little while. 

And I'm not even just talking about break up songs. You also have songs that are focused more on melodies and instrumentals rather than vocals.

Like you start to remember those moments of emotion, the core of those emotions even before you listen to the song and then at that moment, you are able to indulge ever so slightly in a mindset that you have mostly put away...

Poet Cesare Pavese: “We never see a thing the first time, but only the second—when it has changed into something else.” 

I think that can be true about anything, really. Not necessarily "break-up songs." But I can be perfectly happy one minute, then want to dive into some profoundly moving melody/lyric/theme and potentially have a "mood" moment and remember something that is tied to that.

So, I guess, when I say paradox, I more mean the irony that sad music can make us feel better. Not that we necessarily enjoy being in a sad mood or listening to sad music.

[Seraphim]

I only enjoyed it when I was depressed for decades but not since I recovered. 

[Cherylyn]

I'm the opposite.  Whenever life is great,  I don't mind listening to occasional melancholic music.  However, if I'm feeling down,  I definitely do not want to listen to melancholic music because it's depressing and makes me feel too blue.  No thanks.  If I feel miserable,  I prefer to listen to upbeat,  perky music which is more uplifting and positive for my mood. 

[LootieTootie]

Just depends I think on the person. I'm turning 40 soon and I can tell ya, my apple playlist when I first got an iPod, which is like maybe when I was 23 or 24, its a bunch of sad songs but this is around when I broke up with my first love, and boy did I loved that guy! The heartbreak was real and took me years to recovered (I still have dreams of this man! Nothing bad or sexual.)

When I look at my Apple playlists from back then... I really could see the phases I was going thru. Full disclosure, looks like I had a "pot-smoking" phase from some of these old playlists (no longer a pot-smoker or smoker of any kind 😁)

 

[yogacat]

6 minutes ago, LootieTootie said:

Just depends I think on the person. I'm turning 40 soon and I can tell ya, my apple playlist when I first got an iPod, which is like maybe when I was 23 or 24, its a bunch of sad songs but this is around when I broke up with my first love, and boy did I loved that guy! The heartbreak was real and took me years to recovered (I still have dreams of this man! Nothing bad or sexual.)

When I look at my Apple playlists from back then... I really could see the phases I was going thru. Full disclosure, looks like I had a "pot-smoking" phase from some of these old playlists (no longer a pot-smoker or smoker of any kind 😁)

 

Oh yes, I mean, my current playlist has me reminiscing on relationships that ended years ago and ones that just started last week. I certainly don't want to be back with my exes but certain lyrics and melodies transport me back to those moments and it's a fun ride to go on.

[LootieTootie]

2 minutes ago, yogacat said:

Oh yes, I mean, my current playlist has me reminiscing on relationships that ended years ago and ones that just started last week. I certainly don't want to be back with my exes but certain lyrics and melodies transport me back to those moments and it's a fun ride to go on.

I am firm believer people come into our lives for a reason. Life is a  journey with lots of ups and downs and you have to embrace all of it. I think you embrace it and thats why you like reminiscing. 

Saying that, I know a few people in my life  I can't bring up about their exes, because they arent over the hurt, pain, or contempt.

[catfeeder]

Maybe it’s cathartic, like watching sad movies?

[ShySoul]

"Happiness ain't prison / But there's freedom in a broken heart" - Running Just In Case, Miranda Lambert

I think if you look at the lyrics for sadder songs they tend to be deeper and capture universal feelings we all feel but don't always have the words to express, especially when we are mired in our own personal sorrow. It helps us to better understand ourselves and what we are going through. Sadder songs cut deeper and make us stop and think more. Plus it's just good to get your feelings out there. Having that cry over a good sad song that you can relate to can be cathartic.

It's a bit like having a really great friend. You love having fun and laughing with them. But it's when you can talk them about serious matters, trusting them with the not so fun stuff, that you really know how deep and strong your friendship is. It's great to have fun with an upbeat song, but the sadder ones touch something within you that strikes a chord and sticks with you.

Of course my tastes lean to country music, the music of pain. So I might be a bit biased.

[yogacat]

On 4/29/2024 at 8:11 PM, ShySoul said:

"Happiness ain't prison / But there's freedom in a broken heart" - Running Just In Case, Miranda Lambert

I think if you look at the lyrics for sadder songs they tend to be deeper and capture universal feelings we all feel but don't always have the words to express, especially when we are mired in our own personal sorrow. It helps us to better understand ourselves and what we are going through. Sadder songs cut deeper and make us stop and think more. Plus it's just good to get your feelings out there. Having that cry over a good sad song that you can relate to can be cathartic.

It's a bit like having a really great friend. You love having fun and laughing with them. But it's when you can talk them about serious matters, trusting them with the not so fun stuff, that you really know how deep and strong your friendship is. It's great to have fun with an upbeat song, but the sadder ones touch something within you that strikes a chord and sticks with you.

Of course my tastes lean to country music, the music of pain. So I might be a bit biased.

Love this thanks.

Just read this:

Taylor Swift's Album Could Be Good For Mental Health, Neuroscientist Claims

I knew I liked her melancholy for a reason. 😄

[Andrina]

The way I think of it is, that if I'm in a melancholy mood, listening to, plus sometimes singing the song, is like speaking to a friend who either just listens with a sympathetic nod or even relates their own similarly sad experience so that you know you're not the only one.

Versus if you actually vented or shared something irritating or sad with a friend and they said something like, "Well look on the bright side." Or, "Tomorrow will be a better day." Would end up irritating you in that moment just as a bouncy song would, like, I'm Walking on Sunshine. 

In your mind you'd just think, "Oh, shut up."

[Wiseman2]

Breakup songs are very popular some sadder than others,so indulge yourself.

 

[yogacat]

42 minutes ago, Andrina said:

The way I think of it is, that if I'm in a melancholy mood, listening to, plus sometimes singing the song, is like speaking to a friend who either just listens with a sympathetic nod or even relates their own similarly sad experience so that you know you're not the only one.

Versus if you actually vented or shared something irritating or sad with a friend and they said something like, "Well look on the bright side." Or, "Tomorrow will be a better day." Would end up irritating you in that moment just as a bouncy song would, like, I'm Walking on Sunshine. 

In your mind you'd just think, "Oh, shut up."

You're on to something!

Oh yes, "look on the bright side", original...

I'm not going through a break up (well, I did 4 months ago) but maybe with my father being ill I've been in a bit of a meh state of mind lately. But I also enjoy meloncholic songs when I'm not particularly upset. My justification for them not being depressing is that music is art. Different strokes for different folks.

It doesn't have to be uplifting or pleasant to be good or even entertaining.

I think the sadder songs offer more than wallowing in sad feelings, though. It helps learn of more emotional ranges, get a little perspective, admire an artist's writing abilities, etc. Plus they're just good songs... 

It's like with movies that give us the feels, those quiet moments after help appreciate the good warm fuzzy moments in life.😂

 

[ShySoul]

On 5/2/2024 at 5:25 AM, yogacat said:

I knew I liked her melancholy for a reason. 😄

Thanks for the article. I know I used to hear jokes about all her songs being about breakups with people she dated, but it actually makes sense. She's good at taking real personal feeling and putting them down in a way others can relate to. Haven't followed her in years, but most of the songs I did like from her tended to be the sadder ones. I'll take the heartache in Back to December over the rainbows and unicorns of Me.

On 5/2/2024 at 12:46 PM, yogacat said:

I think the sadder songs offer more than wallowing in sad feelings, though. It helps learn of more emotional ranges, get a little perspective, admire an artist's writing abilities, etc. Plus they're just good songs... 

It's like with movies that give us the feels, those quiet moments after help appreciate the good warm fuzzy moments in life.

Well said. Life is the full spectrum of emotions. Sometimes you to connect with the down to appreciate the good.

 

[yogacat]

7 hours ago, ShySoul said:

I'll take the heartache in Back to December over the rainbows and unicorns of Me.

LOVE that song.♥️ Thanks for sharing!

 

[ShySoul]

Yogacat, your thread reminded me of another song. Think this says it all.

So don't be afraid to cry get down as far as you can go / Let the river rage on by and the wind blow
If you pay your dues in darkness / You'll appreciate the light
Cause a deep down low makes level feel so high

 

 

[mylolita]

Morning Yoga!

 

I agree! I do this myself! And music can alter my mood either way, sometimes when I wasn’t feeling originally sad or overly happy! 
 

I’m also the same way with things I read or films I watch!  If I’m reading a sad book, or watching an emotional film - God! I have cried reading books plenty, or laughed out loud - laaaamaaaaaoooo 😜

 

I have actively sought out hard hitting and melancholy books and music and, why was that? I’m thinking maybe we like to be moved! We like to feel intensely? Experience emotions? There is beauty and depth in sadness, or can be. We also sometimes search for answers in music, feelings and words. Or; I do, anyway 🥲

 

Basically - I get it 😎

 

x

 

 

[mylolita]

3 hours ago, ShySoul said:

Yogacat, your thread reminded me of another song. Think this says it all.

So don't be afraid to cry get down as far as you can go / Let the river rage on by and the wind blow
If you pay your dues in darkness / You'll appreciate the light
Cause a deep down low makes level feel so high

 

 

Well put! 
 

x

[mylolita]

I’ve indulged and so loved unrequited love songs of aching hearts even though, I have never experienced unrequited love before! I’ve also enjoyed sassy corny break up empowerment songs by Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston when I’ve never been through a break up 🤣 Why? I have no idea 😂

 

(“IT’S NOT RIGHT, BUT IT’S OKAY, I’M GONNA MAKE IT ANYWAYYYYY!”) Yes Whitney 😆

 

x

[yogacat]

5 hours ago, mylolita said:

I’ve indulged and so loved unrequited love songs of aching hearts even though, I have never experienced unrequited love before! I’ve also enjoyed sassy corny break up empowerment songs by Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston when I’ve never been through a break up 🤣 Why? I have no idea 😂

 

(“IT’S NOT RIGHT, BUT IT’S OKAY, I’M GONNA MAKE IT ANYWAYYYYY!”) Yes Whitney 😆

 

x

Those are some female legends right there!

I had...(experienced unrequited love) for a bit.

Which is weird, considering, I ended things after dating a short time (I had a momentary freak out). I dunno, It's just one of those rare times in my life that I could not make heads or tails out of. I just take it for what it was. It was nice while it lasted. *shrugs* Maybe I get too philosophical about it. Oh, don't you know gals can be silly and curious. Lol.

I find part of it is the emotional connection we feel to music. Even if we haven't experienced the specific situation described in a song, we can still relate to the emotions conveyed and find comfort or catharsis in them. Well, some can at least...😉🙂

So, maybe that's the same reason why you enjoy those kinds of songs even though you haven't gone through the situations they describe. Plus, they are just really good songs with powerful voices behind them!

Who doesn't love belting out a Mariah Carey song in the shower? 🎤😂  

 

[mylolita]

1 hour ago, yogacat said:

Those are some female legends right there!

I had...(experienced unrequited love) for a bit.

Which is weird, considering, I ended things after dating a short time (I had a momentary freak out). I dunno, It's just one of those rare times in my life that I could not make heads or tails out of. I just take it for what it was. It was nice while it lasted. *shrugs* Maybe I get too philosophical about it. Oh, don't you know gals can be silly and curious. Lol.

I find part of it is the emotional connection we feel to music. Even if we haven't experienced the specific situation described in a song, we can still relate to the emotions conveyed and find comfort or catharsis in them. Well, some can at least...😉🙂

So, maybe that's the same reason why you enjoy those kinds of songs even though you haven't gone through the situations they describe. Plus, they are just really good songs with powerful voices behind them!

Who doesn't love belting out a Mariah Carey song in the shower? 🎤😂  

 

I love her ‘We Belong Together’ about a break up! Mariah! You’re killin’ me!! I just love to indulge in it Yoga! 
 

And I get it! I would have been the same but I just don’t have the experience 🤪 But I can live some drama through the Diva’s can’t I 🥲 not that I don’t have any romantic or relationship drama, Yoga! But just not the gilting at the altar kind which, is quite saucy and tumultuous which kinda sounds a bit fantastic 🤣

 

Anyway, I can totally relate! I’m trying to be in the moment and grateful so Imm edging towards happy, soft, peaceful and melodic music at the moment - some bossa nova and beach type house and lounge music! I’m spending a lot more time outside, in the yard, on the front lawn with the apple tree (I am still envious of your 🫑 tree - MAJESTIC!) so have my beady eye on a decent wireless speaker! 
 

But, cheers to the music Yoga!! Whether happy, sad… or, every shade between! 
 

x

[mylolita]

1 hour ago, yogacat said:

Those are some female legends right there!

I had...(experienced unrequited love) for a bit.

Which is weird, considering, I ended things after dating a short time (I had a momentary freak out). I dunno, It's just one of those rare times in my life that I could not make heads or tails out of. I just take it for what it was. It was nice while it lasted. *shrugs* Maybe I get too philosophical about it. Oh, don't you know gals can be silly and curious. Lol.

I find part of it is the emotional connection we feel to music. Even if we haven't experienced the specific situation described in a song, we can still relate to the emotions conveyed and find comfort or catharsis in them. Well, some can at least...😉🙂

So, maybe that's the same reason why you enjoy those kinds of songs even though you haven't gone through the situations they describe. Plus, they are just really good songs with powerful voices behind them!

Who doesn't love belting out a Mariah Carey song in the shower? 🎤😂  

 

“OH WHEN YOU WALK, BY, LOOKIN’ FINE!” 🤣 🎤 🚿! 
 

 

🎶 “I GET KINDA HECTIC INSIIIIIDE! Oh bayyybe I’m so into you, anything you want me to, all the things that go through my miiiiinnnnnddd!” 🎶 🤣🤣

 

x

[Batya33]

On one of my mom groups on FB someone just posted that her husband turned up the volume on the song Landslide as they drove to get their child at college. How it always makes her cry. Same and I love the song and the release it gives me!

[mylolita]

—

Who else am I gon' lean on when times get rough? 
Who's going to talk to me on 
The phone 'til the sun comes up? 
Who's going to take your place? 
There ain't nobody better 
Oh, baby baby, we belong together

—-

 

My personal sad, lamenting, guilty pleasure! 
 

x