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waveseer last won the day on July 22 2010

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  1. I had a dream about you last night (or maybe it was this morning). Anyway, what I remember most was what you said when you were speaking directly from your heart. You said about our former relationship, "I was playing with you and I was not playing with you." I understand how that could be the truth as you see it, but I see it differently and always will. You were playing with me and I will never trust you again.
  2. I'm thinking that for some of us this idea is part of the acceptance stage of grieving. By understanding the true nature of my ex I can completely let go of any lingering feelings. I am normally a very caring person, but if someone chose to treat me so horribly I can feel good about no longer caring about them, not even one iota. So, for the purposes of being completely free of the ex I do believe it matters.
  3. I posted this because way down the line it came to me. The idea that I had is post self-analysis, post apology, post intentions for my next relationship, post everything. If what you said that I bolded above includes me expecting decent treatment during and after the relationship then I've done the same thing you have. If, on the other hand, you mean expectations beyond reasonable humane treatment then I haven't done that at all. I made all of my expectations clear. The horribleness is a conclusion I finally reached by realizing that my ex had no intention of meeting my expectations and deliberately chose not to communicate that, in fact the opposite. My part? I bought the bull.
  4. I would tend to agree with you there. People can change but the notion that others exist for his benefit with little regard for how he treats them reflects a deep rooted insecurity which makes it extremely unlikely to overcome.
  5. rocky, yes you are right on. The desire to have him in my life has evaporated into thin air. I was so blind, but now I see. My only residual pain is for the woman I was who would allow herself to be treated so poorly. She never deserved that. Fortunately, she (I) is free from repeating the pattern.
  6. lunar, do you think at least part of our denial was fueled by the misguided hope that someday some way we would reap the benefits of making an investment in our relationships?
  7. I am not going to discuss the details of why this is true. I want to share what it means to me to accept this and ask if others have gone through this process. When I really care for a man I tend to give him every benefit of the doubt, think positively regarding his motives, excuse his poor behavior, and patiently wait for him to slay his inner demons and live a loving life instead of a fearful life. The problem I had was letting go. I now believe it was so difficult to take care of myself properly because I lived in denial and refused to see how things really were between us. It's been a while now and I am finally waking up to the fact that my ex is a horrible person. I can finally put any residual fond feelings to rest and leave in their place pity for someone so broken that they have to be such an ass to others. This is not about who is right and who is wrong. We were both wrong. He was wrong to use me and I was wrong to let him. I'm not in love any more. I feel relieved and soon I'd like to feel hopeful about my future relationship potential. Has anyone been through this or is going through it now? I'd appreciate your insights.
  8. No problem, print is a tough medium for communication nuance. I agree that it may take anyone time to make such an important life changing decision. Where I diverge in my opinion is that the majority of the time it takes should be spent alone rather than in discussions with the partner in question.
  9. The comment that you found offensive I was merely pointing out that a world filled with only womens brains would be highly emotionally driven at least some of the time and I would find that disturbing. What is it about an opinion you disagree with that makes it offensive? I have no problem leaving the "hard time making lifetime decisions" men to other women. Then again, I have no need to marry. The way I see it no matter what his concerns were he'd be sharing them with me along the way. That's what good communication is all about. It's not us and them its us and what goals we wish to reach in our lives and with whom we wish to reach them. Again, how is my opinion wrong or shortsighted or insulting simply because it differs from yours and the authors. I do agree that men and women generally process things differently and viva la difference!
  10. I didn't understand the premise the same way you did. The commitment I read was about having a solid relationship and being able to count on each other not a lifetime commitment. Even so, I would hope any partner of mine would know themselves and me well enough for it not to take weeks and weeks of being apart to decide. In my little world it shouldn't take longer than a few days of solitude to search one's heart and mind leading to a clear decision.
  11. I have no problem agreeing to disagree. I don't believe disagreeing insults anyone's intelligence, if anything it's a compliment because it means I think they can handle a dissenting opinion.
  12. I, for one, am very happy that we all don't have female brains! I shudder to think what that would be like. lol On the other hand, if it takes weeks of separation for someone to know they want to be with you then wouldn't you surmise that they are just avoiding being alone?
  13. When I read the opening post I had to laugh, no offense to anyone intended. Why would I wait for a man to decide if I am worth committing to? I wouldn't, and I wouldn't expect a man to wait for me either. If he did I would think he was a fool, and if I did I expect he would think the same. Once it's over the concept of loyalty is null and void.
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