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waveseer last won the day on July 22 2010

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  1. Either that or I need to find someone who is as interested in communicating as I am.
  2. For instance, if a man decreases his contacting me I figure he's found other things to do that are more important to him. It sounds healthy on the surface, but underneath I think it's still my insecurity digging in it's heels.
  3. Maybe this topic isn't for me. I tend to run away at the early signs of a partner losing interest, maybe giving up too soon. It's the flip side of the same coin. Does that mean I should be more chalant rather than less?
  4. I agree that caring about yourself is always a good plan. I just don't understand how to measure "just enough caring". When I think about those types of responses they sound patronizing which is highly off-putting.
  5. Doesn't that make sense though? Do you think she shouldn't walk away if you act disinterested?
  6. I have one question about nonchalance. How is it distinguishable from a genuine lack of caring?
  7. I had a dream about you last night (or maybe it was this morning). Anyway, what I remember most was what you said when you were speaking directly from your heart. You said about our former relationship, "I was playing with you and I was not playing with you." I understand how that could be the truth as you see it, but I see it differently and always will. You were playing with me and I will never trust you again.
  8. Ambition can take many forms, it's not always about increasing responsibility, money, or status, sometimes it's just about growing.
  9. I'm thinking that for some of us this idea is part of the acceptance stage of grieving. By understanding the true nature of my ex I can completely let go of any lingering feelings. I am normally a very caring person, but if someone chose to treat me so horribly I can feel good about no longer caring about them, not even one iota. So, for the purposes of being completely free of the ex I do believe it matters.
  10. I posted this because way down the line it came to me. The idea that I had is post self-analysis, post apology, post intentions for my next relationship, post everything. If what you said that I bolded above includes me expecting decent treatment during and after the relationship then I've done the same thing you have. If, on the other hand, you mean expectations beyond reasonable humane treatment then I haven't done that at all. I made all of my expectations clear. The horribleness is a conclusion I finally reached by realizing that my ex had no intention of meeting my expectations and del
  11. I would tend to agree with you there. People can change but the notion that others exist for his benefit with little regard for how he treats them reflects a deep rooted insecurity which makes it extremely unlikely to overcome.
  12. rocky, yes you are right on. The desire to have him in my life has evaporated into thin air. I was so blind, but now I see. My only residual pain is for the woman I was who would allow herself to be treated so poorly. She never deserved that. Fortunately, she (I) is free from repeating the pattern.
  13. lunar, do you think at least part of our denial was fueled by the misguided hope that someday some way we would reap the benefits of making an investment in our relationships?
  14. I am not going to discuss the details of why this is true. I want to share what it means to me to accept this and ask if others have gone through this process. When I really care for a man I tend to give him every benefit of the doubt, think positively regarding his motives, excuse his poor behavior, and patiently wait for him to slay his inner demons and live a loving life instead of a fearful life. The problem I had was letting go. I now believe it was so difficult to take care of myself properly because I lived in denial and refused to see how things really were between us. It's be
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