Mango88

I know we're not really supposed to put one-word replies or anything, but I just have to say "Amen!" to all the preceding posts!!! While it's not true for every girl, I think quite a lot of them perpetuate this whole double standard when it comes to appreciating and giving attention. Then again, though, what guy really wants flowers and candy anyway? If you're with the right gal, you'll enjoy pampering and she'll reciprocate and not take advantage of this occasion. Mixed Mango

If you two are exclusively seeing each other, it's very disrespectful on her part to go out of her way to hang with these guys. What the heck is she doing hanging with ex's and a bunch of other guys anyway? Does she have a self-esteem problem or does she just seek attention from any guy that will give it to her? I can't stand girls like that if this is the case. First and foremost, if she knows it bothers you, she should stop doing all of that, because I know you'd do the same for her. I don't really think it's a matter of trust as much as it is of respect. Respect is key, and she does not seem to be respecting you by doing this garbage. If she's seeing movies with other guys (especially ex's) you should be included in on that, but this shouldn't be happening in the first place. What person in his or her right mind would go out with an ex and expect the significant other to be okay with that? Forget that, Mango

Hey Blinkingbear, Don't feel left behind and try not to focus too much on that aspect of your relationship. Sex is the ultimate step in a relationship and there's never a need to rush things. You may think 20's a bit old to still be a virgin, but you'd be surprised at how many virgins out there are older than you are (I'm 23 and a virgin by choice). As some people have already written, make it memorable. Make sure you're with the right person and are doing it for the right reasons. Don't do it for the sake of doing it or to stop being left behind. Sex can complicate relationships and, should relationships prior to marriage not last, it can really make the breakup that much harder. Sex is a celebration of love, not a catch-up-with-everyone-else game. Just make sure you and whomever you're with are ready and willing to take that step. Best wishes, Mango

Hey again, Tony! I'd recommend not calling her or emailing her. At this point in time, this is probably the best thing you can do for yourself. I had to come to terms with the side of me that knew my past relationship could never work. I was completely oblivious to that side for the longest time, but, as time goes by and the rose-colored glasses slowly fall to the ground, it becomes easier to see that which can never be in a different light. There will still be a part of you that wants to work things out and that wants to at least keep her as a friend, but it's far too complicated to work with that part of you so soon. Perhaps in the future, but right now it's time to look out for Number One (you!). Being in a vulnerable stage right now, it is not wise to risk any chance of setting yourself up to get hurt. When my relationship ended, I had all the same feelings inside me for months. Time is your best friend, though! It's awesome to wake up every day and know that each day brings you closer and closer to something else -- to something better! And these frustrations and emotions circling through you gradually subside. I didn't ever think it would happen, and perhaps you don't either. But, believe me, it does!!! Hang in there, bro! Mango

Hey Tony, I can definitely relate to your situation. I was with a girl that I really did love and could not stop thinking about if my life depended on it. Things ended, though, and although she's been trying to keep in touch to either get back into dating or to sustain some sort of friendship, I've backed out and have remained completely out of contact. While many people have different feelings on post-relationship friendships (and even relationships -- i.e. getting back together), I think it's best to completely remove yourself from the situation, regroup, and then decide what you plan on doing. The emotion needs to be taken out first before any friendship can start and, after only a month, I don't think that emotion is gone yet in your case. Otherwise, as you have already stated, you will be losing ground with respect to your other commitments and responsibilities while being distracted with these thoughts and emotions that currently reside within you. Since, at this point, you have "too much on the line," don't get back into anything yet. Breaking up is a gradual process; it isn't just a one-shot deal, and the residual feelings can stick around for months and even years. Only through time, however, will you know if these feelings are sincere and whether or not you truly could handle a friendship with her if you two decide not to get back together. It's very difficult to be friends with ex-lovers, though, especially in cases where one still has feelings for the other. That can be disastrous. Hope this helps, Mango

Hi Lancer, I agree with Ineedamiracle. The less available one is, the more the other will appreciate him or her. If you get her back this way, though, what's to say things won't fall right back into the place they were before and you'll be back to square one? Perhaps doing so will make her realize what she really has lost, but if it falls back into a "friendship" thing again on her part, don't even bother with it anymore. I have yet to figure out why some women change their minds like that, but there isn't all that much we can do in terms of setting them back on track. If you seriously want to be friends with her, keep hanging out with her and stuff, but I'd be too hurt to do so if I were in your shoes, at least for the time being. The best way to regroup is to have her out of your life completely for a bit. You'll be able to think more clearly and it will help you decide what exactly you'd like to do in terms of you and her. So don't be less/not available just to try to get her to want you back; do it for yourself, too! -Mango

Hi Lavendar, First off, i'm not so sure you really have trust or jealousy issues; that is, any issues seem very well-justified considering she is a flirt, has blatantly told you she is attracted to other guys and has actually gone to the point of kissing another guy. On top of that, she seems to do what she wants to do with a seemingly open disregard for your feelings. A good exclusive relationship requires sacrifices on both ends, and I don't really see it on hers. There appears to be a big gap in maturity as well. I know a lot of 19 year-olds that are very mature, but, contrastly, I do know a lot that are not mature in the least. It sounds like she has a lot of growing up to do still. That doesn't necessarily mean that you two aren't in each other's future, though. Seriously, let her "be 19." She can have her "fun" but it's not all it's cracked up to be, and it will be short-lived. If she loses you in the process, you can find plenty of other girls out there that would not be willing to do so and would stick by you as you would by her. She needs to find herself, and perhaps the new or real her isn't anything you're looking for anyway. I recently split with my ex (she's 19, too) and am going through a similiar situation. Just remember, you don't deserve this hurt. --Mango

Hey Celci, I like a girl that leads and doesn't follow... someone that can be herself and not worry about what other people think of her... someone that won't jump on the bandwagon just to fit in. Be you, and the guys will come! The ball's in your court because it will be up to you to decide with whom you'd like to go out! Mango

Hey FaithDevlin, This guy does have a right to date virgins if he so chooses, but he doesn't need to make non-virgins feel like they aren't worthy of his time. Regardless of the reason for losing one's virginity, the loss or preservation of it shouldn't make or break a relationship interest; that issue really shouldn't come up at all anyway in the beginning. If there are religious reasons as raggedy has pointed out, that's kind of a bummer on his part because there are many non-virgins out there that are the nicest people in the world and would treat and respect a relationship and others. They don't need to be forgiven, as it seems he points out he could "forgive" them. Unfortunately for him, he'll be missing out if he continues to think this way. Mango

Hey Demuth, I don't know the details of this woman's childhood but, as you have already stated, it's an obvious factor as to why this is such a big issue. The aspect of your story that bugs me is that she cheated on you. It sounds like she fears you finding another girl attractive and then leaving her for that girl. That could possibly be construed as a "typical guy thing" but looking at photographs that aren't even pornographic in nature is far from being considered taboo. So if you're reading an article in People Magazine she'd be upset if it were about an actress and there were pictures in the article? She needs to work out these issues from her past. Has she been doing this all 6 years? How long ago did she cheat on you? Perhaps she feels that if she has the ability to cheat on you, you also have that potential, too. Is there a bit of insecurity on her part maybe that dates back to the past? You said she is deeply hurt and pissed when she thinks you are looking astray, but yet she can go out and take that 200 steps further and cheat on you? Did she know you probably felt 4,000 times worse when she went off and did that? This gal is in for a rude awakening, though, because there are, by definition, many "typical" guys out there. You seem to stand out away from that definition and she will have a very hard time finding a guy that will wear a bag over his head so he can't even look at anyone or anything. I can't tell you to move on or anything like you've been hearing before because you've obviously been together this long for a reason. Even though she says it's over and everything, that's usually never the case. It may have been in the heat of the moment or she may just not know what the heck she wants. Her childhood needs to be resolved, though. Hang tough with whatever you do and keep your eyes open and your head bag-free. Cheating is more of a sin than looking at photos! You've not wronged! --Mango--

Hey Buckley, Long distance relationships can and do work providing you are with the right person. If the bond is strong, you will both be willing to make the sacrifices necessary in such a relationship, and it won't matter whether you're two miles away from him or whether he's in Paris and you're on the moon. My best friend and I went off to a college twelve hours from our hometown five years ago. His girlfriend went to school locally and so they only had the opportunity to see each other during holiday breaks and a little bit over summer. Five years later -- four-and-one-half of which he spent up at the college without her -- they are still together and going strong, and he just successfully proposed to her a few weeks back. Best of luck to you!

Awesome advice, dfcannon! There are girls out there that aren't into the a holes. You just may be looking in the wrong spots. Try meeting people through school clubs, youth groups and church groups. Also, you are 16ish. By the time these girls your age start hitting their 20s, they will no longer be into the a holes. Remember, a nice guy finishes last, but with good reason, for the girl that gets him need not look any further... Best wishes!

Hi Charmed and Lanni, I have replied to both of you via Private Message

I was 16 when I first kissed. At the time, I was also more involved in other activities (sports, family, friends) and was never really ready for that kind of stuff. As a "success story" per se, my good friend was 17 when he first kissed a girl, pretty much for the same reasons. He's now married to her!

Hello, My girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year. She attends school in a distant city, so our time together is always limited. I was hoping we'd finally get the opportunity during the summer to be together more than just once a week or once every other week (her home is nearby). She has summer commitments at home (job, etc.), as do I, and I understand that we can only see each other for a few hours here and there. She has a lot of guy friends, though, which isn't necessarily a problem. I understand that not all friends will be of the same sex. What bothers me, though, is that she always tells me about her guy friends, and it always ends up becoming a story of how they all like her and want to go out with her. In addition to that, she takes pride in telling me about all the guys that hit on her and how lucky I am to be the one with her. I guess she really could be just that confident of herself, but it comes off as arrogance in my book, and I really don't think I need to be hearing about it all the time. I've had girls hit on me and tell me they have an interest in me, but I don't think twice about it because I am in a relationship and, out of respect for her (because I'd like to think it would make her feel less special and less important if I talked about other girls liking me) and for our relationship, I don't bring up these situations to her. It just makes me think that if she's so in tune to being hit on and to having all her "just friends" guys liking her, why the heck is she still around? I wonder if I'm just a security blanket now until someone better rolls around. Lately, she's successfully made efforts to stay over other guys' houses and some have stayed over her house (the guys that like her, so she's either leading them on or playing me for a fool). Her parents won't let her do that stuff with me because we are going out, and they'd like her to see other people anyway because apparently i'm not really good enough. As I said before, though, I understand some relationships can be platonic, but I have told her in the past that her antics bother me. She dismisses my concerns and does not understand at all where I'm coming from, saying I am jealous and possessive. I can't help but be pissed off, though, when she goes and stays over with a guy and his family and proceeds to tell me he does have feelings for her. I know she can't control his feelings for her, but she could back off. I've never asked her to do so because it his her life, but I will not hold back from telling her I'm uncomfortable with the situation. When I tell her, though, she says I am making her feel guilty and inadvertently telling her she shouldn't be doing this stuff. It's like she turns it around back in my face and makes me wonder if I'm the problem. Well, soon she will be back at school to see all these friends for as long as she wants, whenever she wants. There are no bounds when she is with them. When she's with me, though, we're always under a curfew and always under the clock. Sometimes I think I'd rather just be her friend because then I could do more with her than I can now. It just sucks feeling unaccepted by her parents and knowing they are pushing her away. Then again, though, I feel she's pushing herself away, too. I've contemplated ending it and saying goodbye. Are all women like this with respect to guy friends? Is she being disrespectful of the relationship or am I just too uptight? Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated, Thanks!