JadedStar

Annie i thought she looked about 14. I am glad i am not the only one that thought this...

I was going to say the same thing. Ken, i'd remove her profile...it's posted w/out her permission.

You will get thru this, this I know, how do i know? I have been thru it too, it's a pretty rough go The cold seems dark and the dark seems cold at the rate i am going, do i want to grow old? Of course i do and do you know why? because the world would be amiss If i were to die

Well we are here to listen.

Maybe you can try?

Do you ever talk to your parents about what bothers you? I have a feeling they are just clueless and don't know. Parents are just average people like else. They are not always very intuitive if we don't tell them what ails us.

No pressure. Writing comes best when it flows naturally without being forced. I am a painter and i have found my best paintings were created when i really wasn't trying, just fooling around with a brush.

Keep on writing Jade. IT will help.... I like your poems.

No....similar intelligence. I can tell in one night out of conversing if someone is going to be able to stimulate me intellectually. I'm not worried about a number, i just like to talk about a lot of different things and am looking for a guy who is on par with that. We don't even have to know about the same TYPES of things but to me it is more interesting to be with a guy who is intellectually my equal. And i am not saying i am this big intellectual myself...i am jsut saying i want someone who is on par with me. If i ahd a 100 pt IQ or a 150 pt IQ i'd feel the same...

LOL i had a list: MUST Love my dogs Similar IQ Must make me laugh I want to make him laugh Honesty Appropriate level of ambition oh and yea He must love me! LOL

Your poetry reminds me so much of mine at your age....I was so emotionally confused, torn and felt mentally beaten up. Your writing is great and I hope that soon you will channel it in a more positive direction lil missy. YOu are at a very difficult age to be. Fifteen was one of my toughest.

Very nice writing Sarey. Hopefully the sadness will lift tho honey.

It's almost like the which came first - chicken or the egg analogy. Which came first - the communication problems or the sxual problems? Or which came first - the sxual problems or the growing apart? SOmetimes it is harder to pinpoint which were the cause and which were symptoms. And then of course it varies from couple to couple.

I think cheating is often a symptom of one of the above except in the case of habitual cheaters who will just do it no matter how good the relationship is. What about sxual problems Melrich? Based on this forum and others i have been on like it this seems to be a huge break up reason. This could fall into category number three but might be big enough to warrant a reason on its own. (I have not read all 13 pages of this thread so if this has been discussed already my apologies in advance)

It is unlikely we'll find out.....

This is a really really old thread guys...

My husband knew a guy like that too. He knew a guy in college who was gay, had a sex change to become a female, then became a lesbian. It made no sense. what an identity crisis!

Firstoff if you do NC just to win someone back I find that to be a bit of a game and really don't advise it. As for does it work or do they forget about you that depends 100% on the feelings the person has for you. If they love you then obviously they will miss you and maybe want you back. If they broke up because the spark was gone and they fell out of love then even if the NC makes them curious and they come back why on earth would you want them back? The thing that I think these NC games do that people on here advocate is help a person to get back an ex who really wanted out. They might out of an act of jealousy and curiosity come back, but i can assure you that you both are probably the same people and will fall right back into the same situation and the break up will repeat. If both parties don't undergo a lot of work and changes then getting them back is useless. I mean no disrespect to the ones who adhere to the NC challenge but i think it is a form of game playing and the problem is you might get back a person who is not really into you as you deserve.

OR someone advertising shoe lifts. LOL

WOW! I never noticed this was old! I bet servedcold didn't either. LOL!!!!!!!! The person who bumped this up is advertising. Just noticed that. Good catch Ghost. LOL i rarely pay attention to the post date.

Not the same analogy man. Women wear heels to make their legs look nicer in skirts, not necessarily to fool people into thinking they are taller. A fair analogy would be for the OP to imagine dating a woman who has been wearing padding in the bra and he thought she was a C cup then when they are intimate finds out she is an A cup. He might have liked her just as well had he known she was an A cup but when he realizes she has been deceiving him all this time he feels duped. Same thing a woman will likely feel. She would be fine if she KNEW he ws 5'6 but might feel duped when she realized he was faking 5'8 with lifts. It is not the same as makeup and high heels. Those things are very obvious and everyone knows they are external enhancers. They are not "hidden" enhancements....no different than a guy shaving to look better and wearing hair gel to make his do look funkier and more modern.

I am very glad elite. had i read this message when it was current i would have told you that you and he met at a time when you both were spiritually and emotionally compatible, but over time the shelf life expired. Sometimes divorce is healthy when two people's needs grow as different as yours and his did. I am glad you did what you had to do. Divorce CAN be healthy. Sorry who that offends. JMO. This said it all: my resolve is that we became close because we were both at rock bottom. We were the same, both suicidal and very lonely. We built each other up until we became self-sufficient. Once that happened, we grew into our true selves who were two very different people.

You are correct in that if you are not hot for each other now that five or ten years from now will be REALLY stale. Yes telling her this could present a risk, but I ask you this - is it not bothering you so badly right now that you are contemplating an affair? I can assure you telling her BEFORE an affair can start is far less risky and can actually work but if you have an affair and get caught you have likely lost your marriage. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Sure there is a risk but you have to do something to wake her up. You have already had talks about it and she slips right back into complacency in no time. If she doesn't think she has anything to lose she likely won't change. If i were in her shoes and my guy told me that I'd do one of two things 1) wake my ass up and get in gear or realize 2) i must not really love him and work on something else. If you do it i don't suggest a lot of details, but if you were to tell her that a single female is pursuing you hot and heavy and that you are so saddened and unfulfilled in your sexlife that for a moment you contemplated it, but didn't want to go that route than this is bound to get her to action. It can make her realize that others find you desirable and could get a healthy flow of jealousy going to make her realize she could lose you if she doesn't act more like a loving wife, and it could make her realize you DO have integrity for telling her about it first.

I even considered turning this woman down and then immediately talking it with my wife, saying what happened and saying we cannot continue like this, that I turned it down because I love her and respect her but that our life style is making me look at these chances as I never did before, when I felt loved and wanted. I guess that could be a major hammer on her head, dunno if a good one but still... strong. I think maybe you should. I think this might be the jolt of reality she needs to realize if she doesn't start appreciating you then someone else will. If i were in your shoes I would do just what you said above.

There are as many different reasons for a couple to divorce as there are people. Doesn't matter if it is black and white or not - divorce rarely ever is. The crux of the matter here is that you DO have a choice ... you can have an affair and satisfy your needs elsewhere or you can realize that since confronting your wife and working on it is short term successful at best that maybe it is time to move on. I know this is not easy. NEver intended to suggest it was. But there is never an excuse for an affair that is completely valid and I am not sure if that is what you are trying to have us believe or not. Don't kid yourself trying to portray the classic cheater. There are also many different kinds of situations that might push one to cheat and I can tell you that none of them are really excusable. Some might be more forgivable in others if the person does not seem a serial cheater but none of them are excusable so no matter what you tell yourself, this is PREVENTABLE (cheating on your wife). If you have followed thru necessary due diligence to discuss this with her than maybe she is giving all she is capable of giving in that regard and if this is not an acceptable way for you to live out your life then you have no choice but to leave her...that is unless you just cheat for satiation instead of doing the right thing. I understand that view, but easier said than done, specially because the context is not black & white like that. How can I do that If I'm pretty sure I love my wife deeply, even if frustrated and feeling unwanted? If I didn't love my wife or didn't feel, to some extent and even if not completely, loved I would obviously had taken actions. Is contemplating an affair showing your love for your wife? That is what I was commenting on. The quote below is specifically what I am referring to: So... I guess everyone sees what is going on here: If I cheat I'm the one to blame, I'm the bastard, but no one with minimal inteligence can say it's 100% my fault, that I just decided to cheat out of a very happy marriage. Thats crap. Oh, and I'm married for 6 years, never had the minimal (until today) urge to cheat, I've had chances I've refused with full ease but hey... guess what... I felt happy and wanted by my wife then.. she even slept at normal hours for our age group. Funny hein? Doesn't matter who is to blame, the fact is you would have gone OUTSIDE of your marriage to fix something that was broken INSIDE of it. You infer you love your wife too much to leave her, then in the next breath infer that if things are not better intimately you might end up cheating on her. Cheating on her is not an expression of love I can assure you. Some people would much rather their spouse be honest and leave them vs going behind their back. Being left is hard to get over but we all heal from it, but being cheated on leaves a stain that can wreck a person's self esteem for a long time, if not from now on.