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JadedStar last won the day on April 1 2009

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  1. Well in that case far be it from me to interfere. If she truly isn't giving the entire side of the story then it is only hurting her, because the responses won't be very helpful or applicable. You see, when someone looks for help here it only helps them if they are honest with us and themselves. If they get a ton of great feedback based on only half truths then it is them who suffers because the advice won't be applicable.
  2. Candytruth do you personally know the OP? Is that what this is about? I am sure i won't be the only one confused. I do agree with you that a person can only truly get help for a situation when BOTH sides of the story are clearly painted....however, this thread is six years old. Unless you know the OP personally and are hurt by what she said because it involves you, we can't figure out why you would want to write this post on this thread.
  3. I haven't read all of this, but to the above...to some people that is enormously huge and hurtful and they don't just bounce back as great friends after the fact, nor do they want to take any chances on that person ever again. You say that above statement(s) as if it wasn't a big thing to happen to him. He didn't think the break up was ok, and his behavior seems pretty normal to me for someone who was broken up with and trying to move on. As for the above post, yes, not replying is the very best thing you can do.
  4. This one and the post of yours before seem to be good IMO. I think you should give him space and let him come around if he wants to. I agree that constant emails of apology that were preceeded by rants of rage can make you look psycho in his eyes. Not to mean you ARE psycho, but when dealing with ex's it seems that when a person gets many messages they tend to go with the 'she/he is acting psycho' stance. Less is more in this case, IMHO. If you already apologized, let him soak that in and be the one to make some contact.
  5. Please stop contacting him! For starters it isn't healthy for YOU. Secondly, he is starting to view you in a very negative and poor light by him having to continue with STOP and him saying you are acting psycho. You will lose your dignity if you don't stop. Take him at his word and don't hope for hidden meanings that he still wants the contact. No means no. It is unhealthy on a number of levels to continue to contact him. I am very shocked that considering the heatedness of his responses and his saying STOP! and saying you are acting psycho that you would tihnk that he secretly wants the contact. Whether or not if you stop and he contacts you again in the future should be moot. You should not hear from him at all to aide in your healing. Those little emails here and there will keep you in an emotional state of upheaval.
  6. She might refuse to believe it but it doesn't change reality. I refuse to believe I will not make a million dollars this year. I wonder if that will help my W2?
  7. Doubts after a break up are extremely common. Look at it like this, while with her those doubts were plaguing you pretty heavily. If you were to get back with her, in due time they would likely come right back. Often in a break up we tend to focus on the best of times. For some reasons our brains won't allow us to remember the very reasons we broke up.
  8. absolutely. and since most people cheat (according to many surveys) wtih people who would be considered less attractive than their partners that tells me that cheating is almost always more emotional than physical. If it were mere physical they'd probably be finding better looking sex partners. I think emotional connection, or lack of, is far more a reason most people cheat than physical dissatisfaction in the sack.
  9. Word. LOL Paying money to look at them in a store makes it sound like one is treating them like a stripper, and I don't think a convenience store clerk or a retail clerk deserves to be treated like that if they don't choose to be gawked at for a living. She could make a hell of a lot more money twirling on a pole, since she chose NOT to do that and make a lot less she shouldn't have to be gawked at by some creepy regular coming in salivating everyday at noon.
  10. People with a conscience, yes, would do it for that reason. I did that with my ex. Even tho i initiated the break up, i didn't hate him. We were together a long time i still cared about him. When we were together trying to be friends his pain was so obvious that i told him it was better that we just have no contact for awhile. I wasn't doing it for me, it would have been easier for me to keep in contact. I did that for him because he needed to move on and i know him, he wouldn't have moved on if we stayed as close friends.
  11. I disagree. There are some occasions they might still love you very much, but i doubt it. If they did, they wouldn't have left. They want you as a friend because people who do this grass is greener thing tend to be on the selfish side, and they want to retain you for their ego. They obviously liked SOME things about the relationhip, just not enough to stay. It is those few things they did like they hope to keep. The 'want their cake and eat it too' syndrome should be an addendum to the 'grass is greener syndrome'. What better world for the dumper to get new meat and still keep the old b/f or g/f around to meet the needs the new person isnt?
  12. Even tho this tactic may work, i wouldn't advise it nor would i do it because if someone can do it once they can do it twice. To me, stability in a relationship is very important. No one can guarantee anything will last, but we have to go by our partner's actions to determine the likelihood of longevity. For me, the action of leaving me for someone else on a kneejerk reaction because of an attraction would tell me that it could happen again. I wouldn't take that chance, not to mention i don't know if i could ever fully restore the trust in that person and trying again wouldn't be fair to either of us. I would live in some amount of fear everytime he was a bit too 'chatty' with a female friend, or went out alone, etc. I don't know if i could entirely overcome it so i wouldn't take him back.
  13. Take care John. I hope you still come around and I hope everything works out for you in your personal life.
  14. I am a firm believer that contact with old flings, ex's,etc should be out in the open. In other words, if contact is made they should come home that day and say "so and so reached out to me today and i responded". This is the respectful thing to do, keeping it in the open. Because if you don't and the other person finds out there mind will wander, imagination escalates and much more can be made out of something harmless. This is something to discuss BEFORE it happens tho. THis is after the fact so you two need to see if you can work it out and make it an absolute MUST in the future, that way if she doesn't tell you moving forward, she has broken the boundaries you agreed to prior.
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