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Cindersam

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  1. Cindersam
    It's not what I expect him to say to me. I have some things I really want to say to him - nothing bad or cirtical, no pleading or begging or any of that. I guess it's just too difficult for me to end a 6 year relationsip on the phone without at least one last conversation. I know it may not go how I want but I still feel a need to do it. This may be a stupid quetion but why would he agree to talk to me if he really didn't want to? He agreed the first time I asked him if we could talk, I didn't have to "talk him into it". So I guess I'm just confused as to why I am not hearing from him now.
  2. Cindersam
    Yes I know what you mean. I too was married at a very young age. It lasted 11 years. It was difficult to realize that my life wasn't going to be what I thought but I can tell you now that it has turned our sooooo much better than I had ever thought. You can't dwell on the past. I think I read on another post that you have a baby right? Then you really can't feel as though you "wasted" your time. Something very good did come out of your relationship even though it did not turn out as planned. I have two wonderful kids from mine that I wouldn't trade for anything. Had I not been with him I would not have them. So don't dwell on "wasted" time as you can't change the past but move forward and be thankful for what you did receive from the relationshiip (the baby) and learn from the mistakes made. Life relly does get better.
  3. Cindersam
    I do cardio and strength training on the same days if I have time. But I never work the same muscles 2 days in a row. You should do at least 4 - 5 times a week of cardio.
  4. Cindersam
    After 8 weeks of strick NC I contacted my ex asking if we could talk in person (he broke up with me over the phone after a 6 year relationship). He said o.k. and we agreed to meet sometime after January 8th (he had his kids for Christmas vacation). He doesn't work the same hours every week so he wasn't sure of his schedule at that point and he said he would call me. I know it's only been 6 days since he had his kids for the break but I was hoping to hear from him by now. Am I being impatient or am I being a fool thinking he will actually call?
  5. Cindersam
    I don't know your story. How long were you together? How did you mess things up in the beginning? Do you still want her back?
  6. Cindersam
    Thought I'd get in on this one. I'm in the middle of a gina tonic myself and yes it does help. I wa also dumped ove the phone after a 6 year relationshsip. I went strick NC for the first 2 months but really wanted to talk so 2 weeks ago I called him and he agreed to talk to me after the 8th (he had his kids for Christmas vacation). He said he would call. Well it's the 13th and I haven't heard anything yet. It's becoming apparent that I probably won't so I'm back in the anger stage. What a coward! Breaking up over the phone after 6 years!!! I think a face to face would help in my closure but I gue he can't even do that! Well the gin and tonic is helping anyways : )
  7. Cindersam
    Zerohalo is right! Strength training will burn more calories plus muscle weighs more and takes up less room so it will help you slim down at the same time PLUS help firm up your butt (problem area). Leg lunges are great for this also. Just losing the fat is not going to give your butt a better shape - you need to firm and tone also. As far as the cardio goes keep doing it. It has a lot of health benefits plus it does help burn calories. It works better though if you stay in you target heart rate zone. If you work too hard it is not aerobic and doesn't burn fat effectively. My gym has target heart rate posters around the gym. If yours doesn't ask someone who works there what you target sone should be for your age.
  8. Cindersam
    Good idea! I think that would be best for now.
  9. Cindersam
    So far it was just a short phone conversation. I called him and asked if we could get together to talk. This was after 8 weeks of strick NC. He agreed but it won't be until next week. I will let you know how it goes. I'm glad your conversation went well but I would still be careful about having too much contact. It appears to me that she wants to be friends but you want much more than that (although you are willing to settle for friends for now just to be abe to talk to her). If I am correct then you are only hurting yourself. You obviously still have very strong feelings for her but it's not too clear what she feels for you. I think NC will help her figure that out one way or the other. I'm not saying NC is the right answer to every situation. I just know it helped me to heal and gain clarity so that when I do talk to my ex I am very clear on what I feel, what I think went wrong, where I want this to go and I also know that I am healed enough at this point to be able to have this conversation without falling apart or getting overly emotional if it doesn't go the way I want it to. I could not have said that a month ago. I hope all works out for you. I will let you know what happens after my "talk".
  10. Cindersam
    I don't think you need to worry about one text pushing her further away just don't keep doing it or it may. It seems to me that she needs some time to figure out what she wants and the best way for her to figure this out is if there is no contact. It is also the BEST thing for you. You mentioned that it helps if you don't see her so I think you know what you need to do. It sounds like you have a lot of mutual friends. THat can make it more difficult. Try not to attend funtions where you know she will be there, at least for a little while. After a while of NC there will be a lot more clarity for both of you. Good luck!
  11. Cindersam
    I know how you feel. It was very hard for me not to wish my ex a Merry Christmas. Just be careful not to expect anything in return so you won't be hurt further. Good luck and congratulations on the Facebook thing!
  12. Cindersam
    I don't know your "story" but I do know your pain. I know this doen't help right now but believe me it does get better. I didn't want to hear that when my ex first broke up with me but it is soooo true. I felt the same way as you do now at the beginning. I cried a lot and couldn't sleep. It's been 8 weeks since the break up with no contact and I am feeling much better. I can sleep now and I haven't cried for several weeks. THat does not mean that my feelings for my ex have changed it just means that I took time for myself and healed some. I know it is hard but you can do it too. It's o.k. to grieve some but then you need to force yourself to go out, have fun, exercise and take care of you. IT WILL GET BETTER!!! : )
  13. Cindersam
    I know how you are feeling but I agree with the others. You shouldn't contact her yet. I know it feels cold but really it isn't. It's the best thing for both of you right now. COntacting her is just going to set you back. I know how difficult it is after such a long relationship. My ex and I were together for six years. It was very hard for me not to contact him. But I kept strict NC for 8 weeks and I feel SO MUCH BETTER NOW! I know you think you feel better but just wait a while longer and it will be a lot better. I no longer cry and I can sleep through the night now. I also have a much better perspective on things. I still love him but I feel much better able to deal with what might happen. I contacted him after 8 weeks of NC and he has agreed to meet with me to talk. M point is that I feel I can handle the conversation now no matter which way it goes. I would not have been able to do that a month ago. Give both of you more time to heal and then see what happens. She knows you care for her so not contacting her is going to change that. Try to stay busy so you don't have time to contact her. You will be happy that you waited and you will both be better off for it.
  14. Cindersam
    Did she respond to your text?
  15. Cindersam
    You didn't say how she replied to your "breakdown". We all do things that we regret later. One "breakdown" is not going to change how she is feeling towards you. But if you continue to have these "breakdowns" it will probably push her away permanently. If that is not what you want then you need to give her the space she needs and initiate NC. She has mentioned repeatedly that she has "doubts". Giving her time with NC will help her think about the situation and figure out what she really wants. It could go either way so you need to be prepared for that. But if you keep contacting her and being overly emotional then it will probably push her in the direction you don't want her to go. Your best chance is NC and give her the time and space she needs. I know it's not easy. I made it through 8 weeks of NC before I contacted my ex. We are meeting next week to talk so I can't tell you yet if NC helped his feelings or not but I can tell you that I am A LOT better off than I was 8 weeks ago. Even though I didn't realize it at the time, I think I needed some alone time to think about things also even though he was the one who initiated it. This could be a positive time for both of you. Don't contact her. Give her the time she needs and you will both come out if it with more clarity about the relationship.
  16. Cindersam
    I don't think that's a good idea. I know it sounds cold when you care about someone not to even wish them a Happy Birthday. But she said she wanted time alone so give it to her. She needs to see what life is like without you in it in order for her to discover what she wants. That's not going to happen if you have any kind of contact. Remember she made this choice not you so give her the space and time that she wants and if she really loves you and wants you in her life she will be back. How are you doing with the Facebook thing? Stay strong and you will be much better off for it. It REALLY DOES get better. Hang in there.
  17. Cindersam
    Hang in there. You are only on day 8 of NC and you are going to have rough days. I know I did. But you are going to have good days too the longer you stick with it. I made it through 8 weeks of NC (just contacted my ex yesterday) and I really feel MUCH better than I had in the beginning. I don't think "out of sight out of mind" applies if the person really loves you (I know it didn't apply for me). I still think about my ex every day but since it's been 8 weeks I am better off emotionally to handle whatever may happen and I see things much more clearly. That doesn't mean I don't love him or don't wish for a second chance, it just means that for the past 8 weeks I let myself do some healing, I took care of myself by exercising more, sleeping (which was difficult at first but is much better now), going out with friends and doing things I enjoy. I know it's difficult for you right now but IT WILL GET BETTER!! I know that's probably now what you want to hear right now but it's the truth. Just give NC some more time and if she really loves you and wants to be with you she will return. It sounds like you two ended things on a good note so I don't think she'll be afraid to contact you. Just give it some time, stay busy and take care of yourself. Good luck! P.S. If you can you might want to stop checking her Facebook - why torture yourself?????
  18. Cindersam
  19. Cindersam
    I contacted my ex yesterday after 8 weeks of NC. I have been wanting to talk to him but I felt it was best to wait. He broke up with me over the phone after a 6 year relationship saying that he wasn't in love with me anymore. Since I didn't see it coming and was in shock I didn't say much. It was a very short converstaion. After a lot of soul searching I feel I may know what happened to make him stop loving me and I feel it may have been my fault. I feel a great urge to tell him these things. I know it may not matter to him anymore but I still feel a need to tell him no matter what the outcome is. Even if he is not willing to give us another chance I feel this conversation will help me get some closure that I don't feel I have since nothing was really discussed before. I have been in total NC for 8 weeks and I feel it has really helped me get a clear perspective on things and to be able to have this conversation without getting overly emotional. I would like to try and work things out with him but I feel I have healed enough at thie point at accept whatever happens. I called him yesterday and he agreed to meet with me. It won't be for over a week since it is Christmas break and this week is his week for having his kids. So I have plenty of time to figure out what would be the best way to approach the conversation. Any suggestions on how to approach the conversation would be GREATLY APPRECIATED. THANKS!!!!
  20. Cindersam
    I am pretty much in the same mind frame that you are right now but I have been in NC for 2 months. During the past two months I also realized some mistakes that I made while in the relationsip that I stongly feel I would like to tell my ex. I have no idea whether it will make a difference or not. I have no idea if he is seeing someone new. Yes part of me is hoping it may make him think about things and may make a difference but I also know that it may not and I feel I am stong enough at this point to deal with that. Either way I do not want to end a 6 year relationship without at least having said these things. If I never see him again at least I will feel better about everything. I think maybe you should wait a little longer before you say anything and see if it is still important to you at that point. I am in a little different position than you are since it has been 2 months for me not two weeks. I'm not sure I would have been able to handle it emotionally after only 2 weeks. Yes NC has helped me heal. I have not healed completely since I still have a little hope. But I am WAY better off than I was 2 months ago and am in a much better position to handle whatever reaction I may get from my ex. Take your time, heal a little first. You will be much better off if you do.
  21. Cindersam
    I agree with Rosie76. It doesn't take much effort to send the same message to everyone on your list. Wait until she attempts to contact you personally and then decide.
  22. Cindersam
    I would not give her any pressure at this point as it would probably just push her completely away. She has already told you she is not ready yet. Give her time and space and if it is to be you will have to discuss what the problems were that split you guys apart in the first place. Good luck!
  23. Cindersam
    NC always has a chance but I think the bigger question here is do you want to be with someone who would start dating someone else the day the two of you broke up and then cheat on her with you? Even if he did come back would you be able to trust him?
  24. Cindersam
    Lying is a big red flag. I was once involved with someone who had a "lying" problem and it came to the point that I questioned in my mind almost everything he said. In the end it turned out he was engaged to someone else while sending flowers to me trying to get me back! You can never trust a lyer. That was several years ago and I can't tell you how good it feels to be with someone you can believe. My last relationship lasted 6 years and I never questioned what he told me. There was no reason to. In 6 years I never caught him lying to me or anyone else. What a difference! You deserve someone who is going to be honest with you. I am in day 46 of NC and it does get better. I have good days and bad days and sometimes I don't feel like I've come very far but I think I probably have come further than I realize. Go out with friends. Keep youself busy. Take time to do things for you. I know it's hard but you will get better. Good luck!
  25. Cindersam
    I am a little confused as to why you got divorced and she might be too. I understand you wanting to be able to support her but why a divorce? She tried to talk you out of it so she may be reluctant to trust you again. Has she given you any indication that she is interested in reconciliation? Has she mentioned anything about being willing to leave Hawaii? Your Valentine's Day idea sounds like a wonderful romantic gesture and most women if they were wanting the same thing as you did would love it. But unless she is ready for it it may just push her further away. I think you might want to "test the waters" first by talking about the possibilities with her to see where her head and heart are at. Good Luck!
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