Cindersam

Thank you all. It's nice to hear someone else think I deserve more of an expalnation. I really feel a need to talk to him even though I know I may just end up getting hurt more. I plan on contacting him after Christmas. Any suggestions on how I should go about it or what I should say to make him more likely to have an honest (in person) conversation with me?????

Hi, You are right to think about all of these things. Yes it is possible for her to have more children but the older she gets the odds are against it and the risks increase. I think the main question here is does she want to have more children? How old are the ones she has? If they are still young she may be willing to have more but the older they get she may be less likely to want to. I can only assume. You really need to ask her what she is thinkiing. If having children of your own is very important to you then you should find out before you get in too deep. You should also be fair to her and let her know that what you are thinking before she gets in too deep. Good luck!

I oompletely understand where you are and what you are going through. I don't think you need to worry about him meeting someone else. He seems as though he wants your relationship to work out. I know how VERY DIFFICULT it is but you need to give him some space and spend the time working on yourself. He said one of the things he fell in love with was your independence. I know it's hard to wait and see what happens but if you push too hard you will push him away. I think he is right that if you got back together now you would think everything is o.k. But you really need to work through your issues first. Being in a relationship full time right now probably isn't the best thing for you either even though it is what you desperately want. You have been through a lot and you need to give yourself some time to heal. Once you do this and you start to get your independence back I think things will work out between you and your ex. We all need some time alone at times in our lives whether we want iit or not. Keep working on getting you better and things will fall into place,

Thanks! I think I will. No we didn't really spend time without him but it was a long relationship so I kind of felt part of the family. Yes she knows the situation between us. SHe sent me a birthday card about 2 weeks ago with a comment that she would miss me. I sent her an E-Mail in return thanking her for the card and saying that I would miss her and her family also. I did not mention my ex - just kept it short. I think I will send her one I just don't want my ex taking it the worng way. He usually spends Christmas at her house so I'm sure he would see it and I don't want him to think I am over stepping my boundaries or trying to get at him through her which I am not. But I also think it would be kind of rude of me not to respond. I know it seems like such a little thing I'm just not sure what the correct response is considering that I don't want to push him away anymore than he already is.

I have been in NC with my ex of 6 years for the past 6 weeks. I still love him and like many of you am hoping that maybe given some time and space his feelings will change. His sister sent me a Christmas card. Should I send her one in return? I do not want to be rude. It's difficult being part of a family for 6 years and then suddenly not only do you not have contact with your ex you lose the entire family also. But since it's not my family I don't want my ex to think I am trying to get at him through his family. Suggesitons PLEASE

No we are not long distance. I'm not sure why he did it over the phone, I have wondered that myself. I think maybe it was easier for him. But I feela fter 6 years I derserved to hear it in person He had been distancing himself from me mainly just not seeing as much of each other as we used to. He was under a lot of stress with his job and his kids (he has three plus a wacko ex-wife) and when I would ask him if anything was wrong he would always say it was the kids or the job He never hinted that it was me. Sometimes I think that maybe he just needed some time to himself and the only "stressor" he could get rid of was me (even though he didn't act like I was a stressor). Many times he would tell me that I was the only thing in his life keeping him sane.

My ex dumped me 6 weeks ago. He broke up with me over the phone I was in shock - did not see it coming He simply said he didn't have those "in love" feelings anymore. He said he has other feelings for me but not the "in love" ones. We had been together for a little over 6 years. I was so in shock that I didn't say much of anything. I thought it was normal to lose that "in love" feeling after that long of a time together and move on to a more mature type of love We got along great and didn't fight. He swears there is no one else. A week after he dumped me I sent him a letter (nice but not emotional) saying I would like to talk about things that I had realized since we broke up. I did not blame him for anything. I have not heard from him and have not contacted him in the past 5 weeks. After a lot of thought I have realized where things may have gone wrong. I really want to discuss it with him. Since we broke up over the phone in a 3 minute conversation I do not feel that we have discussed anything and after 6 years together where the majority of it was really great, I feel we should at least attempt to talk about it. I think from what he said that he is also confused as to why the "in love" feelings are gone. I have been reading the posts on here all about the NC if you want someone back which is why I haven't contacted him since the letter. I am very torn as to what to do. I REALLY want to talk to him and think it would help to put things into perspective but I don't want to push him away. I still love him very much. At the very least if it doesn't help to get him back it may help me with closure. Closure is not what I want but if there is no hope than I need to know that and the only way I will is to talk to him, right?