papalazarou

Sorry Rosie and Mr Eggs CONGRATULATIONS. I must admit I havent been on here for a few days!!!!

I posted this on another thread but I suppose its relevant here!!! My moment of Zen came about a month ago. Following yet another meet up with the ex (doing the LC thing) we were going round in circles. I wont bore you with the details here suffice to say she found some new found "friends" and she was/is suffering from depression. We had a bit of an argument about those "friends". Her last words to me was I think you better leave me alone for a little while. I thought of SD (sorry) and thought you want space? I will give you ALL the space you need. Love that line SD! By then I had actually had had enough. I was flogging the proverbial dead horse again. And again. And again. And again. I needed to break the cycle. It started then. I had been following SDs 30day no contact thread with interest and reading how this had helped people. NC was the way to go. Proper NC. She did contact me about 2 weeks ago by text (havent heard are you ok type of thing) so I did reply and said "im fine hope you are ok". She then asked what I was doing that saturday. For THREE months she never asked what I was doing over a weekend (remember she had her "new" friends) and the ONLY reason I can think why she asked was because I had a ticket for the Killers that I had bought back in October. Needless to say I am sorry I have plans but I may be free next week. Did I hear from her again? Did I bollocks. Was I bothered? No because I was two weeks into PROPER NC. This also showed her in a true light. A USER, she took, took, took everything emotionally, physically and financially and gave little back. All I wanted was to feel wanted and I didnt even get that. So fast forward a couple of weeks. I spoke to her, told her I was cancelling the dog insurance (it was the one thing that hadnt been sorted) and she needs to transfer it to her bank. I never would have been able to have a calm, controlled conversation if it wasn't for NC. She proceeds to tell me how down she still is, perpetually ill AND best of all some of these "new" friends that she made have in her words "betrayed" her. Go figure. Three months ago they were the best thing since sliced bread. I proceeded to tell her how I am getting on with my life, Im grading for my Tae Kwon Do Black Belt in April. How much fun I am having and enjoying MY friends and life. Although a special thanks also goes to Pisces Princess on here - thanks babe x. And of course SD who is always in my mind because I have him on my key ring HA HA. Do I feel sorry for her? A bit. I LOVED that girl and her kids with all my heart. Part of me is quite pleased "not to say I told you so...but I told you so" - she has people like me who cared a great deal for her but she chose these "new" friends over me. She said she missed me. Well I got news for you lady I DONT MISS YOU. Not anymore I have now moved on. I feel free and liberated. Sure if she calls me I may take the call. I may not. But now its MY choice, as its my choice if I wish to call her. BUT I now know there is no going back, I have said before I CANNOT be friends with her but I can be FRIENDLY - by that I mean if I was to see her in the street or our paths accidentally cross I will not be a nervous wreck and I would say hello and be polite. Without NC I would never have been able to see the woods for the trees. Do NC. Do it now. For your sake.

To ANYONE. If I could give one single bit of advice for getting over someone its this...

This is so important Samross. I truly feel for you. This is why NC is advocated to avoid any of these types of scenarios. You were not to know and had to find out the hard way which is quite frankly sh1t.

Blimey just goes to show you dont know people. Your best mate is an arsehole quite frankly and yes leave the band for the moment. Disappear and find a new best friend AND stay away from "her". Dont feel bad about misreading any "signs". We all do it im afraid when we are hoping for reconciliation!

Oh my god Princess!!!! Im so proud of you!!! xxx

A good idea or maybe ring her and ask for a meeting? At least it avoids the did they get the email/why have they not responded? Better send another one... You are quite correct in what you say. As Majord excellent thread will advise...by all means tell them that you want them to reconsider...give them that chance so they know you are open to reconciliation. But if they say no then like you say get blazed and then get on with it by saying thank you, please dont contact me again unless you want to reconcile. The go NC (best if you dont tell them that you are). I think on here we would advocate closure and it is needed because otherwise you will be thinking if only they knew I want to get back. Basically cards on the table, then leave.

Aint that the truth!

Spot on Helo. Cut the b/s. No more beating round the bush. Politely but assertively state what you want. If she doesnt want to reciprocate then at least you can move on.

I am truly sorry to hear this... Its bad enough dealing with one "crisis" let alone two. My thoughts are with you xx

Thats fair enough sam. I must admit I was a bit worried you might be hoping for something that may never happen and consequently putting your life on hold. I must admit I did for a couple of months last year. Never again tho.

Congratulations mate. However I do feel at some point the 2 negatives do need to be discussed and sorted out once and for all otherwise it could all come full circle and Im sure you both dont want that.

Sam. Just a quick question. How long are you prepared to wait?

The sooner you do that the better. Instead of calling why not just send her a text? Or just do it. Dont announce it. Sounds to me like you dont owe her anything anyway. Good luck with the new girl. That sounds a very sensible thing to do, take it slow!

Absolutely. If my ex was to try and be with me - I would say that I am taking this as a sign that you want to reconcile because I dont want to be just friends. If they said anything other than "ok" then I would say thanks but dont contact me until you do...relationship or nothing. I got enough friends thank you. And none that have ripped my heart out and stamped all over it.

Mr echo. You sure we didnt split up with the same person! Ha ha!

A very good answer to the question my friend. Couldnt have put it better myself. Trouble is exes sometimes feel comfortable around you and give off signals that could be misinterpreted. They think you are just "friends" you think "hang on I have a chance here".

All I can say is time is a great healer.

Ha ha!!! Well NC is to heal. Then when you have healed maybe you can make the first move. However the way I would guage whether I have healed is if I make contact and they ignore me...and it dont bother me or they say they dont want to see you again...and it dont bother me or (worse of all) they are seeing someone else...and it doesnt bother me. Basically whatever is said/done you have a couldnt care less attitude about it....thats when you know you have healed and maybe then thats when you could make the first move. However your healing may take weeks, months, years. Someone said one month for every year together...

Amen to that. Also she changed from a loving person into a fag hag. Almost overnight.

Sound advice. I advocate NC...but certainly after you have told them how you feel...

Stay away from myspace and facebook and all that nonsense. I HATE all that stuff.

Has he ever used it before when you were together??? If he has before then Im sure its just his way of flirting. Actually as a matter of interest how did you two get back together?