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papalazarou

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Everything posted by papalazarou

  1. papalazarou
    I suppose as always it depends on circumstances. Personally I would just disappear with no announcement. A couple of times birds have said but we can still be friends and I have said yes sure and then gone into strict NC. By thats just my opinion.
  2. papalazarou
    About a week. But remember she was pushing me away because she had depression...this is completely different to a "conventional" split.
  3. papalazarou
    This is the bit that worries me. If it was something like your insecurity that separated you or something like that then I would say go for it. However does this mean she will dump you everytime some bloke pays interest to her when things are not going right in your relationship?? BEWARE.
  4. papalazarou
    It really depends on your circumstances regarding the split. However you could reply by saying "yes I did thank you I hope you did to". Polite & friendly without expecting a response. Remember NC is to help you heal first and foremost. When you are sufficiently healed then there is no harm in being friends BUT beware that they may have moved on and talk about new b/fs g/fs.
  5. papalazarou
    DEFINITELY NOT. Especially as its near your birthday. She will think you are ringing up for something that she may not be able to give - reconciliation. Wait for her to contact you. ALWAYS.
  6. papalazarou
    She thought you were being obsessive, thereforeeee the key is to do the exact opposite. Your thread title "I need to get my ex back". You need to change your mindset to "I would prefer it if we got back together". You dont NEED her. You should not rely on anyone for YOUR happiness. As soon as you do thats when relationships start to go wrong as you become needy, obsessive and clingy. I learnt the hard way my friend.
  7. papalazarou
    My ex currently wants to work on what was broken between us. She knows now that it was her depression (which she has now got medication for) and having seen it twice before with my ex wife and her mother I understand what her mind is thinking. In that time tho I have also worked on ME. Last thing she needs is to worry about me and me being clingy and needy etc. Also I went into NC, got her mate out of my flat (long story) and her mate has moved in with her. She now knows how much I did, what I brought to the table so to speak and now wants me back. She loves me like she used to. The medication is also helping her think more clearly. A long way to go? Yes. Definitely. But it IS a step in the right direction.
  8. papalazarou
    Waelwulf. Good solid advice here. This is kind of what I am doing with my "ex". Being the MAN she originally fell in love with...
  9. papalazarou
    Nope. What he is saying is get your confidence back. So when she contacts you, you are the man she orginally fell in love with! Be friendly, polite etc but have an air of mystery. Dont be too readily available...
  10. papalazarou
    Keep hanging on in there. I dont want to give you false hope but it sounds like there is something there. All you can do is carry on with No Contact and hope that she may want a reconciliation. If not then at least this time apart may "heal" you...
  11. papalazarou
    She feelds you are smothering her thats all. Just back off for a bit. In love is right.
  12. papalazarou
    Ahh good old Majord guide. I have said it before and I will say it again the mods should make them STICKYS.
  13. papalazarou
    I agree with In Love... I would suggest that maybe in about 2/3 weeks time you send a letter apologising to her for everything that you have done wrong. BUT do not expect a reply and certainly DO NOT contact her to ask if she received the letter. All you can then do is maintain NC to help deal with your anger and make yourself a better person.
  14. papalazarou
    I mean the thing is no one can predict the future. You can only go with whats happening now. thereforeeee you are right - you cant sit around so to speak.
  15. papalazarou
    But the thing is I do accept that at some point you will want to make contact. However what NC does is give you time to heal...so you are ready to make that contact without turning into a needy, blubbering, begging, clingy mess that usually happens when you make contact in the first few days. Furthermore it does give them a chance to genuinely miss you and if they are thinking alot about you they would welcome the contact that you make. If they said I thought you hated me because you havent spoken to me you could answer along the lines of "no way I was giving you the space you wanted" or "I was respecting your privacy" or "I had to sort myself out so it was best I didnt contact you until I did so"...etc etc
  16. papalazarou
    Thats the spirit!
  17. papalazarou
    Guest: So you have been together awhile then. Have you not had any contact at all in that 3 months?? If you have not...it might now be a good idea to make contact (if you can) who knows he may want you to make the "first move". Everyone is different.
  18. papalazarou
    You need to take a step back and be as unobtrusive as possible, but at the same time letting her know you are there fr her. Very similar to my position - see the thread started by Futy Chick. Obviously she has issues and fair play that she is now dealing with them. The best thing you can do (hard tho it is) it to be there for her but at the same time get on with your life. Its entirely possible that you two may not be together. In which case because you have got on with your life (seeing friends, hobbies etc) so if the worst came to the worst at least you have kind of got used to the single life. Personally I am letting her ring me and contact me. I will not and do not contact her.
  19. papalazarou
    This is up there with a Superdave or Majord words of wisdom!!!
  20. papalazarou
    You need to occupy your mind. If it is taking up to much of your time and always on your mind then maybe you should see a Doctor or Counsellor. When my wife had an affair thats all I could think of to.
  21. papalazarou
    Hi Futy! Thats what Im doing. In the words or Mr Incredible: "Saving the world a day at a time!" I know she loves me because she has said it enough times and I know that with what she is going thru she cant lie about something like that! Guest: How long were you together and how long have you been separated now?
  22. papalazarou
    Yes. And in the meantime do all those things you would have done or that you missed out on while you were with her.
  23. papalazarou
    Thanks futy! It means alot. I think when depression is thrown in to the equation its not a clear case of go NC.... As for the initiate contact if I know she wasnt "well" the nite before then I will contact her to check she is OK. Then I will leave her to make contact. We had this discussion that if she dont hear from me she knows its not because I dont care but I understand she does not need pressure and needs space sometimes. I would say that I am not "dangling" because I am doing my own thing and i am not seeing her everytime she wants to. But she does know that I am there for her, especially if she is getting a panic attack or paranoia or just generally cannot cope.
  24. papalazarou
    Futy. Congrats. This thread has hit a particular chord with me because my "ex" is currently suffering from depression. However she is doing something about it and is currently on medication. Like you say im moving on with my life and she knows this but at the same time I drop into conversations about the good times. The other day she dug out a photo of me and her at my work ball a few months ago and stuck it on her mirror "to remind her of happier times". I let her initiate contact with me and not the other way around so its kind of quasi NC. However she does know Im out there doing my thing - out with friends etc etc but out of respect im not sleeping round or anything like that which I could easily do as there are many 'pick up' joints where I live.
  25. papalazarou
    Thats fair comment mate. But on the other hand she may come round after a period of NC.
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