flower99

Moveing forward after infidelity here is some adivice or tips to work through...maybe it can help link removed

Okay so to sum it up A friend really insulted me last week. I didn't tell her right away, because I thought maybe I was being oversensitive or it wasn't really anything. But it ate at me & she kept doing it. So I talked to my boyfriends he was completely insulted too, so that confirmed i wasn't being over sensitive. So I sent her an email telling her I felt insulted by____. I choose my words carefully, didn't want to hurt her, but only let her know so she could stop doing it. She sent me an email explaining why she didn't it, she was sorry & she was only thinking of me & than DID it AGAIN. So in my next email I was very direct, but kind. Telling her exactly what she was saying & doing that made me feel this way & that should be more careful before assuming & acting on it otherwise it's really insulting & rude. And explained how her words made me feel. She replied with, 'she isn't perfect, she already feels terrible all week for hurting her best friend (she isn't mine, but I’m hers) and how insulted & humiliated she feels. That my email was really harsh & made her cry" So I got that email & I felt terrible & immediately replied out of guilt, apologizing because i hate making people sad or hurt. She thanked me for that & she feels good & everything is over.... But now it's the next day, I read my email...NOTHING In it was harsh. it was the truth, honest & direct. but not harsh or insulting. I read my apology to her, and I can't believe I was so apologetic. And I resent that in the end - I ended up apologizing for telling her how I felt. If I were to re-write the 'harsh email again, i would have said the exact same thing. I spent a lot of time, making sure it was honest & kind. I feel like she played on my emotions or something....I feel so stupid cause i never stand up for myself & I finally did, than I bent over backwards apologizing for it. I even sent her a e-card to make her feel better. I'm so stupid. She hurt me, insulted my bf & I big time. When I told her, she did it again, than I tell her in a more direct way and she plays victim & I end up apologizing for telling her how I felt. Can I take back my apology??? I just feel so stupid for apologizing for an email that I'd send again, because it is the truth about how I felt and not at all insulting or harsh. I wish I didn't reply out of guilt. is there a way I can take it back my apology?? If not, how do I get over feeling this way.

My finacee & I both have our tongues pieced...I was a little worried too about it at first. Till we actually kissed, It's No problem at all It felt awesome when they first made contact when making out. But yes, don't go to rough the first time--just in case (;

Oh yes, I totally agree... defiently bring it up to him. Give him the opportunity to change his behavior. Maybe he is oblivious to the pain it's causeing. But if it doesn't change, don't settle for it.

Sometimes I feel Not thinking before speaking is an excuss. A good one too. That way you never have to change your behavior & people will just have accept it. Best of all you are never responsible for the outcome of whatever damage your words bring.

I have experience similar to this before. But it may have been more extreem. he is now 28 & hasn't grown out of it. I agree with Meow. Does he do this regularly? does he make fun of you with other things besides pictures? If this is a regular occurrence, this will effect your self estem in time if not already. He seems rude & egotistical. If that is so (since I don't know him, only you do) - they are character traits, you don't just grow out of it. He's 23 this is him.

maybe 1 more stop there, to get his email???

Oh I'm so sorry hun. What's helped me, is reminding myself. "he doesn't love me the way I want to be loved, he never will. There is someone who will love me for Me & love me in ways I never knew exsisted & I deserve that" It's true. you deserve that & it's out there for you, he just wasn't the one. I'm sorry things didn't turn out as you hoped.

well....I've never done this before, but I'd just be direct. Ask her what was with the hand holding??? where you just messing with me ?? or do you like me? ha ha ha....I don't know. sounds cheezy, but it's direct & will answer those questions. or just casually ask her to a movie? (alone) no big deal, see what happeneds this time...hand holding, cuddling.... see where it goes?

I am so sorry Momene. that's got to be hard & lonely. Have you told her how it makes you feel? Shorty...this seems like the beginning of a long hard road. it began with your best friend & now your family. He's showing you his colors, don't dismiss them....Keep your eyes open. Listen to what your head is telling you. Your heart may mislead you.

That's how I feel (: thank you so much Helen

A telescope, that is awesome....very thoughtful & loving thank you Momene

Awwww....that is so sweet of him! that made me smile...probably not as big as you though. But seriously Thanks you for your words, especially the "I am pretty down to earth, and think the "little" things are more important - actions out of love, not out of romantic impressions."

I guess the problem is, a seed of doubt planted by a friend and causing me to question whether romance has to be forever present. but Now I feel better thanks to you guys wish my friend didn't judge our relationship just because it isn't roses, red hearts & doilies & picnics...oh well, that's her opinion, I guess I should accpet that. Yey!!! thank you. I am the exact same. And I wasn't sure if I was the only women who felt that, but now I know I'm not....Thank you Red Queen

thank you, so much bella...Your words really helped ease my concerns. Every couple does have thier own way of makeing the other feel special & valuable (: It doesn't have to be flower & frills. thank you! And beec...that was so sweet of you to do for your women. I liked what you said about romance is meeting the wants & needs partner not someone else's. That helped put things back into perspective. thank you

Well you are not to young to say you want to find THE ONE. That's excellent & I think most people want that. But finding THE ONE, involves dating around to find the RIGHT ONE, not just anyone willing to make the commitment.

What is romance?? Is it necessary? I don't consider myself a big romantic. But that doesn't mean that we don't express love in my relationship. We just don't do picnics at work, candle light dinners, flowers every week......ect. But a friends of mine has gotten into a new relationship (2 weeks) & is now trying to teach my finacee & I to be more romantic - like them. She says we could learn from them. (I found that a little insulting, I didn't think we had a problem) How can I explain it to her......I'm just not like that She makes me feel like something is wrong with us. what do you guys think? What is considered romance? how frequent & necessary is it in a relationship?

Is that what you really want to happen? is that how you see your future, wouldn't you want a man who loves your family...because it hasn't even been 1 year together, in 10 years he may refuse to see your family, and it may become you going alone. And when you have children, what will you tell them about why daddy doesn't come to see them? and what will he tell them about grandpa & aunty? completely agree with Born to Resist

yeah that totally works.... good advice (:

Completely agree with the other posters. HUGE RED FLAG!!! doesn't he also hate your best friend? and threw his fist over it. If he can't respect & love the most important people in your life...that's serious.

sounds like he's being nice....I wouldn't get to worked up yet are you guys building a frienship? or working on getting back together?

Is the sex truly that amazing that you couldn't replace it? or do you think possibly...you do it to stay attached to him? you're not quite ready to let go of him? maybe afraid to??? listen to your head - it knows before your heart does.... Your head controls your body

so she already knows you like her & she's holding your hand? Well I'd assume she feels the same way than, that's the only way I'd do that to a guy I knew liked me (other wise it's just cruel toying with their emotions) I think she's into you & Maybe it just took her those 2 months to realize it talk to her wish you luck.

i second this. And judging by the hand holding during the whole movie, I think she would like a date