HardShowingAffection

Arielle, I am strongly thinking that she is not willing to give it another try. She still has ALOT of resentment built towards me. In conversations with two of our mutual friends now, she has told them that. Although she loves me more than anything, and I am the love of her life, she feels that she cannot be around me now because of those feelings. She is sticking to her guns, as she has come back in the past and we ended up in the same situation after some time. I did what I knew at the time, but it wasn't what we ultimately needed. She is not willing to let go of those past hurts right now. While my friends and family marvel at the changes that I have made, she is still not convinced that if she came back things would be different than any other time. I don't think there is anything that I can do to show her different, except to continue what I am doing, and that is working on myself. For now, I will just continue to give her space. I do not want to take another shot at the relationship if she is going to still hold past events over my head. It is not fair to me. I have made changes for the better and have learned so much. I need to continue to practice this and make it a natural part of my life. She needs to work on herself now. If she can see the strides I have made, and takes the time and effort to improve herself, and realize that it takes two, then maybe we have a shot. Until then, I have to continue to look straight ahead. She knows I am working on improving myself, but until those feelings of resentment subside and forgiveness is achieved, it will be a long internal struggle for her. Why is it that she focuses so much on the negative? Why does someone let those feelings of anger and resentment stir within themselves? I don't believe there is anything I can do but continue to be positive. Is there anything that I can do to help her get over those feelings of resentment and anger?

Great advice Shorty20. That would definitely surprise her. To make that kind of efforts would speak volume to her. I also agree on the photo album. Something that takes some time and comes from the heart means the world to your lady. It shows you care and are willing to take those extra steps to make her smile. For Christmas, I blew up some of our photos together from vacation and got them framed. I also went through Shutterfly and put together like a 30 page album of all our trips over the past few years.... It is those kinds of things that really melts the ladies hearts! (Sometimes I feel that she forgets about those things I do, but that is a whole different story). Good luck!

Some more info on your relationship would definitely help us out some. I can totally hear where you are coming from. I got to the point in my last relationship that no matter what I seemed to do, she would focus on the negatives, or the things that she did not like. It put tremendous pressure on myself as well as her, and it seemed very hard to make any progress. Remember that you have control over your relationship. Even if she is focusing on the negatives, how you react to that can help steer your relationship. Focus on the positives and YOU make positive changes. They will eventually reflect through her. I recently just finished a book called: "How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together" by Susan Page I would recommend picking it up and reading it. It has some good advice and can help you out tremendously even if you feel like you are already doing the majority of the work. If she is willing to work with you, try one of these books: "Relationship Rescue" by Phil McGraw "Getting the Love You Want" by Harville Hendricks Both have turned my viewpoints around, and I wish I would have read them years ago. The little things will definitely help as well. Just don't let yourself get too far in the doghouse before you start doing them, otherwise she might feel that is the only reason you are doing them, and resent that. Love is an action, remember that! Even though you might be comfortable with your relationship, and where you are at, you need to show it! To think it, feel it, know it, doesn't mean a whole lot if you aren't showing it! Actions! Good luck!

How long were you two together? What were some of your reasons for the break-up? It is good to have a positive attitude, as you are trying to have. I guess from what I know of your post, I would suggest the following. Look back at your relationship. All of the good things, all of the bad things. Now look at those bad things... the things that were lacking. How did your actions feed those negatives? If she blew up on you, how did you react? Did you get defensive? If so, your actions were contributing to the distance that was growing between you. Through reading, talking to other, and exploring myself, I have a much better understanding of myself and my past relationship. It wasn't until this break-up that I seriously sat back and really evaluated myself and my actions. It wasn't until then that I understood that even though I might have been mearly re-acting to a situation, it was feeding distructive habits and leading us down a path that was undesirable for both of us. I would recommend reading a few books. Do it for you. Take this opportunity to learn about yourself, and relationships in general. No one ever taught you the ins and outs of being in a relationship. Unfortunately for most of us, it is live and learn. I can bet you that if you read one of these books, your views on alot of things would change. Is it worth your time? You decide, but it is probably one of the best things I have ever done for myself. Here are the two books I would recommend to get yourself started: "Getting the Love you Want" by Harville Hendricks "Relationship Rescue" by Phil McGraw Good luck! Stay positive, and focus on YOU right now! Grow as a person, remember the good, and learn from the bad!

So why didn't he show up? Do you think he is at a point where he couldn't see you without getting emotional? This happened to me. When I broke up with my ex, I was supposed to have a volleyball game with her the following week. When I talked to her, I told her that I didn't want to go because I didn't want to do anything stupid. I didn't want to say anything stupid, or get emotional, for I knew it would just push her away. Well, two weeks later, we had our championship game, and I was playing. She wanted to play too, and I talked to her on the phone. I told her to play, and she brought up the fact that I said I wasn't comfortable. I told her that I was now, and it would be fun, and that it was for the championship! We're playing! Well, we played, and while we definitely have feelings for one another, we were cool about everything, and I would say the night was a success. I took a genuine interest in her and her life, and was just happy, as I had been working hard on myself. She ended up going to the same concert that I was going to the following night, and she met us down there. We had a great night. I felt more comfortable yet, because I had been working on ME, and felt good about me and what I had learned. We had fun again! It felt good to see her, to be around her, to laugh with her. Well, when I talked to her on Friday, she started getting emotional, saying that it was so hard for her to hang out with me because of how much she loved me, and how strong her feelings were for me. She said when I put my arm around her, she just wished in her head that "everything could be allright". I agreed. I guess my point is that maybe your ex is at a point where you were before. Where you weren't sure if you could see him. Maybe he didn't show because he didn't want to get emotional, as you were afraid you would. I guess I would just recommend keep working on yourself! Make you the best you can be. It will reflect in the way people see you, and how you see yourself, and you can't ask for much more than that! If you are positive and had fun, people want to be around that! Focus on the good! Learn for the bad!

Joyce, I hear what you are saying in your last post. All kinds of things still flow through my mind. The good times, the bad, the hard, the easy. I guess you just can't help but think about them. What I have learned though is that I needed to reflect back upon my relationship as you have. Look at the things that pushed my ex away, closed her up, made her feel like she had to leave. Once I was able to think about these things with a clear head, I really had to look into myself and see what I did those things. It wasn't because I didn't love her, or didn't respect her, or didn't want to be with her. I think most of it was just because I was not aware of how my actions were affecting the overall goodness of our relationship. Even if she started something, I made the situation worse by getting defensive, or not playing a positive role. Just remember that YOU have just as much a role in where your relationship heads as your partner does. Even if your partner displays negative actions, how you chose to handle them will steer your relationship down various paths. I also have alot of friends telling me that we aren't done yet, and that she will realize what she had and want to reconcile. I don't think they are saying that to boost my self-esteem. I feel good about me right now from all that I have learned. I know that the next time I get into a relationship, it will be that much better because I have learned about me, and am able to contribute in a much more positive way. Everyone tells me that I am taking the right steps, and that I am doing everything I can... for me, and for any hopes of a future with her. That is all that you can ask for. When everyone else sees it, your ex is bound to see that as well, and how they choose to react from there is up to them. You can't tell them how to think or feel... just work on a better you! As for your original question about getting over the pain... forgiveness! Remember that you have to forgive for you! Not for anybody else. It is very powerful. To learn to forgive could be one of the most powerful things you can do in any relationship. It is all about YOU! That is how I think you get over the pain. You focus on the good, and that helps flush out and deal with the bad. It encourages an upward spiral. It encourages growing together and helping each other meet each of your needs. This, in turn, helps resolve some of the bad things, while also allowing you to address some of the remaining issues in a more positive light. Focusing on the pain and the bad will put you in a downward spiral, and then you will end up back at square one.

If your partner is willing to work with you, or even if she is not, I would suggest one of these two books: "Getting the Love You Want" by Harville Hendricks "Relationship Rescue" by Phil McGraw They both really made me look at things from a different perspective and really opened my eyes up. Even if your relationship is on the rocks, potentially over, if you read this book, it gives you a lot of hope (at least it did for me), especially if both individuals are willing to give it a read. You will feel good after reading the book, which is a great step, whether as a couple, or just for you! Falling in love is the easy part... managing your loving relationship is the hard part where most fail.

Yes, I agree with pablovblack. She is giving you the cold shoulder. Let her be angry. There is NOTHING you can do right now that will do you any good. Her emotions are obviously running high, let them run their route. Similar thing happened to me. Nothing that I could say would have helped, so I just stepped back and worked on me. It has been amazing. Hard, yes, but definitely worth it. She will cool down, give her some time to step back and see the big picture. Until then, I don't think there is anything you can do but work on yourself... and do it, because in the long run, you will be glad you did.

Just an update.... we all ended up meeting at the concert on Thursday night. I showed up with my brother and a friend, and we were hanging out, watching the band. Well, she found us after the first band and came over and started talking to us. It felt really good, really nice to see her. I didn't know if her and her friend would hang out with us all night, but they did. The concert was great! Her and I were working our way up to the front, just singing, laughing, having a good time. There were a few times when I put my arm around her side, and it just made me want to melt. I absolutely love this girl with all my heart. There were times when we would say something to each other, and because of all the noise, we had to get really close. A few times we were nose to nose, and I just wanted to give her a kiss. I think she did too, but I resisted. I didn't want to push her away. After the concert, we talked for a few minutes, then we left... I gave her a hug and told her it was nice to see her. Friday, she called me. She wanted to ask me a question about her cell phone (her phone was under my name because I got a discount). Needless to say, it led to an hour conversation. I was talking about alot of the stuff that I had read, and some of the things that I have learned. She got a bit teary, and she still gets frustrated about everything. She said it is sooo hard to see me, because of how much she loves me, and how strong her feelings are for me. I told her I just want to make her the happiest girl in the world, and that I now feel that I have the knowledge and tools to make that happen. She mentioned me putting my arm around her, and how in her mind she just "wanted everything to be allright"... and I agreed. She feels so right in my arms. She has four of the books that I have read, and she said she is going to try and read them. Maybe she will get as much out of them as I did, maybe not. The fact that she is willing to read them though makes me happy. Whether it makes any progress for 'us' is secondary. I learned a ton from them, and would love for her to learn just as much, as it will help her out in her future, whether with me or not. She is beautiful, a truly wonderful girl. She is in my prayers every night, and deep in my heart, I hope she decides that what we have is worth working on.

Glad that I could help you out in some way Rain_Man. Before I started this self-exploration, I thought that I was on the right track, and the things that I was doing made sense. After reading so much, I have learned SO MUCH. I cannot speak highly enough of the books I have read. It makes me look at things 100% differently. I have a completely different view of life, and see how so many of my behaviors contributed to my relationship. I wish you the best, and truly look at your actions/ways of thinking, and become a great individual who really understands themselves. Even if your relationship doesn't come back together, you will be all that much better off for the next one!

Yes, I have been sitting back and kind of letting her lead the way. I haven't been picking up the phone and calling her or anything. I don't ask anything about our relationship, I just try and be supportive and be sincere. I know I have changed. If she can't see that, or doesn't want to accept that, then I guess I am just better off without that. I have had way too many people tell me that they would give anything to have a partner that was willing to work as hard as I have throughout this whole thing. Yes, I tell everyone that I have made my mistakes, but you can't do anything about the past, and if you have learned from it and better yourself, I guess that is all you can ask for. I am staying positive, and all you guys have helped me out alot. I appreciate all of you and this community makes things so much easier!

Sounds like you are working on it. But it also seems like there are more underlying issues here. Although you are making up and things are moving on, it doesn't appear that the real issues have been resolved. Focus on the positives in the relationship. Give her compliments. Suck it up for a while and give a constant positive vibe, even if that is not how you are feeling right then. If you are constantly positive and happy and cheery, it will rub off on her, and reflect in her. If you focus on the good, you will start an upward spiral and grow together. focusing on the bad causes the downward spiral and conflicts in the relationship. Build each other up, and then maybe take some of the issues on slowly, but not until you are both happy, confident and have a love bank that is full.

pitterpatter... I think learning to forgive is HUGE! It is amazing what it could do to a relationship. My ex doesn't want to forgive me for things that I have done in the past, and it killed our relationship. No matter how much I changed, the past was held over my head. How do you help someone forgive? While easier said than done, I am the type of person who forgives. It does me no good to have anger, resentment, hate towards another person. All I can do is remember the good, and learn from the bad. Forgiveness is for you! Try it, you will feel better!

I agree... be there for support. In a situation like this, she could definitely use it. It also shows what kind of person you are. You are the 'bigger' person in the fact that even though she hurt you with what she did, you are there for her now when she needs you. It will definitely stick in her mind and maybe even make her realize more what a good thing she had.

I would just hang onto them. I have a few things of my ex's still at the house. I just put them in a closet, and left them there. They are nothing that are essential to her, so when the time is right, and we truly go our own ways, then I will return them. I think that if you rush to return them, you push her away. She knows that you have that stuff there, and it might give her an 'excuse' to give you a ring and talk about things. It's not bothering you... just pack it up and put it in a box in the closet, then you don't see it all the time, and aren't constantly reminded of her. It's not like you two are on bad terms... let the emotions calm a little bit, get a good grip on yourself so that when the time comes, conversation can be positive and productive. When it does come, you will be able to think straight, and not be working soley on emotions. Give it some time.

So here is an update. Last night we had our final volleyball game of the season. It was our championship game. 3 of the 4 players were showing up, including my ex. I went there feeling good, feeling I was able to handle seeing her. I have been feeling very positive as I have continued to read and better myself. (I am on my 8th book regarding self-help, realtionships, life in general) So I get to the game, and she apparently pulled in a minute before me. I had some tools of her fathers that I brought, so she came over to the Jeep to get them. We start talking, things are good. I also gave her the two tickets I had for a concert we are going to tonight (going separately). I also happened to have the books that I have read in the back of my Jeep as one of the guys at work was interested in reading them (he then ordered them all from the library, so he didn't need mine.) I asked her what she was reading, and she tells me, and tell her I have some books if she was interested. She looks at them and take 3 of them that I suggested. Things are good. She makes a comment about me looking different. She stares at my face, and looks at my arms... finally, she says, "Have you lost weight?" I said "Yeah, a bit", followed by "Are you working out?" and I say "Yeah". Then she lifts my shirt and sees my six pack, and is like "You've got to be kidding".... I just smile and am perky, because I DO feel good... not about us... but about ME! So then we go into the arena... we sit and are waiting for our teammate. I take the advice of one of my books (it states that women appreciate it when you 1. ask them about their day 2. touch them in a non-sexual way 3. ask them somthing specific about their life, and 4. say something positive about the relationship). Well, obviously some of these aren't going to fly at this momemt. So, I start asking her about work, her finals at school, her parents new house... just taking a genuine interest in how she is doing and her life. She answers... so then I am thinking... ask something specific. I ask her about her foot (she had some problems that were starting to come back), and she is like "What?" and I said "How is your foot, have you had it checked out again?", I am smiling, interested. She says "What?!" so I repeat myself and she says "You have got to be kidding me!?" all frustrated. I was like woah... I didn't say it too loud, and I am just curious. She tells me she doesn't want to talk to me. And I am blown away.... w t f. I apologize for asking, if it made her feel uncomfortable, but told her I was genuinely interested in her and what was going on, and that is why I asked. She then tells me "Yeah right, you come in here, all looking good, working out, happy, and gloating, then you criticize me" HOLD ON!! Wait a minute!! I am just being positive, trying to be a better person, and put what I have learned into actions, and this is the feedback I get?? She gets upset and walks away... I was confused. So we played our game, things were pretty normal. Her and I actually took the other team on by ourselves for the last game as a challenge (we had already won the match), and we did well... but we lost 21-19. So on the way out, I apologized saying I didn't mean to come accross as gloating and I have just learned alot. She doesn't really respond. We say good byes and I tell her I might see her today at the concert. I have no idea why she gets so defensive, and acts like no matter what I do, I have negative intentions behind it. It got me thinking that I have been actually doing a pretty good job in the relationship, and she really needs to take a look at herself, how she has handled things, and the things that she needs to work on. Not only if there is ever a chance for us, but for any future relationship that she might get herself into. I have been willing to change, and have been changing, but she has not been modifying any of her behaviors or reactions. She hasn't grown with me. Sorry for the rant guys, but I thought that this was an interesting evening, that kind of let a few more pieces fall into place and made me feel good about how far I have come. Hopefully she will read those books and take them seriously, as they will probe into her actions and the way she handles situations. Maybe then she will see what I see and learn from it.

Good to hear majord23. I wasn't trying to rain on your parade... I just want to reiterate the importance of investing in yourself. Too often I see problems where people like to blame and think they are not at fault, or that they do not contribute to the problems. I think that one you have grown, once you have made YOU a better person, then you are off running in the right direction. It definitely helps you move on, and feels really good. Stay on track! Good luck!

You hit it right on the head. It is a big miscommunication issue. My ex and I were the same way. We were together for 3 years and 2 months. The littlest, stupidest issue would evolve into a huge argument. We failed to communicate effectively. She was trying in our relationship and not getting the results she wanted. She got frustrated and angry. I was trying to change and work on the relationship and not seeing the results I wanted, I was getting frustrated and angry. This built and built. Even though there is no single person I would rather see or be with every day, it built an unspoken tension between us both. We are both positive people, and people love being around both of us... so why was there tension between us? Why did we fight and argue about stupid things? We weren't communicating effectively! You need to make your needs known to your partner. She needs to make hers known to you. You have to lay it out there for them to hear. Don't expect them to read your mind. You most likely are working towards the same things, just not conveying them in a manner that you both understand! You both might even want the same thing out of an argument, you just aren't listening to one another. Suck up your pride. Lay your feelings out there. Don't insist on being right. Would you rather be right, or happy? I would rather be happy, but too often I fought to be right, and that got me nowhere, except in a tense relationship. Learn how to communicate! Read some books on communication, it is one of the essential cores to a successful happy relationship! I can recommend three books here: "Getting the Love You Want" by Harville Hendricks "Relationship Rescue" by Philip McGraw "Communication Miracles for Couples : Easy and Effective Tools to Create More Love and Less Conflict" by Jonathan Robinson Too often, you know there are problems, but you are not equipped with the right tools to fix them properly. These books lay out some of the tools that you can use to build a successful relationship, and they have changed me so much!

Have you guys addresssed the issues that surfaced in the past? What steps are you two going to take to ensure that they will not happen again? Do you have a process in place? Are you willing to forgive him for past hurts and recognize and support his changes? This is a two way street. He may be working to change for the better, but you have to support him. You have to make sure that you recognize his changes. You have to make your needs known to him so that he knows them! I fell into a loop where I was sincerely trying to make all the changes that I knew how to do, and that I thought she wanted. However, I didn't get the feedback from her, and it was frustrating. Also, there were some of her needs that I wasn't hitting, but I didn't really know that because they were never conveyed to me. You have to make sure you have open lanes of communication and help one another through these times! They are tough. But if you are both willing to work through them, you can do it! Get opinions that aren't your own. You see things a certain way because you are in the middle of the situation. Read a relationship book or two. I wish I would have. I recommend: "Getting the Love You Want" by Harville Hendricks "Relationship Rescue" by Philip McGraw They have totally opened my eyes and changed the way I look at my actions and reactions within my relationship. It takes work, you need to put a process in place that will work for both of you. You need to communicate your needs. You need to be willing to compromise. You need to listen. you need to accept responsibility for your actions! You need to understand that you have a direct effect on the state of your relationship with every action that you make.... whether positive or negative.

When things got rocky between us, I would make sure I got her a nice card... brought home some roses... make sure that she knew where I was coming from. I think that she almost resented this at times, as she felt I only did this when things were bad. One time, she was even ticked at me, she was going to come get her stuff out of my house. It was the night of the Super Bowl, and I was supposed to be gone. I had been talking to her friend about what I could do show how much I loved her. We talked through a few ideas, and I decided I was going to skip watching the Super Bowl, and do something romantic for her. I bought a few dozen roses... had a trail of rose petals leading from the front door to the bedroom, and then the bed was covered with rose petals. The house was candlelit and a rose sat on a pillow by the front door. A bottle of champagne... the whole nine yards. I had all the lights off, but when she came she came with her mother! She opened the door and started to cry. She felt horrible about the way she reacted, because the night did not turn out how I wanted it to. She ended up leaving with most of her stuff that night, and something that I had wanted and envisioned so long was abandoned. Why? Because I didn't show those actions and desires when I should have. I took things for granted at times. Why didn't I do that when things were great between us? I don't know, but the bottom line is that I didn't, and when I did, it was too late. Granted, we ended up working through those issues, but the important thing here is that you have to show your girl what she means to you! She needs that stuff! The little romantic, sweet, nice things that just show you care! I know you probably feel them in your heart, think them, want them... the bottom line is that you have to act on them! Don't be ashamed or wonder what other people will think.. suck up your pride and do it for the one you love! If you two end up getting back together... put a process in place to make your relationship the best it can be! You have to work at it, manage it! If you have the time, pick up one of these books and read it: "Relationship Rescue" by Phillip McGraw "Getting the Love You Want" by Harville Hendrix These two books have changed my life. Build each other up... work as a team. Trust her, empower her. Have faith in the relationship. Don't make her feel smothered, don't be jealous or possessive. You can make the difference, and she will see that in you. Be vulnerable to your partner... lay your feelings out there. It isn't about protecting yourself and your interests.. rather building together as a team.

I wouldn't sweat it too much. I used to rent a house with some buddies, while my gf lived about 25 minutes away. Things got crappy at the house with everything, and her parents we not against me staying with them a few nights a week. It was intimidating at first. I mean, I was 25 years old, coming and staying at my gfs house with her parents 2-3 nights a week. It wasn't my home, and even though they welcomed me with open arms, it still can be an odd situation. I didn't want to feel like I was intruding. I can see where she is coming from. I mean, from my gf's point of view and her parents, I was more than welcome. They even trusted us enough to sleep together in her room. It did mean ALOT to me. I felt good about that, and to gain her parents' trust and respect meant alot to me. It let them see who I was and helped build a relationship with her parents. But none the less, it was a bit intimidating. The bottom line is that it is not my home... I was a guest, and I didn't want to feel like a burden. Just try to understand where she is coming from. It probably has nothing against you, or your Mom, I guess it is more principle and comfort. If she does decide to come move in... establish some guidelines, what you expect from one another. Remember that she is coming from a home that she grew up in and interacted with the same people everyday for many years. Then she moved on her own and only had to answer to herself. Moving in with you and your Mom is new ground. Sacrifices are going to have to be made on both ends. You need to understand and meet one anothers needs so that you aren't stepping on one anothers toes while you live together. It is important to lay out some groundwork. What do you expect of her when/if she moves in? What does she expect from you? your Mom? You have to work at making it a comfortable situation, because it is going to be uneasy for her to just hop into a scene where you and your Mom know how to act with one another. You have done it for 20 some years. This is new to her. You know what pushes each others buttons, and how you react... she doesn't know this stuff. See where I am coming from?

I wouldn't stress it too much.... easier said than done. icemotoboy has some great posts, and I find myself agreeing with him on alot of his stances. Don't always think for the worst. Things happen for a reason. Maybe it is someone else, maybe not. Maybe she feels smothered, maybe she is just confused. The time and space apart lets things settle down. It gives you an opportunity to look at yourself and what she means to you, and it does the same for her. It allows you to look at your actions, her actions, were you there for her the way she needed you to be? What can you work on, how can you improve... many times it isn't until someone leaves until you really sit back and look at yourself and how you may have been a contributor into where things went in the relationship. Don't revolve your lives around each other. It tends to build tension and can push the two of you apart. You have to build trust between one another and work as a team. I would suggest giving her some more space. Let her find her groove. I am gussing she will see a few things that she didn't see before, as will you. You are on an emotional high right now, just try and relax!

I agree.... give her the space that she desires. I am sure she will be thinking about you, and the things that you had together. The things that you did together. If that was important to her, and she focuses on the positive things that you two created together, who knows, maybe she will be back. As for you. Once someone who plays such an important part of your life leaves, you definitely go through all of the emotions. You may want to pleed, beg, do anything to get your ex back.... but how have your REALLY changed? Have you really sat back and looked at your actions? How you contributed to the relationship? How you helped bring it to the point that is was in when she left? You said you took her for granted... not good. You said you put her second... not good. After the fact, you said you tried letters, songs, a treasure hunt... why didn't you do these things when you two were together? She needs to be assured that you care about her and know what she means to you. I encourage you to really look into yourself and see what you did, and why? If you truly love this person, and want to be with them, then your priorities and actions towards her need to change. You need to look at things a different way. It might be easy for you to think that your actions weren't damaging, but I can assure you they were. You need to look at things from her perspective. Understand her needs, work together as a team, not just in your general interests. It wasn't until my ex left me that I really sat down and looked at me. I did a ton of research and self exploration, and realized how little I knew about myself and why I did the things that I did. It has changed my life. I wish I did it while we were still together, because we still would be together. However, her leaving is what it took to get me to open my eyes and see these things. Read up man.... and do alot of it. You will see quite a bit, trust me, and even if you don't get back with your ex, it will definitely provide a stronger foundation for your next relationship!

I hear what you are saying majord23. In the fact that you tried everything you knew how to do, and you thought things were pretty damn good. I agree in the fact that you should not go crawling back, asking for another chance. However, the one thing that I will add is that things drifted apart and you split for a reason. Something went wrong. Something was missing that was previously there. While you might not think any of your actions contributed to this, I would highly suggest that you think again, and take a deep look into yourself. I was in a similar situation, where I thought I was doing a kick a** job and giving my ex everything that she wanted. It wasn't until she left that I really sat back and looked at everything that was going on, and looked at how I might have contributed to the problems we faced. I read ALOT. I am still reading. I have been on a self-discovery mission that has changed my life around. It takes two. Your actions, whether negative or positive contribute to your relationship in ways that you don't even realize. To recognize that, and the things that you do, and how they steer your relationship is key. Read up man... you won't regret it. Alot of it makes sense when you hear it from someone else. You don't see many things because you are in the middle of it all. Trust me, you won't regret it.... do some self discovery, it will help you immensely! If you need some recommendations, let me know, I have plenty.

1. 3 years, 2 months 2. 1 month 3. Communication issues. Kept falling into cycles. Didn't use/know the 'tools' to communicate effectively. 4. Me - 27; Her - 22