Lunabelle

I'm sorry my suggestion offended you. If you don't appreciate comments like that perhaps you should not be posting on boards looking for input. Of course there's tons that I don't know about! That's the nature of the boards. Save your energy -- don't use it getting angry at me. Save yourself.

hey, who turned off the lights? hey, why is everybody using such tiny fonts? LOL

Hey SlightlyBent -- I just KNEW you would chime in on this one LOL Jeezus your S. Hawking quote cracks me up every time I see it.

I'm not following you here, could you elaborate? Also, could you please break up your posts with a line break now and then?

perhaps there's already yet another woman around..... perhaps he's thinking about his upcoming financial obligations for this new baby....

Because you wrote you were initially leery about it... Because deciding to stay in relationship with him means you are tacitly agreeing to deal with this ex, this baby as well as your own baby and your relationship. Because if he's hitting on you while some woman is pregnant with his child, what has he learned about keeping his willy in his pants? Because my gut tells me. Because the second that baby's born, he may decide he needs to marry/be with baby's mom. You're darn right he needs a break. Because I think it is irresponsible for a man to start dating while his ex is pregnant with his child. It's only 9 months. Can't he be alone that long? Who knows how he will feel about her and the baby after baby is born? Or after baby gets a bit older and daddy actually falls in love with his son/daughter. I just see a lot of potential for hurt here, dear. Because your #1 concern should be you and your daughter. Sorry, I apologize, it's not my place to "should" on you. That's strictly my opinion. You stated you had set aside the dating thing for a while.....but actually I know both male and female parents who do this for years, not a few months, in order to properly deal with their parenting and/or education obligations. I am certainly not saying you "should" do this, but it is interesting that you met this guy and suddenly changed that decision. It is flattering to have that attention paid to you.

"He's having a baby....should i move on?" Since you asked my opinion, Yes.

Oooohh man. This is scarey distorted thinking in my opinion. Very happy to hear about the door! Good luck!

I have found numerous times on this board, that people recommend to others to run and get the morning-after pill. I think this is dangerous. These drugs have the potential of dangerous side effects and in MY opinion should only be used in extreme, last-resort situations. Just my opinion. If your partner is worrying A LOT in this type of situation, it tells me you two are getting yourself into the situation over and over again. Is this true? Perhaps its time to seriously consider a more effective type of birth control than sheer luck. Or to agree not to fool around without birth control. Yes, a woman can get pregnant by just rubbing a penis around the vaginal opening. It's not unheard of, but it is a bit unusual. As I understand it, the precum you mention doesn't offer the proper ph/acid balance for sperm to survive in. It's a cleansing fluid to prepare a path for the liquid holding the sperm. Since you did not orgasm, the odds of her being pregnant are not high. As I have mentioned in another thread, every time you have sex, protected or not, you take a risk of pregnancy and STD. Every time. I got pregnant on the pill as have many, many women. And I never missed one. Never. My understanding is, that a combination of methods provides the best protection against unwanted pregnancy. For example, the pill and a condom. A diaphragm (with jelly) and a condom. The pill and a diaphragm. Spermicidal jelly and a condom. The patch and a condom. Yes, this is a pain to deal with. As are unwanted babies and STD's. These are the issues you (perhaps unconsciously) "agree" to deal with when you decide to have sex. Not to mention all the emotional angles. Even a birth control method with 97% effectiveness means that 3% of the time, someone gets pregnant. That's three out of a hundred. I still think the bigger issue is you two getting yourself into the situation more than once. If you are old enough, and mature enough, to have sex, please be responsible about it. For your own sake, and hers. Finally, should you worry? In my opinion, no, more than likely she will not be pregnant. But learn from this!

Skippy, I see a lot of growing up going on here. The poster seems to be really exploring her role in what is going on, and examing her feelings, and wanting her life to be better. She's not whining or complaining or demanding better treatment. What faults do you feel the poster should fix? and how?

It works for me. If she likes it, and you're okay with it, why not? One of the sexiest things I ever heard from a guy happened years ago: I was dating this Heavy Equipment Operator -- he operated those incredibly huge earth moving machines and often worked miles away from anyone out in these newly cleared fields for future housing developments. Anyway, one day he comes home and tells me how he was standing on the side of his machine, taking a piss off the side, when he happened to smell me on his hand. (We did it that morning). He got so turned on just by thinking of that morning that he jacked off right then and there in broad daylight (nobody saw). I really liked hearing this story. I suppose it doesn't quite relate to your question, but I sure have enjoyed remembering it! Thanks!

Why do you need someone to tell you that you are beautiful? Why do you need this reassurance? Don't you realize cosmetic beauty fades with age? Or specifically, what our current society defines as beauty (that is, youthful skin, bright white teeth, no flab, no wrinkles, you know what I mean) This stuff goes away! Why make your happiness dependent upon it?

You are not behind...what the heck does that mean anyway? Behind according to whose schedule? I was under the impression that in the US anyway, most people take more than four years to earn their degree. Don't stop your college education. It doesn't matter how long it takes. The goal is not just that diploma you know. I hate cliches, but really in this case it IS all about the journey, the individual growth and maturity and development that occurs as you become more educated and learn more about yourself in the process..... We are all different! It may take you 10 years to get your degree, but so what?

That's because (in your situation) your mother is your primary role model as you develop your mental picture of who and what an adult woman is. And who and what you are, will become, and hope to be as an adult woman. This is only natural and normal. Yes, as an adult you have choices about what to internalize and what to let go of, you really do. I'm glad I was able to help you!

Yep, just about the time we figure out how to parent an infant, they turn into toddlers....you get the picture. In my opinion this is exactly why people claim parenting as one of the biggest challenges in their lives....it never stays the same, the goals always change...the cheese always moves. As a parent it feels like one minute you're potty training and the next day you're teaching them to drive....

Dear, those are her OWN insecurities poking their ugly head up......let her be. Let her feel differently than you do. Let her have her own feelings. It's okay. It doesn't diminish yours in any way. One thing I have learned, unfortunately only since I've hit my 40's (!!) is that I can't control what people say or do. I can only control my reaction to what they say or do. I can decide, all by myself, to "let" them hurt me, or to let go of what they said. In another post & thread, I used this analogy, of the verbal comments like water off a duck's back. If the water stays on the duck's back, it'll drown the duck. Don't let her feelings, opinions and attitudes drown you. Accept that they are different from yours -- of course they are! Just teach yourself (it will take practice) to not internalize them. Just because, as a child, you took everything your parents said as truth, as law, as gospel, doesn't mean you have to do that now! In fact, you shouldn't in my opinion. Learn to control what you can (your reaction) and let go of what you can't (someone else's behavior & speech). Another thing that has been successful for me, is to say, "I would prefer you _______________ (fill in the blank). I have used this to some effect with my children and have overheard them use the exact same line. It establishes your feelings about what's going on without placing blame or labeling their behavior as bad or wrong. Then the other person can choose to respect your preference, or not, but at least you have been open and honest and they know how you feel. And you can retain some self-respect because you were able to express, in a pleasant way, your preference for them to say or do something else.

he he he.....ok LOL Why in the world would this be the case?

In my opinion, because of your sheltering, you are going to have to practice your assertiveness, so that you can stand up for yourself when you need to. You might find you also have difficulty standing up for yourself in other situations, like a work situation. The process of maturing and separating from our parents, mentally and physically, lets us practice these skills in a safe way. Hopefully your parents will recognize this.

These are normal feelings! Stop beating yourself up. You are trying to protect your parents from your feelings, truly this is a sign of maturity, an awareness of their feelings. It's okay to be confused for a while. However, the put-downs bother me. Do you have the courage to gently say something like, that hurts my feelings when you dismiss my interests like that. And leave it at that. Don't expect some big apology. If you've never stood up for yourself before, they'll be surprised. But you don't have to make a big deal about it. Just tell them about the hurt. They may choose to stop doing it. Or they may not. Or, if you are feeling more assertive, something like, gee, thanks, I'll let you know next time I need your evaluation of my ________ (fill in the blank). Just try not to be nasty about it. Remember that they are also learning how to parent you as a young adult. They may need to adjust too.

I think this is common for young people to re-examine their feelings and attitudes about their parents. This is a natural part of maturing, some people never go through this at all! My best advice (my opinion only) is to try to see your parents as people with feelings and a life of their own completely separate from their parental roles in your life. Do you think your parents actually set out to screw you up? It's possible, but you'd have to work harder at proving it to me. Don't you think they did the best they could, considering their own upbringing, their own experiences, and whatever else was going on in their life during the time you were a child? Give them a break. In my opinion, nobody has the childhood they think they should've had. Every thinking person, at some point, wishes something had been different. Now you are a young adult -- you can view things differently. Example: when I was a child, around 10 years old, my dad built a step so I could reach the controls on the clothes washer. So I could help my mom do the laundry, my three brothers' laundry. While dad and all the boys went off fishing and motorcycling. As a child, I was thrilled with this new responsibility, this opportunity to help my mom. As an adult, I'm horrified by this. Why in the world couldn't these people do their own laundry? If they were old enough to go ride motorcycles, more than likely they could learn to operate a washer! But it does me no good now to walk around being upset about this. How do I deal with these conflicts? Simple. My sons, age almost 12 and almost 14, know how to do their own laundry. They can wash their own baseball uniforms. Now I don't make them do this all the time during the school year, but in fact I reminded them this morning that as soon as school is out, in six weeks, they'll be doing their own laundry this summer. It's okay to explore these feelings. Just don't let it ruin you. Maybe ask your own parents about their own feelings about their own parents and upbringing. I was a bit shocked to finally hear how angry my mom was at her own mom due to childhood stuff like this, didn't learn this until I was an adult. And it might have really helped me to hear, as a child, how normal and appropriate it is for a child to feel hurt and angry feelings towards their parents.

he he he....so I'm not the only one...sometimes it's just so fun!

No, in my opinion you should be far more concerned with your stereotyping and generalizations (nod to DN). I couldn't care less what my partner says, as long as it isn't someone else's name! Again, my opinion, but if you are worrying about what you might say with your next sexual partner, you've got no business having sex with this one! And finally, habits are just that -- a habit. You can certainly change any habit if you actually want to. Not to say it won't be difficult, and painful. But it certainly is possible.

Coming from the point of view of a mom of a 15-year-old girl, I'd much prefer to see you arranging some activity you and your bf could do with your parents....going out to dinner together or some sports thing or whatever....I just like to spend time "around" my daughter's friends (male or female) and get to know them....see how they behave....create my own opinion as to whether or not my daughter ought to be allowed to spend time alone with this person. There are girls I don't want my daughter alone with.....because I happen to know these girls are into lighting things on fire and watching them burn....dumb. As an adult, and a parent, it is my responsibility, and MINE alone, to maintain my child's safety at ALL times. I have no doubt your parents feel the same way. Having said that, teenagers have a right to make their own decisions about certain things. When to be alone with a boy in their bedroom is NOT one of those rights. I encourage you to remove your age because I see it as a simple thing you can do to protect yourself from the weirdos, you know what I mean. Just know that most of us can often determine roughly someone's age simply by the nature of what they post, or how they post it. For example, it would be very unusual to see someone posting about say, losing their virginity at age 50. Not impossible, but unusual. See what I mean? Since you're not going to have sexual relations, I don't understand the need to be alone in a room with a bed....I think you are either in denial of what your true intentions are, or you're not exploring the options of other things people do on dates. Having said all this, know that I was sexually active at your age and I regret it now.

In my experience, people who get a free ride, with their parents providing everything for them even after they are certainly old enough and bright enough to provide even a bare minimum of their own support, eventually get a lesson in real life. In my opinion, parents do their child NO FAVORS at all by handing them everything they need on a platter. Because these people grow up to expect everyone to continue handing them what they want and what they need. And make everyone else miserable around them. Don't be jealous because your roomie has it easy now. Know that she will have to face the music at some point in her life. Meantime, you have a much clearer sense of adulthood and reality than she does. Best wishes to you.

...and you have to shovel a whole lotta'.........