blender

Try not to be so scared.. I know it's difficult, do you pray? Say a prayer and ask God to lift this anxiety from you and put it in God's hands for now.. and know that nothing happens in life that we can not handle with courage and honesty... you will be fine, no matter what, that's just a fact.

Yes, chances are you are NOT pregnant... try to stay calm, learn from all this... and know that it's all going to be okay... and you can take a ept test from the drug store fairly soon..just make sure that whatever medical advice you get that you are also protecting your body and your health. It sounds like you weren't at a fertile time in your cycle right?

I just read your first response to the "self questions" I suggested...and you responded that your HONEST answer to all of these questions listed below was "yes"?? let's go over them again, so you might gain some self clarity... 1) Do you feel good about yourself when knowing she is still involved in what might be a "loving habit or friendship" with her ex, one that she is still not "clear" on as to what her feelings are? Your honest answer is "yes".. this actually makes you "feel good" that she is still not clear and involved in some way emotionally with her ex? 2)Do you feel good when she "cancels or changes on a dime" regarding plans or intamcy with you? Your honest answer to this is "yes".. you "feel good" when she cancels spending time with you"??? 3) Are you emotionally addicted to her? Feeling like you have to walk on eggshells in order to keep her "happy"? If your honest answer to this is "yes".. then you are not building a respectful loyal mature relationship here.. you can not walk on eggshells most of the time and maintain your own self respect and dignity as well. 4) Do you feel as if you are compromising your own gut instincts, by sweeping it under the carpet in "hope" that she will eventually come around? If you honest answer to this is "yes".. then you are building a relationship on "emotional quicksand" and not on the "facts" of what the relationship actually is revealing itself to be. 5) Are you in contact with her because you find the relationship, respectful, fulfilling, secure, loyal, intimate? If "not".. then ask yourself "why" you are still choosing to stay in contact with her. If you answer is "yes" to this one, I find that very confusing... you do NOT SEEM to be fulfilled, respected, intimate, or secure in this relationship as it is right now. 6) Ask yourself if you are trying to "attain" happiness from being with her, instead of "seeking happiness inside yourself on your own first" so that you are able to "respectfully share" your self confidence, self respect, accomplishments and happiness with someone whom you love. If your answer is "yes" to this, then you're not emotionally ready to give to a relationship or emotionally open enough to RECEIVE mature, respectful and self respecting love....because that can only start with you loving yourself enough to set standard/values for your own heart.. You answered the below question with a "no". 7) Ask yourself if you are making choices based on "feelings/fears" and ignoring the "facts" while doing so... it's important to make choices based on "both feelings and facts". So your answer is "no" because your "feelings" and the "facts" do NOT match up... so what outcome are you hoping for by choosing to ignore the "facts"? Are you just "afraid" of setting a standard/value for your heart that she may "reject" and NOT WANT to live within? If that is your "fear" it's best to find her answer out now... because it will only lead to more heartache in the long run if you choose to ignore the facts and choose to stay in protection of your feelings right now.. you might have to lose this girl for now in order to "re-gain" your sense of self... and then maybe the two of you can work on this... but YOU need to represent your own heart here... and right now your heart is not being nurtured by YOU or HER.

You're 16, and it's understandable that you are concerned you might be pregnant, but it's not a "fact" yet... but it is one of those "life lessons" and it's an emotionally vulnerable time in your life, and you are so young to be engaging in intamcy if you can live within the potential consequences... and for right now just try to "breathe" remember this "feeling" and know that even with "protection" there is always the possiblity of "pregnancy" and you can choose to learn from this "anxiety" about the kind of "responsbility" you have to your own body..and your life.. Intercourse is never worth risking consequences you do not want to live within... this is a valuable and important lesson, and you are probably not pregnant... what time of the month was it for you.. how close to your period were you?

Okay, breathe.. you are scared and concerned right now, so one step at a time, it's all going to be okay. How old are you?

if she can not respect your feelings, or understand them, then it's time that you step back and take a moment to be sure what you are actually investing your precious heart, energy, mind, and soul into regarding this relationship.. would you feel better expressing to her in a loving way the following "feelings/standards" imagine your self saying the following: "As much as I'd love to stay in contact with you, it's simply to painful for me to be here emotionally for YOU at the expense of my own heart. So out of self respect, I think it's best for both of us to be on our own for awhile so we can each "discover" what our authentic feelings are. Right now it seems we are hanging onto each other out of "fear" of the unknown, instead of being together with love and commitment. I think we both deserve love and commitment..and from your words/actions/choices it's clear to me that you are not ready to do so..and although that hurts me, I will respect your feelings. And I'm sure you can respect my need to either be in your life on respectful terms, where we show up as we promise, and commit to make the effort to make our relationship as couple work, without the cloud of your former relationship looming above us. A break from each other is something we can agree on, because it is respectful to both of us. The alternative of this rollercoaster of "what if's, not now, and maybe's" is not a realistic, respectful, mature way for us to develop a foundation to build a long term relationship on. If you discover during this time of no contact that you do want to exclusively respectfully make an exclusive effort towards us a couple, then of course you may contact me... but until then, it's best for us both to be more realistic and respecting of each other and to let go for now. I love you, and hope you can respect that I wish the best for both of us, whether it be together or on our own separate paths. Please understand this is difficult for me to do.. but staying in contact out of fear that "you" may not like me setting some standards/values for my own heart?..well, that's not a healthy emotionally respectful reason for us to stay in "emotional limbo" together... I understand that right now you are not ready to commit to us.. so please respect that this "alternative limbo" is not working for me or us...it's starting to re-define our precious relationship in whole other light.. and it's not feeling "right". I respect your heart, I hope you can respect mine."

Well you can always consider the fact that by "keeping in contact with her" you are losing a part of YOURSELF... She is NOT emotionally healthy enough or mature enough to start building a long term relationship with you or anyone right now. If you choose to stay in her life because you fear the pain of "letting go of what you "hope might be"...or fear that "she" won't like you not just "being there" for HER... well you are then choosing to not set any standards/values for your own heart, and in the long run this could lead to her not respecting your heart either. In fact it seems that it might be happening already... she's wishy-washy about "agreed commitments" whether it be for a date or taking a class.. and that is NOT about YOU.. that is her own life issue... and yet you "choose" to stay in contact with these less then respectful behaviors happening. Why is that okay for you? Setting up reasonable respectful "standards" for someone to be in your life, as a friend or a loved one, is a "emotional boundary" you choose to set, and then respectfully have to choose to live within, and do not "temporarily" change a respectful, reasonable "standard/boundary" for your relatiohnship just because you want to "win" the person into your life. This is "immature, magical" thinking, and can lead to more "misunderstandings" and "heartache". She was in a relationship for seven years, and that "history with someone" is powerful..not "more" important but it is has a hold on her emotionally.. and that is understandable. You can choose to respect this about her, but also respect yourself enough to know that you will not be fulfilled by a relationship or friendship with her right now.. she is not capable of offering you anything "authentic or real" because she is simply "not" emotionally ready. And in choosing to just be on the side lines of her life, as a victim of her emotional circumstance.. you will only "hurt more"... in the long run... It is defining your OWN STANDARD/VALUES that can lead to YOUR happiness with her, or with someone new who "shares" these same values regarding a relationship or friendship.. You have to ask yourself some questions and answer them honestly: Do you feel good about yourself when knowing she is still involved in what might be a "loving habit or friendship" with her ex, one that she is still not "clear" on as to what her feelings are? Do you feel good when she "cancels or changes on a dime" regarding plans or intamcy with you? Are you emotionally addicted to her? Feeling like you have to walk on eggshells in order to keep her "happy"? Do you feel as if you are compromising your own gut instincts, by sweeping it under the carpet in "hope" that she will eventually come around? Are you in contact with her because you find the relationship, respectful, fulfilling, secure, loyal, intimate? If "not".. then ask yourself "why" you are still choosing to stay in contact with her. Ask yourself if you are trying to "attain" happiness from being with her, instead of "seeking happiness inside yourself on your own first" so that you are able to "respectfully share" your self confidence, self respect, accomplishments and happiness with someone whom you love. Ask yourself if you are making choices based on "feelings/fears" and ignoring the "facts" while doing so... it's important to make choices based on "both feelings and facts". and your feelings are "you love her, and want to make it work"... the FACT is she is "not ready" and is "not sure". and she is still sort of involved with her ex and at the very least is still emotionally tied to him on many levels.. do these stated feelings and facts match up together and add up to some realistic, respectful, considerate, loving, mature, loyal, exclusive foundation of a relationship?

If it is a "fungal" type infection the same things apply as to "genital warts".. so be careful, be kind, PROTECT YOURSELF...

I guess this whole thread is about "lessons learned".. and that even though the "act" of taping something to his car might have "felt good and justified in the heat of the emotions".. that in the long run, there are "healthier options" in dealing with our own "disapppointments" regarding someone else's behavior. At least it was not 'personal injury or harm" that was inflicted, but it's still not FOR FUTURE REFERANCE an "emotionally mature" way to handle the situation, but or course is it "understandable reactionary behavior" on her part... so she can forgive herself this moment of "acting out towards him" and choose to grow past all this, and to let go of anything concerning him.. and get busy with her own life. And hopefully choose a different approach next time she feels betrayed or disappointed by someone...by simply turning the other cheek and letting go... And I happen to believe (not saying it's a "should" but more a "suggestion") it would be wonderful if she did change her yoga class and stayed away from him for a while... he's just a creep... and choosing to be around him in any way, while she is still "vulnerable"...well that's a tough thing to do. I know she is expressing she is "over it"...but it's always best when we do not "like or approve or respect" someone else..or we don't like "seeing them flirt with someone"...well it's best to take time away from them, till she can "re-gain" a healthy perspective on the fact that HE has nothing to do with her "worthiness or self respect" and until it no longer matters to her when he "flirts with someone, or that he is still in HER class" after she asked him to not come to it anymore out of respect for her... but this guys problem is he lacks "self respect" and respect for woman in general so it seems. and for now I think it stills bother her a bit in your "gut" that he's STILL taking HER time of yoga class. That would bother me too. I hope she gives herself a break from him..and she doesn't take the class for awhile.. she deserves and maybe "needs" the time away from him...

Janeok, how are you feeling today? First thing is you can be so proud of yourself for not giving into to your "urge" to contact him... let this feeling empower you, feel good about yourself for having the courage and self respect to feel your feelings and NOT to re-act to them in the moment.. this is a huge part of the healing process...and it also makes YOU very attractive...and self respecting.. give this time apart a chance so you can both do some growing.... and some self work.. it's all going to be okay, even better. Let us know how you're doing.. best, blender

It sounds like "genital warts" and I believe it's HIGHLY CONTAGIOUS..so read up on it on the internet... and be careful, I hope HE IS ALWAYS WASHING HIS HANDS.. I feel sorry for him but be sure to PROTECT YOURSELF.. learn as much as you can about it, and how to be safe during any intamcy..even when he is NOT having an outbreak.. Fast search on internet brought this up: In men Genital warts are less common, however, warts can occur on the: scrotum (the sac that holds the testicles) tip or shaft of the penis In men and women Anal sex can cause warts: on, in or around the anus and rectum Oral sex can cause warts in the : mouth throat Symptoms include: bleeding difficulty in swallowing (if in the mouth or throat) difficulty in urination (if in the urethra, penis or vagina) localized discomfort and pain You should see a health professional immediately if any of the following occurs: bleeding or skin changes around the genitals contact with an infected person unusual growths or bumps Note The longer HPV warts are allowed to grow, the more persistent they become and untreated genital warts can eventually spread, grow, and multiply into large clusters causing health complications Sometimes people who are infected with HPV do not develop the warts for many years

Good, leave it alone for today.. just feel your feelings, do not choose to re-act to them by reaching out to the ex. Of course you still care for him, and I'm sure he still does for you. But making contact now will most likely not be the best thing for you.. you are still too emotionally vulnerable, and he knows how to contact you if he really wanted to talk.. right? Instead of contacting him now and risking him just being "kind and polite" and not giving you what you are "expecting or longing" for, will only set you back emotionally.. it's okay, he's not going anywhere right now.. so breathe.. and do NOT contact him while you are still so vulnerable.. it's never a good idea to contact the ex when we are still feeling so "emotional"... take this time to feel all your feelings, work through them, regain your sense of self, let him have his space and time as well... If he broke off the relationship then it's best for you to just let go for now..just for right now... you had a bit of an emotional reminder by going to lunch with those people.. it's okay, just feel those feelings, be sad, cry, write on here, but wait it out for a bit... We can not write the script for what the ex will say if we make contact, and so while you are still vulnerable it is best not to put yourself into a situation that might prove to be "a disappointment".. besides again, he knows where you are, how to contact you, and "if" he discovers in time that he has "real authentic deep mature sincere" feelings for you, then nothing will stop him from contacting you.. trust that for right now, he's just needing his time and respect this, and yourself by maintaining no contact.. you've already expressed to him how difficult this way for you, and then he returned with the same emotion but yet he made NO "respectful intentional effort" to see or talk to you yet... So as much as it hurts, just know that sometimes in life we are "sad" for awhile, you will be okay... let go for one day at a time, see how you feel tomorrow... do not re-act to the "temporary desperate feelings" you are having right now.. keep the big picture in mind.. it's only been a month of no contact.. give it some time.. give YOURSELF some time...

agualibre777, I think it's wonderful that you are choosing to learn from all this, and you might learn not to "repeat" cetain patterns, and if being around him even in "yoga class" is causing you frustration or anxiety or giving HIM the satisfaction of being in "your space".. whether you are "over him" or not, just like when you kept saying "no" to sex and you kept seeing him.. well the same can be said for the yoga class, if you think he is coming to this class AFTER you asked him not to..well then it would be very self empowering for you to change your "workout" and do something else just for awhile.. YOU and your self respect are more important then your yoga class or your tight schedule.. Do NOT think of it as giving into him and letting him have the class.. heck, let him have the class, stay away.. do something else for your workout for awhile.. c'mon, it's best to stay away from him.. it's best for YOU. I really strongly lovingly suggest you make the self respecting choice to stay away from him for awhile, don't be around him at all.... be proud of yourself for NOT going to the same yoga class for awhile, the priority now is YOU and your own self respect... it would be very classy and empowering to be STAY AWAY from him... and change your yoga workout temporarily.. it doesn't mean he "wins", it means you are now making choices that are about YOU, for YOU, and the best thing is that he does NOT get to see you at all... stay away...

I think maybe she as really just diappointed in her own choice to get involved with him in the first place. After all why would you willingly get invovled with a guy who says, "I don't want a relationship and I can make you have sex with me without a condom if I want to". I think for now the real life lesson here is for her to stay away from him, learn from all this, and remember to treat her mind, heart and body with respect and to NEVER get involved with any guy who talks to her this way from the very start... no matter how "attracted" you may feel... that is a "feeling" and you have to combine "feelings/facts/selfrespect" before you get involved with anyone. And the FACT is he was NEVER worthy of her.. and now it's time to no longer give any of her energy or attention, negative or positive towards him. Change her yoga class, stay away, gain a sense of self, and look inside her own heart to heal, grow and learn from all this. It's not about teaching HIM a lesson, it's about learning YOUR OWN lesson concerning your own choices and behavior.. she's growing up.. and hopefull will not choose to get invovled with someone like this guy ever again, and will not choose to "act on" her feelings of anger by "doing something to a guys car or whatever" but instead work through those feelings on her own with help from friends, family, a therapist, or even taking time to just "feel the feelings" and let them pass but do NOT choose to re-act to them....

Again, I don't think the issue here is the "child" it's about the two of you, and the way you emotionally communicate. That is the "issue". it's NOT about the child.

Yes, it's understandable when our hearts are broken to sometimes have "thoughts" of acting out towards the ex. I really believe the op was more upset inside herself for making the choice to give her mind, heart and body to such a disrespecting jerk, who from the very start was less then a gentlemen, even in his approach. So perhaps her hurt is really about her own "choice to get involved" with him... and that is where her healing can begin, by forgivig herself, learning who not to get close to, and to respect her own heart, mind and body. I hope she changes her yoga class and stays away from him until she can gain some healthy perspective... she's still far too vulnerable to be around this creep. I really feel for her.. and hope that she in no way feels "encouraged" to resolve future issues of the heart in the same way because somebody thinks it's "funny".. but sure I understand why she did it... More importantly I hope she can understand why she made a choice to get involved with and then feel so betrayed by someone who clearly said from the beginning, "I don't want a relationship and I can make you have sex with me without a condom" YUK. She is worthy of spending her time and energy on herself, and do gain the sense of self, and loving herself, and respecting herself to stay away from guys like this in the future, that is the real lesson here.. and thank god she is learning it at a young age.

If your feelings are hurt, then start by setting some boundaries for your relationship. It's important that YOU are considered as well, but it starts with you setting some values/standards for the situation. You seem to be waiting for HIM to say this or that... I am not suggesting this, but would you feel "appropriate" saying: "Obviously, I'm getting emotionally involved in your life, and I know it's early in our relationship, but I have to let you know that I am really looking forward to spending time with you and your child whenever you feel it's appropriate to do so". then you have opened the door for him to express "why" he is choosing to take this part of the relationship slowly, it could be a bunch of stuff concerning his ex or because he only has his child for a certain amount of time and he wants to concentrate on HIM, and it's easier to be with friends, or co-workers because he doesnt' have to give them the "attention" he would clearly WANT to give you if you were together with he and his child.. and maybe he just needs time to "discover" how to balance those two relationships at the same time, you know, boyfriend/girlfriend and parent/child. And I don't mean you guys would be "making out" or anything, I just mean his "emotional attention" might be a struggle... and that is a normal fear for him to have, one that he might not even be able to clearly express yet... or even clearly understand. For now he used to being with YOU and being a couple, and it might be a bit of a "blur" for right now to be with the woman he loves and the child he loves all at the same time.. that can be emotionally straining at first... so please give it a chance.. BUT if you are feeling that you are 'walking on eggshells" and can not express your feelings to him, or that he doesn't respectfully explain something to you, well then that has NOTHING to do with his child, that is a dynamic that the is about the two of you.

Yes I agree, I too could feel the op's heartache, and of course I cringed at the fact that she "took an action" to make a point, (probably because when I was young I did something similar after my heart was broken, but thank god someone pointed out that it wasn't "the respectful way" to handle such things, and I didn't do something like that ever again) so I understood "why" she did what she did, we all make those silly mistakes when our hearts feel crushed...but of course in the future with maturity and self respect, hopefully we choose to wait and grow past that "initial feeling" and you're right, that is all we were saying to her... that it's best for her to "grow past this" and to learn her own "life lessons" from the choice she made to get involved with someone like him in the first place. Sometimes when we take a moment to look at OURSELVES first after a heartbreak, well, there is enough work there to keep us busy, and that "urge" to concentrate on what the "ex" should or shouldn't have done starts to fade, and we can put our energy, attention on to our own issues, grow and heal.

Your feelings are natural, but I would have great respect for a man who would choose to "wait" to involve a woman in his child's life, or to introduce you. It's only been a month of dating, and I'm sure he cares for you deeply, he shares stories of his child, and he's dating you exclusively.. this is all "good" and "respectful". Try not to take it personally or feel the urge to "rush" something so important. I really think it's so wise and respectful for this guy to be taking time to build a relationship with you FIRST and then bring his child into it later.... that is what every stinking shrink would suggest, and maybe you can choose to "admire" this in him, instead of thinking about how it affects you... trust his judgement and his timing on this... it's the loving thing to do and if you are going to be in his life for long term it's important to trust his judgement especially concerning his child. One month is only the very start of your life as a couple together... and you deserve the time to just be with each other, take it slow, respectfully, and consider his situation with an open respecting heart. There is no love or bond great than a child and parent, and personally I think it's wonderful that he is choosing to take it slow as far as his child is concerned. This man obviously cares for you, loves you, and is respectfully taking the time to work on the two of you, and enjoy the two of you, and to be mature enough to NOT rush into bringing a precious child into a "new" situation... I know you are "anxious" to meet his child, but trust that this man is doing this in a respectful, considerate, mature and loving way.. it's only been a month of dating.. so hang in there, and be respectful of his choices for now. The more understanding, respectful and loving you are about his "family", the more he will want to bring his child into your lives... but that takes time. Images are huge for a child at two years old, and perhaps it might be confusing for him to be with his dad and someone other than his mom..even if it's just for lunch... so I really think this guy is doing what is "right and best" considering his child right now, and perhaps it is because he really does want to have a long relationship with you, so he wants to make sure to go about it, in the most loving respectful way for his child, so you can all be happy together in the long run..trust this...

I know which thread you are talking about, and sure it's "understandable" in the heat of heartache to do some silly things... and I don't think it's that anyone who has answered with a differing opinion was "coming down" on the poster, but instead trying to "inspire" them to choose the high road next time. It's nice to post on here and receive many different perspectives, ones that agree with your actions and others who make you look at your actions through different eyes. I don't think it was about "judgement" over the comdomed car thing, it was more about "encouraging" her to NOT give him that much "importance" in her life. Sure what she did was harmless for HIM, but maybe it's more important how it made her feel about herself.. and sure for the "moment" she might have felt some "relief" but in the long run, maybe she felt "badly" about making this choice..the choice to give him her "energy and attention" by doing something silly to his car, something he can laugh about with his friends... he was such a creep that guy.. and I felt so much compassion for her.. but would not encourage her to "do anything towards him in revenge, no matter how silly"... because it's no longer about HIM, it's now about HER, her reputation, her feelings, her lessons, her growing past all this. And I guess some of us feel that her "relief" will NOT come from doing something to HIM, but instead doing something for HERSELF, like choosing to ignore him, stay away from him, and no longer give her "energy or attention, negative or positive" to him.. But sure I understand why she did what she did, and no one was hurt or injured by it... her heart was disrespected by this jerk, and the real lesson for her, is to not willingly give her heart to some guy who is so obviously A CREEP, and he was a jerk from the very start..and it's too bad she didn't have the self respect to stay away from the beginning, but we all have been "attracted" to jerks at some point or another. yes it was "funny" to tape condoms all over his car... I'm sure it felt "good" in the moment that she could have some "say" in how he chooses to behave.. but in the long run this is not a way to resolve her own issues about what HE did, she will feel better about herself if she can just "feel her sad feelings" and work through them on her own, instead of trying to "provoke" some anger in him... he's not worthy of her energy, and I think that is what most people were trying to say.. don't you think?

You're right it doesn't matter what HE thinks of you, but more importantly how do you feel about YOURSELF. The real lesson here is for you about yourself, and to no longer make a choice to get involved with a man who behaves the way this guy does. You've been wise enough to say that he was "creepy" from pretty early on.. yet you had some low self esteem and 'ALLOWED' him the precious right to your heart, mind and body... so learn from this, it's a great lesson, and from now on treat your OWN precious heart, mind, body with respect. And try not be intimate with someone BEFORE you get to REALLY KNOW HIM first. This takes time. He was a "lesson'... please know that your instincts from the start were right, and next time you will be wise enough to follow your own feelings inside, and to know better not to get involved with a guy who says things about what he will "manipulate" you to do..YUK.. you might think it was "sexy or challenging or fun" at the time, but it's not, it's plan DISRESPECTING FOR ANY GUY TO TALK THAT WAY.. NEXT TIME STAY AWAY FROM SOMEONE WHO SPEAKS IN THOSE TERMS. The most powerful thing for you to do is to ignore him. By ignoring him and growing past all this you will feel better about yourself and he will no longer have the 'effect" that he gets such a thrill out of when it comes to disrespecting women. You will feel better in the long run if you concentrate on what YOU need to work on in your own life and not what HE "should or should not" do.. that is HIS own self work to do, and again the most powerful, classy thing for you to do is to "stay away and ignore him". I think if you are still feeling this "anger and anxiety" about how he chooses to behave, then even change your yoga class, it doesn't matter who was there "first"... it's just best for YOU now to NOT be anywhere near him. He's a creep, and if you choose to engage in any more "revenge" type of fun and games, you are only making him "important" and the fact is, he is NOT worthy of your energy. Of course you are "disappointed and offended" AFTER you made a choice to give your body to this creep, but that is something you can change in your future, making sure to get to know a guy FIRST, so right now start with forgiving yourself, and from now on only share your heart, mind, and body with a man whom you respect, admire and care for deeply.... and it takes time to really feel these things in a realistic and mature way...this is the REAL LESSON IN ALL THIS.. and it's for you. Instead of trying to "teach him a lesson" just learn one for YOU, for YOURSELF. You are what truly matters here. And you got hurt, and it's painful, but it's also a "life lesson" and an important one at that.... So forget about him, learn from all this, and move on, stay away from him, change the damn yoga class, it's worth it to NOT see him, and get busy with your own life, and do things YOU are proud of..and that make you feel good about yourself. He's history, and you can learn from this and go out there and have a wonderful, classy, respectful future. YOU deserve it!

ugh.. I know exactly what you mean about the therapist I went to a guy who was just horrible for me for almost two years... I just thought 'oh well, he's a nice guy".. but my god it's YOUR THERAPY, and yes, you're right it's the first step in taking care of yourself to get A NEW THERAPIST, and "self" journey starts with one step... and I think you might need to take that first step and find a therapist who can help you discover YOU. Until we know our own values/standards for our own heart we can not truly in a healthy mature way love another... so take care of you right now.. you deserve to find out what it is you want from life..

I think the most important thing for you to do right now before you involve another person, is to step back and be on your own for awhile and figure out who YOU are and who YOU want to become in your life. Giving into an "urge" or "obsession" is not a "direction" in life, it's merely a "temporary fix" for whatever it is your are "feeling" in the moment, and it's not fair to anyone else involved when YOU yourself are already in a relationship, and now seeking or obsessing on someone else.. man or woman. The first step is to not go forward with your current relationship.. this poor guy does not deserve to be disrespected or be "unknowing" of how on "the fence" you are right now emotionally. Do you think you can muster up the courage to see a therapist, get some of your thoughts/feelings/obsessions in order so you yourself can be strong, independent, emotionally healthy and sincere no matter who you are dating?

The best thing for you to do right now is "breathe", and start getting any of your financial paper work in order, and protect your finances, and remember although you "feel" as if your life revolves around him, well that is a "feeling" that you've made a life long habit out of.. it's NOT a fact. Your life revolves around YOU and YOUR CHILDREN, and not around HIM. You deserve happiness, respect, loyalty, understanding and compassion. And ufortunately this husband of yours in not capable of providing these essential qualities for you... That is HIS problem, not yours. For right now is there someone, a therapist you can speak to? I'm so sorry you are going through all this, but the FACT is you can rise above this, and learn to love in a mature, emotionally healthy way and it starts with loving yourself enough to understand that his choice of behavior is NOT considerate.... and that alone can give you time to "step back" and truly try to figure out what is "right" for YOU and your children. And that might mean, starting to live your own life, without this man as your husband, of course he will always be in your children's life, but if YOU are not in an emotionally healthy place within the marriage, it will effect the kind of mother you are.. and you deserve to be happy, and this relationship is not working as it is for right now... Is he at least being "financially responsible' to you and your children?

I think "batya" is giving you a thoughtful perspective on all this... it's time for YOU to make a choice to "grow past' this guy... there is NO self respecting reason to be interested in him, or to give him any more of your energy. STAY AWAY, have the self respect, courage, and class to even change your yoga class so you do not have to see him anymore... you seem a bit too "emotionally vulnerable" when it comes to this guy..and it would be very wise to step back and ask yourself "why"... because if you don't make a choice to learn about yourself through all this, you will most likely be drawn to another man who lacks respect for woman.