notmuchfun

I would respect it if he'd tell me that was the reason. I realize i should not be put before his child, but I do deserve to be dealt with, not ignored, not left out, I don't care, everyone is saying it's okay to do that because he's being a good father. good father yes, but not a very thoughtful boyfriend. I think it's a sign of immaturity that he can't tell me ok my kid is over this weekend but i'm not ready to have you meet yet. but instead he tells me oh we're having so much fun and we went and visted this person and that person....and this cute thing happened and that. I even went shopping with my boyfriend and helped him pick out stuff for their weekend together. It hurts my feelings and that's how I feel.

I think we'll keep dating and eventually if it gets serious I'll see the child every now and then, when he has custody. It's really up to him, but i'm not getting any communication here.

no you're wrong. I have spent hours listening to him stell me stories and show me pictures and i have tried to help him get legal advice for custody. I want to meet the child. I have spent much of our relationship on a kid i haven't met. I think the child is better off with him than the mother, who needs mental treatmant. I haven't said anything to him about being disapointed. I am not a bad person. It's easy to judge someone on a forum but i'm not. I'm not like his mother, who needs help and won't get it and doesn't see how it affects her child's life. I'm not the one who had a child that I can't even take care of. I think you people need to reread my post because you're assuming things. This guy is my friend also. it's not like I'm trying to take over, but it does hurt my feelings. It is one thing to give me a perception check, it is another to start calling me selfish and tell me I have poor ethics, which some of you are implying. he should have explained this to me, and that is why I think it is a red flag, because he doesn't seem to want to deal with it.

I have been giving him advice and support. And I apologized and said i should stay out of stuff, but he said, no you're part of my life so it's fine...well what the hell. I am not the selfish one here, I am concerned about the kid's well being. The mom has emotional problems. I never said i wanted to be this kid's parent. I never said I wanted to visit the child on a regular basis. I said that I wanted to meet the child. If it's ok for friends and coworkers then why is it not for me? why make an effort to bring your kid around to everyone in town but not your girlfriend. how am I supposed to not take that personally? he hasn't even explained it to me. I see the fact that he can't just tell me why he's leaving me out as a sign that he can't handle a relationship right now.

I was not asking to be brought into the child's life, just to meet the child. He tells me stories and shows me pictures, naturally i am curious. I think if this child were older, it would make more sense to hold off, but a kid this age, a toddler, if we're not making out in front of each other how would they even know we are dating? I could be a friend. He has shown off his child to all his other friends and co-workers, and i am wondering why am I so different? also the child does not live with him.

I have been with this guy for about month. not long but we like each other a lot. We becaome close pretty quickly.He says he's crazy about me and he wants to keep me around for a long time. But now I am hurt because he hasn't introduced me to his child, and I am wondering if this is a red flag that he's really not that serious about me. His child is very young, under 2. If he really thought I'd be around, why wouldn't he want me to meet his child? I really thought before this happened that we were heading into a serious relationship, as we are committed to each other at this point. True we are still "dating" but not dating other people. and I have met his family and he has met mine. this really hurts me and I don't know what to think or do.

do you have any advice what I can do to appear confidant? Is there anything I can say? or any gestures that would be good? should I imagine something when I'm with him?

right now I have very little spare time because I'm a college student. This summer perhaps I can get involved in something. I would like to join a club related to my field, i don't know if that's exactly what you had in mind. The only thing is, I think, well I haven't met anybody in college, there are guys there who i have something in common with and they don't like me, i don't see how a club is going to be different, sorry not trying to shoot down your suggestion, i will try it just skeptical. I will be getting some therapy soon, maybe they have support groups for people like me?? I don't really know. I keep going back to this idea of being honest, if what you say is true and I have to pretend that i'm confident to attract someone, then it just seems like attraction is a game!

DN, your advice is good but it is so difficult for me to radiate. I have anxiety and when I do actually go on dates, I make an *** out of myself and men do not understand, they get irritated with me. I wonder if I should just be honest next time I meet someone, and just say "hey I suck at this" because pretending to be "cool" really hasn't worked. It makes me look weird because I'm acting weird with no explaination. I guess what I do is freeze up and don't open up. something as simple as picking something to do on a date can be difficult, or (my worst) is when men ask me questions about what I like to do sexually. I guess I have an issue disclosing information when asked...or something? I hate this but I can't help it, I know it's ruining everything but I can't stop these feelings....I can be very confident in other aspects of my life, but when it comes to dating, I feel ugly, fat, boring, and just...weird. I fell isolated, like everyone else knows how to have relationships and i'm missing something very important.

My problem is that I am so very shy. I can't tell men that I like them, The last time I did, was the first time ever and I chickened out by writing that guy an email! he didn't respond for a long time and he really hurt and confused me. Now I have a crush on a friend who recently came back into my life. This guy and I were never very close before. back in the day at school he never paid much attention to me, like all of my other male friends. I had a best friend who was pretty and he flirted with her like crazy. She was the attention hogging type and I think he really enjoyed it. now we hang out and I think maybe he likes me, because he seems to like spending time with me, but I can't get over what happened in the past! I keep thinking, how could he like me, why would he? He has so much more experience than I do and I'm afraid I would disappoint him if we dated. I wonder, should I tell him how bad I am at all of this? I don't think he knows that I don't date, should he know that I have a problem? or maybe it doesn't matter because he hasn't said that he likes me anyway. I guess my problem is that I never got over that "ugly ducking" phase. I still feel that way even though I'm reaching my late twenties! This is very difficult and is becoming quite a problem. Other people my age are getting married and having kids, and I'm stuck in my ugly junior high phase. what to do??