whatif

Diggity Excellent advice.

How are you Curly? We haven't heard from you lately. Keep us informed of your condition and whereabouts.

When my EX told me that she doesn't feel the same, I knew there was something wrong. Sure enough, I later discovered that she has been talking to another guy and been wanting to see the grass on the other side of the fence. If you are not feeling the same because you have somebody else in your mind, please try to stay away from that person for a period of time and see if you feel any different. It takes self discipline and unconditional love. Unless the relationship is an abusive one, you have a chance and obligation to give an honest try to fix it. It is doable. Good luck.

I personally do not view email as a lame method of communication when it comes to reestablishing an old connection. My first serious relationship started through a series of email conversations. Like frisco said, email generates least pressure on the recipient.

He didn't want to be an * * * by not replying to your email. That is all I can see from his action. If he was thinking about you and wants to get back with you, he would have added you back in MSN. I know how desperate we all can get when it comes to hoping for our EX's attention again. He is just trying to be a gentleman at this point. Don't get your hopes up. Keep up your NC and make him miss you.

I finally witnessed my worst nightmare on Saturday night. I went to Barnes & Nobles to study, the place we used to hang out all the time, and saw her car parked there. I was hoping to see her and talk to her but didn't look for her. I sat in Caffe and started studying. I was nervous and looking around for a while. Guess what I saw after a while, the guy who used to talk to her and caused the break up walked right by me. I had a heart attack but he doesn't really know me or recognize me. After an hour, I saw them walking out the place together, and I couldn't restrain myself from going to the side and look through the window. She got into her car, sat on the driver seat, he is standing outside, chitchatting, and next thing you know he goes around and got into her car. Just like we used to do. She pulled out the car and parked a little farther in the same parking lot where not a lot of people walk by. Just like we used to do. You can only imagine what happened after that. I am sure it would be just like what we did. I felt horrible and once again lost my sleep that night. But now, now I am feeling a sense of closure and I am no longer hoping for her phone calls, texts, or emails. I think less of her and feel angry. I think in my case, it is helping me to move on.

A few remedies that are working for me: 1. Get a joke book that relates to love and dating. "Love's funny that way" is a good one and it made me laugh even when I was hurting bad 2. Try to think of one of the several instances when your ex initiated a fight wihout much reason or an instance where she disrespected you or humiliated you. (do it at least twice a day-You gotta force yourself to do this one) 3. Think of girl that you wish you could date when you were in the relationship, and hope that might happen when everything settle down 4. Do not lay around on the bed in the morning and ponder your thoughts, get up and start watching news or good morning America 5. Go to libraries or Starbucks, have a coffe, read the news paper, and meet other people 6. Keep posting and reading great messages from complete strangers.

My ex and I have been separated for more than 2 months and I tried to stick with NC several times. The problem is that she works in the same building (separate sections) and I always find an excuse to go talk to her at least once a week. After that it hurts like hell. She is already going out with another guy, and I still can't seem to stay away from her. I don't call her or anything but I have this irresitable urge to go and talk to her for a couple of mts. I received a scholarship from my university and I found out about it today. Althought I thought about it so many times, I finally went to her and showed her the award letter. She was happy to know about the scholarship but didn't show any other feelings. Now I am hurting like crap. I wish she wasn't working at the same place.

Let me assure you, it is much easier to deal with your situation. It is much more painful and frustrating when your ex leave for someone else. I wish I was in your situation. Now, remember one thing, most of the exs who says they want 'time', 'space', 'break', 'room' etc etc most likely have someone in mind that they want to move onto, but just don't want to tell you about it. That's exactly how my ex did, but I found out about it and confronted her. I wasn't about to let her go so easily like that. S L U T

Curlygirl Most of us on this site had or have or are going throught the same situation as you are. When we read your story, we feel disgusted and angry about the fact that you are still trying to get him back after all the crap he had done. But the fact is that we all would have done the same if our EXs come back to us in the same way. I still love my ex girl and I found out she is going out with a guy I hated, but if she shows a tiny interest in coming back to me, I think I will welcome her with all my heart. Our minds are very weak when we are lonely and we hope to hang on to any threads we can find. I hope you recover soon and erase him from your life. It's going to take time and patience, but we all must do it. Take care.

Just take things slowly and be in control. You will be fine. Be prepared to be dumped and hurt again.

that's the problem we all have. Although, 5 months is a relatively long time, it's hard to completely forget about an ex love. You will forget her once you get involved in another relationship and fall in love. The only way to take her off your mind. Then, and only then, you might see her running back to you. What a dilemma huh.

We all dumpees know how it feels... No matter what they do, we want to forgive them and accept them back into our life. But guess what, when you are so forgiving, he is going to find more ways to make you exercise your forgiveness. He knows you will be there no matter what he does. So why don't he go have some fun. I bet most married men wouldn't mind to go and have a relationship with another girl if the wife would forgive him and accept him back into her life without any consequences. its time to put your foot down and override your emotions. If you even want to keep the slight chance of getting him back for good, you must be assertive and strong about your behavior. DO NOT let him walk all over you like a 'door mat'. Remember, you are not a damn door mat. It might seems impossible right now, but you will be able to move on and find somebody better in the future. Good luck.

My last relationship, I was always there for her and she dumped me. I said, "remember when your grandma died? I was there. Remember when you flunked out of school? I was there. Remember when you lost your job? I was there!" She said, "I know, you're a bad luck." - Tom Arnold "Let's still be friends." Translation: "If you still want to buy me stuff, I'm OK with that" - Devin Dugan She says, "I love you, but we can't be together", You say, "So I guess when you hate me, you'll call me, and we can be a couple again" - Michele Balan My boyfriend and I broke up because I went over to his house unannounced. He was upset that I'd come over without calling first, especially since he was there with another woman. He trusted me, and I let him down. - Grace White The last girl I went out with blew me off. Now I call her with lame excuses to see her, "Hey, did I leave a penny over there?" - David Spade I asked my ex, "Do you think we'll get back togther?" She said, "I think the chances are better of me putting Super Unleaded into a rented car." - David Spade When you get back together with an ex, it's pathetic. It's like having a garage sale and buying your own stuff back. - Laura Kightlinger Hope you all get a smile out it.

Thank you all. I am not going to pursue anything anymore. I have done some damage and I guess that's enough for me to get my rage out. I am planning to move on with my life.

I certainly remember that M, but you know how women are. They take attention and care from anybody if it's not available from their significant one.

First of all, I feel good and less hurting knowing that he is not cheering with happiness of having her with no troubles. Plus I am not doing this to get her back, but just to give him a hell. He stole the love of my life for 18 months. I feel good knowing that she is not feeling right about it already. I know I am being selfish here, but isn't that what everybody say to be when you are hurting. I know, I know, they didn't mean it that way, but I strongly believe that this guy shouldn't easily have my girl because he knew about me and she told him, but he broke into our relationship.

My girlfriend was seduced away from me by a guy at work when we were having a few problems. I confirmed with proof that she told him that she is with someone she really care of and special. But he insists on talking to her and eventually got into her filling the vaccum. She started withdrawing and when I found out about it, I felt cheated and betrayed. They were just talking at the time and she admitted that she had feelings for him. She asked for space, and we broke up the relationship on Christmas eve. (ouch). We were still in friendly terms and we would email or call once in a while. She tried to make me feel better when i couldn't eat or sleep. Now, after two months, she started going out this guy, although she promised me that she wasn't going to get into any relationship any time soon. He was rewarded for seducing and being manipulative and I was punished for being honest and loving. At any cost, I don't want him to enjoy my beautiful ex and feel proud of his victory. I am making up some stuff that would cause her to suspect him and don't feel sure about the new relationship. I strongly believe that he is not the right guy for her and I really don't give * * * * about being fair to him. He stole my girl. Am I doing the right thing? I know if I love her I supposed to let her be with someone who make her happy, but I strongly believe this guy is just looking to get into her pants. She is a very conservative girl with good values. I don't care if I don't get her back, but I sure don't want him to have her. Am I being an a. hole?

I tell you Highwayman, that's when most girls say they don't feel the same anymore. It has to be the feelings for this guy that caused her to feel the way she does to you. My girl friend did the same to me and we took a break, and after two months, she started going out with this new guy. Don't let her make you wait around buddy. The friendship crap is just a support for them and to feel less guilty.

Silvercloud, you are hoping for your dumper to come back to you, but don't count on it. You start focusing on yourself and get ready to move on. Stop dwelling on your past relationship.

yah man, if she asked for break, just leave her alone. She want to break up and move on eventually but she doesn't want to hurt you. My GF asked for 'room' to gain perspective and guess what, she started going to out today with the guy I had suspected all along. Life sucks man, but we all gotta deal with it. Move on brother.

Sugarcokey, I am extremely sorry to hear your situation and know that we are all here to listent to you. I am not an expert to offer you any advise but I do understand your unconditional love for your husband. But one thing you need to remember is that he is only 31 and even if he comes back one day, who said he will not do the same again. Like ocrob said, you can't make him love you and he can't make it happened either. But his behavior toward you and your kids is not forgivable and you need to slap him with a good surprise. Don't take this abuse (I know I know you love him so much) and try to take care of business. You need to have plan to raise your three little kids without him being in the picture. Don't worry too much about him or the 19 year old girl. She is too young to understand the whole picture. I only blame him for taking trips to be with her. He is a coward and idiot and you deserve better. I know you don't see him like that, but that's the mere fact. Now stand tall and just do it.

Hi all, I had posted my situation here before but things took a turn for bad now and I am hurting bad. Two months ago, my gf of year and half start withdrawing and i came to find out that a new guy at work was talking to her at work. I confronted her and she admitted it, and we both agreed to take a break, so she will have some room to think. I went away for two weeks and hoped she will get back with me when I get back. I was wrong and I tried to talk to her a few times. Eventually, I discovered this site and started NC and started feeling better. All these time, I knew for sure that she wasn't going out with this new guy. I was still in hope. Last saturday I called her and left a message to see if she wants to go have a drink after work. She agreed and we had a drink and she cried before we left. She called me and said she never cheated on me and I said I never said you did. Guess what, I guess she felt better after that day and she started talking to this guy more and today they went out. She is finally gone. She is not mine anymore in anyway. I can't accept the truth and I am dying. I went through this same pain two months ago. This is her fourth relationship and everytime she break up for somebody else. But she has her values and she took her time before this one. But still, it hurt like hell. I don't know what I should do now. I am still in NC after last Saturday.

Sorry to say this, but you can't stand on two boats at the same time. So quit flirting with all these girls who are connected each other and find yourself a girl who had no earthily idea who is Sara and Lisa. And don't tell the new girl that you still have feelings for both Sara and Lisa. Just take it easy man.

I honestly don't think it was your drinking problem itself caused the whole break up. He just don't have the same feelings for whatever reason and he must wanted to pursue another relationship where he doesn't have to work hard to love someone. It's not your fault or his fault. You can't make a person love you and he can't make himself love you. It has to happen and apparently he wasn't feeling it. If he was really in love with you, your blackout incident wouldn't have triggered him to pack up and leave. The thought of break up must have been brewing inside of him for days and weeks, and finally he choose the moment when he really felt angry at you. The best thing to do at this time is to leave him alone and make him miss you. If you keep contacting him, he will never miss and make no effort to contact you back. Go NC all the way. If he still doesn't miss you, he never loved you enough for a good relationship. All the talking, reasoning, and begging would only scare him away. It's time to stand tall and believe in yourself. This too shall pass.