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I still stand firm on what I said...... I mean if you worried about change........ that is going to happen in your life more then once........ have a kid sometimes causes a marriage to fall apart....... does that mean all married couples should not attempt to have their first child out of fear of divorce? ............wow there goes the human race............. everything is a risk........ for any person who says to wait until your late 20's or whatever..... there is a person in their 30's who did just that ......ended in divorce and wished they went for the guy or girl who wanted to give them their heart so many years before........ I think there many fish in the sea....... many people that we could settle for....... but there is small school of fish....... the ones that are truly meant for you........ and if you catch one of them young......I say more power to you..........hell..........the cost of living is very bad anyways these days....... if it was not for my roomie I would still be living at home....... so maybe the solution is a live in girlfriend? I mean if you want to see if you can survive this great change you speak of.......well ........live together................. I think couples should live together before marriage anyways just to see if they can handle each others mess.

it is just amazing though... how much the description of the sign is so close to the way I am... and the way she is..... I never really gave much credit to signs...... but........ well........... it is so damn close to how we are and what has happened in our relationship so far.

of.... first off the stat on divorce that someone mentioned..... how many were marriages that only occurred so a child would not be born out of wedlock? A large number of young people marry today for the wrong reason... just because you are with someone and get them pregnant does not mean you should marry........ I have seen people who just had a one nighter at a party get pregnant and then marry and of coarse it does not last. you have to have mutual respect for the person you marry... if you truly respect and admire the person you will have more to hold on to when the love light dims... and it will from time to time. If you find someone that you truly respect and they respect you... keep them....... there is no reason why a couple in there young 20's can't make a marriage last as long as the right things are included in the relationship......... and about people "changing between 20 to 25"........ well people change throughout their lives........ we never stop learning, growing..... we get new attitudes/views........ and life does have stages of stress.... are you going to wait until after you mid life crisis to settle down? Many couples divorce around age 40......... so if your waiting for the perfect age to get married.... you need to wait until after 40 if you have that mind set...... I don't know about you but I would not want to be 60 when my child turns 20...... you have to find someone who shares a similiar personality as you....... and mutual respect is everything in a lasting relationship....... I was in a 4 year relationship .........I thought I was going to marry the girl... but guess what..... she did not truly respect who I was..... she snapped at everything I did..... and I really did nothing wrong... I was just being myself........ but I was naive and I thought that is just how things are........now I know what I need to look for.......... basically what I am saying is don't settle...... in time someone will come into your life and you will have instant chemistry....... that is the case with the girl I am with now...... we open up to ourselves faster then we have to anyone before...... she is a little bit nervous...... hell I am to....... and we do see each other has potential marriage partners....... but that will not be for a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnng time........ the best thing to do is not rush into anything....... and grow with person your with........ yes big changes happen between 20 to 25...... but they also happen between 25 to 30 and so on and so on.............you can't escape that. You also have to ask yourself if you with the person for the right reason....... don't let your hormones control you...... lust marriages never work......... basically you have to have similiar interest and allow the person to grow......... you should want to see the person your with grow and grow from that yourself........ that is how this stuff works........I have seen men in their 60's who have never been able to settle down ......I know a girl who married in her teens and is still happily married.......... it is a question of the maturity of the individual......... and what ever you do........ do not get married just because a baby has came into the picture.......... unless you know for a fact that you respect the woman.......... love can fade in and out..... true respect never dies.......

Do you think Zodiac and Chinese signs actually mean something? The girl I like is a Pisces and I am an Aquarius..... some sites say we would be a bad match.... others say we would be great. Our Chinese signs... I am a Monkey, she is a Pig... also go well together... and the description of the signs really does fit our personalities.... we have much in common.... I never gave much thought to signs before but I wonder if someone of it is a little bit on the money in some respects..... My ex was a virgo and most sites say that is doomed from the start, heh.... it is either really good or really bad... no middle ground and that is basically how it was with her.

Can a guy mess up to the point that there is no way of going out with the girl that he likes? I met this girl at the start of the last school year.... and towards the end of the year I realized I liked her... I had just got out of a messy engagement as some of you know. Basically, I had this girl come over for a few drinks with her friends... and we watched a movie and once it was over I told her that I liked her..... well it turns out she liked me also... and in those three days we really hit it off.... we both saw each other as possible life mates.... because neither one of us date for fun... we only date potential mates...... we got really close, really fast.... and then the school year was over. She went on a trip... and then when she got back about three weeks later I called her and she said she no longer wanted to date, she broke up with her boyfriend just a few days prior to getting home... so I was expecting her to still want to go out... we kind of were at that point... but she backed out.... I kept bringing it up and I eventually pissed her off.... then things smoothed over and I messed up again by bringing "us" up to much.... I called a little to much and wrote her a little to much... I was not thinking at the time.......... then things smoothed out and I messed up again..... and since then she has contacted me, and I have not tried to contact her outside of letting her know that I changed the email account that I use. in her last email she said I am the nicest guy she has ever known, and she is just not ready for that yet.... and that I deserve alot of care that she does not think she can provide............ she was attracted to me because of my strength...... and it is like once she saw my soft/weak side.... I don't know if it turned her off or if she thinks that I would end up being to needy, which is not the case............. but basically............... Is there a way for me to get a second chance with her... I mean have been laying off........ not contacting her.......we have a month or more before school starts and she is back... so I just wonder if I should wait to see if anything happens....... or if it sounds like a lost cause........ my heart says wait....... but the longer I wait the more I will get hurt in the end. I mean what should I do once school starts...... should I just invite her over, friend like......... or should I not contact her and then send an anonymous flower or something and see if she contacts me? I mean if she was so very attracted to me... to the point that she was wanting to go out with me... shouldn't those feelings come back once she is around me again next year? I guess alot of guys asked her out last year and she turned them all down point blank.... so I am the only guy at the school that she is interested in in this way.... but she just feels like she does not want to be in any relationship right now... she does not want to put up with it.............. I respect what she decided, but I find it very unfortunate that she does not take a risk on me............... what should I do?

I should also say that this woman I like now... I like her because I feel that I can relate to her... are personality is very close to being the same.... we both felt a connection of sorts. In many ways it is an attraction that goes beyond that of flesh... she has a pretty face and all that but it is her mind that interest me most... the way she thinks and the things she says. I know from talking to her friend that she use to weigh like 240 or something like that... and I guess that is a big issue for her... but see I don't even care about that with her......she could be 500lb's... she would still have the same brain.... so I guess I will wait... I mean I don't care that I am single... but it is hard to wait knowing how well I want to treat her and how happy I make her..... and damn she makes me feel so good... I mean I feel great anyways, but she gives me that feeling you can only get when your with someone you care for... it is hard to explain and I would not get this feeling from just any woman.... But if I did mess up... from pushing for "us" to much... how do I get a second chance? I mean should I wait awhile and if I do not hear from her just send a flower or something... anonymous like...heh...

see that is the thing... I got over my ex while with her... I mean I was in my room all the time, by myself... I hardly seen her... and I grew out of love for her... I still sometimes wonder what went wrong... but basically I was left to myself for over a year... I guess maybe if anything I have an issue now of feeling abandoned... I don't want to be dropped by someone I care for ever again. As for this girl telling the truth... I do not think she is a liar... I wonder if she is lying to herself... I mean she said that relationships are very emotionally draining and she just does not want to get into another right now... O YEAH I should say that she just broke up with her boyfriend of a year or so... mainly because of me.... there is no chance of her going back to him from what I have been told... but maybe she is not ready to just jump into dating me... I think she is nervous of me because I will be the first boyfriend she has had that is open with feelings, I have no trouble expressing love and so on... she is not use that... or romance for that matter... but she does like it... I think she wants to be with me, she is just nervous... but if I say that she gets mad because I called her nervous.... but then if you look at the psychology of that... why would she get angry unless it was true and she knows that I am calling her bluff.

I think I should just have one of her friends, who is my friend also, talk to her and find out what exactly she wants me to do.... you know....like does she want to ask me out... or what..... does she want me out of her life.... I am going to be really hit hard the longer I wait to find out what will happen.... I really had my hopes up. This woman is so interesting.... and she is in no way perfect, but I am not perfect either... and we have much in common... I just can't understand why she would reject me after things went so well....... I mean if she does not want to date me then I deserve to know... If she never plans to have anything with me, I deserve to know... I don't want to force her into anything... I fear that.... but at the same time I think she needs to know that I am not going to just sit around like a pet rock, waiting to see if she will give me a rub... you know...

heh... what I want in a woman is not to high on the charts... In no way do I want the woman that the media says I should want... I am not looking for models... I don't like skinny girls. I just like educated women, creative women... to me, the reason why so many marriages fail is because people settle... I will not settle for what I do not want in a woman.... and I am rare in that I can't really get sexually attracted to a woman unless I love her mind... I mean sure I could get aroused by any number of women.... but I would not actually do anything with them unless I respect their mind......... this seems to not be understood by most people. I do worry about being alone... but I could accept it if that was my fate... and I know that I will meet other women that I am attracted to.... the point is that I am attracted so much to this woman, right now..... and she was very much attracted to me... throughout the year from what I have been told... I just find it hard to accept that she wanted to date, and she wanted it to be serious... and then a few weeks later she does not want to date anyone at all... but she still can see something with me in the future... I know that is usually a blow off... but I think she is telling the truth... but now she is not talking because I messed up and I pushed..... I fear I have pushed her away for good... and it is killing me. She will not be back in my area until almost a month and a half from now... the last email I got from her was about 7 days ago and it seems like ages... she said in it that I am the nicest person she has ever known and she does not think she can give me what I deserve... as in the love and care that I deserve..... but the thing is she was doing perfectly ok... I guess I should give her time and wait and see what happens... but the longer I wait the more I will be hurt if it turns out not to happen.... and that is what I am worried about.... I already feel bad... I can't imagine how much worse I could feel.

well... it is not really that I want a relationship... it is just that I am so picky... that well.... why is it when I find someone that I thought liked me... she turns around and changes her mind about being with me... I mean it is her right to do... but damn.... I want a relationship with this woman because I care about her very much... she caught my interest the first day I saw her. If I just wanted a relationship to be in a relationship I would simply lower my standards... but what I meant was... should I just give up... I mean damn! I never had to deal with this sort of thing before.. so it is hard.

I hate this... I broke of my engagment because the woman basically spent no time with me for about a year... it was like she abandoned me.... I had been interested in another woman so I let her know that I was and we really hit it off... it was like we had a connection... then she went home because the school year was over and went on a trip... she got back and then she tells me she does not want to date anyone... she said she still would want something with me in the future just not now... so we talked some.. and I guess I made a few mistakes like calling to much and so on... I called 12 times in one day... I did not even think of caller ID, most people I know do not have that... so I am use to calling and callling until your lucky enough to catch the person in... Anyways... now she does not seem to want to talk to me... she still seems interested but she is just giving me the cold shoulder at this time... she said I am the nicest guy she has ever known and that she is not ready for that yet..... her friend seems to think she does want to be with.... and that there is no other guy in her life... she honestly just does not want to date anyone right now... but I am left trying to think of what I should do. My heart tells me to wait for her.. part of me also says to just give up... and become a male-whore like every other guy I know... I mean it seems good guys do not win so why should I even try? I hate this... I hate the fact that I put my trust into someone and revealed my soft side only to be abandoned again.... I mean damn maybe I should have stayed with my ex... I probably would have had a better chance of getting her to change then going out with this woman... I don't know what to do... I just know I have feelings for this woman, but feelings are worthless unless you are actually with the person you like... I mean I could care the world for her, and what will it matter if I am not with her?............. I have not been attracted to many women in my life... I am 23 and I have only really liked two.. my ex and this woman... so damn... I mean I have been to parties and met many of the opposite sex since I was 16.. I have been to college.... many women there.... but it seems like it takes years for me to find someone I am interested in... so part of me is worried now if I will ever find someone to settle down with eventually... I feel like I could settle down with this woman I am trying to hook up with... I mean she already revealed that she saw me a possible future mate... I just don't know what to do.

Ok....since I got some snappy replies to my last post I thought I would try to be more clearn. I did not mean to imply that having a dozen roses sent to my new girlfriend after our first time having sex would make her fall in love with me...... I just meant that it would help in the process...............in away we do "make" people fall in love with us by the actions we make toward them. Just like you can make someone hate you, you can also make them like... or love you. A flower here, a note there.....all add up in the end.....it is what makes a healthy relationship become even better. If you think that someone can fall in love with you without these "little things" then you have either been very lucky in that people just drop head over heels for you for no reason at all, or you don't know what love is. Sitting around doing nothing, not being affectionate and so on will not forge a bond of love... I know this because even though I loved my ex to death she slowly killed it by not responding to my affection for her........ so yes the person does need to accept the signs of love you are throwing at them......but that was not my issue.....I thought my post made that clear... the girl so far has enjoyed all that I have done with her. Massaging, a flower... kissing .......and all that............... what I wanted to know is just how vital the "little things" such as a surprise picnic.....or a rose left on her alarm clock so she finds it in the morning (with her roomies help) are in helping make the bond of love stronger....... I mean wouldn't you be more apt to fall in love with a guy who does the "little things" more so then a guy who is only concerned with his car and sports. That is all I was trying to convey......perhaps I was tired and worded my last post wrong........... the first reply it really seemed bitter......and by the way who ever you were......I do pray.....I prayed for a few weeks before ending it with my ex and I have prayed daily for this new relationship to work.......and I have seen how God has helped me in other aspects of my life, like a new apartment and a new job....... don't assume that your the only one who prays..........

you seem to not understand....... I do not love her, love her yet......we just started out......but I could love her, and I guess I do some...... and she seems to be ok with it.......I think she has just been hurt in the past.........she did say she is very cautious about her heart.

um... I did not mean to imply that giving her roses would make her fall in love with me.... that would be foolish...... the fact is that from what I know the little things do help love grow...... if you have ever got flowers from a guy your interested in and had no emotions of joy and warmth towards that person then your very cold, like my ex. Yes I know about prayer... I prayed for a while before I decided to leave my ex... and I have been praying for God's help in this new relationship..... I just wanted some opinions on how well romantic things, such as giving flowers, works... I mean according to the first post I should not give massages, flowers, or any sign of affection and love could still happen.......... my guess is you either do not know what love is or you have not been treated very well in your relationships. The simple fact is that I will do much better with gaining her affection by doing the "little things" ...... if I do not do them then how does love grow? answer that? Just how do you think a girl would fall for a guy more so then what she has from interest alone if the guy does not give signs of affection............

I have a new girl friend.... and I am kind of trying to plan ahead... I am pretty sure we will end up in an intimate relationship...... I want to make sure her first time with me is something she will remember.... she is not a virgin, so that alone will not suffice. I was wondering if maybe sending her a dozen roses the day after would be a good idea? She told me that she may only be able to give me half her heart... she has never gave her whole heart to anyone... she said the reason is that if something happened to me.. like if I dump her or if I die, she wants to be able to go on.... so she kind of dodges love I guess.......I want her to fall in love with me... so I want to do all the little things I can so that hopefully she will 100%. Is a rose from time to time, or a surprise letter in the mail really the way to do this? I just got out of a relationship that was three, almost four yeats long....I was engaged but the little things did not seem to matter much to the girl I was with... because in the last year or more she pretty much stopped having anything to do with me... I don't want this to happen again. I want to make sure I do everything right with this new girl because I really like her. Any advice?

ok... so I just got out of a close to 4 year relationship... I was engaged... I was treated very bad the last year or so.... I was neglected and it seemed my ex-fiancee was only around when she needed help with homework or for sex.... with that said.........I am now starting a new relationship with a girl I met this year at college. We have much in common and I get this vibe from her that I have never got from anyone before... It is hard to explain. We only spent 3 nights together and we have chatted some.......we can't really start anything until next school year... she is on a trip right now, soon I will at least be able to chat with her. She apparently was interested in me before I asked her out... because she has turned every other guy that has asked her out this year down. She does have a boyfriend, but she said it is nothing serious and she is going to tell him it is over after his finals are done. She does not like the fact that he lives so far away from her and from what I understand he has done little to contact her this school year... he is very busy though. She says that she wants to try and start something serious with me and I am very happy....but I am also so use to being happy and thinking everything is ok, just to find out that I am being lied to. I know she is not the one who hurt me... but my guard is really up.... and I want so bad to give her all of my trust.......and at some point all of my heart........ is it normal for me to be a little wary going into a new relationship after coming out of a bad one? I have never been in this situation before. I don't even know how to tell if a girl really likes me or not.. because my ex-fiancee... who was my first.......was very unreponsive to "touch"... I remember for the first few months or so... if I kissed her she would not kiss back........her lips would stay sealed........and we never got to the poin that we kissed with passion... I wanted to but she never did.......she would not hold hands either...... the new girl......the second night I was with her... I gave her my first kiss to her.......and we ended up kissing for minutes at a time........the third night was the same.........and both nights I massaged her and held her and we watched movies...........the third night she also stayed over .......no we did not do anything.......I just held her, massaged her and kissed her while she slept................ I guess my question is............. does it seem this girl really, really likes me? I mean she is not the type to kiss just any guy....she has turned every guy down that has asked her out this year........and we both think it is weird because we seem to have a kind of bond............a connection........ The morning she had to leave my room and prepare to leave college we held each other and kissed for what seemed like a very long time........ we have talked a few times since online and I called her a few times...... she has been very busy with the trip she had to go on......... but I am just left wondering what to feel.......I don't want to get hurt again... all I want is to see her again.. hold her, massage her.. look in her eyes and kiss her wonderful lips....... I mean we have already talked about what we would want in the future... we have talked about kids... about roles....... she feels the same way about relationships that I do... you don't just go out with someone for fun.... you go out with someone because they could be a possible mate........ we both feel this way.........what do you guys think........... should I be nervous or is it time for me to finally relax and enjoy what I have found. The other problem is that I am starting to worry about my body... because her friend told me that the guy she was seeing that she is going to end it with soon is fit........ he is not buff or anything, but he is toned.....plus he is really smart.........I have graduated college....but I also have a stomach on me.......I have been dieting for about 2 months because I wanted to be healthier.... but now I am worried she will not like what she sees when I remove my shirt.......... I guess she would know that I am not the most fit guy in the world. I think she is also the type to care more about what the person is like on the inside....... She does not return home for a another week or so... and I am just so afraid she is going to tell me she has a had a change of mind. at the same time I feel that she really, really likes me... because for one... I sense that she has not been treated like I treated her.......I mean from day one of me telling her how I feel I gave her a long massage.......I massage her everytime I am with her.......and then throw in the kissing and the holding hands and stuff........I gave her a white rose the second night.........for all I know she might be worried that I am going to return to my ex-fiancee........... not going to happen, I want this woman.........nothing every goes right for me though.......why should it now.

see you don't want to get rejected....... so say something like.........hey I was thinking of going to (some food place) for a drink......would you like to come along? that way if she says no it is just a time thing.........if she says yes then you will know that she has some interest............if she says no you could always do something like.........over the summer call her and ask her about math... tell her you are practicing math over the summer.........she might respect that...............respect is very important............

well she already knows that she has a fairly good chunk of my heart and she is ok with it. The good thing is that we both don't date for fun... when we date, we go with someone who we see as a potential mate....... so for her to even want to go out with me says that she does have hopes that love could happen. She has just been hurt in the past, I am sure of......and I really don't think she has been with a guy like me........I like giving massages, I love kissing........I gave her flower the third night I saw her... white rose............and I just don't think she is used to these things. She does not think she is very affectionate......I am......and she is way more responsive to holding and kissing then what I am use to.....so I wonder if she is just not giving herself credit.... So maybe the problem is that the guys she has been with did not love her....... or were not caring enough for her. I think when it comes down to it... all women like to be caressed, and held.......kissed............ but she likes to think of her self as hard..... She said that she could give me half her heart, but she would have to keep the other half for herself.....because that way if I died, or dumped her.......she would be able to get over it...............it sounds like if I do get her whole heart she is afraid I will kick it around or something. We both have much respect for each other.......and that is one thing that is good........i mean alot of guys love their women but, they will cheat on them because they do not respect them........in some ways respect is more important then love........or maybe it is love............we have both made it clear that we will not cheat on each other,,,,,and that we would like to try for a long term thing...........I just want to make sure that I treat her better then she has ever been treated and I really hope she opens up to me in the end............ so I hope the little things I do chip away at the wall she has built around her feelings........

The question is... will Emily be able to handle laughs or stares...and will you be able to handle the older boys who may also like her.......... Also... remember that women often do better with older guys because women mature faster then men do.......so you may never be on the same level of maturity as her.......and that can cause some problems........there has been studies on this since the 50's....... I know many do not agree with it.....

So the girl I am seeing says she may have trouble with love. So how do you get someone who is wary of love to let loose and give love a chance? Is it just the little things that add up to cause it? Like an unexpected kiss.......or an unplanned trip to a special place.......a flower placed on her pillow....... is this how love starts and grows........

I will try..........I have a problem off thinking way to much..............I was going to be a psychologist at one time...........so I look out for every little thing. I mean I should just be happy because I know that she is looking for a serious type of relationship with me...........

Just be careful your not playing some other girl............ You will find yourself in hot water if your trying to use another girl as a prize to win your ex back.................... if you get a rep for playing games you won't be dating much, unless the girl is a player herself..........fair warning.

It could be that her relationship with her boyfriend is not as good as you may think..........everyone thought my ex-fiancee and I were doing good and I was put on the shelf over over a year.........I just kept smiling and trying to pretend that we were still together, until one day I woke up. If there is truly no problems with her relationship you must ask what you will do when you have a good relationship with her and she starts to look hang out with another guy............I mean you might be freaked out knowing that she does not seem to value a good relationship much. Chances are though that if she is giving you signals that there is something wrong with her current situation............ ask her about it

but see we have only really been together for a few days.......and i can't see her again until next year.........we will be chatting some.........I mean wouldn't it freak her out if I was like "hey, I kinda of have a house... if we do end up serious how do you feel about staying in this area for a while until we get on our feet financially?"...............I mean she might be like,,,,,,,,,,,this guys is messed up in the head.

ok... my new girlfriend is much like me........she feels that if you get in a relationship with someone it should be because you see them as a possible mate. I have only had her over 3 different nights. We really seem to click, it is as if I have always known her.... The first night she came over it was just as a guest, I invited a few other people over.......but after they left I told her how I felt about her.......I gave her a massage......I found out later that she is the type of girl to punch a guy if he touches her so I knew then that she liked me. The second time she was over I massaged her from the moment she came in, I also gave her a flower, a white rose for purity. We ended up kissing.......she was a bit shy, I even think she blushed but we kissed for a while............the third time she came over we did not even really watch the movie she came over to see............I massaged her, we kissed........she ended up spending the night in my room which really shows that she trust me I think.......I could not sleep and I spent the night holding and massaging her..................her friends are all kind of shocked because she is not the type to let a guy do that or the type to stay in a guys room............. So based off of that do you think that she likes me just as much as I like her? She is often in the back of my mind.......I am a fairly busy person, but I think of her much...... I wanted to get to know her months ago but I was in another relationship that was dead for over a year......... and I really think this girl is special.......I think she may even have my heart........ I talked to her today and I asked her if she is serious about seeing me next year......(the school year is over so she is at home) I was a little worried it was all a joke.......so I asked her if she really wanted a serious type of relationship and she said that she would like to try.........she has never really been in one. I am the first guy to ask her out, out of the blue............her past boyfriends were all friends with her for the longest time before asking her out...........I also remind her of her dad, and apparently that is a big plus with most women. I am not sure what I feel, I really, really like this girl.......but we have only really been together for 3 days........is it possible that maybe we were just meant to be together........we fit in personality and just the way that we function............what do you think?