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Mstyiyd

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  1. Mstyiyd
    Funny, I didn't realize this was an old post that had been bumped up...and I posted on this last yr! About 10 days after my post, I ran into my ex in a store. We resumed talking, but she was like, don't read into it, just friends, etc etc. Same old ex. So, we have been friends since then and neither of us have dated anyone else (yet). We talk almost every day and all, but she does not want to be with me. No one to blame but myself for staying in this, but I have more friends now and I am not opposed to dating if I met someone else who sparks my interest. We shall see!
  2. Mstyiyd
    Yes, this definitely needed a bump up on this page. Very inspiring from mix master!
  3. Mstyiyd
    ...forgot a few things. You might ask, why doesn't she want to be w/me when I've been kind and loyal and supportive? No one knows. My fam/friends can't tell me, even ppl in her life can't tell me. The only things she's ever told me when I've brought this up were "Your problem is, you want me and I don't want you and you can't handle that". I've also heard her say she can't find anyone decent around here where we live, and I'm like.....wow, that is so offensive, after all we've been thru together. I think she likes trashy ppl and ppl who treat her like crap. With me, what u see is what u get. I guess I'm not much of a challenge but you know what? I don't want to be. I'm too old to play all those games.
  4. Mstyiyd
    Hey 7, Thanks alot....but I'm really not that strong. I come here to this site and read all sorts of posts in diff threads to make sense of my own life. I take comfort in hearing about other ppl...not bec of the heartache but bec it makes me feel less alone. These boards have been great for me over the past 2 yrs. My ex and I have been broken up for 2 yrs now. Our situation was odd to begin with: We were good friends prior to getting together. When we did get together, she had just come out of an 8yr rel (where her ex openly cheated on her the entire time and she knew @ it but let it go on). So yeah, the timing sucked. And was she vulnerable? Yes I am sure. But we wound up sleeping together and all for a yr. I have never been w/a friend before bec I don't generally think it's a good idea. With us it just happened. Since then, she has said it was the biggest mistake of her life, she regrets it every day, etc etc. Yet we talk several times a day, hang out all the time....neither of us have dated anyone although I'm sure she is always on the lookout. Swears she'd never date me, yet I'm with her at her family's alot too. My family/friends don't get it. I also saw her through a lengthy illness. I never once thought of leaving. But since the breakup I've had to do NC 2 diff times, bec of how she has treated me. So thank u so much...but as u can see I am not that strong bec I allow her to still be in my life and I shouldn't. Because I still care deeply for her, and for all I know, I might best be described as her emotional tampon. Someone on here phrased that somewhere, and it made me laugh but it's true. I hope you find the strength to do what u need to. Pray for me too....we're good people, we deserve someone to appreciate what we have to offer.
  5. Mstyiyd
    I don't think it means that they necessarily have anyone else. Everyone's situations are so different. In my case, I know for a fact that my ex is single and not dating anyone. I know this because we spend most of our free time together, and of course there is always a chance of that but in my case, I highly doubt it. She wouldn't be hanging out w/me the way we do. Now does she keep her eyes open? I'm sure she does. Does she ever go out w/o me? Of course. Does she feel compelled to tell me when she makes plans w/other ppl? Not always, and I'm not always invited. Bec we are not together, that's why. Seems like it depends on how much you know about where your ex is "at". And sometimes it's not great to know what they're up to. Me...I'm a curious sort, I can admit that. But don't freak out too much until you know for sure. Remember, though.....honestly, the day is gonna come when they do hook up w/someone and then u wind up hearing about it. I have to remind myself @that too bec it will eventually happen for me too. So you've got to prepare yourself but focus on making yourself mentally/emotionally healthy so you can find someone who will appreciate and love you.
  6. Mstyiyd
    Thank you all for your input. I see everyone's points and they are valid. It's funny, her ears must be burning bec she just called me a few min ago...in front of her mother! Typical. I still spend time hanging out with her and her family. Like the holidays....why invite me to spend it w/her when we're not together...usually, you don't invite your friends to spend the holidays w/you...not 3 yrs in a row. I'm sure there's a part of me that has the wishful thinking, but I do go out with my other friends & try to live my life. Today I've got plans to go to the movies with some ppl from work and later I'm meeting up with another friend for dinner. So I am getting out. It's really hard to separate from her. Her family does like me bec I was the first person she's ever dated (and she is nearly 10 yrs older than me) that has treated her well. Everyone else she has dated has cheated on her and left her. Her family has made their feelings known @ me a long time ago; I know that they don't bring it up to her anymore. They know how she is. I don't get the purpose of using me; why doesn't she go out and find someone to date....if she doesn't want to date me. It is so weird....I personally wouldn't hang out all the time w/someone where the feelings weren't mutual. Maybe once in a while but not on an almost daily basis. Pray for me that someday I find the strength I need to do what I need to do. I don't want to always be someone's best friend; I'm better than that.......I get so frustrated at myself!
  7. Mstyiyd
    Then why hang out with someone all the time that you don't want to be in a rel'p with? Wouldn't most ppl NOT hang out on a reg basis with someone they're afraid wants to be with them? It's not like she seems to have too many other offers. And she gets real bent outta shape whenever someone asks if we're together or were together. Makes me feel like she's ashamed to be seen with me.....yet we're seen together all the time.
  8. Mstyiyd
    Hey all...got a real weird scenario to share re: ex. We've been trying to maintain some sort of friendship for the past two yrs. Neither of us have dated anyone else; it's prob fair to say that we hang out w/each other more than we do anyone else. She claims she will never date me; I do have feelings for her still but have never acted on them. U can read some of my old posts to get the gist of craziness if u have nothing else to do...LOL. Although we hang out on a reg basis, she constantly tells me she doesn't want anyone "knowing her business". And not to tell "her business" to ppl, such as my friends or her family. I'm still pretty close with her family. Now for the life of me, I don't know what business she's talking about bec to me, she has no more than than anyone! I'm guessing she doesn't want them knowing how often we hang out....but why? who cares? Not that I run off and tell ppl, but my friends see us together all the time, and she invites me down to her family's. I was there for the holidays (3rd yr in a row). Recently she invited me to go with her and her fam to a concert. It makes me feel like she's ashamed of me or smthg.....none of my other friends are like. Her fam knows of our past, I do know that. If she's looking to date someone, I guess anythings' possible but I don't know how when we're always together. The other nite when she called her mom (yes she still lives at home) to tell her that she'd be home later (she asked me to have dinner w/her), I said "let me say hi", and she was like, "NO! I don't want them knowing my business, where I go and who I hang around with!".
  9. Mstyiyd
    Everyone has great insight here. My ex called me 3x on V-Day, but never ONCE mentioned that it was V-Day. She was real careful not to bring it upo (she is really weird like that) and I was totally not surprised. If I know her, she prob thought that I would read into it, even if she just said "Happy V-Day". Now I had a couple diff friends call me to say hey, and they said Happy V-day like no problem. She is ODD, always has been, and I've never been able to figure her out. But not my ex! The other thing is, she and I hang out on a reg. basis and typically talk anywhere from 1-3x per day as it is. (I know---bad idea). We have a very complex history, and for the most part I let her initiate any contact we have. She broke it off and 2 yrs later, we are both still single. She swears she would never date me. But it wasn't unusual for her to call. And I kinda figured she wouldn't acknowledge 2/14.
  10. Mstyiyd
    Yes, me too. A little retail therapy never hurt. I had a nice long lunch with a close friend of mine who is also a co-worker, and after work I stopped by the mall and bought myself a couple things. Didn't overspend, but took care of ME for once. It took a little effort to ignore the ppl walking around with obvious V Day gifts, and I didn't go into Victoria's Secret, but now that it's Feb. 15, I'm better. Hope everyone has a good day today...
  11. Mstyiyd
    My ex, who hasn't dated anyone since we ended our FWB (friends w/benefits) yr long situation @ 2yrs ago, called me 3x today. We usually do talk 1-3x per day every day, so it is normal for her to call me. I also let her initiate alot of the calls since i was majorly dumped. I did not bring up V Day in any manner and neither did she. She is very emotionally blunted, whereas I'm a more openly affectionate & verbal person. Last yr she said Happy V Day on the phone and I said it back to her. This yr, nothing. And although I was a little down, I knew to expect it 'cause it's been like this for 3 yrs now! I think I handled myself appropriately. No biggie. There will be bigger fish to fry in life.
  12. Mstyiyd
    Together Technically FWB's (friends w/benefits) for approx. one yr. Broke Up Stopped having sex after she said she wanted to be free, party, explore, not be tied down, etc etc. Said it wasn't personal but that we shouldn't have gotten involved bec she was "vulnerable" after getting out of an eight yr LTR. NC?: We had been friends for a few yrs b/f we got involved. She made the 1st move, however it was not long after her breakup. Despite warnings from my family/friends, I continued to be friends with her. We talked several times per day and saw each other all the time, just as before. It was extremely difficult, and six months after we stopped having sex, she did smthg to me and I went straight NC for 4 months. She wound up breaking NC on my b-day by calling to wish me a happy bday. We wind up resuming our friendship (sans sex) and other than the fact we weren't intimate, neither of us dated anyone. I know she was keeping her eyes open....I saw it, and heard @ it from friends. Don't know if she hooked up with anyone, but if she did it was not more than a momentary thing. More NC? After the first NC, we resumed the friendship, which lasted six months. Then, we got into what I thought was a minor disagreement over smthg petty, and she hung up on me and never called again. This NC lasted for 5 months, when we happened to run into each other in a store and started talking. We resumed our "friendship" last fall. So far, NC hasn't happened again, but given our history I wouldn't rule it out. Some ppl think I'm a glutton for punishment, keeping her in my life. We haven't had sex in 2 yrs now. She still isn't dating anyone and neither am I. She has made it clear to me that we will never be anything more than friends, yet we still talk 1-3x a day, on average, and see each other all the time. She depends on me for alot. Kinda like the way Anna Nicole Smith depended on Howard...........not a great example, but it sort of feels that way. I think it's good to hear other ppl's stories....but remember, every situation is so different and it's hard to predict what your own signif. other will or won't do. GOOD LUCK to everyone!
  13. Mstyiyd
    We have talked about going away someplace on and off for a few yrs. We haven't been together physically in 2yrs. I really do want to go and I know she does too. I probably have more feelings than she does and although she probably senses that, we don't talk about it. For me, it's not worth it unless she should ever choose to. I think we'll wind up going, Paris is actually tops on our list of places to go. And it's romantic! I will be fine because I feel like i have more self-control than I wish I did. I just thought it was interesting that she wanted to go with me, considering how nuts she gets if ppl ask her if we're together. She actually told somone recently (it got back to me) that I "don't do it for her". That's why I decided to post this question/dilemma/whatever u want to call it, on here. Thanks for the input, I really appreciate it!
  14. Mstyiyd
    My ex and I have been "friends" for about 2yrs now, on and off. Did NC 2x during the two yrs, once for four months, once for five bec of various reasons. We've been talking again since late summer/early fall. We are back in the same routine, usually talking several times a day, see each other all the time. The only thing we don't have is any intimacy, so I guess it's fair to say there's nothing more. I still care deeply for her but I haven't made a move; that is up to her. She has not dated anyone in all this time, and I haven't either. I'm not opposed to it, just haven't met anyone that's interested me. She has brought up us going away on a trip in a few months. I know friends can take trips together, but given our history and how adament she is that she will never be with me, why does she want us to go away together? One of the 1st things I thought of is sex. No joke...wouldn't that cross her mind at all? Sometimes she sleeps over if we've hung out, in my bed (i know--not appropriate) but she's never touched me. It's WEIRD. So if we go on a trip together, in an amazing place, I wonder how that could not come up? It might not and I better keep my emotions in check, but still. I'm surprised she wants to plan something so in depth, as well as financially, with me. We have alot of fun together, and I know she trusts me. What does anyone think of this? We are supposed to get passports within the next week.
  15. Mstyiyd
    Thanks for the advice. It is hard moving on. Realistically, I don't think we are going to wind up together. We have a good time hanging out. I would be lying if I said I didn't still have some feelings still for her...but I've been moving on with my life, and have made a nice group of friends over the past yr and plan to continue developing those relationships. Maybe smthg will come from that. I know I'm better off without dating her. I just think it is interesting that she wants to hang out so much for someone who is so intent on us not dating.
  16. Mstyiyd
    I agree with laboheme.....I HATE when exes do things like this! Because I overanalyze everything too, and wonder what everything means. I def think she misses you and maybe thinking over things, but again, I know from personal exp, that doesn't always translate into what you want. Stay strong, and I hope you meet someone wonderful this year.
  17. Mstyiyd
    Hi....thanks for replying to my confused situation Although I consider myself to be a competent, professional person, when it comes to her and our 'friendship', everything goes out the window. I seem to shut down when it comes to her, which i know is not good. A large part of that is the rejection she's thrown at me for 2yrs, and still tosses up every so often. The rejection is her telling me, from time to time, completely unrelated to anything we're talking about, that we're just friends and that's all we're ever going to be, etc etc. I have asked her why she brings this up all the time and she tells me bec she thinks I don't get it. Then, I ask her to give me examples of what I'm doing that makes her think that and I don't get anything concrete. Only "I just feel like you don't get it'. Yet she initiates most phone calls and time spent together. I rarely do bec I don't want to hear down the road from her that I want her and I don't get it. It's very one-sided in that aspect. Most of my friends think she is the one with the problem, yet when we talk she seems so stern and meaning what she's saying. I'll leave you with a perfect example that occurred this past wkend: We were sitting talking w/a friend of mine, casual convo, when the convo turned to sex (of course!) and my friend teasingly asked me when was the last time I had sex. Well, before I could respond, SHE pipes up, "Oh she had sex back in the spring with a friend of mine". No Joke! And what she is referring to is one night I went out with some friends after being depressed for many months (and I'm not really a bar person), got drunk, and made out with a girl who turned out to be close friends w/a friend of hers. Small world. I normally do not do things like that, but I let the girl crash at my house. We made out (kissing only, sorry to disappoint, haha) and in the morning, I took her back to her car. No clothes even came off. I couldn't do it, have sex w/someone I didn't know. I knew my ex was gonna find out but we were NC for 5months during that time, and she prob was told that this girl and I had sex bec I let her come home with me. And after she said what she did, she then started in with her typical, "that's your business what u do, I don't care who you're with, whatever".....well, for someone who doesn't care and tells EVERYONE all the time how we're 'just friends, never anything more' she sure spoke up with that. To answer your question @ sleeping in the same bed, I have slept in the same bed as my best friend, but we've never been sexual w/each other and don't plan to! And I don't like sleeping with her bec she tosses around alot. We only have when we've been on vacation at the beach or whatever, and not often. I generally don't just get in the bed with friends, and when I've spent the nite at friends' houses, either I use the guest room or sleep on the couch. There's an appropriate boundary there that normally should be enforced. Which, with her, I obviously have real hard time doing. Keep the input or thoughts coming....I could really use a good sounding board right about now.
  18. Mstyiyd
    Hope everyone had a nice holiday. Mine was actually really good. My ex invited me to her family's house for Xmas, and everything went well. It's a little odd to me the way our situation has been unfolding over the past 2+ years but whatever! She had asked to spend new year's with me several weeks ago, so we went out of town to stay with a friend of mine. Nothing sexual happened, though I still think it was weird that she wanted to spend the N.Y. with her "good friend"(me). Reason being, she always tells everyone she's single, she would never date me, all we're ever gonna be is friends, yada yada. But when she spends the night at my house, which she has done on a fairly regular basis since the fall, she sleeps in my bed with me. No one in my circle gets it, but it's my fault for putting up with it. We get along well and have a great time together, yet we spend an awful lot of time together considering she is so fearful that I want to be with her. Does anyone else think it's weird?
  19. Mstyiyd
    Thank you for sharing your update on here. I like being able to hear where people are at in their lives. I'm sorry you had to go through that, but I guess this is the type of stuff that makes us stronger. Good luck!
  20. Mstyiyd
    That's cool....I think I'm a pretty generous person and she knows that, I give gifts just because...as long as it's appropriate. I'm sorry it hasn't worked out for you sucks. But I guess we gotta believe it means there's someone out there who's better for us. What do you think about all the other stuff I posted that she does? There's alot of boundary crossing and I don't know why.
  21. Mstyiyd
    are you still good friends? Do you still have feelings for her? I'm pretty satisfied with what I'm gonna give her, just don't want to make it too personal. I don't want it to come back on me down the road...
  22. Mstyiyd
    With the holidays approaching, I'm sure alot of us are being reminded of past and current relationships. I've been talking to my ex for about 3 months now, after 5 months of NC (she hung up on me after a phone call). The big thing with us was that in her mind, we were never really together even tho we acted like we were for over a yr, with a friendship that preceeded that and then one after. There's def been some bumps along the way. Since we reconnected, it's about us being "friends". She continues to say to me, on and off, don't read into us, etc etc. She's the one hung up on this, not me. Haven't made a move on her or anything in almost 2 yrs. Been doing the just friends thing, even tho i still have feelings for her. I'm respectful. When the lines get blurred, it's hard when things like the holidays roll around. Xmas is next wkend, and I don't expect to spend that with her. The odd thing is, she wanted to go in together to get one of her family members' a gift. She makes money, why she didn't get her own gift is beyond me. And since I'm prob not going to be there....you know? I didn't know if I should get her anything, since we're not together & you don't always get your friends a gift, but I heard from a reliable source that she did get me a gift, a ticket to an upcoming concert. Surprised, bec it was @ $65 and it's with a bunch of her family too. I don't know when she is going to tell me about it, tho I'm gonna act surprised. She also wants to spend New Year's together, go out of town sightseeing. I guess friends can do that, but it's weird, since she's a big partier usually. She and I have spent alot of time together in the past couple months. From past exp with her, that could change in a heartbeat. She hasn't dated anyone in over 2yrs and neither have I. We're trying to have a friendship, but it's weird. She has slept over alot too, and at first she brought a sleeping bag into my house and slept on the couch. Then the sl.bag moved upstairs to my bedroom, and she slept in that ON my bed while I slept like a normal person in my bed. The past few times, she hasn't brought the bag into my house, she left it in the car. Slept in my bed next to me, no touching. I think that she's crossing alot of boundaries and I'm stupid bec I let her. But I don't get why she is doing this if we're supposed to be just friends. I don't do these things with my other friends. I'm probably going to give her several small gifts, not expensive ones. That seems to be the most appropriate way to handle it. Oh well, we shall see what happens......what do other ppl do when it comes to exes who are now "friends"?
  23. Mstyiyd
    hey.....been in the same situation, still kind of am sometimes. One thing I've learned is that there's a 99.99% chance that she MEANT to dial your number. Yes, mistakes can happen when u dial someone, I've made them myself. BUT...if you've been NC for some time now, she's not used to calling you and both of you guys have probably been making a conscious effort to NOT call, or accidentally call. As bad as you want to talk to her, I personally believe she will call you back. Esp with the holidays approaching. She is most likely testing you.....to see what your reaction will be. DON'T CALL back. Now, if she calls back & you miss it and she leaves you a message, then if you feel like calling her back, she's opened the door for that so it's back on her not you. If she calls and you want to answer, same thing. She's opened that door....not you. Sounds like you're kind of raw still and sorting things out. Go with your gut, and keep moving on w/your life and whatever happens, happens. Good luck!
  24. Mstyiyd
    I'm horny as hell (sorry for the TMI) but I won't sleep with her, gonna try my hardest not to should she make a pass at me, because I'll be back to square one. I think exes do this because of the comfort level........and my ex, although she parties alot she doesnt sleep around, so right there, ............
  25. Mstyiyd
    daywalker...you hit the nail on the head, so to speak. My ex, with whom I'm attempting some sort of (twisted in my eyes) "friendship", slept in my bed with me over the past wkend....in HER SLEEPING BAG! With me sleeping in my bed like a normal person. She said she "just couldn't" sleep on the couch. That is what I don't get. After giving me a stern talk about how we're only friends, never gonna be more, she regrets every day us sleeping together for about a yr bec she had just gotten out of an 8yr rel., and anyone in her position would have done the same due to being vulnerable..........etc etc. I agree, ppl can change, but it takes alot of work, and most ppl are "their core" as smone else said. Some of my friends think she is working her way up to making a pass at me......but as much as I want to be intimate with her, unless she wants a relationship with me, I can't go there. Not after all the pain I've been thru already.
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