Mstyiyd

yes I have held out great hope, but she is still the same, a yr later....still playing around and partying......not in a relationship (yet). Everyone says it is her loss....still hard for me, though. I know I can do better.......i Just need my heart to catch up w/my head!

Um.....hello? Seduce her? She told me a million different ways that she did not want to be with me for any reason other than friends.....

I'm personally not big on being friends w/my ex, but we're all different and right now I'm doing what I preach against... say, if you guys are talking right now, get him something if you want. I wouldn't get anything romantic if you're not together (regardless of the reason) and don't go overboard spending $$$.....match his gift financially....don't spend more than he did on you....but clothing is always cool and that's not too romantic. So go for it as long as you're emotionally okay with it, sounds like you are!

Hey, thanks for posting something.....I guess I didn't get hardly any responses the last time...just happened to be on here right now and saw my post back up! Thanks so much! Well, in a nutshell......it's like the way it was before. Seems like we went from 0-60 after all that time. We have been spending alot of time together, but no sex, nothing like that.....as friends. Sigh. It is hard for me and my friends think I am a glutton for punishment because I still have feelings. I am respectful and have never come onto her, physically or verbally. She calls me several times a day, for no reason....like old times. She recently had a death in her life, someone she used to date, and asked me to go w/her to the funeral and all this stuff.....I mean, it's like a friend maybe would do smthg like this, but to me, it's more of what you'd expect from someone you're dating....? I'm so confused. One funny thing that has come up is she went on this spiel about a wk ago about how she values my friendship above anyone else, etc etc....and I said to her that I didn't understand why she kept going on about this when I hadn't brought up anything about this. I feel like she has the real problem....but I can't figure it out and don't think I need to. I'm still going out w/my friends, trying not to read into it, accepting things as they are. After this talk, she had planned to stay over my house that nite bec we had taken a trip and my house is close to her work. She slept on the couch but I woke up very early, and went downstairs. She woke up and asked me if I would lay with her. Now THAT IS WEIRD! Why would she do that if she's the one saying I don't want to be with you, don't want a relationship, all of that? This past wkend she stayed over a couple of nights and brought her sleeping bag with her. The first nite, as I went to go to bed, she said that for some reason she "couldn't" sleep on the couch, so was it ok if she brought her sleeping bag upstairs to my bed? WEIRD! I slept in my bed like a normal person and she slept in her sl. bag on top of my covers. No touching, nothing happened between us....but isn't it true that you really shouldn't sleep w/your friends? The second nite she tried it again but I told her to stay on the couch. It's like she's playing me, testing me, or doing something..........and I don't get why. She likes to go out and party still.........why not hook up with someone that way??? So that is what's been up. It's funny...if the tables were turned and I had been the one to ask her to sleep w/me....you can only imagine how she'd be. And all this could change on the drop of a hat.....with her, you never know. My bday was also recently and she actually got me a gift certificate to a bookstore, a bottle of wine, and some candy that I really like. I must say I was surprised bec of all that's gone on between us.....it wasnt an "i love you" type thing, still very nice of her, but i was a little surprised. If anyone has any comments, thoughts, or anything else for the suggestion box, it is def welcome! I wish I could just cut her off and keep it that way, or meet someone who is seriously wanting to be with me, but it hasn't happened yet. So I'll just go on and keep trying and maybe someday a miracle will happen! Thanks for reading!

But how can someone be "into me" when they claim they never had feelings for me, it was a mistake that we hooked up initally in the 1st place, yet calls me several times a day, spends all this time w/me, yada yada yada..................i think its really her problem, not me.......but if i wasn't into someone i wouldnt be talking to them all the time or spending alot of time w/the person bec i wouldnt WANT THEM to think I wanted more! We'll see what happens, I guess. She asked me to eat lunch 2x this wk and we've talked several times. Sigh sigh sigh. Glad I made plans already for this wkend without her! So i won't be all anxious about what she's doing...... thanks for the advice!

hey cheecago, thanks for replying. I've got the lock/key around the heart as best i can we reconnected last month, it was after 5mos of NC......we ran into each other and that's how we started talking again....but a rebound for what purpose? she hasn't been with anyone (i know from reliable sources)....???

I have been talking with my ex for about a month now, we reconnected after we saw each other out in public. All we are is "friends"....sigh sigh sigh.....I'm still trying to move forward and maintain a separate existence from her, hang out w/my friends etc etc. She calls me several times a day to just chat about nothing. My birthday is today and she got me a bottle of wine, a card, some candy and a gift certificate to a store I like. I was real surprised bec we were NC when her bday was a few months ago. Last nite we actually talked some stuff out and she apologized (for the first and only time) for hurting me because she did not intend to. We had gotten together a few yrs ago after she got out of a LTR....rebound as it might have been, we were "together" in some form for about a yr...then she wanted to just be friends. I know that although she goes out she has never dated anyone in the past several yrs but me. Yep, I still have feelings for her but I'm trying to be realistic. I have not come onto her in any way since she started the "friends" thing over a yr ago. When we talked last nite, she made it adamantly clear that she valued our friendship over any relationship and she regretted us ever getting involved in that way, etc etc......it took two, but she wanted us to stay friends bec she feels she can talk to me and we have a good time together. We still spend alot of time together. It's prob not a good idea, but I told her I'd take it day by day and see how it goes. So anyway, I felt better that I finally got an apology....bec she can be very cocky and almost never apologizes to anyone, that I know of. She slept over last nite bec we had been somewhere where it was late for her to drive home....she stayed on the couch and I was in my bed. I woke up really early this morning bec I thought I heard the alarm go off downstairs. I went down and she was still sleeping, but she rolled over and said she didnt need to get up for another hour. As I turned to go back upstairs, she says to me, "Do you want to sleep down here?" NOW.........why the heck would she say that to me when we finally hashed all of this out last nite, after needing to do this for over a year now...........if I had done that/asked her the same thing, of course I know how she'd probably be! Is it to test me to see what I'll do? I seriously don't get it...........only hours before she said the whole friend thing once and for all. Is it comfort? Bec if she wanted to find someone, she knows where to party...I know it's not all about that but still. Any input out there? I have to laugh.....it's kind of funny, in a bizarre way. It's like.........friends don't do that,,,,not usually....and wouldn't you think that someone who is so adamant that she only wants to be friends/nothing more would NOT have done that bec they want to make their point????? happy bday to me! it was a great one!

Here we go again! NC was broken between me and my ex g/f yesterday after nearly six months. Not sure if this is the forum to post it on because I doubt we'll get back together, so between this one and the Healing after Breakup forum...here goes. I had to take my new puppy to the vet for her 1st shots yesterday, when I came out I saw my ex g/f's car parked there. There is NO way she or I would have known that the other would be there. I know that she has heard I got a new puppy, bec I am still in touch w/mutual friends of ours, but I think the meet up was pure coinicidence. I made this appt for the puppy about a month ago, b/f I even got her. Anyway, when I got ready to leave I didn't see my ex, bec she was prob in the back w/the vet dr. I was about to take off, when smthg came over me, all the hurt and anger from her (she hung the phone up on me after I didn't want to hear about some local gossip back in the spring and never called me back), the way she dumped me like a piece of trash, so I waited for her to come out. When she did, I think it shocked the hell out of her to see me there (she had come w/her teenage niece). She said hello to me, and then we went outside and talked for a couple minutes. She told me that I OWED HER an apology for "speaking to her" the way I did and that "she didn't have time for all that". I told her the only thing I'd apologize for was that I was sorry she took it that way, but I wasn't sorry about anything I said. Then she said her usual, "Now you know we're just friends, friends, right?"........so I said, "As usual, you're still harping on that. I think YOU"RE the one with the issue, not me! You don't see me coming on to you, do you? You think everyone wants you!" .....she didnt say anything in response to that, then asks me if I wanted to go eat lunch with her and her niece. I hadn't seen her niece in a long time either, she's a young teenager. I went to eat with them, then we went to the mall for a while. I feel pretty confident that I did well around her, not as nervous or jittery as I could have been. I've been posting my saga on her for over a year with her, so you can read some of my old posts if u have the time or desire to do so to get more idea about the situations I've had w/her. Basically, we were "sort of" together for over a yr, close friends prior to that, stuck by her when she was very ill, etc etc, and to her she told everyone I was just a friend nothing more...yet hasn't been w/anyone else. This time around, I've grown more, made more friends, have been going out and doing diff things,,,,she's always thought that I couldnt do anything w/o her and she has actually seen me out in recent weeks, though i acted like i never saw her and went on w/my business. We live in a small area, so its not unusual to see ppl you may not want to see out. What might I be expecting from this? Not too much this go around. I'm stronger now. Do I still care for her? Of course,....that takes a long time to stop loving/caring about someone. I have the upper hand now, bec I'm more in control of my life, and able to move on. I also know that her endless partying and chasing ppl hasn't exactly worked in her favor. Can I handle being friends with her? Don't know that either. My friends and others have told me, which i already know, that she benefits more from my "friendship" than I do from hers, bec it's all about her, all the time. Then, after I left her yesterday, she called me on her cell phone about 1/2 hr later, didnt leave a msg, so I'm sure it wasn't that impt. But I found that funny! So we'll see what happens. I'm not planning to drop my world again bec she may/may not resurface back into the picture. Just wanted to give an update, any comments, thoughts, suggestions, are welcome.....you guys give good insight, and I enjoy reading everyone's posts and progress.

what exactly are you wanting advice on? Whether or not to call her? If you two have been NC all this time, I say let her call you. She may/may not, but if she broke up with you, cheated, all that fun stuff, don't you go chasing after her. Most of us on these boards have made that mistake, and sometimes we have to make these types of mistakes to get strong on a long-term basis. I've been NC w/my ex for five months now. She hung up on me, I sure as hell am not going to call her. She knew I was a good person, and totally took advantage of it, among other things. I am the one who deserves better. She lost a good thing. My ex also went out and partied it up, thinks she is hot sh#@, and you know what? It's come back to bite her. I've been working on myself, staying single for a while to work on my issues, working hard, trying to improve ME. All my ex has been doing is partying alot, on and off, and doesn't even have her own place to live. She is in her 40s. I realize we're older than you, but there you have it....sometimes age isn't a factor and ppl act the same way regardless. I would just suggest working on yourself, make plans for your future, whether it be college or career, don't bash her to others, her own behavior will, in time, speak for itself. And try to look for someone stable. You can't solve their problems no matter what you do; try and look for a woman who knows herself.

Hey there Miss Pony, I concur w/what everyone else has pretty much already said. I've been doing NC for 5 months, you can check out the posts I've posted over the past year or so if you want to see my ups and downs w/my progress! It's been a roller coaster ride. My ex hung up on me in April and we haven't had contact since. Its been really hard, but I take it day by day. I will not call her, since she's treated me very poorly and is, in my opinion, extremely immature. I still perseverate on the situation alot, but I'm trying to go on. However, if she were to call me tomorrow, what would I do? I don't know. Honestly, I don't know. So I try not to think about that part of it, and I'll just cross that bridge if/when it happens. Good luck and do it one day at a time.

I think u did a great job and more importantly, you took the high road and was very 'chill' with her, acted like u had moved on just fine. She's probably a little confused or at least curious as to what u are up to, so don't be surprised if you get future ones, and those may include two or three-word comments! LOL

I agree that every person and every situation is different, and my opinion is, if being friends with an ex works for you, than great--more power to you both. But for me personally.....hell no. I have my circle of friends that I care about and cherish deeply. The few relationships I have had were disastrous, to say the least....and I've been cheated on or hurt emotionally each time. So I don't want my exes in my life. The last one, we were friends first, and she was the first friend I ever dated. I knew the risks going into it, and she turned out to be very cold emotionally and not even worth it as just a friend. It pains me deeply, because I continue to dwell on the good times we had instead of how she dissed me and never called me after hanging up on me nearly 5 mos ago. So NO.......for me......no. Can't do it. Not healthy, regardless of how much time goes by.

its been 5 months NC for me. She hung up on me after I didn't want to hear @ some drama she was trying to tell me about ppl we aren't friends with. This was one of the 1st times I stood up for myself/something else. Not really a big deal, but she hung up and never called back. So NC for me all the way. I posted my own thread on Healing after Brkup about the latest interaction, but it has been NC. Very hard, still, even tho i'm trying to move on.

well i'm trying to be! Thanks for the encouragement. I wound up seeing her AGAIN today at a festival. I think she may have seen me, but I was w/a bunch of friends, hanging out and having fun. I did notice she wasn't really hanging with anyone other than 2 acquaintences I know she has. Odd. Oh well, not my problem. Living well is the best revenge!

Isn't life just funny sometimes....two days ago I saw my ex out in public for the 1st time since I implemented NC exactly five months ago to the day. Went out w/some new friends and a couple hrs after I was at the bar, she walked in w/a friend of hers. Nothing happened, I know from friends that she saw me but she and her friend stayed on the other side of the bar, far from me, and I just hung out w/my friends, drinking and dancing and having a good time. I was totally unnerved, but i think I handled myself well. At least that's what my friends say. I am not a bar person but I've been making myself go out a little more just for the socialization. I'm sure she was shocked to hell to see me out, and hanging w/new ppl, and having a good time. I'm sure she's dogged me to anyone who will listen, but oh well> I'm trying to move on. She always called me a loser and said that my problem was I wanted her and she didn't want me, and "don't build your world around me". No joke......exact quotes from her! I'm just posting to say I managed to make it thru seeing my ex after all the hurt and pain. I could see that although I still think @ it all the time, I made it through and I'm not scared to go out again for fear I'll see her. Thank you guys! And you know what else---she and her friend sat in the back of the bar and didn't really talk to anyone whereas I was up having a good time. I know its wrong, but I hope that her seeing me out rocked her world. Living well is the best revenge!

thanks, everyone, you're all right.....here lately i've been working really hard on myself, haven't been involved w/anyone in a long time so i can be my own work of progress instead of living thru someone else. That in itself feels good. I'm proud of moving on. The one thing I'm not proud of is the psychoanalyzing I still do from time to time. It's somewhat less now, but still there. Hopefully I'll just keep going on. I think it set me back when I heard she had dogged me to different ppl. It hurts, but I'm trying to just go on. And to answer Joyce.....I guess it's accurate that she "dumped" me....I stood by her when no one else did, through two illnesses she suffered, and her ex prior to me left HER when she was diagnosed w/her illnesss. I have to maintain that there are good ppl out there who appreciate loyalty.....EXperience makes us stronger!

LOL.......you're right......guess i am bored tonite and started thinking about stupid things people do

Had a thought regarding exes. My ex made it clear that I was more into her than the other way around, did the whole "we were just friends" thing, FWBenefits, yada yada. We have been NC for five months after she hung the phone up on me. We weren't intimate w/each other for about a yr when this happened and really weren't together. I call her my ex bec we had gone from some kind of weird relationship that wasn't really a real one to friends/emotional support, attractive doormat...... you get it! I've worker really hard to move on, meet new ppl, take the advice enotaloners give. Lately I've been feeling better about myself. Yet all this time, I've heard thru the grapevine that periodically she'll say crappy things about me to ppl, do the "eye roll" if my name comes up, like she has to say stuff to convince herself we were nothing more than friends. It comes accross as someone who is really angry. Why are dumpers angry at exes like this? I realize every rel is so different, but what do others on the board think? Have you ever had an ex you had a significant rel. with that dumps you, but then turns around & has crappy things to say about you? I don't get it....they don't want you, you go on, and then they still have to get that "dig" in....in my case, she got what she wanted. She can go get drunk/party her life away, just as she wants to...I'm not bothering her, haven't called once, nothing. Her bday was recently, and she asked someone if I remembered it. After it came and went, which i didnt acknowledge, i heard a couple comments she made to ppl.....i think the recent anger comes from that, but i've heard of it before. Why do they get so angry when they got what they wanted?

Congrats on your strength, for sure! I've been NC for nearly 5 months now myself, 100% total on my end as well. Moving on....I sound alot like you, where you're at at this point. Like the others suggested, you need to keep the CAUTION flags up and keep going as you are. Let her initiate and keep your life going along. I made the mistake in the past w/my ex of getting excited @ the prospects of them breaking NC and alot of the times, I feel like she just missed me, was insanely curious how I could go on w/life after being so wrapped up in her, etc etc. Good luck, and take whatever happens real slow and stay in the driver's seat!

Have no great insights today, I'm kinda tired but it's a great post, and I'm going to bookmark it so I can refer back to it. Alot of it rings true for me! 4 months, NC, still hurting bad, but moving forward. And I didnt even call on her bday the other day!

it's all true, people........i am so guilty of trying to analyze and overanalyze this stupid ex. Her loss, period, need to get over it. Her bday is tomorrow and u can bet she won't be getting a call from me. You hang up on me like a child 4mos ago and expect a call from me? Hell no! I've got goooooood self control with that! And annie----the attorney is actually cool but very good! he was for some personal issue she had to deal with separate from us, some finance thing. :sleeping:

sorry, annie forgot to thank you for your post. I do know her attorney, and all she needed was some paperwk faxed over to her office, that his secretary would have done no prob. I've used this atty before, and he's a good guy. I am not calling her but I did let the mutual friend know that bec im a good person, i did look around my house for it and of course like i thought, i didn't have it here. dont know why she asked my friend to 'ask me' that. its almost like she is trying to make contact w/me somehow. whatever. I hope I am on the path to that good road...........

yes really.........where is the road less travelled? It's true, I am not totally over her in my heart, but the good thing is I've implemented NC for 4 months now after she hung up on me (like a little kid not a 40smthg yr old that she is) and I've been making more of an effort to go out, meet ppl, try to be around healthy ppl, and I do feel better about myself. Dumpers, man..........I just don't get it. It's like they don't want you, but yet they don't want you to move on!

yeah, it's messed up........and last wk she asked a mutual friend to ask me (for HER) if she had left some paperwork at my house from over a YEAR ago. I did look, and I don't have the paperwork she thought was here, but she could have easily called her attorney to get this stuff.

I've been doing NC for 4 straight months now, and I'm getting back on my feet. Still hard, but I'm trying and proud of myself. The other day I heard from someone that my ex asked them if I had anybody new in my life. She has never done that before, that I know of. I know she has no one in her life b/c she is very cocky and although she is a big partier/barhopper, I don't think after many months, she has found someone yet, whether for a f#(% buddy or relationship. I dont think she still wants a rel, just a convenience person. Why would she care if I was seeing anyone or not? It's kinda moot at this pt, and not even her business. Why do the dumpers want to know this?