Iceman26

Well it sounds like you are well on your way to that kiss! Wait untll a moment when she looks at you and smiles, and then lean in for the kiss. Be very gentle and no matter how the first kiss goes, smile at her afterwards. It sounds like she is really into you, so give it a shot! After the first kiss, its all downhill from there. Make it happen and let me know how it goes!

If you do decide to marry this woman, I would suggest you guys meet with a marriage counselor to work out any unresolved issues (such as your concerns about her past) Third parties can help mediate and perhaps ask questions about her infidelities in her past marriage that wont put her on the defensive. I agree with you that even though her husband ignored her, was an alcoholic, etc, there are still vows of marriage to one another that must be respected.

I wouldnt go out with him or his buddies if I were you. They are more than likely into the same kinds of treatment of women.

First of all, you probably aren't falling for her, you are infatuated with her, and thats a cool feeling, just don't let it on to her that you are infatuated! I know how hard it is to make friends dude, I am 26, my friends are all getting married or are in serious relationships and I am single, and that makes it rougher.....be glad you are doing it at 22 and not 26! The friends will come, just be yourself, make people laugh, and listen to people when they talk. The best way to met people in college I found was by taking a speech class. I met a lot of people taking that class. I would either continue talking with the girl at work, or I would suggest hanging out with her in whatever free time you have in a coffee shop or something else low key, where there isn't that "date" pressure. Know what I mean? Keep your head up man, you are in school and you are working towards your future. Keep me posted on how everything goes and good luck!

Thank you for all of your responses so far, I really appreciate you guy/girls taking the time to help me out. I still haven't heard anything from her. Now there is a catch to all of this that I had forgotten about. She works at my old company (she took my job at the company when I left) and I know the people from my old company are going to start asking me what happened between us.......what do I tell them about it? On one hand, I want to have some class and say we arent together anymore. On the other hand, I would LOVE to tell them she disrespected me, stayed out all night with another guy, etc. My old cowrokers haven't asked me anything yet, and I find that to be odd. My ex girlfriend had pictures of me all over her desk, so i expect to hear from my old coworkers anytime now. Any thoughts?

Actually, I read an article that says average looking guys get laid more than really good looking guys. So basically, girls aren't as intimidated by him because he is average looking. Girls I think look at a guy like that and think he: A) Hasn't slept with that many women, and so he is safer to sleep with. B) Probably wont turn them down, because they figure he doesnt get hit on often. C) Probably wont go and brag to his friends, because they wouldn't believe him....

I agree with DBL completely on that one.

I feel for you dude. I am going through some rough times myself with my girlfriend of 2 years, whom I thought I was going to marry. Anyways, if you talk decide to talk with her, point out that you guys have been together 5 years and invested so much time and love and memories together that it would be a tragedy to waste. But in answer to your question: No, it has never paid off for me, but then again I was never in a relationship as long as yours. Yours is a unique relationship in that you have been together through your young years and it has lasted as long as it has. Thats rare, especially in this day and age. The old saying goes "If you love someone, set them free, if they come back to you, it was meant to be, and if they dont, then it never was" You are not foolish to think she will come back, and I wouldnt contact off either. If she keeps calling you, tell her that she needs time figure out what she wants, and to give you a call when she is clearheaded and ready to discuss things. Her calling and being confused isn't doing much good for you and her. Why did she break up with you?

First off, never talk to a girls friends, because they will repeat whatever you say back to her, or twist it around, etc. Talk to her once more on Friday, and see if there is anything that can be done to salvage the relationship....to be honest bro, I wouldnt have much hope for it because the key words she said are "No strings attached" which means she doesn't want to be in a relationship. Good luck, and keep us posted.

I go for walks as well, and I hit my punching bag until I cant lift my arms.

I agree with Day Walker, if she is interested, she will call back again since you weren't there.......I say if she calls again and doesn't leave a message, then call her back.

Shademan, that is so true. K8tie Cool has a good point, she is only 18 and more than likely doesnt know what she wants and is out for fun.

This guy would make Larry Flynt proud....why would you want to even think about marrying a guy that devotes his time to porn, personals and old girlfriends? It sounds like you are something to fall back on for him if his porns and personals and old girlfriends dont pan out. I can't speak for most guys, but if the girl I am with is giving me everything I want in the relationship and in the bedroom, there is no need to look at porn!

Thanks Cecelius. I agree with you, I made an exception for her because she never saw the guy friends she had, and I made an exception for this guy because he had known her for 10 years and always called her for relationship advice. It seems I was mistaken. I should have asked more questions when he popped out of nowhere to "visit" with her. Yes I am dealing with a younger woman (she just turned 22, and I am 26) but I thought she was more mature because she had lived on her own with an ex boyfriend and seemed to have had a lot of life experience. I am sorry it didn't go well either, up until recently, I thought she and I would be married someday, after all we had talked about it. Its been hard because when I look to the future, I saw her in it, and now I dont see anyone. Friends and family tell me I will meet somebody else, somebody better, but I am approaching 27, and with all the experiences I have had (I am writing a book about them) and the years I have lost spending time, effort and love on people who treat me like crap I am starting to lose hope. I know the years weren't a complete waste, I have learned a lot, I just don't know if relationships are really worth my time anymore.

If I were you, I would ask her out one more time........and tell her what you have planned for the date. If she rejects you, let it go, and dont respond to emails anymore until she calls you. I know it sucks when you click with someone and things dont work out, but then again if she is always tired or busy, why waste your time?

Well Armasiel is right, you should do what makes you happy.....but consider this, if you are just friends with her, could you stand seeing her with another guy, giving her treatment of you? I think that is an important question to ask anytime you consider being friends with an ex. I personally am not friends with any of my ex's and I am all the happier for it.

You are too young to be dealing with a guy that has as many issues as him. You have a whole life ahead of you, and believe me you dont want to waste any more of your time on a guy that has as much baggage as him. I know breaking up with him isnt the advice you wanted to hear, but think about it from this perspective. If it was your best friend that was in the situation you were in, what would you tell her to do?

Yeah i never liked her family (there is definetly something wrong with her father) But I never said anything about them, except to ask her about her father, because he would always make sexual comments to her and he had touched her inappropriately when I was around. I never said anything about the few friends she had, as far as I am concerned, they are her friends and it is her life, and whomever she wants to hang around with is her decision.....unless its a guy that takes her drinking! I always tried to compromise........I even went as far as seeing "Legally Blonde 2" with her. I get the feeling she never really wanted to compromise, she wanted control over everything. Oh well, Day 5 and I havent heard anything new.

It bothered me that she hung out with this guy alone, but she has known him for over a decade so I let it go.........what REALLY bothered was the fact that there was alcohol involved. There is a guy on the radio I listen to on the drive home from work, and he tells guys that if a girl has guy friends she hangs out with, then you should drop her. I thought it was kind of dumb at first, but now I wonder....... I had introduced her to my friends, but she didn't like them. My friends always treated her with respect and were nice to her, but she didn't like their lifestyles or their girlfriends. She would complain about my family, even though my family always treated her with respect and made her feel welcome. There was a time recently that I went to a friends birthday bbq (one of the friends she didnt like) and I didnt invite her. I told her where I was going and all that, and later she told me she was angry at me for not inviting her and that she was going to start excluding me from things she did with her friends....though she never really had any friends, because she was always getting angry at them lol. I told her I didn't invite her because why would I invite someone to share in my friends birthday celebration when she didnt even like my friend and his girlfriend? She said I should have invited her anyways, but that makes no sense to me.

Don't commit to either of them. If one guy is in a relationship already and he is cheating with you, then he is going to cheat on you with someone else. If you want to have fun with both of them, then just date both of them, because you obviously don't know what you want, and thats not a bad thing, you are just young.

Hannibal - I completely agree with the not drinking and driving, but this guy friend of hers was more than likely drinking as well, so him dropping her off just doesn't make any sense to me, because he lives more than an hour away from here. First, she had a perfectly sober boyfriend that would have driven her home, and second, I dont trust ANY situation involving another man and alcohol. She lives with her parents, so there is no way he would have stopped in at that hour. I tried calling her, but she ignored my call and the nice message I left her asking her to call so we could talk (She and I had plans on Saturday night) After I saw his car out front, yes I admit I did assume the worst, but I had already called her and my call went ignored, so I sent the message. I like to think that if I had meant something to her and she truly cared for me, she would have responded to me in one form or another. K8tie Cool Yes we had been having some problems prior to this. I had to move back home with my parents for a little bit because of a bad business decision I made, and the lack of intimacy (staying the night together and everything that goes along with that) and my dad Died 3weeks ago, and I was going through a rough time. I didn't really know my dad that well, so I wasn't sure what I was feeling. It didn't change my attitude towards her, but I did notice that she never said she was sorry, and she would complain about the fact that I wasn't living on my own anymore. Another reason I moved back home was to get my finances straight so we could get married within the next three years. It has been one hell of a year for me. I always wanted to talk with her about things, I am an open person who is easy to communicate with. I am the type of person that always tries to think of things in another person's point of view. Every time I would suggest that we talk, she would roll her eyes and say things like "What now?" She would always say I was attacking her, but I just wanted to work through the things that were problems for us. She thinks that there is a winner and a loser in an argument, when I see it as working on the relationship. lady00 Yes, 2 weeks ago, when we gotten into an argument, she said "screw you" to me and hung up the phone and we didnt talk for a week, because I am not going to call back anybody that talks to me that way. She thought that we were over then, but we talked things out.....the peace didn't last long though. She is very short tempered and extremely defensive, and easily irritated. I know I am not painting a pretty picture of her here, but she taught me a lot of things, and she has been through some rough times with me. She was also the first girl i was ever able to fall asleep next to, and even though it may sound silly, it told me that I really felt comfortable around her.

She and I have dated for almost 2 years. Thank you for your responses so far, its been a rough couple of days, its hard to get that vision away of your loved one with someone else. Its funny how things go so badly so quickly.....just last week she sent me an invitation to her Christmas party, and was telling me what she wanted to get my family for christmas.

Seriously, tell your friend what happened. I find that the best thing to in most situations is treat others the way you want to be treated. If your guy was out with another girl, wouldn't you want your friend to tell you?

Hey this is going to be long and complicated, but I am sure you have all read that before. Ok, last Friday i was emailing my girlfriend, and asking her if she had any plans over the weekend. She replied that she had plans with this guy who has been a friend of hers since she was 12. She had talked about this guy before, and he would always call her on love advice he had about his girlfriend.....I even helped the guy out a few times. To my knowledge, she hadn't seen this guy the entire time she and I have been dating (almost 2 years). So I asked her what about hanging out with me, etc, and she said that if people want to make plans with her, then she isn't going to wait for me. The weekends are the only time I can see her, because she "refuses" to change her hours so that we can spend some time together. But the way we have always made plans is to ask the other what they are doing over the weekend, and then make plans from there. ...I have recently moved and am still getting used to a new place and a new job. So then she took off from and I sent her a text message asking her to please give me a call later when she wasn't busy. So that night I go and get her a rose and write her a love letter, because we have had some difficult times lately. I couldnt sleep that night, so at 3:30 am I drove over to her house to put the rose and letter on her car. Her car was gone....... I sent her a text message saying "Hope you had fun staying with so and so". The next morning, she sent me a text message back asking me what I was talking about. I told her that I stopped by her house to drop off the rose and the flower. She then told me that she had some drinks and she had gotten a ride home. Sidenote: Now, my girlfriend, or ex...I am not sure what she is, is extremely cautious with her car. I can't imagine her leaving her car anywhere. So then I tried to call her, because we had plans on Saturday. She didnt answer so i left a message. i waited a couple of hours to hear from her, then i made other plans. On my way home from a party I went to, I drove by her house again to see if she was there. It was 12-1am (time change day) and again, her car was gone, and an older car that looked like a guys car was out front. I was so upset, and I sent her a text message (since she wouldn't answer her phone) saying "Best of luck in life, you will always have a place in my heart and I will always love you" It has been 4 days now, and I haven't received any form of communication from her. No phone calls, emails, text messages, nothing. So what do you guys/girls think? Do you think she cheated? Do you think she will try and contact me again? On one hand, I feel she has shown a great lack of respect for me, and an unwillingness to communicate and little regard for my feeling. I don't want to contact her, because I made every effort to get a hold of her to talk about things (as you have read) On the other hand, I was "promised" to my girlfriend, and I do love her.