clodhopper

i used to cry sometimes (or feel like i was on the verge of crying) after sex (or sometimes during it) but for me it had nothing to do with feeling sad or guilty. i was just full of emotions, and they were positive... but they came out as crying -- i think more of 'i'm so happy i could cry' or 'tears of joy' type thing. are you sure this isnt what you're experiencing??

I think that you should break up with him sooner than later. My boyfriend was kinda in the same situation that you are in. I went to visit him at the end of the summer before we parted ways to be long distance for this semester at school. Our last night together was amazing (at least I thought so) but he had already been thinking about breaking up with me apparently... and knowing that really hurts, because you do fall in love with someone more the longer you're with them. Break up with him now if you don't want him to be even more hurt at the situation... good luck!

UPDATE: So my ex and I have been talking occasionally since the breakup (4 weeks ago) and things have been okay. We haven't tried to talk all the time, so that's why we've been getting along, since it's only once in a while when we talk. We weren't sure about having NC since we're best friends, and I didn't want to lose my boyfriend AND my best friend, so we've tried to stay in contact without making things awkward. Last night we spoke on MSN. We just talked about silly things and made small talk, etc. But I told him last week that I wanted him to know that I had been thinking about us, and he said he wanted me to tell him what I had been thinking about. Last night when we were talking he asked if I was gonna write him a letter with what I wanted to tell him, and I said I wasn't sure because I didn't want to say all these things and make things weird between us and lose our friendship. At the same time, I do want to be honest about how I feel. He said that nothing I could say would make him act awkwardly when we spoke, so it would only be an issue if I thought I would be weird after. Then he said how if there were things I wanted to say, I should just say them. He said he thought he knew the jist of what I wanted to say, but he wanted me to actually say it instead of him just assuming. I said I thought maybe it was best to just give it time. He then went on to say that if nobody went after what they wanted, then no one would live their dreams, or grow old with the person they love, or persevere anything long enough to achieve what seems like the unachievable. He said that we have to go after what we want, and even if we fail, at least we know that we gave it a good try and we're not left wondering "what if"... so that makes me feel like I should really write him, and be prepared for anything that he might say in response. On the other hand, he said again last night in conversation that he wasn't looking for a relationship right now, etc... so I don't know if it makes sense for me to write him. Maybe I just need more time... ??? If anyone could help, that would be great. Thanks.

Ok here's my situation: My boyfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago after 8 months of being together. He's in another province right now working, while I'm at school. We were planning on going these couple months long distance (cuz we did it at the start of our relationship) but now we're broken up. We've stayed good friends, and today he told me that his work offered him to stay there for 12 months instead of just these 4 months til Christmas. I'm a little upset about it, even though he hasn't decided what he's going to do yet. I know I shouldn't be upset because we are broken up, but he said that he wanted to see how this time apart went and he wasn't shutting the door on us, and how our "status" is kinda up in the air right now. I guess we're both kinda hoping he'll work out his life and we'll get another chance, but I got upset at the thought of him not coming back at Christmas. I know it's not good to have hope of getting back together with him cuz it makes things that much harder in terms of moving on... but I can't help it right now. And I have the hope that this time apart will be good for us (we'll both learn, and just take some time to think, and be happy with our individual lives) and then when we see each other in person, we'll want to get back together. Is it wrong for me to be thinking about this, and being upset at the thought of him not coming back? I just feel like we're meant to be and he'll realize that when we see each other again and spend time together... and now there's this possibility of him not coming back, so we won't even be able to sit down together and talk about getting back together. What should I do??? Other than this, I have been really good at not talking to him all the time. I wait for him to contact me, and I'm moving on... I'm more happy with my life now. I just still have that little hope in the back of my mind - and now I'm thinking, if he doesn't come back at Christmas, what will happen??? Any advice PLEASE!! I just don't know what to do... thanks guys

my parents also dated for several years before getting married, so maybe time is all you need to work out your problems... dont rush into anything! good luck

i think if she said she wouldnt cheat on you if you got back together, and already she's slept with someone... then it doesnt seem like she really cares about getting back together or making things work. i know this is hard to hear, but i dont think you should get back with her (if you havent already decided that for yourself)... she needs to figure out what she wants. if she wants you, she wont be messing around with other guys... do whats best for you right now. good luck!!

thank you to both of you for replying, i really appreciate it. ladyluck thank you for your kind words. some people that i have spoken to have said kinda what you said, about giving it a little more time and maybe approaching him if things are still going relatively well, and i feel the same about him at that point. i really want to follow my heart, but i dont know if right now thats the best thing to do... it'll be 3 weeks as of tomorrow since the breakup. i'm going home for thanksgiving this weekend, and maybe after it's been a month, i'll write him... anyway thanks for replying, and if you have any other advice, please let me know. sonjam i understand that you needed to ask if he's just playing the cover of "finding himself" but i really don't think he is. i know that some guys do that... but for some reason i really trust him. we've talked a bit about if either of us has picked up anyone new or anything, and he's said he hasn't noticed anyone, nor does he want to pick up. i talked to my closest friend here at school, and she said kinda what you said - that i shouldn't initiate anything. she was like "he broke up with you and needs to realize what an amazing person you are. if he wants you back, he should be BEGGING for you, not the other way around"... thanks for your advice, and feel free to write more if you have any other advice. thanks again guys... we'll see how it goes

i agree! go with just the normal lubricated ones, and maybe have some other lubricant in case you have problems with insertion... for now dont use ribbed or anything else different (use those down the road to add spice to your sex life, like ayekasong said, lol)

i agree with tinkerbell - it really depends on how you feel about the guy. if its just a friend or someone you're not into, then yikes... awkward!!! BUT if its your boyfriend or someone you're interested in, or dating, etc. then its awesome to know that you turn him on that much. and it makes me more turned on... and things get going i think its cute!

haha!! so true... thats exactly how i feel. its fun and it builds up anticipation... i would say just have fun with it. if you're really bothered by it, you should talk to her. did you say she was pregnant? how far along is she and how old are you guys?? maybe she just doesnt feel like having sex right now, its quite possible. i wouldnt worry too much about it, cuz it doesnt seem like its a serious problem... seems like everything else between you two is awesome

its definitely possible to make it through these years, but know that long distance can be tough. i have a lot of friends that have gone through long distance and made it, so dont worry. and they didnt get to see their bf/gfs once a week, so in my opinion, you'll do just fine make sure its what she wants though, make sure she knows its gonna be tough and she'll see you once a week, etc. other than that, i say go for it

This may sound weird, but you CAN tell someone that, however difficult that is for both people. My ex broke up with me about 3 weeks ago and that's what he said to me. He said he loves me more than anything, I'm the most important person in his life, he cares about me very deeply, and I'm the only one he wants to be with. He said he cannot have a relationship right now with me, although if he was going to be with someone, it would be me. It's really hard to hear that because since I know that he still loves me, it's very hard to go on with the healing process. I can't get over him when I know I'm the one he would choose when he didn't want to be single anymore. It's TOUGH... and it's your decision obviously. On one hand, this might make it really hard for him (like me), but at the same time he might appreciate your honesty. I appreciated it, but it's also giving me somewhat of a sense of false hope... I hope this helps!!! good luck.

hi guys, i posted a message a little while ago on here (its titled "should i shut up, or tell him how i feel? help please!!") and was wondering if people could please reply. i need advice. it's long so i don't want to go through it all again here, but the whole story is there in the post. its in this forum on breaking up, and i'd really appreciate it if you guys would lemme know what you think!! thanks!!

Hey guys, any help would be great, please!! Here's my story (sorry if it's long...): Last year in my 1st year at university, I grew really close to this guy 2 years older than me that lived in my residence. We became really good friends, and we were best friends by the time christmas break rolled around. I flew home for the holidays and he stayed there (since he lived there) - while he was there and I was at home, we talked every day on msn and emailed and missed each other tons, and the worst part was that he was going to another city for second semester to do a co-op work term, so I wouldn't see him for the next 4 months. We both started realizing we had "more than friends" feelings for each other, and to make a long story short... we decided to be together, even though it would be long distance right from the start. We were basically already in love, so we didn't care. That term was difficult, as all long distance relationships are (I'm sure a lot of you know this!! eek!!) but we got through it and we felt so much stronger when he came back at the end of April. We both stayed at school for the summer to do extra courses, and we got to spend those 4 months together, which was awesome. We totally fell for each other, he was my first boyfriend, and first lover... we had such a great connection, and everything just seemed right. Obviously we had our bad days and arguments, but what couple doesn't? In general, we were great together. For this semester, he had to do another co-op work term, so he went back to Ottawa. I went home at the end of the summer for a couple weeks to visit friends/family, then went to see his new place in Ottawa before I came back to school for the new semester. Those few days were also pretty great. We bickered, but just because of how we didnt want to do long distance again... nothing serious. We left on amazing terms, him saying this semester would be great despite being long distance, and we'd be happy, and he loved me more than anything. So I came back to school, and things were a little weird - not talking as much, him seeming down in the dumps, etc but I didn't think anything of it really. only 5 days after I came back to school, he decided he wanted to break up after 8 months of being together... and I was devastated. SORRY FOR THIS BEING SO LONG!! i'm just trying to give you guys a sense of our history, etc. anyway... i took it pretty bad and i was really upset for the first few days, but i gradually started getting better. we talked still because we were best friends, but not as much... and the conversations were obviously a little weird. we talked a couple days after the breakup and he said all this stuff about how his feelings hadnt changed, he was just confused and needed some time to himself. he said hes still in love with me and i'm the most important person in his life, and he doesnt want to shut the door completely on us ever being together again sometime in the future. he said he just wanted to be single right now in his life and just be happy with his individual life, before he tried to be happy taking care of someone else too. its been 2 and a half weeks now, and i'm a LOT better! we talk occasionally, but not really too much, but i think maybe thats the best for now. i have my ups and downs, and definitely more ups these days. i'm doing well. i've realized what he meant and how he feels, since i was too upset at the time to understand. but now i really do and i'm willing to change, i'm already changing in fact.. being more happy with myself, and i can see he is too. i'm focusing on school, work, and friends. i keep myself busy. i'm a lot happier!! and i've been really good in not talking to him or bothering him. if he emails me, i'll write him back, etc. but i dont go out of my way, because hes the one that wanted time and space... and everyone says you need to respect that and not act clingy, no matter how much you want to talk to them. so all in all, i think i'm doing okay considering the situation... and i finally feel like i dont NEED him in my life, i just really WANT him. he said he didnt want us to feel like we needed each other to be happy, he wanted us to be happy and then just want the relationship as a bonus, and it would add to our happiness. but he didnt want it to be like we were the only things in each others lives that kept us happy... and i agree. i just really feel now like i WANT him more than anything. i've spent a lot of time seriously thinking... and i feel like we oculd make it work. i just dont know if its better to tell him how i feel OR give him more time before i try talking to him OR just keep my mouth shut altogether. any advice??? the hardest thing is that i cant even see him if we did decide we wanted to talk about it, since he's in ottawa til christmas. and of course since i'm still in love with him, i have that little hope deep down inside me that we'll get another chance. everyone tells me that if its meant to be, then we'll get another chance to be together. can anyone give me any advice on this???? i love him so much, and i want him to know that i finally understand how he feels, and i know now what we need to do to change and make us work. do i talk to him??? give him time???? GIVE UP?!?!! thanks!!!!!!

i agree with ladyluck - i wouldn't be surprised either if she is in a lot of pain over this breakup. i know this isnt quite the same thing cuz it wasnt as long, but my boyfriend broke up with me about 2 weeks ago, after being together for 8 months. he emails me from his work during the day and sometimes i start wondering if he is missing me and is thinking twice about the decision he has made. but a lot of my friends have told me that he's probably missing me as a friend and missing having me there, and although HE was the one to make the decision to break it off, it's causing him some pain too because you don't just forget all those memories you had, even if you're choosing to move on. i hope this helps, feel free to pm me

I agree with the last posting. You should try telling him how you feel and what you want, but don't push him. Don't seem clingy... you might just drive him further away. I would suggest just telling him in some way how you feel, and then leave it for now and let him think about it.

I've been in 2 long distance relationships in my life. The first didn't work out, but for reasons to do with our chemistry not quite being there... and just not meshing properly with each other - nothing to do with the long distance. The second one, however, was much different. We started our relationship while already being a couple thousand miles away. I won't deny it - it IS difficult! And being used to seeing someone everyday and then all of a sudden not being able to will be something hard you'll have to deal with if you want to make it work. But if you can make it work, it's definitely worthwhile... and it feels great to know that you were able to get through those tough times together - for us, it made us believe in our love more I think, that if we were strong enough to get through that, then we were supposed to be together. My advice to you is to definitely not hold back because you're worried about drifting apart from your guy. I know it's hard, but you have to put yourself first. I know in the past I haven't always done that and it's seemed better in the moment, but in the long run you need to be happy with yourself... before you can be happy WITH someone. If you're meant to be with this guy, then somehow it will all work out. Go for what you feel deep inside - relocate to another school. It will make your life that much easier to deal with and you'll be happier there, with less problems and stresses. Just let love happen on its own. Don't stay there because you don't want to lose him - if you're not meant to be, you'll lose him some other way. Hope that helps... good luck!!

if you really want to be friends with her and not lose all contact, then i don't think you should just ignore her and "hope she understands". i know this is a tough situation, but i think you should either try to start talking as friends, or - as you said - if its too awkward maybe you just need more time apart and in that case - tell her. if you want to keep her as a friend, you dont want her thinking you're mad at her. it depends though how long its been since you broke up.. and maybe how serious you guys were when you were actually together. every situation is different, but if i were you, i would just tell her we need more time apart (if thats how you feel and you want to stay friends in the longrun) hope that helps!