clodhopper

Yes I was thinking about how I felt in the situation, not so much about how he felt. But that's why we'd ask each other frequently if each other was still okay with the situation. He said he was up for anything and didn't have a problem with being emotionally attached, so it was me that needed to decide. He said he'd respect what I wanted either way. So yeah, that's when I focused on how I was feeling. I know what you mean RayKay... I just don't see why this happened since he's the one that started it... and he always said he had fun doing it. The reason he said we shouldn't do it was cuz of me, but I feel okay about it! He's not the type to feel it should be something only with someone he loves, I don't worry about that at all. I know he doesn't want to lead me on, but he told me that, and he said I always had to remember it was just physical attraction and he didn't want to make me want more.

The same thing happened to me, I'm sorry to say. My ex and I broke up in September, were in different cities so talked occasionally but didn't actually see each other in person until January. We have mutual friends, so we hung out one time early January with a bunch of people. He could tell I was having a hard time and took me aside and sat me down and said to be honest with him. We talked for a while, I explained how it was gonna be really hard for me to hang out as friends after everything that's happened. He said all this stuff about caring about me and loving me still and how he hadn't given up on us and hadn't moved on, and that he wanted me to be happy and independent. He wanted both of us to live our lives and work on being friends again, and just not pressure each other, and see where it goes. I agreed and I was happy that we talked. So that's exactly what we did. We worked on being friends. Yes I made the mistake of fooling around with him a few times... he made it clear it didn't mean anything more than a physical attraction, so I didn't have any expectations. I just got lost in the moment, I admit. I was at home last week for reading week (a week before I left was the last time we fooled around)... we talked occasionally but not a lot cuz I'm not online tons when I'm at home. We had an argument one day cuz we just got frustrated with each other on msn... he said I was too weird and we couldn't fool around anymore. He also said he didn't know if we could even be friends. Things are really rough now, I don't know where we stand. We talked and said we'd try one more time to be friends, so we'll see what happens I guess... I dunno. The last person that wrote on here said how when they stopped giving attention, the person wanted it even more... that's what happened with me too. He was busy a lot in between times when we'd fool around. He didn't give me attention, so I wanted it even more... and then he gave in when we saw each other in person again. I dunno... just thought I'd give my perspective on it!

I wonder the same thing -- is there such a thing as falling back into love with someone?? I held onto hope thinking it was possible when my ex and I broke up, and he said he loved me but wasn't in love with me anymore... and I hoped he'd fall back into it. It hasn't happened and I've realized that I think the only way that can happen is if you separate and go your own ways... and maybe one day in the future if you meet again, something could start up again. But if you just continue talking and stuff... I don't think it's possible.

yes well it's proving to be harder than i thought to be friends with my ex... although we were fine for a while, i don't know what happened. i might be seeing him this weekend if we all go out (we have mutual friends) so i'll see how it goes. i'm not gonna talk to him though (or at least try my best). if he wants to talk to me, he will

yes you have to remember that she's been in a 4 year relationship before you, and then a year with you... she's only 21 and probably needs to just experience what else is out there. just give her space

It's probably best to prepare yourself for her never coming back to you. I made the mistake of feeling like you are -- I thought about how I could get my ex back, etc... reality is he doesn't want me, and now it's even more painful to deal with than if I had just tried to accept it at the time. Focus on yourself and the rest of your life, and maybe going on some dates, or at least go downtown with friends and have fun!! If you're meant to be with her, it'll somehow work out. Who knows. Maybe she really just does need time and space... but you can't hold onto that hope like I unfortunately did. You have to think that it's over and get on with things. Don't forget you're still young, have fun. Don't talk to her for a while if you think that's best. I think that's what I'm going to do with my ex now. We're having problems being friends and I think we both need time to heal cuz we never took that time to heal when we first broke up months ago. I would suggest letting her come to you if she wants to talk, and not making her feel any pressure. You could email her in a couple months to hang out if you like... but you might have found someone better by then... just play it by ear, don't plan that far in advance! good luck!

I'm investing my emotions somewhat in this I guess yes... but it's like we both have fun in the moment so I figure why shouldn't we? I know this doesn't even really matter since he came out and said we shouldn't be doing it anymore... but I just feel like why not! why shouldnt we be doing something if we both have fun with it! i can honestly say that i'm not doing it in hopes that he will come back to me. we're not in a place where that is remotely possible anymore, it'll probably never be possible. i know he doesnt want more than friends with me, he doesnt want a relationship. and i know that having sex is not making him think differently, i'm aware of that. i know we both need time to adjust to the different dynamic between us now, and i know we're gonna take time apart at least sexually. also in other ways too. we havent been talking as much and we never hang out unless its a group thing cuz we have some mutual friends. i want to be in the same room and be civil to each other, i'm worried that wont happen. i guess we'll see if we ever hang out together again soon. i know he feels weird about the situation too, and i think he just gets freaked out knowing that maybe i like him more than he likes me, etc. which i understand. i just know that i feel weird too, but most of all i dont want to lose him completely. i'm hoping we can get thru the next 2 months of school being civil to each other... then we're apart for 4 months of the summer, and i wont see him til sept. that is if i do see him. so i'm hoping we can leave on decent terms in 2 months and hopefully be better friends in the future after some time apart, i dunno... what do you think?

It's true! As long as you keep replying, it'll just continue because then she knows you'll reply whenever she tried to contact you. You just have to ignore her and get on with your life. Prove you're not affected by the things she says. And yes actions really do speak louder than words. Someone said "there is nothing colder than silence" -- so true! My ex has been ignoring me sometimes when I message him and it makes me really upset... it's really cold to just never reply, and it'll piss her off even more. Good luck, and remember -- you're much better than her. She's obviously really insecure if she has to insult you to make herself feel better!!

if you want to be in contact with him and have accepted his apology for what he did, then reply... but yeah be kinda indifferent, like you couldnt care either way. let him miss the days when you eamiled before

hey guys, just thought i'd update you on what's going on now... i originally posted about my situation on the 18th (a week before that was when we had sex the second time) anyway now it's 10 days later... he thinks we shouldnt fool around anymore cuz it's making me weird... which i dont agree with but whatever. i want to continue i think, not cuz i think its gonna make us get back together (quite the opposite actually)... just i dont see how its harming things more, its not making anything worse. he's also not sure about just a friendship in general. we have agreed to see how things go and if we happen to hang out together (cuz we have mutual friends) then fine, and we'll just see what happens i guess. the only problem i have is how he talks to me sometimes... and we dont talk a lot, he doesnt treat me like any other friend which is what i think we both need to do. he treats me differently and wont talk to me as often as he talks to my roommmates (mutual friends)... and its just kinda hard to deal with when he doesnt talk to me, and then i walk into my roommates room and they're talking. i dunno just makes me feel like i'm being pushed out of the circle of friends. its just really hard sometimes i'm trying to just go with the flow and if we hang out (possibly this weekend, not sure yet) then fine we'll see how it goes. i just dont want him to avoid my house cuz of me, since hes friends with my roommates. i know he has a point with the no fooling around thing, but in a weird way i think it relieves a lot of the weird awkward tensions between us, and it gives us something to joke about when theres nothing else to say really. i dunno maybe that sounds weird.. what do you all think????

hey guys, i've posted lots about my situation in the past months, about my breakup with my guy and how i've been feeling since. now i have a new situation -- we've been back in the same city at school since the start of january. we go to the same school but dont see each other a lot. he comes over every week or 2 cuz we're still friends, and he's friends with both of my roommates as well. anyway... we fooled around one night after going downtown with some friends. not really drunk or anything, we knew what we were doing and we'd talked about it a couple days before. we didn't have sex, but he went down on me, etc. the next week he came over to go downtown but we didnt and just hung out a group of us at my apartment, then we had sex later that night. we've also had sex another time about a week ago from now when we went out to a bar and came back and stuff happened. i just want to know what people think of this and where i should go from here. has anyone been in this situation before? what did you do??? thanks guys!! please write

No I haven't. We considered it briefly but knew that if we got back together we would just go through the same problems. But honestly I would probably give it another chance if the opportunity came up. I'd be really scared of getting hurt again since he was the one that broke it off, but he really needs to be single right now, and that's reality. He's on and off in my city, at school for one term, then working for the next, so it's really not the ideal situation for a relationship... especially to start one up again. I still love him with all my heart and if there's a day that we cross paths and come into each others lives like that again, then sure I'll go for it and see where it takes me. But that probably won't happen... despite that I know I'll love him forever. You're never gonna forget that person you spent so much time with. good luck

yah definitely lying. my guy and i did it for an hour, and that was plenty in my opinion, lol. probably 3 hours of fooling around i agree, thats very possible, i do that all the time... but thats getting into things, teasing, joking around, cuddling, then starting foreplay etc... that does take some time if you want it to, but 3 hours of just intercourse is insane!

yeah think of something that distracts you could be good... but i think better ideas are taking a break from intercourse and going down on her... or yeah just getting her really turned on with lots of foreplay first so she doesnt need as much to get off either good luck

yeah i totally agree. make a move and then pull back. she'll probably go for it and make the next move... it'll most likely make her want you

I've never faked an orgasm, not to say that I've come every time... but I just don't fake it if it's not happening. In the past when that has happened, I think it's better cuz then my guy knew that he didn't really do it for me, and he'd go down on me, or he'd try something different... I don't see a point in faking... it's an unnecessary ego boost for guys that can't pleasure us

yup multiple orgasms!

I give my guy handjobs all the time, and he usually gets off... in the cases when he hasn't, he just gets really excited and we end up having sex instead. But yeah he gets off from handjobs... he really seems to enjoy them, and I enjoy putting in the effort to make it good for him. I asked him if they were pointless cuz he could do it himself and he said it's not the same, he doesn't cum as much when he does it himself and it's not as intense apparently... anyway just thought I'd add that so you ppl out there know it's possible and can be very good!

I would really like to try anal... I'm nervous, but really intrigued by the idea of it. I don't know if I'll like it, but I figure the only way to find out is to try... My guy and I have gone down on each other, and we've had sex, and recently when he was fingering me he also put one of his fingers up *there*... and to be honest I quite enjoyed it. Like some of the other girls have posted, I orgasmed powerfully from just that anal play. So anal has really interested me recently... just wondering from anyone their opinions on this, what to do, what not to do... thanks guys!!!!

that's exactly how i feel. i can't just get rid of my ex because he was my boyfriend and best friend all at once. yet it IS really hard to be friends when there are feelings there, especially when it's just one person that has feelings

yes please advice!!! it's easy to wake him up, but what do i do if i want to wake him up specifically like that? any stories, please share

i'm also trying to do the friends thing with my ex now too. it's hard to just stay away and lost all contact because we were best friends before we were together, so it's hard to lose your best friend and your boyfriend all at once. i know he cares about me, and i care about him too, and we've talked about how our friendship is really important to maintain (if possible). it's going okay so far.... but it's hard because i still have feelings. many people i guess would recommend to me to stay away since i'm emotionally involved, but that's really hard when they're your best friend in the world

i don't like the taste or smell really, but i like knowing that i'm pleasuring my guy. its a huge turn on (as many other girls already said!) my first time doing it was a little nerve wracking since i had no idea what i was doing and i wanted him to like it. the first time i did it he was actually going down on me, so it was 69 which i would actually recommend to nervous first timers, lol. sounds weird but i think i felt like it took a little pressure off, took the spotlight off of me... and it made it so intense too. i would definitely recommend 69 to everyone!!

exactly! its just that many women cant get off with intercourse ONLY, but with clitoral stimulation theres usually no problem. but yeah there are lots of women out there that can orgasm from sex alone, but usually the clit has a lot to do with it and yeah the pleasure comes from enjoying it and it feeling good, regardless of whether you actually get off or not... and usually for women its more of an emotional thing too

i agree its pretty normal