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k33

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  1. k33
    I got some good news maybe. He called back and said sorry for not calling sooner (message) and maybe we could get together Friday, tomorrow, and he'll call tomorrow. I don't like the maybe but it is bettter than nothing i guess. So I called back and told him I was free and would love to see him and to give me a call. So we are tentatively on for tomorrow... Ugh... in a good way Ugh. Ack! I'm not sure what to do! Princess I know you've been responding to my other posts... whatcha think??? Here's the link for reference: link removed JPS hang in there... you are doing great... I am so proud of you... She'll come around I know she will. She has to. You are the best! And don't you forget it. Keep going, I so know it is hard, I was in tears half of yesterday...
  2. k33
    Well I still haven't heard from him. I know he's working crazy hours and looking for a place to live. But I did hear from his best friend, she says that this is a bit of a pattern... self sabotage, feelings of unworthiness and depression. Until I can talk to him I can't do much more. I don't want to be calling and stuff. His friend is going to try to contact him to see what is going on. She thinks that we can work it out... She may be an overly optimistic sort. But I have to say that hearing her say what I was thinking was a load off my mind. Really helps to have a close person's perspective. I had a really hard day yesterday, but today I am feeling a lot better. Ranting is good for the soul!
  3. k33
    If you've dated a lot of people recently it might be that over the race thing... They might just be pulling the race card instead. I have to say though at the end of the day it isn't anyone elses business who you like. It is horrible when nice people feel that way though, it's like a betrayl. A friend of mine her boyfriend of two years dumped her after visiting family, because she is black... he is white. He knew she was black, his family knew she was black... but once it got serious they put thier foot down... and she ended up so hurt. There are only two things you can't do a thing about... color of your skin and sexual orientation. People need to just relax. I hope your parents ease up and the relationship goes well.
  4. k33
    Take it from me It's better to NC. I emailed and called, and haven't heard back and it is sooooo hard.... cause once you call once you can't really call again until they contact you. The good thing about NC if you are looking for an angle is that you can contact... does that make sense? If you do contact and they don't contact back you have to wait... Personal opinion. You are doing great JPS...You the man darlin.
  5. k33
    So hard, Have you told him how you feel? I am a big believer in honesty, he might not know that you are still interested. You might want to go back to NC for a while... but trust me I know it is super hard and crazy... I would be friendly try not to sleep with him, but you know you are human and if you slip you slip. I could never hang out with my whatever he is and a new girlfriend too, I understand completely...
  6. k33
    I know I am trying harder. That's obvious to everyone including myself. I guess I just can't accept or let go of the relationship we have/had. I was married before and this is too de ja vue for me. It sucks and stuff. But if going through this can make our relationship get back on track, I'll do it. I don't want you thinking I am waiting by the phone for him or even planning my life to include him. I'm not. I am going to New Orleans, have gone away a couple of times, and have spent countless nights with friends and family. I figure time is one thing I do have. I don't have to make any final decisions right now, nor do I think I should. I really think he is in a deep depression. Our counselor suggested anti-depressants a few months ago, but he didn't follow through. I tried to help, but like you said... horse to water. I am waiting for the right time to pounce on that. But you know I have to hear from him first. In my heart I know we still love eachother deeply... but my head is saying what the hell is going on??? This forum is great.
  7. k33
    Ok. So the whacked thing is he is 37 Years Old. Not a kid at all. (and I am almost 34) I don't know if we are a good match or not. I thought we were, liked lots of the same things but also had outside interests. So a good mix. we liked to stay up til 1, 2, 3 am just talking abou life and stuff. He's really a good guy. I swear. I don't want to degrade myself any further by showing up demanding communication. If he's not going to communicate, he's not. The one thing I know about him is that if you push him like that he can close down, obviously. And if the guys are there he really won't talk to me at all. I really think if he got on an antidepresant and dealt with it all we'd be fine. I would really like us to go to counseling again either to fix things or get a bit of closure. He is really messing up right now... and has in the past, not to this extent, but you know stuff about living here etc. I feel totally used at this point, I don't think he did it on purpose, but the effect is still the same. I am doing fairly ok, pain wise. It's been a while so I am getting used to the craziness. No one gets it at all. He moved out on June 18 so a little over 6 weeks ago.
  8. k33
    It is really, really whacked right now. I agree. I think it all is really strange. He wants space, I'm giving him space. You are totally right though. I know where he is, generally, and could find him if I really needed to. And to make it stranger his work is a job where he goes to different locations everyday... so I can't even find him at work. LOL. I guess it is really bad. I didn't really think about that too much. But you know when I read your post, I burst out laughing... It is really really messed up. I guess I didn't see that so much... He doesn't care about the marriage right now, so using the I'm your wife thing will make things much worse. As if that is possible. I am hoping to sit down with him soon. I really am not a doormat, I swear. I just figure if he wants space I'll give it to him. One complaint was that I didn't give him enough space, if he wants space oh he can have it.
  9. k33
    He knows it is hurting me. But I think he might think I am doing a little too fine, cause when I see him I am so happy. I don't sink into the depression thing in front of him. He has said that he is really mad at himself for not being able to communicate with me properly over the course of our relationship. He really is bad at talking about his feelings. His sister verified that this has been a problem his whole life. And when he gets upset or freaked he tends to bolt and avoid. I dunno... maybe he'll call me back in the next couple of days. I really hate this.
  10. k33
    How could she not call, you are lovely. Silly goose. You are doing great with the NC. I broke and called my man yesterday... left a message but haven't heard back. I would love it if he drove by my neighborhood. Just keep doing what you are doing and I think it is great that you have realized that it isn't just you that needs to do some work. Because it always takes two to tango... well one can tango but it looks really silly.
  11. k33
    I know we need to talk. It's just really hard to get him to talk. Heck it's hard to get a hold of him, I just have his cell phone number, and he has been known to leave it at work. I called last night, but haven't heard back. I know the general area where he lives, but no exact location. And I don't want to stop by, makes me look like a stalker or something. I am pretty sure he's not interested in working it out. But like you said we are married, so I can't help but want to try. I don't take the vows thing lightly. And I do adore him still. I am sure he isn't seeing anyone, but I get the nagging feeling of what if he is meeting someone right now?! Which is lame. Neither of us wants to see anyone at this point, you know. I have been respecting myself and letting myself feel the gamut of emotions that are going on. One day I think I don't want anything to do with him, the next I am dying to be with him. It's crazy making. I am willing to give it some more time, but not a whole lot more. I'm sure he's feeling the same way. I wish he would stop being so damned stubborn and TALK!!! Another problem with this situation is the people he is hanging out with, they are bad news, and when I look back at when the troubles started it was when he started hanging with them. I know he is staying with one of them right now. I am not being paranoid, I have past experience with them. They are friends with my ex. If I had any idea any of this would happen I wouldn't have done any of it. It hurts so much and I really want to fix it. At least I think I do. I need to spend more time with him to figure out what is best for the long term.
  12. k33
    5 days and I called tonight, no answer no reply. Ugh... NC starts again tomorrow. One day at a time one day at a time.
  13. k33
    She was so looking for you! Good job. NC is working. I have NC my husband for 5 days, since the date on Friday... No one has seen him wandering around my neighborhood though! Excellent with the waitresses too. I say don't do anything, like you said, she will be hurt if 4 weeks later you are hooking up. But so damn good for you self esteem. I am so proud of you!!! k33
  14. k33
    git! I wish you would talk to my husband! I feel exactly like you do! No one said it would be roses all the time! Mine decided he wanted out 1 year and 18 days after we got married and 10 days after we returned from a belated honeymoon. Things were rough, yes, we were fighting yes, does this mean we can't work it out and move on, noooooo it doesn't. I would have never gotten married if I knew this would come down so soon after the wedding! I love the man, I agreed to marry him forever... not for 1 year and 18 days!!! I mean maybe it won't work in the end, but I took my vows seriously and want to make sure I have done everything I can before I divorce. I am so not filing the papers. Let us know how it's going and it is so good to see a man with your perspective... gives me hope! I am trying to get him back, but I am so not sure what to do. I don't want to beg and plead, but I also don't want too much time to go by between visits. NC seems stupid when you are married, I just want my baby back!!! from a guy's perspective... any advice?
  15. k33
    I absolutely think he is depressed. I got some information from his sister that depression has been a problem in his life forever. He had been pushing me away, and seeming (to me anyway) sinking deeper into this pit. This isn't what he wanted either. But instead of working through he just ran away. The way I figured it, this relationship was going to be difficult. He gave up everything for me, and I gave up a lot for him. There will be resentment and stuff if things aren't going well. I am probably stupid for hoping to reconcile. Everyone I know thinks I am. I am absolutely sure he didn't use me for a green card. Our relationship was too real, and if he was he wouldn't risk it by leaving within the first two years. He won't be eligible for a permanent green card until next July. So if he was after that you'd think he'd be nice as pie until then. You know? I do need to talk to him, but I am willing to give him a little time and space to get his head around things. I don't want to make any snap decisions. But I think he has decided that he doesn't want to get back together. Which makes his behavior of late confusing as hell. He has started to let me in at least a little bit. So I dunno. I thought I would call him today or tomorrow to see if he wanted to get together, the NC thing is totally lame in this case. Whatcha think?
  16. k33
    Who broke up with who? Also how long has it been? what happened that you should be sorry for? You might not want to contact him for a while, but I am a big believer in open and honest communication. More info please... by the way I still love my ex too!
  17. k33
    As a girl going through the same thing. Separated, nc, contact, going well, not sure what is going on, do I want him, do I not want him... UGH!I have to say it is super nice for me to see a bunch of guys that feel this way about their girl. Gives me hope! I have to agreed with Dr. Nick. But I also agree with the guys. I would do anything to get him back. I miss him so much at morning/at night when something funny happens in my life, when something tragic happens, when a song we both like comes on the radio, when I need a hug, etc. (I miss the nooky too... I won't lie to you all) I guess we all have to play it cool and see what happens. I want the relationship to change. I want it to be stronger... I dont' want to fall back in the same pattterns, because I will be back on this board in two months going "what happened?" But I also know I can't do it alone, he has to want to be with me too. That's the hardedst part. I'm rambling and I have had a couple of glasses of wine....Like you do.
  18. k33
    My ex was a terrible flirt. I hated it and felt bad about myself all the time. The only way I could deal with it was to either ignore it, or at times and I know this is petty... do some world class flirting of my own in front of him. He got the picture. Just because he is a flirt doesn't mean he is having an affair. I could be accused of being a flirt, it is nice to get the attention, but I would never take it further. Why do you think he is cheating? And if he is, what will you do? Hope you are ok...
  19. k33
    I know exactly how you feel. I am dealing with the same thing right now. It is so hard not to say, aw shucks just come home. I miss you and I love you and then grab their leg and never let go! I've been keeping it light and breezy, but it is so hard I know. Talk about funny things that have happened. Sound like you have been doing stuff, even if while you are doing stuff you just want to go home and obsess. Try to keep that up for a few weeks at least...Cause I am guessing the "relationship talk" will make her bolt... I know it would make my hubbie bolt... I know what you are saying about when you are alone... Middle of the night I start obsessing and crying. It's no fun. Keep us posted.
  20. k33
    Any news JPS? How's the NC thing going for you? Haven't heard from the hubbie since Friday, feeling a bit cr*p again. This up and down stuff just blows!!! So I am being reallly NC back, but I really don't want to. Making plans for the week... but I have tomorrow and Weds free... yikes! I might call.... Take the phone... take the phone!!!!
  21. k33
    I thought it was a homesick thing too. But get this he wants to stay now. He says he has no desire to go home at all. I mean if it were me and I wanted to end it and I moved there I would probably high tail it home. THe main things he has here are me, couple of pub buddies and a job. At home he could get a job easy and has loads of friends who would love to put him up until he got on his feet. He says he wants to stay to earn money to pay me back for everything. I don't buy that at all. He's not much of a saver and I haven't seen any money except for bills I paid after he left. My over analytical mind thinks he might want to fix stuff, but won't admit it yet. I agree that it was crazy hard for him to move over here. I was totally willing to go over there in the beginning, my best friend is there. It was through visiting her that I met him. So I felt like I would have a better support system. I've told him a million times how much I appreciate it. I've also told him he should go home for a bit. And I was up for moving over there in a couple of years... He told his sister when she was over a couple of weeks ago that he was going to stay here. (There's a long story, she stayed with me!)...Now I am not really willing to relocate with everything up in the air as it is now. Know what I mean?
  22. k33
    So what happened over the weekend.... you are leaving us hanging! fantastic news though. So happy for you both. she's a lucky girl!
  23. k33
    Figure out what you want, but don't play her.
  24. k33
    We were together for little over two years married a little over a year. He is Australian and I am American. So I don't think the cultural differences were that big. Although the pub thing was a bit much. He loves the sports and pubs... which is fine. But it was more often than I would like. I am sure he married me for the right reasons not for gain into the US. He had never had any inclination to travel or to leave Oz. Strange for an Aussie. I don't think I can get him into counseling at this point. I would love to do it, we went for a while then when things were getting better we stopped going... guess we should have continued. Do you think it would be helpful for me to go alone? So would it be ok for me to call him later in the week to go for a beer or something? I have been inviting him to thinks I know he'd like to do. And I would too. I will try to keep up the charade of not talking about the "relationship" right now.... Ugh. This is such a pain. I really don't want to lose him, I am so affraid of messing up.
  25. k33
    I'm a girl, let me give you a girls's perspective. I say just ask her what's going on and if she wants to go to the show. 5 days is a long time to spend with your ex, especially if you aren't sure what you want. She is probably a little freaked. You might want to tell her you are too, but you wouldn't want to go with anyone else and are looking forward to spending time with her. If she doesn't want to go, I would go with a buddy. It's a little intense for a new relationship... the other hot girl, I mean. Honesty is always the best policy.
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