k33
-
Posts
152 -
Joined
Content Type
Profiles
Forums
Articles
Videos
Blogs
Store
Everything posted by k33
-
My ex husband left me. Then he was told that he had to go back to England, immigration issues, nothing to do with me. We fought horrifically all the time. So when he was told to leave he said move with me to France, we can start over. I wouldn't have moved to another town with him, let alone accross the ocean. I think that was pretty moronic.
-
I know exactly how you feel. I am not going to sugar coat it, this is going to be really really hard, you will feel like this for a while. feel free to feel crazy and sad and cry and be yourself. It is all ok. I'm going through a separation from my husband and it's been three months and i am still bawling like a baby. People say forget him, file for divorce, but you know I still am totally in love with him. So I know how you feel, the only thing that has really helped me was dragging my butt out of the house, even when I don't feel like it. Change of scenery is the only thing that has helped even temporarily. And I try to have things planned with friends in the next week so that I have something to look forward to. I know how you feel totally, I spent all day yesterday crying about how I didn't want to live without him. It sucks. I'm sorry hon, I would love to say it will get better, but I am still waiting for it to get better for me.
-
thanks for the advice, but I think it's a little bit diferent when you are in your 30s. and married. I've been doing all that stuff, I just can't keep it up. I can't pretend anymore. It took me a long time to find this guy, who I still desperately (emphasis on the desperate) love. So it's not that easy to just start again. it really isn't, as you get older. I'm not worried about money, I just lost a lot. I'm more worried about my sanity.
-
I'd like to believe that, but you know I am married to him. I married him. He said forever. He couldn't handle the responsiblity. I don't know. I love him, I have clean up the mess. I can't even manage toake my dog for a walk. How am I going to clean up the relationship, the stuff left behind, the bills, the divorce? I've been divorced before, and all I can think is what the hell is wrong with me? Why am I so easy to leave? In the three months since he's left, my job has become unstable, I lost a lot of money due to job becoming unstable, some of my friends are on hiatus, my most beloved relatived died and I had to go on anti-depressants. This is what my life is. I can't even think about how to get through another day let alone anything else. I am immobilized by grief. I don't want to get any stronger. I have survived enough in my 34 years, I don't want any more strength.
-
I think it is time that I faced the fact that he isn't going to come back to me. I know he hasn't ever gone back to anyone, and I know he never will. It hurts so much to realize that the 100 times a day I think of him and how much I love him still that I have to punctuate it with realizing 100 times a day that he doesn't love me anymore. And he never will. I gave him my all, and it wasn't enough, I wasn't enough. Only in movies do people come back to the people who love them and fix things. When he goes back home, I will never see him, or hear from him again. (whenever that is). I will just be a mistake he made, which he will never mention. I haven't seen him in 3 weeks, I've talked to him a total of 40 minutes. He doesn't want anything to do with me. He knows where I am and how I feel, and nothing. Absolutely nothing. Giving him space is just giving him space to forget me, which I am sure he has. I can't believe how incredibly sad I am. I can't believe a broken heart can't kill you.
-
my ex and I talk every week or so, and see eachother every week or two, it seems like he is finally figuring out that he messed up. And he is starting to do the calling. But I don't know if we are any closer to resolving anything or not. I don't want to move on with another guy, I have moved on in lots of other ways, doing stuff I like, visiting friends, trips, walks, music, lots of reading, etc. But I am still not ready to look for a new guy... ok it's been less than 3 months and we are married, but i think I have made huge gains... I think I want him back, but I want him to make the move. Long story won't go into it, but he should make the move. I was really proud of myself, I didn't try to see him last time he talked, because he was down, I just didn't want to deal with it right now. (death in the family, money woes, job insecurity, oh and my husband left me).. I want him to deal with his own stuff. Figure it out. Then get back to me.
-
I nearly got him back but now - i've messed up my chance
k33 replied to LostAngel's topic in Getting Back Together
Similar boat, I lost the plot after I found out my grand dad was dying. My husband was there for me for my grandpa, but I also told him everything, my feelings etc, about our relationship. I scared the bejesus out of him. I think. But I don't think he knew the depth of my upset. And you know what, I think that it is good that he knows what he did to me. (I've had to go on meds for the first time in my life) He didn't call all the time I was away for the funeral, but called 2 days after I got back (last night) just to see how I was and tell me he felt for me. I am going to wait a few days to call back, I can't really handle him telling me that he doesn't love me anymore. Or I don't know what he wants or if he just wants to see if I slit my wrists... I was pretty messed up when he saw me....picture, sobbing freaking mess. I'm not sure what to do, or if I even want him back after all this. But I do know I could have used the phone call about 8 days earilier. (It had been 8 days since we talked) -
Honey, you were just mad. Don't beat yourself up about it. Take care of yourself and your dad now. And let the past problems go. Talk to him while he is in ICU and tell him that you love him. They can hear you. Good luck and giant hugs to you and your family.
-
dude I don't know. Was supposed to go out with mine yesterday and he flaked, called me up an said he doesn't ever want to speak to me again... It's a lose lose situation.... talked to him today and he was niceer, but not much. I don't know if I want his sorry butt back...
-
Let me know what happens, that is just weird, if she didn't want to be with you, trust me she wouldn't be hanging with your sister, at least not yet... People are strange.
-
Oh I am almost too busy. I've been getting together with friends at least three times a week and I am leaving town next week, and he knows it, for a debaucherous time in new orleans with my friend. (Not boys, but almost anything else). I have been taking it really slow, but you know I really didn't think he would call at all. Or ever. So I was steeling myself for that. I have to say I am feeling much better knowing that he was thinking about me, at least a little. Cause I don't know about you all, but after about 6 days on NC the slump sets in. We'll see. Gosh I want it to work!!! Something big? What's that mean... leave me hanging???
-
Background. Hubbie and I split 7 weeks ago, we decided to start seeing eachother every friday. Been going on for about a month...Last friday went a little funky, I asked him to call me over the weekend, he did not, heck he didn't call at all. So I mustered up all my pride and refused to call him. I figured it would be bad and needy to call... Since I hadn't heard from him I decided to see what other folks were doing tomorrow, so if he didn't call, I wouldn't be sitting home alone... I had decided this morning to completely give up and move on. I had a long talk with myself and decided that waiting around for him to change was only going to make me crazy. Just stop waiting on him and go forward without him. And I was ok with it. So strange, the timing... because then... He called, didn't call me back, he called me! He started by asking me for a favor which I found kind of rude, but whatever. Then he asked me what I was doing tonight, I have sort of half plans so I said I was busy... then he said what about tomorrow? So I said sure, we could go bowling. Then he said great. THEN HE SAID HE WANTS TO MOVE TO xxx TO GET OUT OF THE PUBS!!!! (part of the problem, too much pub time with some bad boys) I said great idea, and then you could cook me dinner after work. (I work right next to xxx). He laughed and said sure. This is pretty good, yes? Oh boy I'm feeling pretty good right now. I won't get my hopes up but it sounds a little bit more positive... yes? Whatcha think?
-
So then when do you address issues? I know you start out not talking about it, but no one ever says when you should? So what is the point of relationships if you always have to be on guard. I am not on guard with my friends why should i be with my partner... of course not right now cause we are separated... but if we get it together, I don't want to be some stepford wife.
-
That basically they all say to pretend nothing is wrong and not to address the issues. Let the other person hurt you, rollover play dead, and they will come back! So what if they do? does that mean you are not allowed to address issues with your partner ever again? That you should be so relieved that they are back that you should be a doormat? Very strange phenomenon. I thought the point of a relatiohship was that you can be yourself and have your full gammut of emotions. That you should be free to say what you want to say. That you should be and honor yourself. Just an observation... any feedback?
-
OH MY GOD, your girlfriend is my husband... That was the reason we broke up! The timing's the same the limbo's the same. Freaking nuts. Well it's positive that she said maybe soon, and not positive that she said I'm not promising anything. The dinner was a great move. Actions were speaking way louder than words, and if you didn't really cook before it is a sign of change, without you telling her. So she must be thinking about that. And the fact that you have lost weight, probably makes her wonder. I think it is positive overall, baby steps, but doesn't it make you crazy that you have to do this weird dance with someone you were so intimately involved with 2 months ago??? I mean I was married, you were together with kids... UGH!!! Keep it up you are doing the best things, not pushing and showing her instead of saying it, because words can be hollow.
-
Oooh what happened????
-
that would be awesome....Men cooking is so sexy. Make her favorite, have her favorite flowers and play some cool, not hokey music. Buena vista social club is good... Go for it!! If she is anything like me she will melt completely. GREAT IDEA... let me know what happens. Play a little hard to get though, don't melt into her... cause take it from me, that can mess things up.... Let me know what happens tomorrow!!! Go Orex... I am so proud of you, I wish all men were like you!!!!
-
I am there with you there.... the glimmer of hope is too much to resist! More tomorrow tequilla tonight....
-
I just typed a long reply and it disappeared! I say you guys should try some conseling to see if you can get past this. The limbo thing is no good, and it's tough on the kids. If you can get past everything it will be better for them in the long run, if not it is better to sever ties as much as possible so they aren't confused. She may just need time and space. At least that is what I am hoping in my current sit. Try to spend time with her reconnecting, you might find that that's all that is needed. Having kids a really big stressor, a good one but still stressful. You also might find that in trying this you don't want to be with HER. That would be a surprise wouldn't it... When I see my hubbie, I waffle back and forth, maybe I don't want him any more... oh I still do... etc. What's been going on in the last six months? At least she is still wearing the necklace. My hubbie cut off his wedding ring with bolt cutters and threw it away. I still wear mine. Yeah I am waiting to get the email or call, I never want to see you again. That'll blow.
-
She might be, or she might not know what she wants at all. I wonder if mine is being nice to me to "ease the blow" or something. I know there are still feelings there, but maybe not enough to actually try to fix things...I am trying really hard to focus on other things in case the shoe drops. Are the kids your kids? If so, you guys owe it to them to try to work things out a bit more. She might just need time and space. Aparantly in my newly large knowledge base of divorce and break ups. About 80% of all married couples separate for a couple of months at one time or another... Who knew... might be bogus numbers to sell a book though! Can't believe everything on the internet eh?
-
The movies is a great idea, gets your mind off things. Mine and I went to see one last week and we just held hands and laughed and stuff. No making out, but it was comfortable and sweet, and really nice to be together intimately without talking and worrying about saying the wrong thing. I'll keep my fingers crossed for ya that she will say yes... if she does, let her pick the movie and the snacks!!! A padded cell would be better than 6 weeks ago! But I am hanging in there. It's rough. k
-
I don't know if it is progressing or not. He kind of freaked out on me this weekend, said he'd call did not. It's weird to think I am not in his thoughs all the time, god knows he's in mine! Can you offer to go out for coffee or something without the kids?
-
I know how you feel, going through this with my husband. He moved out. But we are hanging out. The first month he didn't want anything to do with me. And I didn't call unless I needed to for specific reasons. We had a talk and decided to hang out and see how it goes. We are haning out weekly, and it's great while we do, but then I have the nagging doubt the rest of the week. but we are light years ahead of where we were about 6 weeks ago. We are haning out and he is more back and forth on it, what he wants that is. I also want him back and still love him, but I want the relationship to change to be more equal and no more stupid arguments. Give her the time she needs and when you do hang out, don't talk about the relationship at first, just go out and have fun and be yourself. I don't know if this helps.
-
Has Anyone Read "Stop Your Divorce" by Homer McDon
k33 replied to brucethescot's topic in Divorce Advice
What are some of the good ebooks? I am dying here.... I need a little something. I've found: Saving Your Marriage Made Remarkably Simple Stop Your Divorce Joseph Grant Save Your Marriage Even if Only YOU Want to Work on It! Any suggestions would be helpful. -
Well its been 5 complete days of NC......
k33 replied to JustPlainSad's topic in Getting Back Together
Princess, thanks, I am in a stronger place now. We'll see if he really calls... That is always the thing. I am looking all cute today, so if he does I am prepared and don't have to go home and change. If he doesn't I 'm not going to call him. If JPS can do it so can I!!! JPS, I know she'll call, I am feeling like it will be about 10 days... from the beginning of NC. That's about how long we girls can take it. My favorite thing to do when I am obsessing is to go to a movie. Try to go to see a light move, or a depressing one if it's not about a relationship. The good thing is you are out of the house and you are focused on a story that isn't your own. Just make sure to get there right when it starts so you don't have to watch the couples kissing or arguing over snacks! I agree Fridays are the worst. Especially because mine left on a Friday, but the whole go out with friends thing can seem really hollow and depressing, and the stay at home and obsess thing... oh that's even worse... I used to love fridays!!! Hang in there everyone. I am so glad we all have eachother, this is the best thread I've been on...